CHARACTERS/PAIRING - CEO!jaehyun x orphanage caregiver!fem!reader | nct/wayv
INTRODUCTION - getting into a relationship when you were at the lowest point of your life dragged you down to the bottom. but it dragged the ones you loved as well.
WARNINGS - adoption/being an orphan | profanity (like a lot) | insecurities (major imposter syndrome) | being poor/poverty | panic attacks/anxiety/depression | alcohol consumption | (prescribed) pill intake | lots of dialogue | pet names
A/N - yikes this one’s a deep one :( the song is track five on the album and track three on the playlist. have fun breaking your hearts :’) (also hi ik it’s been literally centuries but it’s finally here pls don’t kill me (for the rushed end.))
DISCLAIMER - read as you please!! i don’t want to trigger anyone and please lmk if i missed any warnings! i don’t want to be insensitive to anyone's feelings. thank you <3 p.s. this is not proofread and im so sorry for the immense pause.
It wasn’t too far into your relationship when you broke down in front of Jaehyun. You didn’t know why but opening up to him just became natural.
To be fair, you were also a little ways past tipsy.
In fact, you were a bit deep into the soju bottle you had bought while sitting outside of the convenient store when you first met Jeong Jaehyun, himself. Of course, you didn’t know he was the CEO of Jeong Peach Corporation at the time.
Jeong Peach Corporation. A fragrance and personal hygiene corporation company whose audience consists of he’s, she’s, and they’s. The brand as a whole has this certain aesthetic that is appealing to those people. But Mr. Jeong Jaehyun himself also had a certain aesthetic that definitely matched the brand name he built from the ground up. His striking looks and simply the way he carries himself has men and women falling on their knees for him. But it was a little too late for them to capture his heart the way you did.
“Hey you! I can see you looking over here. How ‘bout’chu come over here and I’ll show you a piece of my mind,” you slurred and held up your fist.
He was almost taken aback. Not because he was Jeong Jaehyun and you had the audacity to speak to him like that (again he carries himself in such a humble way that that would never be the option), but he was simply minding his business, walking to his car until he heard the sound of your drunk voice. He was definitely not expecting a drunk voice while he was ready to go home right around midnight.
He chuckled to himself, too amused at the mere thought of you. But it was midnight and this was the darkest the sky was going to get. It was dangerous for you— for anyone— to be out this late, by themselves, downing a bottle of soju. Well, two and a half bottles of the infamous alcoholic drink.
“Who are you? And why are you out here so late? Drunk?” He laughed, tucking his phone into his pocket, slyly grabbing a chair and sitting by you.
“Suffering. It’s tough out here,” you took another shot.
“Hello, suffering. Why are you out drinking soju so late?” He teased. It was easy to get along with you it seemed, the alcohol brought out the extrovert in you.
“Hey! My name is Y/n. Not suffering…. I’m just saying I’m suffering because,” you paused. And he subtly leaned closer to you, wanting to hear the reason why you’re here by yourself, downing the whole damn bottle.
“…. Just because, okay. Now can you please go so I can drown my own sorrows by myself? I don’t need another pity party,” you sobered up for a moment, then went back to pour yourself another shot.
But before you could take the shot, Jaehyun grabbed it from your loopy hands and took the shot instead.
“Hey! You don’t just take someone else's alcohol! That was the last shot too! Now I have to go buy another bottle!” You pushed yourself up from your seat only to be met with the hard concrete ground.
“You shouldn’t be out here this late, miss Y/n,” he said, his voice laid with concern.
“Who are you to tell me that? I don’t even know who you are,” you pouted, still sitting on the ground. He sighed to himself, showcasing his deep dimples, and got up from his chair to help you up. He was going to try and take you home.
“Hey! What the hell are you doing?!” He wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you up.
“Stranger danger! Stranger danger! This man is trying to kidnap me!” You yelled out. Of course, no one would really hear you. Besides Bong Cha— who was a goodie-two-shoes for Jeong Jaehyun and Jeong Jaehyun only— who walked out of the company right after her boss had. She saw the whole thing go down.
“Stop it! I’m trying to help you!” He struggled, since you were kicking and flailing your arms around in order to prevent him from taking you.
“Help me, my ass. What do you want from me? Taking advantage of a poor, drunk, girl just trying to get in my pants? Get off me fucking psycho. My car is the other way,” you kicked some more. And he gave up, placing you on the ground once more.
“Please, Y/n, you have to work with me here. I just don’t want you staying out late. Who knows? You could actually get kidnapped if I don’t help you.”
“How can I trust you? I don’t even know your name. You may be handsome but it’s always the hot ones that are fucked up. More fucked up than me!” You exclaimed.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Maybe he should have just left you at the seven-eleven. But Jaehyun just sat on the ground next to you, a good distance away and observed your ridiculous, drunk, figure.
“I’m Jeong Jaehyun,” he started, “now can you please cooperate with me? I’m trying to help you, here.”
You looked up and squinted your puffy eyes at him. “In your damn dreams, you’re Jeong Jaehyun. Like I’d believe that. I may be drunk but I’m not fucken delusional.” Oh, but you were delusional.
You slowly raised from your seat on the ground and walked your way back to your car, which wasn’t actually where you parked it. The man followed you— sorta like a creep— just to make sure you were safe. But on the way to your car (which was not the right way at all), you bumped into Kim Bong Cha herself.
She hadn’t seen her boss behind you because it was a little too dark but she lashed out at you anyway, “Hey! Watch where you’re going dumb bitch.” You were about to pounce on her until he caught you before you had the chance.
“Let me go! Let me at her!”
The girl was shocked to still see her boss shielding her from you. And she felt embarrassed to let him hear the rude words come out of her mouth. Karma’s a bitch.
“I’m sorry, Bong Cha. Please, go home. And don’t discuss this to anyone. I’m just trying to help her,” he explained to his secretary. Ah, so she was his secretary. That makes a lot of fucking sense.
Quietly, she speed-walked to her car leaving the two of you alone again.
“Why didn’t you let me at her? She was being a rude asshole.”
“Y/n. She’s my secretary. And she’s always been like that. But don’t worry about her, okay. Please just let me help you,” he begged. It was too late for him to just leave you on the road.
You sighed, the dizziness was now getting to you.
“Fine. I need to get to my car, though,” you pushed him off of you.
“I don’t think you’re capable of driving right now,” he retorted.
“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?”
And that was how you ended up sitting in the passenger seat of Jaehyun’s luxury car (the one he drove that day was his Aston Martin DB11.)
That was how you first met Jeong Jaehyun.
So much for first impressions.
—
When you woke up the next morning (with a massive headache), you found the CEO asleep on your couch. All in your shitty apartment. And when last night's events finally hit, you felt like the biggest asshole on planet Earth.
Jeong Jaehyun was sleeping on your couch. In your shitty apartment that could definitely not even compare to his lavish lifestyle. You felt embarrassed all over again. God, what the fuck were you thinking?
You tried to clean up a bit before you woke him up but nothing would fix the slightly stained walls and the old furniture he was definitely a foe to.
After you cleaned up the place, he still seemed to be fast asleep, so you decided to cook up some type of breakfast for him. The rusty refrigerator only consisted of greens (that were about to go bad), a carton of eggs, and a gallon of water. Sunny side eggs, it is.
This was for sure nothing he was used to. He was a CEO after all. The CEO of one of the most popular global brands, might you add. Which made the whole situation so much more humiliating.
Whilst you were cooking, you looked over your shoulder because of the squeaking of the couch Jaehyun fell asleep on. You wanted to fall off the face of the Earth.
Quickly you set the eggs into a plate and placed them next to his water you had already set on the table in front of him. He had only been awake for five seconds and he was met with the hospitality of you.
“Mr. Jeong Jaehyun,” you started, “or— no, yeah. Mr. Jeong Jaehyun, sir, I’m so incredibly sorry for the inconvenience I left last night. You did not have to take me home. In fact you didn’t have to stay the night, which was kinda stupid on your part, not that I would ever call you stupid, even though I just did but-” he cut you off. You definitely rambled a bit too much.
“It’s okay, Y/n,” he slightly laughed, picking up the chopsticks from the plate and eating the egg.
You sat in front of the table, too defeated to say anything. Too defeated to even look at him— even in the few minutes he had been awake, he was more prestigious than you’ll ever be. You didn’t care about who he was. You really did, of course, but after the whole mess, you didn’t even want to be in his presence anymore.
“Why are you so quiet, angel?” The pet name made you feel even worse. Why was he being so nice?
You gulped and looked at him.
“I’m just- I’m so sorry about last night. I was just-”
“Suffering?” He cut you off once more.
The fact that he answered you and finished your sentence made you want to crawl up in a ball and never come out. Last night definitely placed number one in your list of horrible nights.
“Uhm… yeah, that. But-”
“Why don’t you eat, love?” This was the third time he cut you off and the second time he referred to you as an endearing person. He acted as if he knew you for his entire life.
“I’m uh- it- it’s okay. I’m not really that hungry so,” you trailed off, looking down at your hands while you played with your fingers. Just then, he shoved his chopsticks in your face. A piece of egg sat on it. He motioned for you to eat.
You quickly turned your head and shook it, pushing his hand back, “No!” You cleared your throat, “it’s really alright, Mr. Jeong.” You really don’t know why you called him that but it just came out. It was probably the nervousness.
“Jaehyun.”
“Jaehyun… It’s really okay. I mean this is also the least I could do- uhm- especially after last night. Also, my house is a bit of a mess, I'm sorry about that.”
Jaehyun noticed the neighborhood and apartment complex you lived in. Of course, Jaehyun was a nice person so he wasn’t going to comment on it but it was obvious he noticed the living situation you were in. But none of it mattered to him. He just wanted to make sure you got home safely.
“Don’t apologize about that, Y/n. Now eat.”
“I have more eggs in the fridge. I can make my own, don’t worry about it,” you felt your face flush with heat. He caved in and shoved the piece of egg into his mouth, still worried about you.
It was awkward for a long time until he finished his food. You took his plate and cup and put it in the sink.
“I’m sorry. Do you want to wash up? Or maybe-” he laughed.
He had a habit of cutting you off, and you’ve only met this man all of eight hours. Most of those hours you were out cold.
“Stop apologizing, love,” he smiled at you, dimples on full display.
“I’m sorry-” you cut yourself off this time. He laughed again. You were cute.
“I actually need to go to the bathroom. Could you show me where that is?” He asked. You nodded and pointed him down the hall to the left. He quickly thanked you and made his way.
Right when the bathroom door closed, you ran into your bedroom and plopped, face first, into the sheets. How degrading that was.
When Jaehyun was done using the bathroom he got out and called your name which made you scurry out of your room to meet him from behind. You forcefully smiled and waited for what he was going to say.
“Your car is still at the convenience store.” Your fake smile dropped as you scrunched your nose, remembering how he drove you home.
“It’s alright. I’ll walk there later. It’s no problem.”
“But-” this time you were the one to cut him off.
“You’ve already done so much for me. I owe you my life,” you joked.
He playfully scoffed and walked toward you, now directly in front of you,“Just let me drop you off. It’s a far walk.”
“I can Uber or take the bus. Really, everything is okay. I don’t need you to help me anymore. You helped me more than I needed last night and I owe you everything I have.” You were so stubborn. He wouldn’t give up, though.
And there you sat in the same passenger seat as last night.
“I’m going to wash up at my house first. Is that alright?” He looked over to you while at a red light. You had been looking out the window before he said that.
“Of course. Take all the time you need. I’m in no rush.”
—
You underestimated the home Jaehyun lived in. It was pure luxury. Fenced-in house with a security system (that, alone, probably costs more than your apartment), green upkept grass, and a beautiful white exterior and interior that screamed majestic, mature, and regal. It made your home feel like a shit-show. It made you feel completely horrible about yourself.
“Please, come inside,” he opened the passenger side door for you.
Shakily, you unbuckle the seatbelt and exited his car. And he just sweetly smiled at you the entire time. It made you want to cry.
He led you to the front door with his hand hovering the small of your back. You could feel the heat of his hand through your shirt. You took off your shoes and followed him inside.
It was very bright and very aesthetically decorated. With plants (which you weren’t sure were fake or not), paintings that you had never seen before, and knick knacks that seemed too expensive for you to even touch. But he led you past everything in his house and went straight into his bedroom. He had a whole couch and side chairs as well as a fireplace. It was just as grand as the rest of his home.
“Uhm, you can sit on the bed if you’d like. Or the couch, I don’t know. But I'll be done shortly. Please, make yourself comfortable,” he held your arm, informing you. But you were too stunned to speak, so you nodded your head instead.
You sat on the couch, it was a little weird for you to sit on his bed when you barely knew anything about him (and he barely knew anything about you). Plus, you were too busy gawking at his house. And it made you feel self conscious again. It made you feel small; like you didn’t belong. Which you didn’t. So you don’t know why Jaehyun seemed so comfortable with you.
He came out of his bathroom— that was attached to his bedroom— buttoning up his shirt with damp hair. He took as quick of a shower as he could, to not keep you waiting. And through the reflection of the mirror, he could see you with your head facing down again, probably playing with your hands.
“Y/n, love,” he called out. You whipped your head around to his voice, not expecting that to escape his lips.
“Can you please help me button this?” You don’t understand why he called out to you as if you were his lover. Or at least someone he was comfortable with. Couldn’t he see that you were a bit lost?
You sighed to yourself and wiped your palms against your pants, hesitantly walking up to him.
Carefully, you buttoned up the rest of his shirt and looked up at him. He was already staring at you with all the love and adoration in his eyes. Of course, you didn’t realize this at the time. Jaehyun himself didn’t even realize it.
He then handed you his tie, “I hope you can tie a tie?”
You’ve tied many ties in your time of working at the orphanage.
—
Warm Hearts Orphanage held a prolonged special place in your heart. You’d been going to the orphanage as far back as you could remember. The orphanage held children from infants to teens. And everyone there was like family. Even though your little family didn’t have much, it always warmed your hearts to give back to children who were less fortunate than you were. And though you grew up poverty stricken, these children suffered more than you did and all you wanted was to help them.
You’ve seen children come and go, and the thoughts that always come to you is that they lived a happy life. Everyone in the orphanage deserved it. Even the sourest of apples, because all they wanted was to be loved by a family.
That being said, the orphanage always planned surprise parties for those children who had been adopted. It was a nice tradition, and you’ve helped many children get ready to graduate from Warm Hearts into a family that will love them.
—
“I can.”
As you were doing up his tie he slowly raised a hand to pat down your hair. The action made you pause your movements. Then, you realized everything that was going on was completely wrong and inappropriate, so you quickly finished doing his tie and took a step back. Your heart fell to your ass.
“What’s wrong, lovely?” You still felt like you were going to cry.
“I- Nothing. Don’t worry about me,” you fakely smiled again. But, again, it was as if he knew you your entire life because he wiped the pad of his thumb against your lips, making you genuinely frown.
“How can I not worry when you seem squeamish? And these fake smiles plastered on your face. What’s wrong?” He stopped swiping your bottom lip and cupped your face with the entirety of his right hand; thumb rubbing your cheek instead.
You still forced a smile and wrapped your hand around his wrist, bringing his hand away from your face. You felt undeserving of everything he was doing to you. And you wanted to hide your emotions as much as you could.
“I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me. I’m fully capable of taking care of myself,” you released your hold on his wrist and held yours, crossed in front of your body.
This time, with his left hand, he smoothed down your hair and let his hand rest on your face.
“Okay, pretty. If you say so. Now, let’s go get your car, yeah?” You bit your lip and nodded and he led you out of his house with his hands on the small of your back, just like he did when he was bringing you inside.
The seven-eleven you were drinking at just so happened to be located right next to Jeong Peach Corporation. Your car was still parked in the parking lot. And it was still nothing to ever compare to the CEO who was sitting beside you.
You both got out of the car, and he was standing in front of you.
“Thank you and I apologize for last night. But if it weren’t for you, I’d probably be passed out on the sidewalk,” you awkwardly laughed.
“No worries, love. And thank you for your hospitality. I’m happy you’re doing alright,” he responded.
You pursed your lips and pivot your heels to the direction of your car.
“I hope to see you again, Y/n.” Yeah right.
You pivot your heels back to the direction of Jaehyun. The embarrassment of last night and this morning still lingered in your body. There was no way you would see him again. You were from two completely different worlds. And there was no way you were coming back to this seven-eleven.
“I hope so too,” you said bitterly before rushing to your car.
“Y/n!” He said before you could finish shutting your door. You groaned to yourself, stepping back out of your car and facing him again. You wanted to save yourself from the self-bashing already.
“Would you like to… maybe… grab something to eat later?” But damn, he was too nice to turn down. You wanted to say yes so badly, but another part of you wanted to decline. You just didn’t belong in his world.
He was born to an upper class family, you knew that. Everyone knew that. So what would happen if you said yes? You had nothing to offer.
But it didn’t hurt trying, right?
You took in a huge gulp, “…. I would like that.”
“I’m sorry, what?!” exclaimed Danbi while the two of you were washing dishes.
The kids had just eaten and they were now free to do whatever they pleased, whether that was draw, sleep, or take a walk during the good weather.
“Keep it down!” You shushed her.
“I can't! THE Jeong Jaehyun of THE Jeong Peach Corporation asked you out on a date tonight?!” She squealed in happiness for you, making the bubbles fly everywhere.
You told her everything that had just happened within the past twenty-four hours. And she was beyond stoked for you. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and she knew you deserved it the most. You’d been through hell and back and you’re about to go right back. She knew everything about your situation, you’d both been volunteering here for years so it was only natural to open up to one another.
“No one said anything about a date…. Just a, uh, hangout. Yeah…. a hangout.”
“Y/n, he just met you and he’s head over heels for you already! I’m so excited for you!”
You were excited too. Way beyond excited.
—
Jaehyun said he would pick you up around nine p.m. You had just gotten back from grocery shopping and you now had a little over an hour to shower and get ready. You didn’t even know where he was taking you.
But as you were applying your makeup and looking in your bathroom mirror, everything started shutting down on you. And you were surrounded with nothing but your own, suffocating, thoughts. You were a fraud. But Jaehyun was coming to pick you up soon, so now was not the time to think about it; or at least try not to. Fake it ‘till you make it.
When the knocking on your door signified Jaehyun's arrival, you quickly sprayed some perfume and opened up the door for him.
You were wearing a simple, spaghetti strap black dress with a slit on the side leg and a dark gray blazer with a matching bag. He looked the same as he did when you saw him this morning, except his blazer was now off of his body and he took off his tie which left him with his white button up (which he unbuttoned the first few to give him more of a casual look).
“Are you ready?”
☹ ☹ ☹
I told you I was down bad
You hate to see me like that
Two whole years had gone by and it was almost your third anniversary. Almost, as in, it was six months away. But so much can happen in a mere six months that seem to pass by so quickly.
You were in your apartment, the same crappy apartment you lived in two years ago, crying in your sheets. Your damn thoughts were getting to the best of you again.
And when you didn’t respond to Jaehyun’s phone calls, it was an understatement to say he was worried about you. So he drove to your apartment immediately.
He frantically knocked on your door and almost broke it down until you came to open it, eyes still red from your tears and breath still uncontrollable. Your lover welcomed himself inside and shut the door, holding you so tight yet soft in his embrace in the doorway. He was trying to comfort you with his lips resting on your forehead and his hands carefully cradling your body.
