.

although they went low first and I felt very betrayed

that’s not the person I want to be

I was trying to protect the version of me

That nearly didn’t make it through January

Although I regret some of what I said

I’m still disgusted at who you turned out to be and

You still do not deserve a part in my life again

I’m deleting this app in an effort to heal

to finally choose something healthy for myself

I’ll miss you, but I’ve missed myself more

it was always real for me at least

but none of that matters now

You’ve taken enough from me.

The door is closed.

you already found a discount version of me

enjoy the new ‘happiness’ you found

whilst you tell yourself

that i’m not the one who got away

we both know

you’ll look for me in everyone

whilst I feel the relief

of knowing that you can’t make fun

of my illness, of my anxiety, of my feelings

Anymore

attempting to rebuild,

from my own mistakes

I didn’t mean to fall elsewhere

I just assumed you always had someone else

So I let you yell and curse at me

I let you drink and scowl at me

Because I deserve it

For believing true love lived in a dark room

On the other side of the country

For believing that they had my best interests at heart

When they were always scanning for new prey

So keep slamming the doors

Storm off and drive away

I will stay quiet, I will apologise with my head down

After all it’s my fault

For trusting in a cluster of pixels

🥀

I fell in love with someone who drained the light from my eyes as I tried to fill his cup instead of my own. He salivated as he watched me go for the bait time and time again.

Someone who crawled under my skin like a needle, who knew how to make me doubt everything. Dropping the seeds within conversations.

‘He’ll never love you like I do’

Correct. The dopamine high won’t be the same. However, the ache in my chest at 3am would be soothed with a quick hand squeeze and ‘I got you’, instead of met with silence and ‘I’m going to sleep’, whilst you crawl to the next available woman.

Now, your kind of love comes with conditions, with lies, with highs, with lows. You want me to offer you my limbs for you to tear flesh off slowly. Eye contact whilst you rip the skin from bone. Intense, but not built to last. If I was yours tomorrow the cycle would start over again, because it was never about who I am or what we had. You just required a warm body to tell you how great you are…

‘He’ll never love you like I do’