sage ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

technically "suspected" but i and everyone with expertise i know is 90-100% sure STPD culture is: No I will not seek a diagnosis, I like living NOT under constant surveillance and without any sedatives other than the occasional marijuana in my system. I've had direct experience with and heard other horror stories of the psych system they put people with my and similar conditions threw and enough self knowledge to know It Would Make Me So Much Fucking Worse. being put in the psych ward has been my worst fear since i found out it was an option at 13 and i know damn well my paranoia levels alone would get any Shrink to condemn me in a heart beat, not to mention sensorial phenomena or whatever its called and having to talk myself out of thinking the TV's talking to me. Ironically enough, most of said paranoia is about being watched, denied autonomy and losing access to the things and people i care about, AKA everything they do in. a psych ward, see the problem here? Do you see why I do not see any benefit in receiving a diagnosis on my medical records? I have a framework for understanding my brain, and as everything stands things are under control and i do not need help from anyone other than my own damn community I chose and who do not financially benefit from me staying bad enough to keep seeing them about it, I have the framework to understand my brain, If (knock on wood this never happens) I wind up in a bad enough position to need medical intervention, I or my partner can share "oh, his sister-in-law with a psychology degree who worked as a therapist for a couple years said she thinks he has this" as a last resort.

stpd culture is constantly struggling with how to explain that my schizotypal-based social anxiety is not the same as regular social anxiety. i don't have anxiety in social situations because i'm afraid of rejection, i'm not afraid of people hating me because i just want people to like me, i'm afraid of those because i'm afraid of people trying to do actual literal purposeful harm to me or my reputation. like to a comical degree. every time i see a blog where the person has a particular name, i get scared it's my ex seeking to block evade (which there is no evidence nor history of her doing to my knowledge) and harass (ditto) me, and to ultimately ruin all of the very fragile relationships i have with my mutuals via blackmail (she would never go through the effort). in any social situation online, i am afraid that the people i'm interacting with will hate me, and then go through the effort to dig up all of my information and doxx me and convince everyone in the world that i am evil and deserve to die. and i know that there is a difference because i've experienced regular social anxiety before! this is different! i do not just have regular social anxiety disorder!

cluster A culture as a whole is not caring about people BUT also being afraid of harm.