“It’s alright, love. I’m here. Don’t cry. Please. I need you,” he repeated into your hair, rubbing your back and swaying you both side to side. But the action made you cry even more. You didn’t deserve the love he gave to you. Your head rested on his firm chest as you tried to calm down the pain.
“Angel, where are your meds? Are they in your room?”
You nodded as best as you could as he carefully led you inside and into your bedroom. Jaehyun sat you down on your bed before grabbing a glass of water for you to take your pills. You hated relying on him so much. You hadn’t changed. But what you don’t know is that Jaehyun loved you even more than he did two years ago. He loved you because you weren’t afraid to show him such a vulnerable part of the human being you had become. Or so he thought.
You did what you had to do and he carefully pulled you into bed with him. Your head rested in the crook of his neck as he felt your hiccuping breath die down into slumber. He rubbed your back some more, hoping that it would lull you to sleep faster.
You don’t know what you’d do if he wasn’t here. Jaehyun was your everything, as were you to him.
—
When you woke up the following morning, you were still in Jaehyun’s embrace. Slowly, you turned around to check the time and the clock read 5:43
a.m. That was why it was still dark outside.
You turned back around to face Jaehyun and you sadly smiled at him. He worked so hard 24/7 and the purple bags under his eyes proved that. You just wished there was something you could do to help him, just like the various ways he had helped you. Jaehyun has always been there to help. From the day you two met, to this moment, Jaehyun was always your number one.
You shifted around in his arms as he slightly groaned because of the sudden movement.
“I’m sorry, love. Keep sleeping,” you whispered, kissing his closed eyes. He came to your house in his work clothes, though, so you were sure he was a bit uncomfortable. You walked to your wardrobe and found some folded up pajama pants he left over the other night as well as one of his gray hoodies he left ‘not on purpose.’ You gathered his clothes and walked to the bed to wake him up.
“Wake up. If you’re gonna keep sleeping, at least change, love. You’re probably all stuffy in your button up and dress pants,” you lightly shook him awake. He groaned some more before stretching his limbs and opening his eyes. You were the best thing he could ever wake up to.
Jaehyun playfully pulled the blanket over his head and managed to wrap his arms around your waist as you were sitting down beside him. You laughed at his antics and tried to free his grip on you. It failed; and you ended up wrapped under your sheets with him, his comfortable clothes still in your hands.
“What if I don’t want to change,” he challenged.
“You don’t have to,” you teased. “But it’s not going to be my fault when you complain about being uncomfortable.”
His tight hold on you faltered for a moment before he fully released you and took off your blanket from his (and your) bodies. He released a puff and pouted his plump morning lips. The man sighed and got out of bed, taking the clothes you had in your hands and just stripping from his work clothes right then and there.
“Aren’t you gonna change in the bathroom?” You asked, laying back down in bed. So much for getting up.
“Eyy, you know I don’t do that. I’m gonna come back into bed anyway,” he said before climbing in after you and pulling the grey sheet back onto him. As he slid into your bed, you wrapped your arms around his head as he rested himself to be held by you. Jaehyun loved being babied, especially in the early hours of the morning. It was one of the many charismatic features about him.
—
When you woke up the second time that morning, it was only nine o’clock. But Jaehyun seemed to be awake now, cooking breakfast that was sizzling from the kitchen.
Quietly, you sat on one of the stools and stared at him. He was the best thing that ever came into your life.
But why did he openly put himself in it?
You always wondered why Jaehyun stayed. It always turned into panic attacks and crying fits, but you couldn’t help it. He was a part of a completely different social status and you stood out like a sore thumb when you were next to him. It wasn’t like you were ashamed to be his girlfriend; you just thought he was ashamed to have you as his girlfriend.
He should.
There goes those thoughts again.
Unknowingly, you choked a sob which made him turn around. When he saw you, he smiled with pure adoration beaming in his eyes. God, why did he make this so hard?
He shut off the stove and walked toward you, forgetting about the breakfast he was making, it was almost done, anyway. Jaehyun wiped his hands with a towel and walked to you, cupping your face with his right hand, wiping the tear that seemed to fall from your eye.
“Why are you crying, love?” He still held the same, sweet, smile.
“…. I love you.”
He raised you from your seat and just hugged you, lips resting on the crown of your head, swaying you back and forth on the creaky floor.
“I love you more.”
“I’m sorry I’m like this,” you confessed against his chest.
But he immediately raised you from your position, to look at his, now serious, expression.
“Never apologize for something you can’t control. You say sorry all the time, peach. I love that you feel the need to say it, but you really don’t need to say it all the time. Especially in front of me. You know how much I love you, right? For being who you are?” He wiped the baby hairs away from your face.
“You know how much I don’t care how messed up, or whatever you call it, you are, right?”
“…… Of course.”
“Then you should stop being such an amazing person. I don’t deserve you. But here I am,” he laughed, tugging you into his frame once more.
However, you still felt the need to give him the world. You still felt as though you owed him your life, he’d been your boyfriend for almost three years.
And yet you still thought that it was you who didn’t deserve him.
“Now stop crying. You know I don’t like it when you cry. Especially if it’s your damn thoughts that are eating at you.”
You love him so much.
☹ ☹ ☹
I don’t know how you look past
My stupid fucking setbacks
You said it before and you’ll say it again. You’ll say it a million more times; Jaehyun deserved more.
Sometimes, you’ll look in the crooked mirror placed in your bathroom and just think to yourself. Think about all the negatives rather than thinking about the positives. And although there are times you do think about the positives, they all end up with a wretched outcome. And then it’s negative thoughts all over again.
It’s the same routine and you’re growing sick of it. You’ve been sick of it ever since you could remember and you despise people who seem to have it easy. It just seemed as though there was no luck for you. The only luck the universe brought to you was Jaehyun. There are times, though, where you wished you never met him. He was a goddamn CEO and you were a low-class citizen. None of it just made sense.
But you loved him. It just hurts to deal with your true emotions and stow them away from your lover; because you never wanted him to watch what you were going through. Even the thought of it made you want to vomit.
Trauma just came natural to you, apparently. And you absolutely hated it. You just wished you were different, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so guilty about dating Jaehyun. Then he would truly be proud of who you are.
He was already proud of you, though. And he’s told you this a billion times. Your brain just makes you believe that he’s saying it out of pity. He’s only saying it because you’re his girlfriend.
And the cycle continues.
—
You were spending the next couple of days at Jaehyun’s house. It was obvious he didn’t like your lifestyle and wished for you to live with him. You could never bring yourself to do it though; to always rely on him for everything that you do. You were fully aware of what you could and could not do, and you didn’t need him to help you.
Which led you to silently cry away your sorrows in his bathroom. You were taking a bath, in hopes to dial down the overwhelming emotions that engulfed you. Yet here you were, with a flushed face and puffy eyes— the aftermath of a breakdown.
It seemed as though ever since you got into a relationship with Jaehyun, your anxiety only intensified. And that resulted in the thoughts that had been burdening your mind since the day you two met.
Fortunately, he wasn’t home to face the pointless shenanigans that go through your head. So you had enough time to pull yourself together, take your meds, and try to meditate on the balcony that was attached to his bedroom.
The summer nights were cool enough for you to relax your mind before Jaehyun made his way home. You were working at the orphanage the whole day and you managed to pull through the entire day without a single tear, which probably led to the bathroom-breakdown fiasco.
The crickets had been chirping and the wind was starting to blow. That was when you heard the bedroom door open. And when Jaehyun saw the slight movement of the balcony curtains, he knew you were outside doing whatever you do best.
Quietly, the man sighed to himself, placed his work on the side desk and undid his tie. He was finally home. He was finally with you.
Jaehyun opened the sliding door larger than what it was and joined you in sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. At first he let out a long breath and looked out toward the yard which his bedroom was facing. Then, he got tired and shifted toward you.
That happened all in thirty seconds.
Your eyes were still closed as you breathed in. Jaehyun lovingly smiled at you and kissed the side of your head.
“I missed you today, angel,” he broke the silence.
You opened your eyes and shifted your body to face him.
“You say that every day,” you chuckled and played with his fingers. A habit of yours that Jaehyun absolutely adored.
“And it’s always true. I can't wait for the day I get to see you every time I come home.” You felt more guilty that he had the need to say that. And you knew he meant nothing harmful, he was just a caring person and didn’t want you living the life you had. You were better off living with him.
But you joked, “You will. For the next three days. And then I’m off home.”
He groaned and layed back on the cold floor. “Don’t remind me. I want to cherish the time we have now.”
You laughed once more. He was acting as if he didn’t come to see you practically every day. Sometimes, he’ll even leave his job just to come see you at the orphanage.
“Eyy, quit saying that. I’m still here. You come by all the time. Sometimes twice a day. You’ll get sick of me soon, I can guarantee. I don’t know how you put up with me all these years.”
Although you were (partially) joking, Jaehyun sat right up from his prior position and looked at you with his pout and furrowed brows.
“What do you mean, peach? I could and would never get sick of seeing you. Don’t say that.” You were shocked to see him react that way.
You slightly snickered at him and said, “I was joking, love. I’m sorry,” you leaned your head closer to his and placed a little kiss on his lips, to make him sort of forgive you for saying that.
“You better be. I don’t know what I’d do without you, peach,” he kissed back. And pecked your lips repeatedly, several times.
The actions made you laugh out loud and slightly push him away. Jaehyun loved being the reason why there was the brightest smile on your face. So he quietly smiled as your eyes crinkled because of him.
He suggested that you two wash up. However, you already told him you bathed before he came home. And like a child, he groaned and went into the bathroom himself. But he made you promise to wait for him tomorrow. You agreed, because he was your little baby.
As he was in the shower, you cuddled your way into his bed sheets and blanket. The lights were now dimmed and all you were doing was waiting for him to get out of the shower. Hopefully he would be able to beat the slumber that easily pulled you in.
The warmness of the blanket, though, soothed you to sleep and Jaehyun was unable to defeat the unfortunate slumber that casted over you. It was a shame since he wanted to talk to you; ask about your day and what you did. He’d grown used to the look of your puffy eyes, and he knew you’d been crying. He knew you were having a moment the minute he stepped onto the patio. Because the only time you would sit out there was if something was bothering you.
Being the amazing person he was, left you alone, and didn’t ask about what you clearly didn’t want to talk about. He believed that you would open up to him when you were ready. You’ve already opened up to him so much, but nothing would stop him from worrying about you.
Once he got out of the shower and towel-dried his hair, he placed the wet towel in the basket and climbed into bed next to you, immediately clinging to your fatigued figure. God, he would give you the entire world. Jaehyun turned around and shut off the lamp on his side of the bed (yours was already turned off) and hugged you against him, his breath soon evening out to match yours.
And fast asleep he was.
—
The following morning, Jaehyun was awakened with your fingers threaded in his hair and his face squished against your chest. He managed to stretch some parts of his limbs whilst still, practically, laying on top of you.
“Good morning, angel,” he said in his morning voice, “I’m not going into work today.”
As a CEO, you’d expect him to take care of himself (with Jaehyun being his own boss and all) but you didn’t expect him to say he wasn’t going in. Not that you minded, you’d much rather spend the day with him but Jaehyun was a hard-working man, and he rarely took days off.
“I’m not going in for the next three days either. It’s been a while since I took a day or two off.”
“Yeah, but you’re taking four days off, including today. Are you sure you want to do that?”
He was taken aback for a moment. Did you not want to spend time with him anymore?
“There’s nothing wrong with me taking four days off. You appreciate it, no?” He said in the littlest voice which instantly made you regret what you said.
“No, no, no. Oh, I’m sorry my love, I didn’t mean to make you upset. It’s just that you’re so busy with work and it’s just me so you don’t have to-” you rambled.
“And that’s where I’m gonna stop you. You know how much you mean to me, so of course I’m gonna take these days off to spend as much time with you as I can. The company's getting a little busier with a new launch around the corner but I’m sure they’ll be able to survive without me for a few days,” he retaliated.
You sighed, still feeling like an asshole for wording the sentence the way you did. God, could you do anything to make him happy? It felt as though everything you said and everything you did could never satisfy him. Of course, those were just your thoughts.
Jaehyun was happy that you cared about his job, but what he wanted you to realize the most is how much he wanted to be with you. Whatever it was, spending time with you is the best remedy he could ever ask for.
Just why is he never sick of you and your words? You’re sure he would be with how rude you, unintentionally, were to him.
☹ ☹ ☹
When you opened up the door
You let me in when you should have your guard up
Thinking back to the time you finally let Jaehyun crawl through your walls— when he’d let down his walls way before you— the constant feeling of regret and pain constantly filled you. Whether or not the glass was half-full or half-empty, it was always just half. There was never a certain hundred percent yet Jaehyun took his time in letting you trust him as Jeong Yoon Oh.
Thinking back to the time you first met Jaehyun himself, he somehow couldn’t process the red-flag you were oh-so not afraid to show while you were inebriated. He thought you were cute, and the words you were spilling from your mouth, conscious or not, made him feel sort of protective over you. And he didn’t even know you.
It was about ten a.m. when the two of you got out of bed. Ever since the conversation earlier, the air has just been tense. At least for you. You’re sure Jaehyun probably hadn’t felt anything but your brain was constantly playing tricks on you, and this could be one of them.
Your lover is in the bathroom now, as you’re sitting on the bed staring into space with your thoughts locked into your brain. You should apologize. Of course, you want him to stay home with you, but he plays an important role in the economy and in his industry that you can’t help but feel bad for keeping him away from what he loves doing most.
Resting against the headboard, you turn your head toward the bathroom door that was being opened. He walks through and sits back in his spot next to you, although his body is fully facing yours.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I just… I don’t want to keep you here if you have a lot to prepare for your launch,” you sighed and rubbed your eyes.
He laughed, but the feeling of hurt lingered a bit in his eyes as he held the utmost respect to you. “You don’t have to apologize, my love. It’s completely okay. And if they need help, they have my number and it’ll all get fixed with a simple phone call, alright?” He used his right hand to cup your face, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the surface of your cheeks.
You bit your lip in hesitation but you stopped when Jaehyun leaned down and kissed away the bad habit he always noticed you had.
“Let’s make breakfast, yeah?” He whispered against your lips, giving you the biggest puppy eyes ever. You laughed and kissed him one more time before going into the bathroom to get ready for whatever the day was going to bring.
—
Breakfast was absolutely lovely. As it always is whenever you’re with Jaehyun. But for some reason, this morning’s just hit so different.
Today, though, you planned on going to the orphanage just as a surprise visit. Truly, it was your home. Your second home (if you considered Jaehyun.)
“Well, I was planning on getting goodie bags for the kids but… I don’t think I’m gonna. We can just spend the day there,” you were telling him all the things you wanted to do today and the things you wanted to do for the kids there but you were having trouble deciding what to actually do.
“Nah, we can go to the grocery and buy them goodies,” he abruptly said as if it was no problem. Realistically there was no problem. Except you.
“But-”
“No buts. I haven’t seen them in a while, so just consider it a gift from me. Now, let’s finish our food and get some snacks for the kiddos,” he put his plate in the sink as you sighed in adoration (and maybe a little in guilt.)
Grocery shopping with Jaehyun was like grocery shopping with a child. And it was good, because he picked out snacks he thought the children would like, as well as treat bags to put them in. He was a child at heart although he portrayed a stoic and successful CEO.
The two of you sat in his car for an hour in the Warm Hearts Orphanage parking lot packing juices and snacks and candy into the bags before finally walking through the front door.
One of the staff members had seen you and happily greeted the two of you as you walked into the main entrance to the room the kids spent the most. Upon your arrival, all of the children shouted in happiness, greeting you with hugs and questions of the bags that were placed in a cardboard box that Jaehyun was holding.
Giving them out and spending time with them truly warmed your heart as they played the whole day long with Jaehyun.
He was so fond of children and your entire being melts with the sight of him playing with them and catching them up on his launch.
Something about it was heartwarming yet bittersweet.
You don’t know how long you could last anymore.
☹ ☹ ☹
What a painful back and forth, oh
Today was just not a good day. For you and for Jaehyun. He called you in the morning and said he was going to visit you at your apartment when he was done in the office.
Only problem was, it was twelve in the morning when he walked through the door with the extra key you gave him. Your apartment was quiet, excluding the yelling from the thin walls of whichever neighbor.
For the first time since he’s met you, this was the first time he’d actually noticed every little detail about your apartment. From the stained walls to the crack in your window. He felt like he wanted to cry. Jaehyun didn’t want you living like this anymore, that was the truth. And he knew you worked two jobs before committing to the orphanage. He also knew you were never able to pursue college. No amount of scholarships you were given could afford the ungodly university tuition.
And just as he was about to suck up the water forming in his eyes, you walked out of your room, fully awake. You stopped and called out his name. But the ringing in his ears only got louder. And soon he broke down into tears.
You were completely shocked. It was midnight and you didn’t think he would come over because it was so late. But now he’s here, and you don’t know how long he has been standing there, breaking down right in front of you.
“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong, angel?” you held him in your grasp as his tears kept coming down.
“Why are you crying? Please tell me, my love,” you pleaded, voice cracking. In the three years you’d known Jaehyun, he was never one to cry. Not one tear. He wouldn’t ever tear up either. So seeing him like this, vulnerable, was both shocking as it is confusing.
“I just…” he sobbed, “I just love you so much. Please don’t ever leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” To you, he wasn’t making much sense but he was still valid to have these thoughts. Some people have their off days and you guessed this was his.
“Of course not, Yoon Oh.” He cried harder, somehow pulling you even closer than before, his head still hiding in the shadows of your neck.
Moments passed by before he finally lifted his head up. He looked so ethereal though he was covered in tears and the image in front of you made you want to cry yourself.
“You’re okay. I’m right here,” you cupped his face with both of your hands, wiping away the tears on his cheek with your thumbs. He does the same to you, although you’re not crying.
“I want you with me forever,” he whispered, searching through your eyes as if he doesn’t know you like the back of his hand.
“I’ll be here.”
You don’t know if you’re lying to him with the response. But only time can tell whether the guilt forever residing in your heart gets the best of you and inevitably, to the best of him. But he’ll get over it right? He’s Jeong Jaehyun after all.
—
You’re now laying side by side on your bed. He is being cradled in your arms as he continues to calm down in the drowsiness of the late hours of the night.
“I’m sorry about breaking down earlier. I just… I don’t know, I just felt super overwhelmed all of a sudden I guess,” he lifted his head up to look at your moonlit face.
You shook your head and stroked his hair. “Don’t apologize. You deal with me all the time,” you dryly chuckled.
“Because I know what you go through… But thank you,” he rubbed your back.
“For what?”
“For being there for me when I need you most. I really appreciate it…” he trailed off for a moment, “I really appreciate you.”
“Please…” he continued, “Come live with me.”
You don’t know if it was sympathy, pity, pure love, or all of the above. But Jaehyun was very much aware that he could treat you like a queen. Which he already does, and that makes you all the more hesitant.
“You know that-” you’re cut off.
“I know. I know you refuse to but please. You’re my entire world, Y/n. I can’t even explain to you in words how much you and your entire existence means to me,” he’s desperate now. So desperate to finally have all of you. So, so desperate to watch you flourish into the beautiful bouquet he knows you are.
You sigh and continue to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders. “I’ll think about it.”
But the both of you knew the true meaning behind those words. Yet neither of you can say a word.
☹ ☹ ☹
It’s hard to ignore all of my problems
You couldn’t even count all of the imperfections and impurities that you had hiding within yourself. So much so, that you seem to project those imperfections onto the people around you. To the people that you love.
And sure, they might not notice them— ignore them, in fact— but they are clearly written out right in front of you and they don’t ever seem to go away. Which is probably why they say ‘you are your greatest enemy.’ It was true.
Yet of course, these thoughts had to swarm your mind at the grocery store. Grocery shopping, for crying out loud. With Jaehyun and with bunches of people who are too nosey to not look at you and not whisper to themselves as to why you are crying.
With the shopping cart full, Jaehyun pulls it over to the side so as to not create traffic, and pulls you closer to him by your arms.
He pushes the hair out of your face and leans down to see you. All of you.
“What’s wrong, my love?” He shushes you and wipes the tears off your cheeks.
This was absolutely terrible. Even the most domestic and everyday tasks were a hassle. And you felt like you were burdening Jaehyun in the busy market that only the wealthiest people had shopped at (since you were staying over Jaehyun’s again for a few days.)
“Nothing, it’s- I’m okay,” you sucked in a breath and wiped your tears before looking up at him to meet his worried gaze.
“Are you sure?” He squinted his eyes.
You took in another breath before nodding.
“One hundred percent sure?” He patted your flyaway hairs down. You nodded again.
“I need words, angel. To make sure you’re okay. Really okay.”
“I’m okay, I promise,” you try to give him your best smile.
He only responds with the softest kiss to your forehead.
“I need you to be with me,” he whispered against your skin.
“I am. One thousand percent. I’m okay,” you whispered back, now getting self conscious of the scene of you and Jaehyun canoodling in a grocery store on a Wednesday at eleven a.m.
He believed you, however the rest of the shopping trip went by slowly, awkwardly, and quietly.
You wished you could change the way you think.
☹ ☹ ☹
Cause I'm no good (Ooh), you could do better (Ooh)
You should walk out, it's now or never
Ninety-nine percent of couples argue. Those statistics are completely true. No matter how often or how little, couples everywhere have their fair share of fights.
You and Jaehyun are one of those couples that rarely fight. Today, however, had not been very good to the both of you. Stress, anxiety, and more stress were eating at the both of you and now it landed you here. Just great.
“I don’t need you constantly taking care of me! I’m perfectly fine on my own!” You shouted toward him.
“Clearly you’re not if you break down every other day! I just want you to be okay,” he lets go and sits on one of the chairs in the living room. His face is hiding in his hands as he feels the anger and disappointment run through his brain.
Noticing this reaction, you sigh and furrow your eyebrows. It’s silent for a fleeting moment. “Why? You know I’ll be okay.”
You sit on the couch, opposite of the black leather chair Jaehyun is sitting in.
“I know how much you’re hurting. And I don’t ever want you to feel those terrible feelings ever again. I want to be here for you and I want you to know that I want to be here for you. Can't you understand?”
It isn’t too much after he let out those words that you feel the tears fill up the sockets of your eyes and the void of the room. The walls that had now captured the two lovers screaming at each other now hear the abundant silence between them.
“I can't give you anything. You do so much for me and I’m just here.”
“I don’t care. No materialistic thing could ever compare to you just being here with me.” He gets up and sits next to you, making sure you know he’s with you the entire way.
“But it’s not enough.”
“Yes it is, Y/n. And I don't know what else to say to get through that thick head of yours. I love you for being you. And I love you for accepting me for who I am, not who I need to be. I don't need you to offer me anything besides your love.”
“That's the thing. I can only offer you my love.”
“I don’t care! Y/n, you need to realize how much you affect me. And I can't let you go around saying those words because they hurt me. It genuinely hurts me to hear those words.”
“…. I'm sorry.”
“Y/n, you truly don’t know how much you help those around you?”
It was silent for a moment.
“You work in a damn orphanage, for crying out loud! For fun. And it just makes me appreciate you. Appreciate how much you enjoy the happiness of other people. It’s all I could ever ask for.” He wiped the tears falling from your eyes.
“Please don’t cry. I just need you to know how much I love you. Why can't you see that? Do you not love me anymore?”
With zero hesitation, you released his hand from your face and stood up, “No! Don’t say that! Of course I still love you!”
“… it’s just that…”
“Don’t even say it, Y/n.”
The gloomy night has come to an end. And yet Jaehyun will not— will never— leave you behind.
☹ ☹ ☹
Gonna regret being too honest
Callin' it love, but this isn’t fallin'
It’s the following morning. It is truly a gloomy morning, in fact. The rain was slowly pouring, the wind was rustling against the trees, and the upcoming fog coming from the ocean was painting the neighborhood.
The minute you woke up in Jaehyun’s arms, you remembered the fight the night prior. And, God, did you feel like an absolute ass.
Could this be it? It’s been three years and yet the question still lingers. Just why? It seems as though you bring him so much pain and yet he has chosen nothing but enduring the repercussions of your wrath.
You gradually regained the strength to get up and without a minute to spare, you quietly escaped out of Jaehyun’s protective arms to make breakfast. Some sort of remedy to help heal the pain of last night's argument.
You sat on one of the island chairs waiting for the food to cook in the oven. Slowly but surely, you were once again trapped in your thoughts. Were you being too harsh? Were you being too honest? Were you actually enough to be with the most amazing man on planet Earth?
All of these questions were paused by the padding of feet coming into the kitchen. You look up at him, not expecting anyone else. And in his dazed glory, Jeong Yoon Oh was still the most precious human being that had ever entered your existence.
“I’m sorry,” is the first thing you’re able to say before finally crying. Crying the waves of emotions that you felt the night before yet did not physically show.
He didn’t say a single word. He didn’t have to. All he did was take you in his embrace and whispered apologies and sweet nothings into your ears. The rest of the morning went by with stuffy noses and quiet munches.
—
“I’m sorry about last night,” you apologized once again, sitting on the bed watching him get ready through the mirror.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I just want you to know that you can lean on me. You’ve been able to lean on me for years now…. I didn’t mean to yell but desperate times call for desperate measures,” says Jaehyun.
“But I'm not desperate at all, you know that.”
“Yes but don’t you know I’m so desperate for you?”
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Grouping: Reader x B-ball player!Jaehyun (feat. BFF!Hyuck)
Word Count: ~10.8k
Warnings/Themes: Two idiots in love, oc is scary when mad, hyuck is crafty always, jae is a bit intense but he’s just trying his best, gratuitous descriptions of dimples, a kiss!!! sfw!
Prompt: “awkward!oc with his basketball teammate jaehyun. Honestly anything with bff!haechan.”
“Make sure you don’t make it look shaky.”
Donghyuck puts the phone camera close to his face so he can better see your handiwork through the video call. He looks a bit like a fish, but you can’t see him because you’re focused on the mirror in front of you.
“Remind me why I’m being forced to do this?”
“Because I’m your best friend and I deserve a sign just as much as Jisung and Johnny.”
You have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes so you don’t mess up the number 14 you’re drawing carefully onto your cheek in eyeliner. Although you hate to see good makeup go to waste, you’re trying to be a better friend while also trying not to accidentally write the number backwards. It’s Donghyuck’s new number this season and he begged you to show some team spirit despite the fact that you normally mix with sports the same way oil mixes with water. The last time you showed up at practice was the first day of the season and you fell from the third courtside bleacher after Donghyuck called you over to introduce you to a cute new walk-on team member. If anything, just being around sports is dangerous for you.
summary: despite being out of school and with a lot of free time, few of your friends were in town to hang out with and full of boredom, your only source of entertainment with human contact results into a lengthy and interesting conversations in a chat room with user ‘yoonhoe’.
contains: slight obsession, unprotected sex, cum play, facial, face fucking, web cam sex, breath play, rough handling, minimum stalking/possessiveness/manipulation, some public sex.
genre: smut, angst, fluff, summer fling, found home, strangers to lovers to strangers again, missed connection, 80's au
synopsis: jaehyun didn’t think meeting you in that quaint lonesome countryside town would come in between him and writing something hopeful and lively in contrast to all of his gloomy work. in fact it was a blessing to have someone help him navigate the foreign country. yet life always has something up its sleeve no matter how soul crushing.
warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! mentions/implementations of poor mental health, abusive higher ups, mentions of bad parenting, unprotected sex.
disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are ONLY characters. read at your own discretion.
an: summer is gone and I tried posting this for the past 2 months so here is an ode to the place that inspired it all.
The contents of the box had been sitting unwrapped for what felt like an eternity after recalling last week’s events. The miscellaneous items your family sent were a recurring sight but it was rare that Ollie sent you anything besides his letters.
What disturbed you most is his choice of item. Those bold scripted yellow letters mock you. You weren’t upset with him, you could never be upset with him. You know it’s not his doing, that he was put up to it. What upsets you is the resurfacing thoughts you had hid away in the vault of your memory years ago when you remained naive and to your disgrace revived with one detail.
Courage was the last thing in you. It surged through, more so forcibly, perhaps even masochistically. That seems correct because the second you open to the first page, images you believed you would never see, fly out, reminding you of a life that you can only describe as a daydream.
Every single image had something written in the back of it. You attempt to refrain from reading each note. With no avail, the loops of his handwriting draw you in as much as his piercing gaze and the smile you still dream about – those dimples you can’t forget no matter how much you now look at them on someone else.
There’s a folded letter slotted before the dedication page. It smells like him and you can’t help being transported to the summer you met him. The pleasantly strong cologne you could smell even in the masses of stench when cleaning the pen. Or through the window you two sneaked kisses at night.
You don’t want to cry, you truly try not to, yet the waterworks flow when you finally focus on the dedication page of this damned book.
‘To the life I needed all along…
I remember everything.’
Jaehyun remembers with fondness the tranquility of what he considers home. The warmth that filled his chest with every waking moment he spent in that beautiful quaint village. And now looking and thinking back at it, that fondness muddles with the pain in his heart. That’s not what he wants nor needs, that’s not what he came here for.
Jaehyun could get behind it, it was nice. He immediately got used to the cool breeze which felt more like a chilly autumn rather than the grueling summer. He could definitely get used to the smell of wood burning from stoves and chimneys that indicated locals began their day. Similar enough to the rough housing from goats and sheep’s bleats to roosters for them to shut up, that the sun was enough of a wake up call.
Fairly loud, not nearly as much as the city. It was one thing to admire the beauty outside of his temporary residence. Bougainvillea vines, flamboyant and bright, purloining his attention to let him know they were the star of the show, overshadowing any other house around.
Jaehyun needed something and all he knew was that he had to escape the constraints of his overpopulated and 24/7 bustling city that has cursed him to hell multiple times for not giving it a heartfelt ovation. How could he when he’s been shown nothing but hatred from it since he stepped foot in that hell hole?
Things should be different here, he knows that – he’s been shown.
His taxi driver spoke idly about his day. Describing the breakfast his wife had made before he left. His daughter had visited to drop off their grandson while she went to work at the local market but in the process the kid had fallen down the steep steps claiming all he wanted as comfort was to spend time with his ‘Tito’. So there he was making rocket sounds and hammering the glove compartment with the pale sun-eaten toy car that caused his fall. In the process, turning back to Jaehyun asking if he liked dishes he had never heard of before that the kid didn’t like himself.
Jaehyun remembers it well.
How can such a beautiful place bring him agony?
He wanted to stray away from those pessimistic feelings that had shackled him for years, tainting every single one of his pieces. When his publisher and manager told him it would be best to go somewhere he’d know nothing about his world, to have time to think about a new story, he was the first one to say goodbye, muttering under his breath that he wished he’d never see them again. Jaehyun was elated to know he was given a golden ticket out.
The past few launches and expectations had been hectic. Drowning him with stress and though many would think being a successful writer at such a young age was all fun and games, they'd think otherwise when your team is hollering in your ear daily to come up with new content and critics claiming you’ve yet again failed to provide anything meaningful besides pretentiousness.
Jaehyun is tired of that dark monotonous and consuming cycle they’re forcing him to be in. So he’s hopeful and excited to see what this beautiful rural village can bring him. Hopeful that it’ll break those shackles of misery that cling to him until his ankles bruise and bleed. Hopeful to find meaning to this life that he’s been searching for.
Struck with awe throughout his entire trajectory down the cobble and dirt-filled path from midtown to the house, the animal noises he had managed to drown became louder upon pushing open the metal door, growing wary. When he finally crossed the threshold he was met with the image of someone tussling with a ram, enough to get tackled and Jaehyun can only explain that feeling as freight.
That was the first time he met you.
From far away and with his feet grounded in fear, the fear you didn’t have regardless of all those rammings. That must’ve hurt, Jaehyun thinks so. How could it not? The beast came in charging three times, each making the impact seem worse. Twisted horns able to bruise the skin of your thighs.
Every step closer increases his shock. Muffled groans and curses from you mixed with laughter from your grandfather that stood and watched. Neither of you blame him, being the victim of that damn thing at 80 had caused irreparable damage to his hip. There’s nothing he could have done. At best he mangles the rope beside the stake, swinging it in hopes of getting it off you.
Jaehyun felt inutile. He had no experience with animals nor with any labor besides what his father would drag him into. It’s not his fault he became a writing prodigy. His brute strength was useless if he was too scared to jump into the pen to help you.
It was more shocking when a scrawny boy in a simple white tee, dusty jeans, heavy work boots just as muddy had pushed through him. Yelling something he couldn’t understand but later found it meant “Get the fuck out the way!” He didn’t mean to be malicious but he was scared himself. Jumping over the pen’s fence and pulling the damned ram off of you, he slaps its rear as a form of discipline. It amazes Jaehyun how effortless he made it look.
Finally free and things having calmed down, Jaehyun saw the elderly man seize his laughter. Genuine tears slip from his eyes. He was scared, truly scared it could have been your end. Having experienced it himself, he couldn’t help both sympathize and feel guilty. You and the kid reassured him it was fine. It wasn’t a first but your grandpa wouldn’t hear it, sighing as he continued to sob.
Jaehyun later found that he was insanely sensible. Laughing things off to calm himself to eventually break down.
In attempts to ease his pain, you had sent the young boy to fetch your grandpa a coke and some bread.
Nowadays, Jaehyun consumes those items whenever he grows scared
Making your way with a limp that your grandfather mimicked due to his own attack and age, Jaehyun finally approaches you both, voice slightly quivering.
“Are you alright?!” Jaehyun quips, your head turns to him un-amusedly. Cautious but relaxed for whoever’s sake. “Yeah… it’s not the first time.” You try to smile at the stranger who is obviously not from the village inside the premise of your grandparent’s home. It only dawned upon you who he was when you noticed the pristine suitcases in his hands. Holding the handles like a lost victorian count in search of a new start in the bustling dirty city – despite the contrast.
“You’re the new tenant, right?” You ask, limp finally gone after something cracked. Jaehyun winces, amused with the nonchalant tone in your voice; he nods fervently. “Yeah, um, I can pay for a few months up front if you don’t mind.” Neither of you had noticed that both had stopped walking, your grandpa already in the house, leaving you to speak with the young and attractive man before you.
“Months?”
Jaehyun nods. “If you don’t mind or have another tenant.” He feels sheepish; confident in your eyes. “Don’t worry, it’s been open for months.”
It’s amazing to him how you’re acting like you didn’t almost need a ride to the nearest hospital. Seeing the limp gone and crouching down to pick up a bucket full of dry corn kernels like nothing. He could have believed everything he saw didn’t really happen.
It’s recurring if he thinks back to it, how everything felt so fleeting and surreal. He despises and feels it mocking him daily.
Following you around like a lost puppy while you sprinkled the ground with those kernels, he took note of the expression on your face. You’re still in pain, it’s written all over the movements you make. He rules you’re ignoring it to not seem ill before him or specifically to reassure your grandfather.
Jaehyun has a strong image in your eyes. It would crumble with just about anything and you felt comfortable figuring that out. Just like it has done now, with chickens rushing and flooding the area to gobble down their meal. Jaehyun was startled and scared they’d peck him in the process.
You try not to laugh despite the giggles leaving in spurts. Nearing the kitchen door, you stop in your tracks to look at him. “Don't worry about the pay, it won't be necessary.” It troubles him and this time he won’t hold his thoughts. Well, he wasn’t going to but as soon as his lips parted, the sprint door opened, showing a much shorter and pudgier older woman. He reckons that’s your grandmother so he smiles and greets her accordingly.
She accepts it, returning the favor before going back to business in handing you the bowl full of pepper seeds and stems to feed the chickens. That left him and your grandmother alone, inviting him to the kitchen.
He studied the kitchen upon crossing the threshold, admiring the huge chimney in the right corner, soot covered it along the boiling metal bucket of water. There was a chair in front of it, one of those school chairs that cling onto your hair until it’s off your scalp.
A metal cabinet in between the entrance door and the hallway. It’s dusty, showcasing fine china that was never used. He found the cracks above the very tall ceilings the most enchanting, all leading to portraits above the hallway’s threshold. Trajectory and lineage demonstrated through the years. Most recently: one of you with your diploma.
Beautiful. Utterly beautiful, he thought.
“Come, I’ll show you around.”
The tour was simple, the hallway that connected the main room and kitchen was a room in itself. Privacy wasn’t really an option within these walls but it didn’t matter, he wasn’t the one sleeping in the main house.
All he had to know about this house was that it was an old canteen that your grandmother’s father bought for her as a wedding gift. The hallway had a bed your grandfather slept on, a couch he sat to watch the TV propped on top of a dresser in the main room –where he’d join him often– and a door that led to the guest’s area.
Despite the open concept, she didn’t show him the room where you and her slept in. He caught a glimpse of a door to the only restroom in there –restroom with a window he would spend his nights at often–, a vanity you both filled with expired products, and two beds on opposite sides. He figures the one with a pristine Garfield plush was yours.
Jaehyun felt the clarity of finding home within these few minutes. It was summer and the house was freezing without a clunky AC unit, he was in heaven if you asked him. It felt cozy and he liked that it wasn’t stuffy like his apartment back home, it felt like love. Cold, unspoken care and love.
The tour ended by the time both reached the guest area. The door was open after you swept but things never lasted clean here, the entrance full of dust again. Your grandmother looked tired and apologetic that she couldn’t continue, reassuring him his room was fine, warranting her to yell your name and rushing to her side.
She asks you to show him, motioning for him to follow you with your head. It felt like a full circle when you both hopped down the step from the house to the courtyard. He looked at the threshold he entered through, the door was closed now, decorated with flowers made out of dust, crafted by Ollie when he had free time. Your grandfather sat on a chair near the pen with the young man, eating his bread and smoking a cigarette that he pretends to hide.
Following you, Jaehyun took notice of the mountain of rocks and flowers near his room. A monument to a holy being he had only seen a few times. It was beautiful, vibrant flowers in comparison to the rocks. Some cactus and critters roam on small trinkets and a river flows up and down each rock.
Jaehyun finds himself behind a wall of jacarandas which cover the entrance to his room. The door unlocks with a screech, Jaehyun, hopeful it was just as inviting as the home only to be shortly disappointed when it felt warm inside and the walls maintained a darker hue. It was newly made, it lacks love.
Sensing his hesitance, your voice aims to distract him. “It’s not much, the bed is new if you must know. My uncle should bring in the TV but in the meantime you have free reign to the boombox or the kitchen’s.” Apologetic smile decorating your face. “You can open the window if it gets hot, Ollie is fixing up the fan. Feel free to go into the house, we don’t mind.” You hope that will help his decision, you’d hate to see him leave.
He wants to thank you with the words stuck in his throat, something you noticed well enough that intensified the feeling that clogged your own. “Um, yeah… New bed, the lamp and main light work, window opens, and you have your own personal bathroom. Unfortunately, the boiler is still very old fashioned so you will have to warm it or boil some water in the chimney to shower.” You hope that repeating yourself will convince him, restraining yourself from begging.
It has its flaws but he has decided not to care. “I’ll take it. It’s still $130 for the month, right?” He smiles boyishly, putting down his suitcases. It gives you a sense of tenderness and relief. You want to sigh and smile, giggle with appreciation. “Don’t worry about that, the room is yours.” You hand him the key, that’s the best you can manage.
His lip slightly juts out and eyebrows furrow with your words. “What do you mean by that? Please, I insist.” He turns to you, taking a step closer, forcing you to bite the inside of your lower lip. “I can double it if you prefer.” He pleads, head tilting to the side with wide eyes. It’s not intentional, he’s unaware of the effects he has on people. He’s scared you’re tricking him to not keep the room, to give it to someone else. Almost like you aren’t finding his presence enjoyable. If only he knew how much you would love for him to stay.
“It’s not that, trust me.” You walk towards the door, avoidingly. “It’s nice to not be alone. To have someone else around.” Your eyes don’t meet his, he understands. Letting it go, he thanks you in a whisper. “By any chance can I use your phone?” He asks in attempts to change the atmosphere.
Apologies fill your eyes like previous conversations. “It’s off until Monday.” It’s Wednesday.
“There’s a little store a block or two from here, not far at all. You can leave from either side, it’s flamboyantly yellow so you won’t miss it.” His excursion to find this place alone will say otherwise. “The name is painted on with neon green, ‘Gaby’s’ it’s called.” You laugh, looking at the expression on his face. He thanks you and follows behind the exit of the room, parting ways.
Despite the rundown homes and slight deterioration here and there, Jaehyun liked the tranquility and uncertainty in pertinence to the weather. One second he is granted with the warmth of vitamin D, the other he is threatened with the smell of wet dogs. This town had it all, yet none of it interfered with the breeze that calmed him as his hair waltzed around, singing in his ear that he was in the right hands, finally at ease.
You were right about not missing the store. He can laugh now – he did when taking the final corner, being met with what he felt was covered in buckets of highlighter ink. It was almost comical how opposite the owner was from her lively store and home.
“Good morning.” He mutters, “What are your rates for long distance calls?” She looks at him, pulling out a booklet from the phone company, arms working like it’s a chore.
“How far?”
“Overseas.”
She looks at him through lashes, sighing, flipping another page.
“$3.56 per minute.”
Jaehyun’s eyes bulge out, nodding frighteningly. The process goes accordingly: she hands him the phone, writes down his name and the location before looking at him to dial on that old dinky home phone. The wires are sticky from tape residue with some edges popping out. It was her mother’s from 1957 but she loves it more than her third born.
He rotates the wheel, hanging up one or three times until he finally gets it. When the other line finally picks up, she starts a timer. “It’ll be quick.” He mentions. “Take your time.” She smiles.
“Hello? Hellooo~.” The voice on the other line calls out, ready to hang up, a pair of blondes far more important than this are waiting for him. “Hyunjoo?” Jaehyun asks, hand clasping the bottom of the phone. “Yeah? Who is this?” His words sound slurred, not enough to call him drunk.
“It’s Jaehyun.”
An eruption of laughter and greetings is heard in the background, smiling at how welcoming it felt, although strange. “Jaehyunie! How are you finding it there? Fun?… You know when Jude showed me the pictures I thought you were crazy for choosing that… place! Do you think you can hold out long?!” He laughs diminishingly, Jaehyun’s smile falters, his heart aching as it usually does when it comes to Hyunjoo.
He clears his throat, standing straight. “It’s great, I really like it so far and I’ve only seen the house.” He musters a laugh. “Listen, long-distance calls are expensive so I think we should only communicate through letters, okay? I just wanted to call to let you know I was fine.” He’s ready to end the conversation here. It didn’t start how he wanted it and a reminder of his actuality is not what he wants.
“No… no, now wait a minute!” It wasn’t Hyunjoo on the line anymore but Jude, his manager who was far more sober than his publisher. Some tussling and grunting here and there on the other line, Jaehyun sighs looking at how quickly he was pushing three minutes already.
Eventually Jude got through, scolding the drunkard. “Now what do you mean you won’t call? Don’t be dumb, I need to hear from you!” He bites onto his cigarette, scolding Jaehyun like a small kid, like the child he pretends is his. “It’s too much, Jude. Plus, the house doesn’t have a phone right now so you can’t reach me.” His foot bounces, scoffing like a petulant child proclaiming independence from their family.
Jude went on a tirade about how it wasn’t good for Jaehyun to go cold on them but the younger one wasn’t hearing it. The entire premise of this trip was to forget about them all so why won’t they let him? “Okay too much time, too much money, bye!” Jaehyun cuts the conversation short, giggling as the yelling got louder. Seizing when the timer hits six minutes and thirty-seven seconds.
“$24.92.” A wide smile decorates the owner’s rotund face, sticking her hand out. Nothing left but to sigh and hand her the money.
Jaehyun takes this opportunity to explore the village, mesmerized by the intricacies of carved ornate decorations onto walls and doors. In awe with the obvious distinctions between newly built homes and colonial ones he found far more attractive. Architecture was not his only interest, not when the mocking tango of scent swirls drag him to the plaza. Taunting him with delectable treats and meals at every corner and hall.
If he wanted to fall further in love, then the market currently taking place should do. Colorful carps and music from corner to corner, swaying him through the fabric made halls. Jingles of welcomings and hollering flood the ears of every passerby. Whether he wanted fresh produce, flavored shaved ice, fruit cocktails, clothes, or even toys, Jaehyun could find it all. It reminded him of the swap meet he encountered with his friends once when living in Connecticut years ago. This was surely far more inviting and lively.
Through his trail around the halls, Jaehyun came to a halt upon seeing you standing before your grandfather on the bench your grandmother’s family had donated. Worry filled your face but the older man’s laughter was far more deafening and comforting. An internal warmth forces your head to turn, spotting him immediately for your eyes to meet.
“Need help?” Jaehyun offers embarrassedly, you deny. Your grandfather is receptive despite your light scolding. “It’s fine, really.” You try but both men insist. “Do you know how to repair cars?” Your grandfather asks, Jaehyun shakes his head apologetically, all which prompts your grandpa to huff and shake his own head.
“The car broke down.” He’s met with another of your apologetic smiles, as if he’s the one being wronged and not you and your grandfather. “I’m just going to finish off the shopping, mind giving him an eye?” You ask Jaehyun, the first favor to be exact and he couldn't be more elated to not feel useless.
It’s shut down by the older of the three, complaining and almost throwing a tantrum over how he didn’t need a babysitter. It wasn’t completely wrong, the entire village knew him so watchful eyes were all around, it’s not like you couldn’t trust him to be on his own. “No, no. Matter of fact, help her with the bags. Go on, look at how heavy they are.” He scolds Jaehyun, throwing away any unfamiliarity out the window. That’s one thing about him, he’s too trusting.
Like a child in between parents having an argument, Jaehyun didn’t know who to listen to. Fortunately you give up and sigh, motioning with your head for him to follow you. He took a handful of bags from your hand, some left in the care of your grandfather that was well situated on the bench.
He gave you both his blessing, shooing you off to embark in an awkwardly silent walk with nothing but the blaring music vendors played to fill that emptiness. He had so much he wanted to ask, to say, to know what you could teach him about the village or if you knew how he could travel to neighboring ones. He was giddish and that’s all that took for you to turn to him with a smile.
“Quite a bad host, aren’t I? I didn’t even introduce myself.” You giggle, stopping at a stand. “It’s okay, I didn’t either, I’m sorry. I’m Jaehyun.”
“Y/n,” You give him a quick glance, taking a bag from a vendor. “What are you doing here, anyways? No one comes here for pleasure.” Jaehyun could tell more words hung on the tip of your tongue, ones you swallow down. He didn’t know how to answer. If someone else asked him, he’d mention how he wanted some inspiration, to see what he could bring into fruition but with you his sincere words threatened to spill.
How could he mutter: “I think I hate my life and those in it, so my manager and publisher shipped me off somewhere I’d be far from that world. I think they just wanted to get rid of me but it’s what I wanted all along…”
“Oh?”
Shit.
Just like that.
“I-I… I didn’t mean to say that.” He scolds himself. This had never happened before, what the hell was that?! Your laughter doesn’t help and he’s scared you’re laughing at his problems. He doesn’t want to believe someone like you could be this cruel.
“It’s okay.”
That’s not reassuring. “It’s okay. I hated where I was a year ago too, so I was also shipped here.” That’s comforting– somewhat.
Your shoulders shimmy as you pay for the produce, walking towards another stand. “Granted, my aunt got sick. She was my grandparents' caretaker but it was getting worse and I took the role.” From the depths of your pocket, you pull out some pumpkin seeds, handing him a few for him to crack, not counting with the coating of salt to scald his tongue.
“She comes back here and there to check in and help but eventually she has to go back for constant checkups. I hadn’t found a job right out of college so this was my next best option and I like it – far more so, I think.” A sincere smile adorns your face; this was comforting.
Things went far more smoothly after that introduction. He told you about his books and what he wanted to do here. He told you about how miserable he felt and how abusive the city seemed to be towards him. You told him that you missed your city but the reality of facing adulthood in the area was weighing down on you. He figured this was your reality escape and although grim on your end, he felt ecstatic for himself. He felt like he finally found exactly what he needed.
The conversation went well with a few laughs here and there until reaching full circle with cups of shaved ice in a bag to take home and yours in hand. Bliss was momentarily gone when you reached the bench and didn’t spot your grandfather. Regardless, it didn’t take long for a seller to let you know his nephew gave him a ride.
These instances made Jaehyun appreciate your gentleness for your grandparents. Although aware of how you try to hide your emotions from him, the guard falls when it comes to them. It’s admirable.
Noise didn’t break the bubble of silence you remained in until entering the kitchen where your grandfather was sitting at a table already, your grandmother making his coffee while Ollie tired and sweaty relaxed by the door, munching on a candybar he bought when getting the fright remedy. A token of appreciation from your grandfather for the cigarette.
“We didn’t see you, I almost had a heart attack.” You mock reprimand, a smile setting on your face seeing the older man safe and sound. No matter how hard you try to act angry, seeing him eat the rest of his bread while waiting for lunch calms you down. “I’m the old one here, save the ailments for another sixty years.” he cackles, Jaehyun beginning to find comfort in your grandfather’s ability to find humor in anything.
“I think our guest might want out already.” He teases, sneaking a piece from Ollie’s candy. The boy doesn’t protest, doing the same with the shaved ice you brought. Jaehyun felt his ears warm up, nervously denying it with no avail as your grandpa kept insisting with that same laugh. Dying when your grandma scolds him to leave Jaehyun alone.
Jaehyun giggles quietly, shaking his head. “Please believe me. I think it’s beautiful so far.” Your grandma hums, the one to speak is Ollie. “There’s nothing here. What’s beautiful about it?” He shrugs with a scowl. “He hasn’t seen the other towns, give it time, Ol.” You intervene, forcing him to taste test the rice.
“Well, what if you and Ollie, whenever he can, show…”
“Jaehyun.” You help your grandmother, playfully glaring at the young boy for feedback on the dish. The elderly give each other a quick glance while Ollie makes a mocking thumbs down when he knows the smile on his face says otherwise.
She nods, scooping a spoonful of lard into the pan. “Why don’t you and Ollie show Jaehyun around after your duties. I doubt he wants to stay all hours here.” Jaehyun doesn’t know how to feel. He’s embarrassed, he’s also bashful and feels imposing. “It’s okay, I can manage. I don’t want to overstep.” He nervously chuckles, ears brightening.
“Okay.” You shut him up. He turns to you, silence deafening yet comforting, even when you finally lift your head to look at him, nodding. “It’s okay, just let us know what you want to see.” You’re much calmer than he is, it causes his body to tense despite being thankful with how inviting you are. How inviting you all are, he thinks he can see himself here for longer.
“Thank you.” He meets your eyes with a smile, thankful and glad. It’s reciprocated, knocking down the nonchalant act.
The first outings don’t go past the premises of the village. With planting being the main priority, neither you or Ollie have time to take him anywhere. The younger spent his days working the tractor, taking your grandfather up and down as his mentor despite his own father being there.
Jaehyun tried to help once but was booted by both men and their laughter. He won’t fault them, he almost ruined a row of freshly planted beans and if he was to learn anything throughout this trip, he’d learn that any grain and imperfection was important enough to ruin the entire harvest. Instead he was left to pavement clearing, making sure no rocks or debris got in the way of vehicles.
The following week he had been left to his vices at home. You had apologetically told him they found assistance and he should enjoy his trip at home. Although there was nothing left to do, not for him at least. Your grandmother wouldn’t let him lift a finger in the kitchen and she didn’t like his cleaning style, leaving it to you if she was busy.
Ollie had fixed the fan by now. The new motor made the room freeze, mimicking the room temperature of the home. Cold enough that Jaehyun preferred to leave the window open despite the crawlers that woke him at night. Now he contemplates whether he should turn the fan on or sleep with cotton filled eardrums.
Jaehyun lays in bed, bored and antsy for something to do. The sound of your arguing with animals overpower the boombox next to his head, melodies he didn’t understand.
The fountain pen on his hand never felt far heavier, a sign that he had nothing new to produce. No, the only thing his hand mustered to write was the noises you made. Whatever pertains to you.
“Tutt-tutt.”
“Cluth-cluth… No, Constance! Don’t peck me!”
“Behhh, behhh! Here, what a cry baby.”
Jaehyun found joy through you and your acts of love.
“Meow, meow, meow! I can do that too! I already fed you, Fina! Gluttony is a sin, you know.”
Days went on like this, it’s repetitious but he doesn’t complain. Past times he’d think what he’s doing now was all he wanted but a mind never rests and his body is antsy for new experiences. He no longer wants to lie and feel the breeze rush through the window to coddle him, forcing the sheer white curtains to dance around for his attention.
Jaehyun tucks away his journal, buttoning up his shirt and slipping on the work boots he bought with only four days here. Full of glee and excitement he bought them to help your grandfather. He reckoned if he was going to get down and dirty then he should be dressed accordingly.
With pep to his step, Jaehyun makes a beeline towards the pen. What used to be barking of unfamiliarity turned to a simple bark for attention, received with wagging tails. He made sure to pat their heads until reaching the fence, looking at you conversing with Camila, the donkey.
“Aha and what else did he do?... No! You should’ve kicked him straight in the leg, Cami. He can’t talk to you like that!.” You nod and hum at her playfully, received with brays and nods. Jaehyun doesn’t know what you’re talking about but he’s glad that you’re having fun.
New hay had been brought in the morning, far more greener and fresh which left the old hay to be moved around for maintenance. In the process of such, strays found themselves near the dogs, enough to crunch under his step. Like a deer caught in headlights, Jaehyun stops, ears reddening by the whip of your head and Camila’s blaring bray.
“Hi…” He mutters timidly, cause of your smile. “Hi.” You reciprocate with the softest welcoming. He takes the initiative to approach you, standing a few feet behind. Neither say anything, amused with Camila’s treacherous ways in leaving you to gain his attention. Head bumping onto his hand to mimic the pats he left on the dogs.
Pleased she throws a kick, sending old hay flying towards the lambs and goats that reproach her action. You share a giggle, forcing you two to give each other a quick glance. “I think she likes you.” You mention, “I like her too.” He replies, petting her ears, as red as his. “Well don’t feed her ego, now. It’s already through the roof.” You teasingly scoff, another airy laugh leaves him.
“Don’t be harsh, I think she needs it. I mean, I don’t know what you two were talking about just now but it seems like she needed her confidence there.” He smiles at you, taking her face into both hands. Your groan makes him wink at Camila, thankful that he’s found something to converse with you. “Her and Ollie–” Camila brays, removing Jaehyun’s touch from her. “They have such an intense hate-love relationship that his name throws her off, so I’m giving her advice on how to deal with it. Right, Mila?” Understandingly, she nods, seeking your attention again.
“Granted it’s all made up, she’s a little jealous but with you here I think Ollie should take the role.” She brays again, aiming to bite your hand. You get away just in time, sticking your tongue out at her. Jaehyun receives the image with laughter, his chest filled with joy.
He shakes his head, petting hers to calm her down. “No, I don’t want to be responsible for their failure.” You nod, picking up a metal rake. “Mind if I help you? It’s getting boring there…” He’s ashamed to admit it. You sympathize with him, after all when you used to visit you often fell in his shoes.
“Alright, a heads up, this will be messy work.” He nods obediently, eyes shimmering with their natural gloss and the sun’s reflection.
Darn him and his cuteness!
Blinking the thought away you hand him a broom and the rake. “Here, hold these while I tie up this maniac.” Your eyes squint meeting those of the ram that tackled you when he arrived. His own mimicking yours, it was on and he knew it.
With rope in your hand, test swings approaching the pen’s door, the beast starts to test the waters. Three…two…one! What ensues is a battle between both, Jaehyun trying his best to help. He envisioned that this rivalry is what Ollie and Camila had, he’d witness it a few days prior. The only exception that you and Whitey hated each other to the core. He never knew why.
After a few falls and tugs here and there, you two managed to get him in the isolation pen. Scoffing and laughing as he settles on newly clean hay. While he relaxes, you both huff and hold onto the fence, wiping away any remnants of sweat. “Ready to work?” You question, Jaehyun felt like this was enough. Unfortunately it’s only the beginning.
With free and safe reign to go inside the pen, you lay out the map of where to go and be careful. The wall to the neighbors cooped the chickens. It was the time they laid eggs so cleaning it would be held off until a few days later. On the opposite side to the street, roosters had their own coups.
“All you have to do is separate the poop from the hay, that’s what the rake is for.” Jaehyun figured you felt apologetic for the task as the look you gave him when presenting the room manifested itself onto your face. If you only knew that he’d never say no to you.
He mutters an ‘alright’ with his brilliant smile, reassuringly. “While you do that,” you watch him struggle, “I’ll clean this one.” Your voice slowed, concentrated on how to maneuver. You referred to the pen around a large cactus. He didn’t give it much thought when you went in, he also felt it wouldn’t be that hard, the livestock discard balls for goodness sake.
He had the confidence that died along the way he swept and raked. For small balls they were pungent and he wasn’t handling it well, the uncovered smell of piss added to it. You try not to laugh when he gagged or turned around so you wouldn’t see him cover his face but it was becoming hard.
Endearing is the word you’re thinking of, even when he perceives it as mockery that his face falls into a pout when he hears your laughter. “Please don’t laugh at me.” He practically begs, head lifting for a waft of fresh air before pushing old disgusting hay into a trash bag.
“I’m sorry,” A laugh escapes. “It’s good I’m the one here, I wouldn’t doubt Ollie tormenting you if it was him here.” Jaehyun agrees, the difference being that he wouldn’t care for Ollie's ridicule, he’d play along and try his best to improve. He cares for your opinion which is far different.
“He did enough during harvest.”
“I heard.”
Silence befalls as you continue, the sun seems to have hidden behind clouds for the time being.
“I’m sorry you’re not having a good time.” You broke the peace, his ears perking at the condolence lacing your voice. “I know you wanted an escape and I’m sorry I haven’t been of much help.” He couldn’t believe his ears. Why are you blaming yourself for something that should only matter to him? He has free will and range to get up and take the next taxi or bus to neighboring towns. You shouldn’t blame yourself for his decisions.
Escapism might not have come to him in the way intended but everyday has become a new experience for him. “Don’t… I promise that even picking up droppings is something new for me.” He rebuttals your claim, mirroring the same apologetic look you give him. “Y/n… I’ve been coddled all my life, this entire experience has been a new step for me and I feel like Bambi, positively.” He smiles, widely enough that it’s the first time you notice his deep dimples.
You sigh, unsure if it’s from relief, pash, or in between.
“Yeah, okay… I was in your shoes too when I began to stay as a caretaker. I’ve done all of this when I would visit but it was not as intense as it is now. I don’t mind, I’m here to help. I have to.” It sounds melancholic and he’s not sure how to interpret it.
Avoiding it you look around to see he’s done a good job. You’re actually very well impressed, the words that were meant to leave your mouth surely were appreciative but they’re shoved back down your throat when you attempt to stand up. It’s almost like his presence dumbifies you. Like you forget the world around you, manifesting itself in your careless and clueless actions like resting your open hand on a cactus while trying to stand up just to bring him comforting words.
Instead he’s met with your yelp as you prick your hand, head, and shoulder in the process of standing and tumbling down. Whitey’s karma has served you, he bleats mockingly when you keep on hurting yourself within the premise of his home.
Instinctively Jaehyun rushes to you, concerned and scared of what this could illicit. He isn’t safe of Whitey’s wrath, not when he helped you and has decreed the young brunette is of your interest. Rushing to your aid, Jaehyun doesn’t count on one of the sheep to leave her droppings on the path he’s taking. Fresh and new, it wasn’t difficult for Jaehyun to find himself slipping straight into the cactus that has served your own aches.
They say laughter is the best medicine. Both you and Jaehyun attempt it when your eyes meet but the throbbing is far more intense that you synchronize in wailing. Loud and tuneless, enough to drag out your grandmother from the kitchen and force laughter out of Ollie and your grandfather who were arriving from their daily duties.
Camila doesn’t stay too behind in her own laughter. You fear all the livestock was against you two or perhaps rooting for you in the most vicious way. It’s rotten to know this is the start of your shared misery and ache.
The accident had forced your grandparents to make it up to you both the following day. Early in the morning your grandfather drove you all to a neighboring town. Ollie groggily dragged himself out of his home despite his father’s complaints that he was being a burden. You reassured him he was always welcomed, your grandfather scolded his dad. Yelling at him to stop trying to force ideas in the boy’s head.
Jaehyun had taken in the scenery on his taxi drive although he’s convinced something is different this time. Aside from your grandfather teasing everyone when driving along the edge of the mountains, Ollie clinging to you ready to cry as if he didn’t surpass all of you in height.
It takes roughly an hour and a half to arrive at the destination and almost another to find parking they eventually found was free and available behind a cathedral. Everyone laughs at each other for missing it when minutes prior your grandfather was ready to turn the car around, hangry and annoyed at how this damn town was overcrowded with no parking spots.
For once he felt like an actual tourist, visiting the restaurant you all loved and gorging himself with the most delicious meal he’s ever tasted in his life – besides his mother’s cooking, of course! For reassurance, she will witness how happy he looked while eating through the picture you managed to snap of him.
After the meal, your grandparents attempted to walk for digestion but age made them give up as soon as you all reached the town’s plaza. It wasn’t a rare occurrence, you saw no problem with it, they’re together. All they asked was to bring them those donuts they loved dearly and a soda to share. Ollie took it in his hands to beat you to it. Now there you and Jaehyun stood looking at the elderly couple sat before you.
At the time it didn’t feel like a scheme but looking back at it, Jaehyun is sure you figured it out as well.
Despite the accident, you both went back to the timidness that sheltered you both. Stolen glances and polite smiles when caught, stopping here and there to take pictures of the architecture and culture. He wouldn’t tell you, but a good portion were candids of you. You look so pretty that he could not avoid capturing the only remnants of you he could keep.
Both try small talk, history pointers whenever reaching old buildings – most consisted of luring him away from hustlers. You’d laugh after every successful attempt and reward yourself with street snacks that he’d find too salty or too sweet, still delicious enough to risk getting scolded by his physician if it meant enjoying the wonders of life.
The day might have ended with shy conversations and laughs but both could testify that comfort is what surrounded you most. On his end he felt safe and secure, comfortable enough to laugh at anything you said because in whatever way he looked at it, your presence forced glee onto him. Warmth and comfort is what you would best describe it as and that’s what you have learnt care feels like.
Your grandmother began going easy on you after the accident and outing. You felt like a teenager visiting your grandparents again with how little she left for you to do and how she forced you to go out more often. Encouraging you to enjoy your summer as well while showing Jaehyun around.
Jaehyun is sure this was her way to make both of you appreciate the limited shared time. He’s thankful enough for it but bitter towards himself for losing some weeks at the start.
You began showing him around other towns. On times you went grocery shopping and he’d beat you to paying for it (his form of appreciation), he’d throw in a peach or two. His favorite, you figured.
At the neighboring market, he’d buy fridge magnets, five for the price of a large one. All which represented his favorite snacks he’s consumed during these days. You still remember teasing him for buying a mini replica magnet of a beer bottle. Later at home while rocking on a chair he showed you a layout of how he’d arrange them on his fridge. In the meantime, you helped him decorate the door to his room, enjoying the air the fan blew at both.
When it rained, Ollie forced both to dance under the cold drops. Enjoy life as you should, he justified. At night, he’d dragged you both to the night market. Showing Jaehyun his favorite drinks and laugh when you scold him for drinking like an old man with kidney issues. He would joke about you and Jaehyun being his parents and would even grab your hands to skip in between both when it was so easy for him to drag you down. Damn him and his tall genes.
He’d drag the joke far enough to reach home where your grandparents never missed the opportunity to throw in a “Take your brat with you.” whenever Ollie was available and you were to show Jaehyun around. Neither of you minded, Ollie was silent enough to let you two bask in each other’s presence and playful enough for you two to feel at ease and content.
In another universe, this would reign true and not a fragment of a life you’re all creating that was never to bloom.
After three months the festivities had reached your village and vendors from all around the country settled by the plaza. Intrigued at first and fascinated by what they sold, poor Jaehyun fell victim to one of the home goods sellers. Spending a large amount buying your grandmother some pots, pans, a set of dishes, and stools as a token of appreciation. He went overboard but was happy to help, blinded by the cheap prices. Jaehyun should’ve known something was off, he knows you would have talked him out of it but you had been arguing with another vendor that they took advantage of the painfully obvious foreigner in the meantime.
When arriving home and seeing he had been robbed, you got ready to argue and force them to give him his money back. He protested despite being defeated and sad he was swindled. He convinced you but not your grandparents and Ollie. The three had taken matters into their own hands while you two fetched salt blocks to replace in the pen. By the time you got back, Ollie’s hair was far more ruffled than usual and his face red while your grandfather laughed, taking a sip of his beer, clanking it with your grandmother’s. On the kitchen bar, Jaehyun’s money was laid out. Every single cent and interest returned to him, money he used to invite all to dinner and dessert with a gift of their choice.
Ollie wore his tonight. Gleefully trotting through the threshold of the gate, careful to not scuff the boots Jaehyun gladly bought while singing to gain attention. Jaehyun laid on bed, scribbling his thoughts on his days, one-liners here and there and far more of the noises you’ve made. In addition the lyrics to the song Ollie sang before your grandmother told him to stop before he ate a fly.
Fireworks had been going off all day and neighbor’s music loudened with their gates open. This wasn’t new but it seemed to be far more intense today out of all days. “Why aren’t you ready? You’re not going to the fair?” Ollie questions, out of breath and frantic to see your grandparents sitting on their chairs enjoying today’s weather with a cup of soda in one hand and pastries in the other.
Talks about a fair had not gone in deaf ears throughout the past three weeks but Jaehyun paid it no mind when he saw that no one else seemed concerned – besides Ollie. It seemed to be a big thing when he noticed more carps, games, and rides fully covering the plaza.
“Don’t think we will be going, Ol. Their knees hurt.” Your voice manifests itself, forcing Jaehyun to sit up and put away his journal. You had been doing some chores outside his room. Hanging laundry and watering the plants, the product of everything he’s written and attempted to draw today.
He follows outside, Ollie greets him, a mischievous smile on his lips forming an idea. “Why not? I’ll drive if you want! Do it for Jaehyun, he’s never going to experience this again.”
Ollie’s childish intuition strikes again, this time in the form of a gash against both of your chests.
You both knew it was true but reality is what Jaehyun wanted to escape and you had made sure to enable him. It just so happens that you have fallen victim to it as well.
No matter, he said he wanted to stay months so it should still be far along in the future. You think so… you implore.
Perceptive is a word to describe your grandparents. Despite their ache they figure it is not as big as the one brewing in the depths of your conscious and heart. As best as they can, they agree with the younglin and head inside to get ready.
Ollie is ecstatic, he’s always been a fan of these things but now that he was of age, he could enjoy it more with a drink or two. Not to mention things like these are grounds for finding partners and like any town boy who hasn’t found one, he’s looking forward to it. That’s what he tells you and Jaehyun at least but he knows he’ll spend his night looking after your grandparents, far more giddy about you two together.
He had been smart enough to put cinder blocks early in the morning in a parking spot front and center from the fair, forcing Jaehyun out of the car to move and put them behind the car once he parked so no one would block them. Perfect was his plan that once everyone got out of the car, his friends that occupied a bench scattered like roaches to give their seat to your grandparents. Both elders find it comical seeing right through Ollie.
Arriving just in time for the parade, all queen candidates drove around in their elaborately decorated transportation. Colors flying around similar to their presentation favors, many which ended up hitting both Jaehyun and Ollie in the head. The older of the two made sure to take pictures of it while Ollie complained, claiming he was glad he didn’t vote for whoever hit him. The new reigning queen didn’t appear until the end. It was far more of a social economic competition. Whoever paid more won therefore it wasn’t surprising when a queen from years prior won again.
“You should’ve signed up, you would’ve won, Y/n.” Ollie elbows you, received with an eye roll. “Right, Jaehyun?” That devious brat, always finding a way to make you miserable. You try not to turn to Jaehyun, yet his gaze is so intense that it forces you to do so slowly. His face, decorated with that usually wide smile that emphasized his dimples, eyes squinting in glee when yours finally meet his. Candidness and benevolence lacing his voice.
“Yes, you would have won, Y/n.”
That was enough footing for Ollie to shoo both of you away, promising to take care of your grandparents while you had fun. Your attempts at protest are futile, your grandparents helping Ollie in his mission. Buying the three something to eat in the process before parting ways, promising it’ll be fast.
It’s not fast, it’s a brisk walk that both you and Jaehyun enjoy. Struggling to not lose each other within the masses going opposite or in the same direction. He jokes about feeling like a meerkat in a sea of gazelles, you laugh but he’s sure you don’t find it funny. At least he’s glad you humor him.
You entertain him through food. Buying tornado potatoes, plain and simple. He mentions having eaten these when he lived in Connecticut. You ask him about the state and what it’s like, you’re not too thrilled nor believe him when he says it’s boring. As an attempt to remove the connection, you drizzle hot sauce on one half of the potatoes. Scared but willing to try it, Jaehyun lets you feed him the first broken off bit. It’s enjoyable at first, soon his face blends with the lights behind him. Red and bright as he begins to cough. Now he will only think of this when it comes to the snack.
You both laugh at it, as an apology you buy him a drink. A piña colada for him and a michelada for you, it should work enough to ease both of your bashfulness. He couldn’t eat anything from the drizzled side, leaving those for you whilst he munched on the dry. Giving you sips here and there from his drink to cool down the fire in your mouth. He teases you for choosing a spicy drink when you’re eating far more spice, receiving him with an eye roll and “You don’t know what life is about.”
Finishing that, he dragged you to a game. You’d like to think he found it far more odd because of the mini stripper animatronics in the center of all the glass bottles but he reassures you the life-size gremlin doll pissing on people was more alluring – and disturbing. It didn’t stop him from attempting to win a decrepit pale Winnie the Pooh bear.
He had spent a good amount of time trying for it, towards the end he required your help. You had been nagging him throughout the entire game to not spend more money on the game, that it was most likely rigged but when it was your turn and managed to burst all bottles, then it became a skill issue.
Jaehyun mopped about it, you figured the bear would bring him comfort. He held it for seconds to soon return it with a bright smile. You try rejecting it, he had been fighting hard for it so it was confusing why he didn’t want it. You thought it had to do with the principle of the winner takes it all; it wasn’t the case.
He confessed he had wanted to get it for you and only felt bummed that he wasn’t able to but that you should keep it irregardless as a token of his appreciation and care for you, to give your Garfield some company. The moment would’ve been sweet if the booth attendant didn’t make that stupid doll spritz it’s faux piss your way, forcing you to flee while cursing him out with laughs in between.
That was the beginning of your journey through halls and carps, stepping out here and there to get on children’s rides that warrant glares from parents. Jaehyun joked about dragging Ollie so he could ride the caterpillar rollercoaster with him and have you take pictures of a father with his kid. Jaehyun is now playing along with the fantasy Ollie has created. You don’t know whether to laugh or let the ache in your heart manifest.
You end at the ferris wheel only a few feet away. In the process of calming each other’s laughter, the noises of people and music filled the silence. Comforting as the day you met, walking through the market and buying produce for that day’s meal. It makes Jaehyun think about how far you two have gone. How one little incident with a cactus has led to having the time of your lives nearing the highest point of the ride.
You’ve felt the warmth and softness of his touch. Felt his care and appreciation through every little act yet you yearn and crave for more from him. Your body and soul know there is more both can offer, although frightened that you’ve misinterpreted his lingering gazes and gestures.
“When I was younger my mom had decided that we would spend every summer with my grandparents and aunt. I hadn’t been here since I was five for her grandpa’s funeral so it meant nothing the first few weeks. The first year, even.”
Jaehyun turns, intrigued. “Then when my mom would make the long distance calls and send letters, my grandpa would joke around how I didn’t want to visit them at all – that I hated it here, similar to how he does with you. I didn’t hate it, I think I just wasn’t familiar with the lifestyle in comparison to back home where I don’t have to worry about if there’s hot running water.”
His hand inches closer to you. “In attempts to prove him wrong, I spent my time here helping him with the animals, going grocery shopping with him and my cousins and it drew me closer to this. After the second summer, we spent Christmas here too and the weather killed me but they seemed so happy that I joined.”
Your laugh comforts him. He thinks about the times he’s attempted to help and failed your grandparents, it only dawns upon him that things take time and he shouldn’t dwell on them too much.
“Then in my last summer of college, I had taken an internship that promised a job right out of college– obviously it was a lie, I’m here.” You laugh bitterly. “I missed time with my family and my grandma ended up in the hospital. I felt so guilty the remainder of the year, even during winter break. I felt like it was my fault, that my absence was the small piece of the puzzle that could ruin it all.”
Jaehyun felt and heard the remorse in your voice, he felt the need to find a way to ease it with no avail, feeling as inutile as when the ram tackled you. It’s imprinted in his brain that no matter what, it will weigh on his shoulders that he’s not able to help no matter how much he tries.
“And I think the universe is funny and cruel enough that when the internship dropped me and said all vacancies were occupied, my aunt was the one to fall ill next. Forcing her back home with her own family. It was its way to make it up to me, as horrible as it sounds.”
You share a sigh, he takes your hand in his, reassuringly. You don't want comfort words, he knows that, he knows this is enough for you. “I think what I first felt when visiting is what you feel now with the exception that you actually have so much to do out there…” Jaehyun’s actions halt, lifting his head to look at your sorrow filled eyes.
He shakes his head, trying to convince himself and you. He clings to the delusion everyone helped create in hopes to be good hosts. He still has time, Jaehyun has time, he wants to believe it so please don’t shatter his joy so quickly, please!
“It’s okay, Jaehyun. You have to publish your book, we’ll always be here for you as they’ve been for me.” He’s not too sure how true that is. Life is never consistent nor forgiving, he’s learnt that in harsh ways. People’s care is conditional and based on time and familiarity, he’s been at the end of that stick.
Your hand takes purchase on his cheek, consoling him for what you have just said. You didn’t intend to cause this but you have to prepare yourself for what you’ve known all along. “I don’t think I want to go back and risk anything.” He mutters, eyes softening the longer he looks at you, the ride feels endless.
“You must… All there is for you here is inspiration.” They’re meant to comfort him but it feels more like you’re trying to convince yourself that you’ll be fine when he leaves. Jaehyun’s lips part ready to speak, words muted by the fireworks going off. Midnight has hit, it’s a brand new day and it’s received with pyrokinetic colors that aim to diffuse the pain he feels.
They illuminate your face, a smile forming in awe of how pretty they look. Not as pretty as you, Jaehyun is sure of that the longer he stares with the same smile on his face you adore. “I’ve found the life I needed all along.” His touch on your cheek brings you back to him, dumbfounded with what he meant. Inquiries answered upon feeling his lips softly land on yours.
Hands softly cradle your face, eyelashes tickling your cheek as you get a taste of him. It’s so soft and tender that you want to be here for the rest of the night, drowning the noises around you. If you’ve felt heaven before, it doesn’t compare to being with him like you are now.
The crowded path didn’t feel claustrophobic, like it was just you two in the sea of booths, fluorescent lights and fireworks. The music drowned, his grasp on you doing its best to keep you with him for whatever time is left for you two.
He hadn’t noticed at what point you both had gone back until Ollie stepped in between you two. “So? Did you like it?” The giddy young boy questions, a bottle of beer in his hand, compliments from his cousin – your grandparents with their own as well, watching. Jaehyun nods, glancing at you. “More than anything.” He smiles widely, hypnotizing dimples present.
Ollie giggles, a chant as he jumps near your grandparents telling them something that neither of you manage to hear, distracted by the shocking ice-cold bottle shoved into your hands. Your grandfather had been talking to your grandmother, both laughing about judgments thrown at people around them. Mean, yes, but it’s not often that they bond about things anymore.
The elder’s leg had been bouncing as they talked, cackling in the process of drowning whatever was left in the bottle. Jaehyun took notice of this, turning to the group playing up on stage a few feet away. People around were dancing, some seemed to enjoy themselves, others not too much – the only thing that mattered was the ambient and showing face.
Jaehyun approaches your grandpa, asking if he was having a good time. The older of the two nodded, responding by showing the new bottle Ollie handed him. You scold both of them to not drink too much but they shush you. “It’s a party, Y/n. Liven up.” Ollie laughs, alcohol having gotten into his stream, demonstrated on how clumsily he clinks his bottle with yours and everyone else's. “Come on, let’s dance instead.” Pulling you in for a quick little shuffle. He’s not a great dancer, he knows it. He also knows his joy brings joy to your grandparents and you’ll do anything for them to maintain it.
You entertain Ollie, dancing despite him having already stepped on you multiple times. Apologizing with whines and puppy eyes that make you laugh. You push him off after a while, helping your grandfather up so he could dance with you. He’s overjoyed, finally having the opportunity to do what he loves so much, a pity your grandmother is the opposite. She’s content enough with just watching.
Jaehyun smiles, laughing in glee at how the ambient fuels his emotions. His own body swaying ever so slightly, brain trying to formulate how to dance to music he’s never heard. He thinks he gets it, it doesn’t seem too hard but he could be proven wrong and become Ollie’s mirror.
Your grandmother, ever so insightful, watches with a glint of content with how well he has adapted to the culture. Although, far more interested in the way his eyes don’t leave you. His ears are red, brighter than the light illuminating the stage and the municipal office. Jaehyun may try to hide how he feels, you may try, but she’s older and wiser. She’ll always know when love is around.
“Go ask her for a dance.” She elbows him to catch his attention, Jaehyun had been holding your grandfather’s seat. The mention alone caused his ears to brighten, crimson migrating to his face. He tries not to smile, it so happens to be that his muscles are treacherous and they emphasize the lines of his smile, deepening those dimples you love.
Jaehyun shakes his head. Convince her that it’s okay, that he would rather watch, something she won’t allow. “Don’t coward away. When’s the next time you’ll get the chance?” Jaehyun ignores the heavy meaning of her words, he prefers to ignore the reality that slowly creeps in. Regardless, he nods, taking in the other point of view. He thanks her with a smile, standing up to walk towards you. Sacks of nervousness weighing him down, making his hands sweat.
“Mind if I take her from you?” Jaehyun clears his throat, head tilting, pleading. The older man cackles, pure and utter joy that Jaehyun has made a move. Frantically he nods, agreeing by pushing you towards the brunette who seems just as ecstatic as your grandfather. Given persimmon, Jaehyun takes your hand in his. Awkwardly figuring out how else he should position himself.
You watch amusedly, hiding your smile by pressing your lips together as if your cheeks and eyes were not a dead giveaway. “What makes you think I wanted to dance with you?” You tease, correcting where his hands and feet should go. The smile you try hard to hide slowly creeps in. Jaehyun doesn’t mind exposing his own, giggling when you begin to lead. “What’s this then?” He plays along, moving his feet and knees according to what he had examined. Raising your shoulders in a shrug, you don’t hold back your smile, a giggle following. “A lesson.”
The dance doesn’t go smoothly, you have to teach him between laughs, both yours and his with your family’s in the background but he manages. Even if you all think his dancing is horrible, as bad as Ollie’s, the younger one takes the opportunity to capture you two dancing with Jaehyun’s camera. If there’s something to remember, it is this night and the love that has finally come into fruition.
The flash blinds you, stopping you two from dancing and even though Ollie whines for you two to continue, you both claim your feet ache. It’s not a lie on your end but the coyness from your family seeing you with a potential partner is a bigger deal.
It’s past two in the morning, obvious in the way your grandparents hide their yawns from your view, hoping to not ruin your night further. “Want to go home?” You walk towards them, a hand on your hip and genuine concern on your face. They admit they are tired but don’t want to go home no matter how much you insist. Ollie offers to drive them home while you and Jaehyun stay back longer but you’ve been away from them this entire night that you cannot fathom the idea any longer.
Ollie and your grandparents can try to convince you with the same story about Jaehyun’s limited time but that wasn’t going to work now. No, you stick to your guns and manage to get them in the car. Ollie had drank far more than all of you so he wasn’t apt to drive, instead Jaehyun volunteered, something that had excited your grandfather the most.
After removing the cinder blocks and putting them back in the trunk, Ollie walks towards your window, bidding everyone goodnight. You nag him, worried that he was drinking too much. He receives you with an “Okay, mom!”, the same phrase he’s been throwing around ever since Jaehyun had reached a month’s stay. It managed to get a laugh out of your grandparents, even from you and Jaehyun but it didn’t change that you still lightly swat his hand. “I’m serious, Ollie. Don’t drink anymore, stay back a bit but not too late, Okay?”
The worry in your eyes makes him relent, nodding before kissing your cheek goodnight and shaking Jaehyun’s hand. The interaction forced a smile on his face, every single aspect of your tenderness making him melt more.
As the moon is his witness, Jaehyun has fallen in love with this village and you. Gracious the stars are that once you manage to get your grandparents in bed and meet Jaehyun in the kitchen, the two of you quietly make your way outside with nothing but moonlight to illuminate you.
“Want some coffee?” You ask, fingers familiarizing themselves with the texture of those yellow walls. “Do you not want to sleep?” He laughs, taking those same fingers to familiarize with the tenderness of his lips. The action makes your breath hitch.
“Perhaps…”
His eyes meet yours, inching closer to capture your lips in another tender kiss. His hands find purchase on your waist, your arms wrap around his shoulders. It’s sweet and soft, his tongue managing to slip in your mouth to waltz with your own. The soft muscle forces a delighted sigh, one that he swallows graciously.
When neither can hold it for much longer, you separate, smiling like two fools. “So no coffee, then?” You laugh, one he reciprocates with a nod. “Too bitter, not as sweet as you.” The flirtatious remark is received with a laugh.
“You’re so cheesy.” You claim.
“It’s worth it if it makes you laugh – it’s what I like to hear everyday.”
Jaehyun’s expression is serious, the adoration in his eyes letting you know how he feels. He may not pin a word to it but you can see his yearning and longing. You try to be in the same cloud he is in, to ignore the dooming reality but you can’t. You appreciate his affection and you reciprocate it but you also don’t want to become delusional.
“Jaehyun…” Your head drops, avoiding his look. He thinks he’s done something wrong and it aches horribly. “Yeah?” He squeaks meekly, head moving in hopes to see your eyes, to understand how the atmosphere became so somber. “How serious are you about this? You know how things are an–”
“Don’t… Please don’t bring that up.” He begs, eyes shutting, no longer in need to understand what you meant. “You can’t act like you don’t have a life outside of here. You may stay all you want but eventually you will go back – there’s more to life than this for you.” Your head lifts, vulnerability not as heavy as his.
He tries to drown out your words, this night has gone too well for things to fall off already. He doesn’t want it to be bittersweet. Sure he can stay all he wants until it’s time to publish his book but he will come back so why are you being so cruel to him?
“Nothing compares to this, Y/n.” He holds your hands, hoping his warmth lets you know how much you’re hurting him but also how much he loves you. You shake your head, a small smile of unbelievability. “You’ve been here for three months, that’s still fine and dandy. It’s not like truly living here.”
His eyebrows furrow, refusing to listen. “But you still love it here. I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.” His voice quivers, frightened that this is your way of ripping his heart out.
You sigh, squeezing his hands. “I do, I love it but I also think that I’ve been looking at this place through the same glasses you’re looking through. What I’m getting at is that, in the long run you’ll get bored, everyone I know has and they’ve left… Who knows, maybe even Ollie will leave and it’ll leave me here because no matter how hard I try to make a life out there, it doesn’t love me back.”
Jaehyun was perplexed, eyes scanning your face. He knows you’re projecting, that you don’t want to get attached despite already having done so, he hopes you could see inside him to understand that he doesn’t ever want to leave. He doesn’t want to leave you.
His hands cradle your face, kissing your eyelids, cheeks, nose, and lips for reassurance. “I can always come back. After publishing whatever I have in hand, I will always come back. You are the life that I needed all along, Y/n.” His whisper is heavy and sincere, the glimmer in both your eyes, evidence to what both feel.
Words don’t describe what you two feel, no matter how heavy they hang on your tongues. No, it’s best that you share it in another tender kiss that the stars and moon witness. Both end the conversation, convinced that the love you two port is stronger than the universe’s will.
Quick glances and kisses are stolen for the following weeks, everyone knows what both feel but it’s more exciting if you pretend as if this love is forbidden despite the encouragement and approval of your family. Ollie teases you two about the brewing romance, pretending to act like he didn’t say anything regarding it when you correct him that nothing is happening. It’s like a game for all of you, one that you all indulge in for the sake of excitement.
You had all agreed upon visiting a thermal spring this morning, the drive was somewhat long and it was best to arrive before other people did. Ollie was the most excited about it, he had begged his family to let him go for days until they agreed. It just so happens to be that the universe doesn’t often like to see him happy; you don’t appreciate that.
Ollie had arrived with a glum look on his face, saddened eyes when he sat in his usual seat next to the chimney. Jaehyun approached him with a cup of hot chocolate and a pat to his head. Your grandma didn’t take long to question the reason behind his state but he only sighed.
“They moved the pension collection to today. The offices will be closed until next month for remodeling so you two have to go in before the line gets long.” His lip juts out, looking at everyone with puppy eyes.
You ruffle his hair, rubbing his back comfortingly. “We can go tomorrow, Ollie. Don’t worry…” You mimic his pout, his head rests on your hip, pressure tickling your hip bone. “No… Dad is taking me with him out of town for a few weeks to help with the ranch that hired him.” He doesn’t dare look at anyone. It’s not the first time he was taken to different places in the country but when they came back his dad usually kept Ollie locked in for a while until he became unbearable to keep in. It’s as if he relishes in your joint misery.
Jaehyun throws you a look, looking for ways to solve this crisis. He knows you don’t like the news, he hates them too. He’s grown so fond of Ollie that knowing he’s the first to go is causing a small turmoil in his chest. Sure, he may be back and Jaehyun will still be here but one never knows how things may turn out.
“What if you and Jaehyun go? I have to take my grandparents for their pension so you two enjoy.” Ollie wishes things were that easy but his childish intuition fears that time is coming short and if you don’t spend more time with Jaehyun, he’ll feel guilty for whatever ending comes.
Ollie shakes his head, standing up. “No, it’s fine. You and him go. I’m going to take my dad anyway so I can take them too.” He attempts to smile even if he can’t. It dawns upon you that missing the trip isn’t his concern but not seeing any of you for God knows how long is what’s killing him.
You try to deny, shake your head in protest. Jaehyun does so as well, it’s not that he doesn’t want time alone with you but knowing this is his last day with Ollie for a while is killing him. Your grandparents hadn’t said anything up until this point. They weren’t fond of swimming, they never did.
“Ollie is right, you two go.” Your grandmother spoke, standing to grab her purse. “I can’t leave you two, what if you need help?” You attempt and they protest, your grandfather jumping in by throwing in Jaehyun’s limited time. It seems they’re all far more in tune with reality than you two.
You don’t know how or when but they managed to convince you and Jaehyun to go. Both attempted to protest and cancel the trip all together but here you were, in your grandfather’s old and chipped red ford. The seats torn apart, a blanket hiding away its imperfections. The red leather of the dashboard hot under Jaehyun’s touch, its form of showing that you two being left alone was real.
That now you didn’t have to talk through a window in the bathroom to spend some alone time. You didn’t have to climb on the sink and hit your head on the roof just to see his face through the mangled chicken wire and be received by concrete flakes on your lips and eyelashes whenever you attempt to kiss through it. No, here you were able to hold hands and kiss without fear of being caught (even if it didn’t matter – everyone knew).
The roads were messy and bumpy, dirt flew all around which forced you to keep the windows rolled-up despite the sun’s rays being hotter than the actual weather. Worse off is that once he came out of the truck, a gust of cold breeze rained upon him. Showing him everything he had missed while struggling with heat and keeping dust out of your airways.
It was a reward but also mockery, to him at least because you remained unphased, rejoicing on how lonely it was. “Reckon everyone is getting their pension, too?” You ask, hands on your hips, ripping some overgrown grass by your feet to make sure no venomous critters are around.
Jaehyun shrugs, letting his focus remain on his surroundings. It was amazing for him to see how deserted and destroyed this place was. Overgrown yellowing grass that stray cattle eat, ruins of houses from colonial towns signaling the fleeing of whoever had inhabited them before; your grandfather had later explained that the location was a town destroyed in the process of gaining independence.
What was prettier to him was the body of water he was here for. Multiple trees around, so green and alive in comparison to the remaining vegetation. The water is so clear and warm that he could see the steam rise the closer he got.
“Like it?” You question, to his side with towels on your shoulders. Jaehyun’s head whips, a smile on his face upon reaching for your hand, “It’s beautiful.” His fingers interlace with yours, camera in hand positioning it an arms length away when he takes the initiative to lean down and kiss you, capturing it all on film.
You shove him playfully, rushing to a dry rock where you can leave your possessions. He chases after you, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his pants. Your instinct to look away is something he does not miss and it causes a blush to creep up on his face.
He takes in the temperature of the water with his feet. Jumping back when he realizes it’s hotter than what he’s experiencing right now. “It’s not that bad.” You call out, pulling down on the bottoms of your dress swimsuit. Your smile softly falters when he doesn’t respond, rather his attention is set on how pretty you look.
The trees sway, leaving empty slots for the sunrays to seep through, illuminating you. Seemingly purposely done, to put you on a pedestal for him to look at with nothing else but admiration. That blush he had earlier rose again, one he’ll pretend is due to the water’s temperature.
“What are you looking at?” You tease, smile back on. Jaehyun approaches you with a shrug, shirt unbuttoned halfway. His fingers thread over the fabric of the straps, such a pretty lace decorated with satin red ribbon forming a bow at the front. “You.” He smiles, warm fingers touching your arms in hopes to feel closer than he already is in all senses. You don’t respond but he’s aware that the look you give him is fond.
Your hands mimic his, finding their way to his shirt and helping him undo the last few buttons, pushing off the linen to free his flesh and let it be kissed by the breeze – something you can only wish for. Once off you toss it to the pile of clothes and towels, cocking your head for him to follow you into the water. It’s glistening and steaming, soothing once his feet acclimate.
Silent sounds escape both, little by little submerging yourselves – your hands not letting go in any instance. “My mom and aunt loved to come here. They’re hypochondriacs – at least my mom is– always claiming a trip here was healing, holistic. Forcing my grandparents to put their feet in at least so the warmth would take away any aches.” Jaehyun could see how your free hand rubbed at your knees, mimicking their action.
“Pretty sure they take from my grandma but my grandpa was more of a people pleaser so he’d tell them he felt much better just so they wouldn’t feel bad. I don’t really see how this can take away all your aches. I get that it can help temporarily but not permanently.” Your shrug and words may tell him so but Jaehyun can tell that your vigorous rubbing at your own joints was a form of subconsciously believing them.
“Maybe… It seems like a mutual interaction of comfort and understanding. Your mom and aunt try their best for their parents to feel better about their bodies wearing down and in turn they receive praise and appreciation from them.”
Your hand stops its action, looking up at him with a hum. “I guess so.” You mutter, letting go of him to float on your back. “The writer in you just had to make it so philosophical.” he can hear the smile on your lips, your feet playfully kicking some water onto him to which he laughs, responding by splashing you too. Calling a truce when he was winning this battle.
As a way to comfort, he pulls you in for a hug. Your back to his chest, head resting on his shoulder and holding onto a railing to not float away far deeper. If it was for Jaehyun, he’d love to stay like this until it was time to go. For once in this entire trip you two have been truly left alone. No more sneaking kisses and late night talks through the bathroom window. It was just you and him an hour away from civilization with only the cattle as witness to the love you two didn’t speak about but embraced.
There is nothing more Jaehyun wants than to have more time with you. He wonders if things would have been different if he had fallen for you much earlier or if you had. He’s not fully sure how much you love him, he knows you’re stuck on him leaving sometime in the future which is what hinders this from going forward but he truly wishes you could see that he has no intent on leaving soon or for too long.
What if he had helped you clean the pen earlier? That would have meant spending more time with you and more outings with your family, surely. On the other hand, what if he had been useful enough during planting? It’s evident he would have never gotten close to you beside cordiality in the mornings and afternoons for meals and trips to the market.
Jaehyun cannot think of a world where this trip would result in you two not becoming closer. He can’t fathom not getting to know and falling in love with you.
Sensing his pensiveness, you turn your head, looking up at him with a questioning look that he could only interpret as trying to read his mind. He’s noticed that quirk, the way your head tilts and your lips quiver in a way to mutter a “hm” without voicing it. He makes sure to receive it with a smile, leaning in to peck your lips that surely help you abandon your actions.
“It’s a bummer Ollie didn’t come.” He attempts to distract. “Would have been nice seeing him have some fun before leaving.” There’s more to what he had said. Jaehyun wanted to add ‘before I leave’ into his sentence, it’s hanging on his tongue despite how much his brain and heart attempt to keep him wrapped around his delusion of perpetual happiness.
“I think so too.” your body twists within his arms, facing him. “I was thinking of making his favorite meal for dinner once we get back. His dad always returns him skinnier and paler than how he leaves, I need him to keep his cheeks plump, don’t you think?” Your exclamation forces a chuckle out of him, nodding in response.
“Help me find a gift for him too, then?”
“Don’t spoil him too much, he’ll be an even bigger pain than he already is.”
“Oh come on, don’t be so mean to the kid. Let me, please…”
Jesus, if anyone was to hear you two they’d think you’re talking about a child and not a nineteen year old. But that’s what Ollie is to you both. A child you saw as yours or your brother that Jaehyun would spoil while you scold him no matter how much you loved him. You’d reckon Ollie’s presence kept you sane even if he often teased you but his nature was enough to bring entertainment for you and joy for your grandparents. If Jaehyun looks back at it, Ollie reminds him of the young boy he met in that taxi on the way to that village.
Reluctantly (faking so) you agree, rolling your eyes before pushing him off to swim away from him. He doesn’t stay too behind, chasing you for what feels like forever. Overworking your body for hours in such a hot body of water had rendered exhausting for both to the point that you basically had to drag each other out of the water just to lay on the cool metal ramp, gasping for air acclimation to avoid fainting. Jaehyun was far more concerned with you when he didn’t hear you speaking nor felt you moving, calming when you stick your tongue out at him for his nosiness although all you wanted was to see him smile.
“You complain about Ollie but it seems like the real brat here is you!” He exclaims, gaining momentum to swing his legs onto both sides of you. “Cry about it.” You mutter, a smile on your face; his hair hangs off, fuzzy around his eyes and dripping onto your cheeks. “Or… maybe I should do something to correct it.” His hair tickles your face, sticking to your cheeks the more his lips linger on them, testing the waters.
He relents when your arms wrap around his shoulders, leaving him flush over your body with nothing left but your lips to connect. They’re cold and pillowy, soft against your own just like his hands when they find purchase on your waist, holding you near as if the spring water below you will drag you out of his grasp, the last thing he needs.
Jaehyun is gentle in the way he holds and kisses you. His hands knead your skin, warming against it the more they roam around to hold you closer. Your fingers thread through his hair, sending shivers down his spine that causes him to sigh into the kiss, enough for your tongue to slip through and deepen the kiss. The intensity rose, his hands felt much hotter against your skin the lower they went, scalding when one of them grips your upper thigh –avoiding the bruising from whitey’s assault– helping it raise to rest on his hip.
Tongues mingle amongst each other, the taste of the mango juice he drank earlier still coating it to which you enjoy against your own. The thin film of saliva on both of your lips helps them slot smoothly in a far more pleasant kiss. Jaehyun’s fingers knew how to tease you, tips tickling your inner thigh that forced small groans which begged him for more.
More, more, more – Jaehyun would have given you everything if it wasn’t for the faint sound of music blaring and tires pushing dirt through Cattle began mooing, warning you of company joining, spoiling whatever comfort you two had.
You scramble to grab the towels, Jaehyun helps you, drying you off with his own and taking the remaining items under his arm to help you towards the truck, staying guard while you change into dry clothes coming in when you knock against the window. He doesn’t bother changing, claiming the air will dry him well enough upon.
You cross paths with the incoming truck, nodding your heads in acknowledgment before embarking on another long ride. Small talk made here and there, he speaks about how much this road reminds him of Western America: dry vegetation and barely any trees insight but with lively mountains that shield anyone from the sun. You tell him that it seems interesting how he describes that part while detesting Connecticut but he laughs and shrugs.
It’s not long until you stop at a gas station, the truck nearly empty and he still had to change into some dry clothes. He met you inside, walking through the aisles in search of a snack for whatever was left of the ride.
Jaehyun doesn’t share your sentiment. He finds himself distracted by a corner of toys, a bright red truck similar to the one you’re transporting through catching his eye. It glimmers under the sun rays that make way through the window panels. Jaehyun thinks it would be a good gift for Ollie, a menial one for now.
Paying for the items and heading outside with you hand in hand, Jaehyun recalls seeing a photobooth by the bathrooms. He pulls you along with no response to your questions, motioning with his head for you to push through the red velvet curtain. The first image is neutral enough, smiling while looking directly at the mirror, the flash comes in and you two hold each other. By the last two flashes it resulted in engraving the image of you two kissing.
You laugh at him for sneaking in a kiss and having it on film, he shrugs you off knowing that it was an image he’d like to see at all times and he’s hopeful you do too. You still needed to wait for at least four minutes for the film strips to develop, leading Jaehyun to slot in more coins claiming he wanted Ollie to have something to remind the young boy of the two.
Jaehyun truly wanted to say that he hoped Ollie wouldn’t forget that the two loved him. He hoped a flimsy piece of paper was enough of comfort to Ollie as they will be to him.
Pulling out a pocketbook rushedly, Jaehyun manages to scribble his support and appreciation for the young boy. That’s an image of himself alone, handing it to you to scribble something quick before the flash goes off again. The last two flashes are paraded with you two making faces you often made towards him – sticking your tongue out or scrunching your nose, the latter his favorite one.
“Good luck in your journey, you’ve done so well these past months!”
“Ollie! Remember to eat all your meals and no buddy-budding with any louse. You’re a good boy!”
“Fighting our lovely, Ollie!” Compliments of Jaehyun.
“We love you, Ollie. More than you think.” Now that comes from the bottom of both of your hearts.
Jaehyun bought a jacket for Ollie once back in the village while grocery shopping at the market for the voyage dinner. For the first time since he arrived you had trusted him to navigate the village on his own. The everyday route was engraved onto his brain, finding you shortly with the jacket in a wrapped box. You wanted to see it but he told you you’d have to wait until Ollie opens it, he didn’t want to re-wrap this himself.
Your grandparents and Ollie didn’t arrive until a few hours later when everything was set up already. Jaehyun arranged the table outside with a fine china that belonged to you, not the one in the cabinet. He had attempted to help you in the kitchen but backed off when he saw your eye twitch the second he mixed a pot on the stove. There he learnt that getting in your way while cooking wasn’t a good idea so he instead went to feed the pen animals and loiter around to write the letter he’d give the young boy with his gifts.
Ollie could have sworn this was a delayed birthday party. Jaehyun had arrived a week after Ollie turned nineteen, missing any form of celebration. Now he was complete, this had to be a form of celebration and not a voyage dinner, it just had to. Otherwise why would he be crying at the dinner table?
Ollie would like to think his tears represented the impending doom you were all to face one way or another with his absence. Both figuratively and and literally; comically and realistically.
The hands on his back and shoulders try their best to comfort him, whispers of how this was yet another trip meant to minimize the meaning of this but Ollie knew something was wrong, something none of you did just yet. He smiled widely, tears streaming down his face, laughing in order to control himself but your gentle wiping and hugs made him fall deeper into that feeling. His childish intuition as you all call it.
Jaehyun on the other hand decides to pull out his gifts in hopes it would help but it only made Ollie cry harder. The younger spews his thank you’s, hugging Jaehyun for comfort to which the older one takes, his own heart filling with such an aching pulsation. He ignores it, it doesn’t matter what he’s feeling, he wants Ollie to take a good look and remember him in a bright light.
Ollie wore the jacket all night and took it on his trip – along the letter–, never letting anyone touch it. He left the truck with you and your grandparents, he knew it’d be far more safe with you than with his brothers.
The dinner didn’t spoil after his crying fit. Your grandmother had playfully scolded him to get a grip while your grandfather helped him with a shot of liquor. It progressed onto serving them all dinner, Jaehyun helping you throughout all steps while your grandpa complained about the long lines for their pension and all the old people as if he wasn’t one of them. Your grandmother only backed him up a few times, rebutting his claims in others just for the sake of arguing which caused laughs to leave everyone.
It wasn’t anything new, Jaehyun had grown accustomed to their conversations. They may argue right now but other times the tone of their voices sounded harsh when all they were doing was conversing, as peaceful as they knew how. He wonders if this will ever be you two although he’s not sure he could raise his voice at you or vice versa.
Night had fallen faster than any of you would have wanted. Usually Ollie would leave whenever he pleased and no one would bat an eye but in the past hour his father had called nearly ten times and it was bothering your grandparents. You and Jaehyun too but not as much as the elders since they were the ones inside. Your grandmother had been yelling from her bed to tell Ollie his dick of a father was on the line again, in fact by the fifth call no one answered, they just knew.
So when the tenth call had rung, Ollie who had been helping you put away the left overs answered angrily telling his father to fuck off and that he’d be on the way soon, received with some scolding from him that he didn’t finish spewing from how fast Ollie hung up. It didn’t mean your scolding wasn’t on the way with how piercing your glare was.
Like a kicked sad puppy, Ollie goes to you in hopes his affection would soften the blow. “That’s not how I’ve raised you, Oliver! Your dad may be a deadbeat but you still shouldn’t talk to him like that – at least in our presence!” Your fingers nip his earlobe, a yelp leaving his bitten lips and a grunt to follow.
“You know my grandparents don’t like when you talk back so don’t do it again when they’re around, okay?” You say, a hand on your hip like a mother scolding her child. That’s essentially how you saw him and how he saw you.
“So I can talk back in front of you?” A cheeky smile received with a soft pinch to his ear. “No!” Your smile betrayed your words. He giggles at the reaction he got out of you, twisting out of your grasp to take you into a hug.
“I really wish you would just enjoy the present and the time you have with Jaehyun without dwelling on how long or how little he has left here. Enjoy the love he’s giving you and return yours, he needs it too, Y/n. For what is left...”
He sighs, holding you in a firmer grasp. Words don’t quite describe what you want to answer with but you knew he was right despite your initial hostility.
You kiss his cheek, nodding as a response. He mimics your actions before waving and heading over to your grandparents to bid his goodbyes before leaving through the middle room.
Jaehyun doesn’t know why he disappeared after dessert. Perhaps he didn’t want to face Ollie when he left and had to say goodbye, he wasn’t good with those. So here he was, on the roof next to the water tank, filling it up as an excuse to why he was so detached from everyone else. It didn’t matter though, Ollie had found him immediately that when Jaehyun heard the clanking of boots he gifted the boy against the rusted ladder, he felt dread.
He pretended to be people watching, seeing how a guy on the right side cleaned his car (it is meant to rain tomorrow or overnight). In the front, a woman bathes her dogs within the vicinity of her patio, the dog shaking and getting the water all over her. On the dirt filled path, children rode their bicycles, going around any ditches and potholes that would make them fall.
Ollie joins him, standing besides, focusing far more on how the sun was setting. He allows Jaehyun to speak first but frowns when he doesn’t; the faint sound of the phone ringing again makes him shut his eyes.
“Thank you for the gifts, you’ve done far more for me than my own dad.” He bitterly chuckles. Jaehyun turns to him, a small grin on his face that falls when the younger one speaks again.
“You’re avoiding me.”
“No.”
His voice wavers, eyes trying to show Ollie he wasn’t. Ollie chuckles again, shaking his head.
“I get it, don’t worry. I don’t want to say bye either.”
“I don’t want to say bye.”
Ollie nods, looking at the sights Jaehyun had looked upon. The car was clean despite the sprinkling, a child had missed a bump and fell, and the dog was laying back on dirt.
“Jaehyun, it does mean a lot to me what you’ve done these months. You kind of suck with labor and all but you’ve been of great help.” He laughs, hoping his teasing jab will ease the tension. Jaehyun rolls his eyes, hitting the back of his head softly with a silent laugh. “I’m serious though, you’ve been of great help to Y/n, it’s not easy dealing with the house work and being a caretaker. I think you’ve helped liven her up more. I’m glad you’re able to think about your present with her. I hope it doesn’t change, you make her happy and we like seeing her this way.” Ollie sighs looking at his watch, the sun has set.
“I hope you’re still here by the time I come back home–” He laughs, cutting himself off. “It’s not even my home.”
“I’ve never felt more at home than here, I understand.”
Ollie smiles at his claims, he nods with a final sigh. Before going down he gives Jaehyun a final hug and a tight squeeze. The older man mimics his actions to demonstrate his own affection.
Midway down the ladder, Ollie stops and Jaehyun tilts his head. “By the way, this came after you left earlier today.” He pulls out a wrinkled envelope from his back pocket. Immediately recognizing the ivory color and red wax seal, all Jaehyun knows is that he won’t read it any time soon.
“Bye, Jaehyun.”
“Bye, Ollie.”
–
Things didn’t go back to normal after Ollie’s departure, no matter how hard everyone pretended that this hadn’t created a rupture into the atmosphere – a breach to the eco. It goes to say that Ollie helped things feel easy and fun, he was the joy you all needed and now he was gone. Things felt mundane again and to Jaehyun this wasn’t a foreign feeling but one he did not want to have here.
A week and a half without him already feels like an eternity. You and Jaehyun wonder if this is what parents feel when their children finally part ways.
On the brightside, his conversation with you helped you ease into what you felt for Jaehyun. Yes, you still sneaked kisses and affectionate touches here and there out of respect for your grandparents but it was so obvious what you two had that the elders didn’t tease you anymore for the glances and blush.
Mail day has arrived and Jaehyun once again has received a letter, one he thinks about throwing onto the pile of drafts he’s written and discarded. The letter Ollie handed him before he left tucked in between those.
He thanks the mailman, putting down the rake he used to pick up fallen leaves. Your grandfather had taught him to put them in a pile to later be burned. He contemplates throwing the letter in, watching the red wax seal spread as it melts. He can't, though, the bold red letters screaming “URGENT!” make themselves present to him.
Jaehyun sighs, shaking his head wondering what it was now as he opens the envelope. Simple greetings, some scolding and questioning, and a plane ticket. What? That was enough for Jaehyun to ignore his nonchalant attitude and let panic take over him. He took the effort to read over the letter closely without missing a detail.
Why the hell would he have a plane ticket?!
‘Dear Jaehyun,
No, scratch that. What the hell is wrong with you? We haven’t heard back from you since that call and you’re not answering the one letter we sent you. We figure and understand you’re having a great time but it does not mean you’re meant to forget your responsibilities back home. Remember how you’re supposed to send drafts? Right, you haven’t done that and given the changes made while you’ve been gone it’s best you get to it!
We miss you so don’t regard this letter as totally reproachful. Please be sure to be here and don’t miss your plane. We’ll make sure to send a fax before you make it to the airport. Till then, enjoy your time and give us a call as soon as you can.
Sincerely,
Jude.’
Well this has severed his plans and mood. Was it not enough to have one departure?
30 AUG 87, 17:30 time of departure, one way only. Red bold letters mirroring the ones that caught his attention to read the components of the letter. If he had known it was for this, he would’ve thrown it in the pile of leaves and act clueless if he was to ever receive an emergency call.
His aggravation was noticeable to you the second he stepped inside the vicinity of the patio. His face sunken, something it wasn’t before leaving to clean outside. Not to mention it seemed like he was biting the inside of his cheeks, holding in his breath as a form of repression. You watch carefully, pretending to not have noticed him while cutting sugar canes near his room.
He sees you and he wants to ask something or at least find a way to begin this conversation. He should tell you, no? He should, he knows it but he’s scared and also a coward who waits for you to throw the first stone.
“Something happened?” Jaehyun stops by the step before the kitchen, facing you with a slight shake of head. “Um… does the phone run overseas calls?” It’s your turn to shake your head, firmly unlike him. “Alright, I’ll be back in a bit.”
He bolts out towards Gabby’s with the ticket inside his pocket, crumbled and wrinkled like the letter Ollie handed him. The older woman seemed to have understood the reason for his visit. The second she saw the familiar face, she pulled that phone she loved so much to the counter along with the catalog and timer, dialing the code before handing it to him. Jaehyun was thankful she didn’t drag it out, he needed answers immediately.
One ring, two rings, “Hello?” Good, rapid enough.
Jaehyun grips the phone, a tight hold that makes his subconscious scared that he’ll pop this heirloom. “I don’t want to go back!” Well, that’s a way to start a conversation.
Hyunjoo laughs, calling Jude over to let him know their golden boy finally contacted them after four months. Jude wasn’t as kind as Hyunjoo, he took the fatherly role seriously and began berating the younger of the three on why he had gone rogue.
“What if something had happened to you? Do you not care for what we feel, Jaehyun. If it wasn’t for this idiot I would’ve sent you letters and even gone to pick you up, so don’t ever pull this on us again! On me, again!” One can only imagine how red he was, up to his receding hairline.
Jaehyun would’ve laughed in the past but now the life he’s built here is soon to crumble and he doesn’t like it. “It doesn’t mean you guys can just force me back! I’ve built something here, I have something going on! I love it here and I don’t want to leave!” He whines, obvious hurt in his wavering voice.
“Yeah, well, whatever you have going on should be finished soon. You know, you only went there for inspiration and to blow some steam off, Yuno. Nothing else, my boy.” If Hyunjoo was there he would pat his cheek reassuringly, unaware of how much Jaehyun hated his little acts of condescension and belittling.
Jaehyun didn’t want to finish what he had here, he wanted to stay forever. He wanted to stay with you, your grandparents, and Ollie. He wanted to be here by the time Ollie came back to greet him with a big hug, a meal, and a trip to the hot spring he wasn’t able to enjoy before leaving. He wanted to build a life with you. Court you properly, date you, travel with you. Even marry you, he doesn’t care how early this is or how late, he wants you and everyone he’s learnt to love these months in his life. Of course his career had to get in between him and his happiness like always.
Jude sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Listen, Jaehyun… There’s nothing we can do, have you read the letter we sent you a few weeks back? That explains it all. Believe me when I say that if it was for me, you could stay there for as long as you want and go back whenever the book is published–”
“That’s the plan.” He interrupts, teeth gritting. Jude and Hyunjoo give each other a look, one that would make Jaehyun feel far more defensive if he could see it. “Jaehyun… things have changed within the publishing house. Go read the letter and we’ll see you Monday, yeah?”
Jude waited for an answer that Jaehyun never gave him. He hung up quite forcibly, receiving a glare from the store owner who muttered the amount. He didn’t stay for his change nor cared for her screams telling him to take it. Jaehyun was in an irritable mood that no one could take away from him today.
Things were definitely not fine. That’s as much as you and your grandpa could decree when Jaehyun crossed the patio straight into his room, closing the door behind him without uttering a word. The elder and you removed kernels in front of his window, under the tree for shade. You could hear him mumble incoherently, his eyebrows furrowing the further he read.
“What bug bit him?” Your grandpa whispers, cocking his head to the open window. You shrug, throwing away the cob into a bucket, fuel for the chimney. “Go ask then.” So persistent and straight to business. “What? No! I’ll wait until he tells me, pa…” But you did want to ask him what was wrong, more than anything. It’s just that your cowardice won’t allow you. The older man rolls his eyes, clicking his tongue in disappointment while feeding the chickens with fallen kernels.
Time and him can only tell what he’s feeling.
‘Dear Jaehyun,
For starters, we miss you dearly. At least I do but find it in your heart to believe Hyunjoo does so as well. We’ve respected your wishes on not contacting you, even through letters but it’s been over three months and you have yet to let us know how you are doing. Do you not care for mine and your family’s well being? I care for yours, I’ve been restless all these months wondering how you are doing. It’s far too irresponsible to not even contact your own family, Jaehyun.
Is the book in the works? How are the drafts? You know we needed drafts mailed throughout your stay, young man. How is the host treating you? I figure well enough if you haven’t contacted us yet. If not then I’ll see myself forced to call the national guard if I don’t hear from you soon!
Regardless, some updates on how things are going on our end. We’ve been able to fake some notices here and there to the publishing house about yours and the drafts whereabouts. If you must know, if you haven’t figured it out already – which is possible, being in such an isolated village… – Mark is in the process of publishing his next book. His last ones have been a great success and been able to knock some of yours from bestsellers therefore things are becoming harsh around here.
The publishing house wants you back immediately and wants your book ready. Hyunjoo has managed to give you more time before it’s edited and the final print is chosen but the new investors are pushing the house and they are desperate for a contender against Mark’s book. So please, cut your time short and don’t miss your plane! I’ll make sure to send the ticket soon when I’m able to obtain it.
Best regards,
Jude.’
Jaehyun doesn’t know what to think. He now understands multiple jobs are on the line but so is his happiness. Even so if he goes and turns in whatever he has – which isn’t enough for even a first draft – what guarantees all of them that it will be published by the time Mark’s is? They can’t just publish some nonsensical thoughts he’s scribbled down for the sake of beating another child protege author.
Mark’s work is far different from Jaehyun’s, he’s youthful in the way he writes, his metaphors are far more enthusiastic and fun. He’s great within young audiences and those seeking to remove themselves from melancholia. He’s everything Jaehyun isn’t and in both their brains, they know they can’t compete for something neither are reaching for.
Matter of fact, that’s not his concern right now. His concern is on how to break the news to you and your family. He’s supposed to leave by the end of this week, what are you going to do in such a short notice? What is he going to do in such short notice? Things were finally starting to align, why must bad things always happen to him– you– both.
One thing is for sure, he has to tell you immediately. But first he’s going to go back to Gabby’s and buy whichever pack of beers and some chips, maybe even some bread in case you feel your blood pressure rise (he’ll eat it, most likely). Arriving there and getting the items, he’s grateful the older woman honored the change he had left, even gifted him a chocolate as she sensed that something was off. Jaehyun thanks her and contemplates on saying goodbye but it’s too soon. Instead he nods and waves on his way back.
He doesn’t have the courage to go past the threshold, opting to sit on the uncomfortable and textured concrete bench by the door of your’s and your grandmother’s bedroom. He hears the loud melodrama of her soap operas and the sewing machine she doesn’t leave alone. Another dress for you, he figures she’s making.
There’s the faint sound of music coming from your grandfather’s car, the one he and Ollie worked on often and that Jaehyun began helping with due to his absence. It pains Jaehyun to know that the elder will once again lose the aid he claims to not want but appreciates wholeheartedly.
His sigh elicits company, or perhaps the pop from the beer bottle had attracted it so here you were, standing by the metal threshold that separated you and him from inside to outside. Your head tilts, looking at him as if trying to read the grievances on his face.
“Misery likes company.”
Your voice makes his head snap, eyes glistening while drowning in the sweetness of your company. He smiles shortly, patting the empty spot to his right, the sun is setting fastly.
He takes your hand into his, kissing the palm and fingers before pulling you in for an embrace. All of this was scaring you the more and more he remained quiet and it only seems like your brain was already processing the inevitable.
“Got a letter from my manager…”
“So?”
“My “rival” is putting out a book soon according to them and they want me to send in a draft already for the final print.” His fingers curl at the quotation marks, rolling his eyes at how stupid it all felt. “Ah… well, do you have anything to send then?” He shakes his head, apologies on your face. “We can stay this entire week so you can work on it, how does that sound? Pa doesn’t have to check on the crops any time soon and there isn’t really anywhere else we could go, not anywhere near.”
There’s so much pep in your voice that it hurts to think about how short the remaining days will feel. He has to tell you and he has to tell you now.
“I leave this Sunday, Y/n.”
“Oh.”
Jaehyun didn’t mean to say it like this but how else was he meant to? He didn’t want to drag it out longer nor agitate you but he also didn’t want to hurt you and that’s all he can read on your face. Hurt.
Misery does love company.
Your body slumps against the adobe wall, harsh against your backbones. The hand he holds falls limp against his touch and all Jaehyun can do as comfort is kissing it before placing the open bottle in your hand, opening another for himself.
He hadn’t had the time to burn the pile of leaves and the sun was far more foreign by now. That shade of blue coloring his face, an obvious demonstration of his feelings from the past hour. Yet it’s you who takes the initiative to take out the box of matches from the apron you wear, forgetting that you were cooking dinner just to check up on him.
The flame catches fast, rising as you whisper your grievances into it, taking a sip of your drink. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, he tries to take a hold of your hand but he hesitates, fearful that you won’t want it. Instead he throws both letters onto the fire, helping its consumption and anger. At least now you both have let something go.
The morning after, both elders made sure to not ask any favors out of him and let him to his own vices. They understood he’s meant to get his work done so they didn’t want to add stress onto him. But this continued onto the third and fourth day of the week and Jaehyun was aching more and more as his time fell short. He felt just as inutile as his first week, if not more than that week. He also felt his heart ache only having meals to spend with you all but even then he began feeling like the foreigner he was.
Conversations with him were as cordial as before but not as cheery. They asked about his book and what he had ready. They asked if his suitcase was prepared and if he was happy to go back home. Your grandpa did his best to joke around but would soon drop it when he felt his voice tremble. He’s always worn his heart in his sleeve and another one he saw as a son will now leave him again.
Your grandmother on the other hand was the most level headed. She made sure Jaehyun was kept on track with his work and even helped clean his room when he begged her not to tire herself. She’s faced much loss and pain, a stranger leaving wasn’t going to knock her down. If anything, she feels for how you will act once he’s gone.
By dinner time you and your grandfather had bolted out of the kitchen, feeding the animals any leftovers and giving them their own meal. That left him and your grandmother in the kitchen. She was in the process of taking some water from the bucket in the chimney, he did it instead. Pouring it into another container where your grandmother would then add cold water for balance.
She thanked him and told him he should go back to work but Jaehyun didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to be alone, he’s been so for the past three days and it’s corroding his soul. He wants to take away the happy memories, he wants his final days to be fun. He’s begging for you all to not do this to him. He needs contact and affection, he needs it.
“So… you have everything ready?” She tries to converse, passing the soapy sponge over the dirty plates. He nods, rinsing it. “Not excited, I’m guessing.” Jaehyun’s pout is enough of an answer. “Look at it on the brightside. You’ll be able to get it over with and the doors here are always open for you.”
He should know she means it, the problem is that he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. How long will it take for the book to be published? How long will promotions last? What if he’s forced to work on something else straight after? Jesus Christ, he’s not even back yet and he’s already stressing about his reality.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Jaehyun smiles at her.
“Will you take care of Y/n for me?” He asks again, putting away the dishes he’s rinsed. She laughs nodding, “She’s taking care of us, I think she’ll manage well.” Jaehyun laughs as well, feeling foolish. “I don’t think you should worry too much about her, Jaehyun. She’s strong and can handle this. As long as you two keep in contact, I believe it will be fine.” She pats his back, leaving a wet hand print that warms his muscles.
He contemplates on taking the advice. Your grandmother has said everything he already knows about you but perhaps he’s projecting his own feelings. He’ll need another source for advice and there’s no one better than your grandfather.
Jaehyun excuses himself, rinsing and drying the few dishes left before walking out to help your grandfather on the car. The older man sat pensive while looking around the vehicle, loud music coming out of it to drown any thoughts.
Hopping on the co-pilot seat, Jaehyun smiles at him, dusting away some stray picked up dust. “It’s looking better now.” He compliments, your grandpa nods, humming with a following hearty laugh. “You’re much better at this than me.” The older one shakes his head, continuing his laughter. “These things take time, you just need to practice more. When you come back I’ll help you with it.” Your grandpa is far more hopeful than the rest of you, that reassures him enough.
“You’ll let me in again?”
“Yes. You make my kids happy and you’ve been of great help even when you didn’t have to.” His laughter subsided, turning into a smile he was struggling to maintain. “It’s a shame you’re leaving so soon.” He hiccups, waterworks on the way. “We’ll miss you, kid. Especially Y/n…” The mention of your name was enough for him to begin his silent sobs, tears beginning to spill.
If there is one thing he can count on is your grandfather expressing what you and your grandmother aren’t able to. Jaehyun sniffles himself, comforting with some rubs to the older’s shoulder before hugging him. Now he knows how appreciated and loved he is and for that he is thankful.
Your grandpa attempts to stop crying, laughing in between to seem like everything was fine. That was always his way of trying to control himself. “You’ll come back, right?” Jaehyun nods, smiling at him while wiping away a stray tear. “As soon as possible. I want a life here.” Your grandfather smiles at him, looking straight to where his headlights shine.
“I’m not from here either. I was born and raised in a city an hour or two from here– you’ve been there, that’s where the airport is.” Jaehyun recalls his first day, the bustling and loud city with historical architecture. It was beautiful, surely, but it doesn’t compare to this village and its own beauty.
“I’ve worked my entire life since I can remember, seven to be specific. By eighteen I found myself here, I was young and my only experience came from the mines and cleaning cars but agriculture is a booming business here so somehow I found my way to a ranch that was hiring to work on machinery. I didn’t know how to work a car let alone a tractor but I was hungry and needed money to send back home. My dad died when I was only three and my mom was left alone with five kids. I had to help her. I lied my way through with the owner and I was young so he took me in.”
Everyone starts somewhere and soon falls in love with the place.
“I stayed at a shack they had built by plots, their own home wasn’t too far so I often went by to ask for a glass of water. That’s when I met Y/n’s grandmother. She’s always been this cold and serious. I would chug the water down and then beg her for more. She would roll her eyes and complain but would always come back with it filled to the brim, ice cold.” He laughs, tears finally gone.
“From then on I kept trying to talk with her even if she pretended to hate it. I’d ask her sisters and sometimes her brothers but it was tricky, I didn’t want them to beat my ass up for thinking about their sister! So, I would have enough with whatever conversations we would have when she brought the workers drinks and food or at dances. One time her own father told me to ask her to dance and since then I never left her alone. With his blessing, then none of her family would interfere and sooner than later I asked her to marry me so here we are, sixty years later and twelve kids.”
“Is this you giving me your blessing to be with Y/n?” Jaehyun half jokes but there’s so much sincerity in his voice that he can’t deny being hopeful. The older man nods and laughs, clasping his back. “As if you needed it… I often went back to my own family but still came back because I love this place and everything it has offered me. Similar to you… I hope your love for Y/n is as strong as mine was years ago. I would hate to see a different fate for you two.”
Jaehyun didn’t know how to respond to that, he truly wished to be back as soon as possible and he would fight tooth and nail to make it possible. Yes, it’s different from him and your grandfather due to the distance but he will make it work because he loves you, he loves you so much that he can’t seem to express it properly.
“Thank you…”
“It’s just advice.”
The older man leaves him to his vices and thoughts. With another laugh and a nod bidding him goodnight, he turns the car off, leaving Jaehyun in the dark.
Jaehyun thinks about both conversations all night. He feels a sense of relief knowing he’s had a heart to heart with two of the most important people in your life. It’s good to know they approve of him and the love he has for you. He hopes you’re as understanding and hopeful as your grandparents.
Saturday came as a surprise to him. The roosters weren’t the ones to wake him up, it was your grandpa who excitedly told him to gather all his things. Jaehyun tried to question what was going on but the elder gave him no time. His hearty laugh was enough of an answer, taking the few suitcases he saw in the corner while pushing Jaehyun into the restroom to get ready. He’s not sure what’s going on but he won’t protest, it’s the first time this week that he feels included.
Within half an hour everyone was ready, Jaehyun noticed you too were surprised by the sudden change of plans. You weren’t your usual put-together self and kept yawning resulting in you sleeping throughout the entire car ride. He took this moment to take pictures of the road. Previously he had compared it to his time in West America, he now doesn’t think it’s too comparable. The vegetation is bright and green, most of it coming from incoming crops and lively trees.
Within an hour your grandfather stopped at a town, it was time for breakfast. Both raved about the food despite how spicy it was while you and your grandmother made fun of them. Jaehyun took this chance to take more pictures, candid ones of you and your family with the prettiest decoration in the background. Every memory counts.
Afterwards, you all take a moment to explore the quaint town for a bit, simply so Jaehyun can get some souvenirs. It reminded him of two past towns he’s visited during his time here. One where he had to fight for a seat to be able to eat. Meal which ended up being one of the most disgusting things he’s ever had. He won’t ever tell the rest of you that but you share his sentiment. The second one being where your grandpa struggled to find parking and almost left. He likes that one better.
It’s not to say this town isn’t beautiful, it is. It’s historical, colorful, and calm. Very calm and quiet, something that reminds him of the best village which is where he resided for the past few months. How he loves it there and he’ll hold it to his heart.
Getting his pictures and souvenirs, it was set to take another two hours on the road, only stopping when having to use the restroom which unfortunately due to age is something your grandparents needed often. In those moments Jaehyun would reminisce on the day you two took those photos and bought Ollie’s truck, the one he saw daily perched next to the fine china in the cabinet with a passport picture of him.
“Well here we are, the city I was born in.” Your grandfather’s voice made sure to take away the last bits of drowsiness from you. Your last visit was at fifteen and from the looks of it, nothing had changed. It’s amazing for Jaehyun to tell how different life was between the countryside and the city. The moment you all came to see the skyscrapers and bridges, it felt like a totally different part of the world. It was louder, much more polluted and littered, but for sure not horrendous. Your grandfather made sure to tell him the story of this city like he had done for every village and town visited.
For the majority of the day you all spent it looking around. At the entrance, your grandparents pushed you to ride on the cableway that dropped you off directly downtown. You tried to make them get in it with you both but they excused themselves with being too old and preferring to meet you there with the car. You all knew it was so you and Jaehyun could spend a couple of minutes alone.
“It’s pretty.”
“Not as pretty as home.”
Jaehyun smiles at you, taking your hand into his. You return the gesture, squeezing his warm hand in yours.
“Is your city pretty? I’ve heard it is.”
“I’m not talking about where I’ll go back, Y/n. I’m talking about back home. With you, your grandparents, and Ollie.” He wraps an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer. Within you and the colorful buildings beneath, Jaehyun is sure to say the view during his time has always been beautiful.
“Do you truly want a life with me?” You shift, close yet with a distance. It was a simple answer, there’s no reason to lie. His smile, dimples, eyes, and even his reddened ears told you he did. Words are preferable though. “Yes.” leaves his rosy lips, kissing you to imprint the confirmation.
Only time will tell how true to his word he is.
You met your grandparents shortly, both bickering about where to reside when night befalls. The topic fell to deaf ears, prefering to explore more about the city. Murals that he wouldn’t forget, traffic as bad as where he resides with the exception that entertainment began the second redlights turn on. Street food that smells delicious and calls his name within every second.
It’s similar yet so distinct from what he has learned to love. It’s clear to him that no matter how familiar you are to one thing, there will always be more to learn about it.
It was near dinner time and within an hour or two from sundown. That forced your grandparents to argue again about the same thing from earlier. This time you two got to learn that your grandfather wanted to rest in his childhood home with his family while your grandmother wanted to avoid that at all costs. She’ll tolerate a visit but won’t give them the benefit of being their host, that’s her role. Not to mention she won’t forget all their wrongdoings towards her and her husband no matter how much the latter attempts to have a happy family.
Words thrown here and there, you all decree to eat out. Both you and your grandmother brought up the time his sister cooked unhygienically that he ended up having a stomach bug for the following three days. He laughs at this and leads you all to your favorite spot, somewhere Jaehyun yearns to taste again for years to come.
You all do end up visiting his family before the sun falls, a quick in and out situation. Jaehyun didn’t pay too much attention to the conversations, he was more entranced with the portraits on the walls and the cracks of chipped paint that told the story of this home.
“Why do you keep looking at the cracks?”
Your voice forces Jaehyun to turn to you, extending his hand to feel your warmth. “Do you think they’re due to poor care or the house growing old with its inhabitants? Your grandpa said he doesn’t recall the ones from this wall.” Your head tilts, looking at them as if you two were in a museum. Perhaps you should take him there tomorrow before his departure.
“Will you write that in your book?” He laughs, taking you into an embrace. “Okay smarty pants how do you word it normally, then?” You return the gesture. “I wouldn’t even think about it for starters, there’s so many back home. Why would I care about this one?”
“I’ve seen how much care you all give the home, there’s barely any cracks. The question is answered for that house.”
“Then… I guess you can find an answer for this one. We’ve been here for an hour or so and there’s plenty more people living here who haven’t greeted them at least.”
You both turn to your grandparents. Grandma sitting silently and aggravated in the corner with a cup of water that she hasn’t touched. Your grandfather enjoys his talk with his sisters despite their spouses talking over and for them. His nephews and nieces, nowhere seen but heard through these same cracks Jaehyun wonders so much about.
Yes, he has his answer. A house without love crumbles faster.
The sun had fallen sooner than expected and with that your grandmother finally found an excuse to leave. The other elders offered to let you all stay with no avail when even your grandfather told them it wasn’t necessary. He knew of a nearby hotel, clean, and hospitable that you could all stay at and his wishes were final.
Immediately as the doors were closed behind your backs, the ruckus of the other four families living there could be heard. It’s clear as day where their intentions laid and why not a single picture of you or your family was on their walls.
When questioning why he denied their offer knowing other times he’d agree immediately, he only muttered a simple: “They didn’t even greet you or Jaehyun. What kind of hosts will they be?” Jaehyun felt a part of the family.
Room distribution went as follows. Your grandfather and Jaehyun would share a room, each with their own bed. Same thing applied to you and your grandmother, a concept you knew too well. This was the first and final night in which you two wouldn’t share a kiss through the bathroom window. You miss it like you’ll miss him.
The following morning isn’t as kind to either of you. The previous day none of you were able to process the severity that it was his final day with all of you. Enamored with what the city offered and the warmth of feeling loved by everyone within the circle, no one felt the harsh reality that is now overcoming you all. There’s ten hours left of his stay.
Silence is the first thing that you all notice, no matter how hard you all try to erase it. Being aware that time is ticking weighs down on your shoulders. Walking through these streets feels slightly surreal. Like a Dali painting, walking through a sea of melting clocks. A torment is what he’d call it.
He manages to get a few more souvenirs, he’s not sure for who or if he’s trying his best to collect every single piece as a memory, he’ll lean towards the latter. Besides, he snags some final gifts for you, your family, and even Ollie, it’s the least he can do besides memories. He’ll be taking those and who knows when he’ll be able to show them to you all.
Within the fifth hour your grandparents rendered themselves tired and tried forcing you two to go on your own. Jaehyun didn’t want that, as much as he loves time with you, he also loves spending time with them. The two have taught him many things, brought many laughs and anecdotes he cherishes dearly.
To be maintained happy, he invites you all to a final dinner. It’s much earlier than usual but he would miss his flight if you’d have to wait till usual hours. Your grandparents attempt to protest, claiming they’re bad hosts if they let him pay but they’re fighting a losing battle and Jaehyun will make sure he can grant them everything before he goes back to reality.
It’s by far enjoyable and it helps him reminisce on all previous meals within those cold adobe walls he loved since day one. It’s dim in the restaurant, recalling the time it rained so hard the streets became rivers and light went out for the remainder of the day. You all ate under candle light while your grandparents told scary stories of the village.
Dinner was the only condition for you to leave your grandparents to rest. With all the heaviness in his heart, Jaehyun fulfilled their wishes. And while you thought it was best to leave them at the hotel, the two continued their stubborn streak and ended up sitting at a park to people-watch. Naturally, they needed live entertainment.
Three and a half hours left, so little time and so much left to do.
You essentially were a tourist just as him, both experiencing new attractions that you only saw in passing the one time you came by. It led to both jumping from museum to museum. National and independent, art and history, for food and tools. It didn’t matter but it filled the empty space and the forced silence helped neither of you spill what flooded your minds.
“I liked the tools museum better.” You retort, almost skipping down the steps to avoid the sun rays. It was much hotter than it ever had been back in town. “Really? I thought the history museum was really nice.” He covers his eyes, rushing to your side. “Nothing Pa hasn’t told you.” He nods, shrugging with a little shimmy to his shoulders.
He looks at his watch and sighs, there isn’t much time left. “Where to next?” His words form a pit in your stomach, forcing yourself to look at the numbers on it. You ignore it, dawning on you that you’ve never spoken in-depth about his job. What’s your thought process when coming up with your books?”
He hums, “For my first books, they were all inspired by cases I heard back home. Where I was born. They’re bleak but there’s still a sense of hope. On top of it I read a lot of Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy growing up so I felt like a cynic comparing both their work, trying my best to create a middle ground that would represent me.” He cocks his head, it’s a bitter taste to him these days.
“Those two lead to my last two. I’m not fond of them, I won’t lie. They’re rushed and robotic, it’s noticeable in the tone but the publishing house wanted something fast and since they sold well, they didn’t care about how I felt, that’s why I’m here now. They wanted this book to be rushed and as miserable as those but I can’t handle writing anything of the sorts anymore. I would’ve ended up like Plath, Hemingway or Dazai if I wrote about how miserable life is once again.”
Jaehyun couldn’t understand if the look on your face was pity or empathy, he didn’t want to see it. “Don’t worry about this one. I’ve found meaning and great inspiration. I’ll dedicate it to you.”
You laugh against his lips, pulling away to kiss his cheek. “How will I know when it’ll come out?” He shrugs, kissing your hand. “I don’t either but I’ll make sure to deliver the copy straight to you.”
“What makes you think I’ll still be here by the time it’s published?”
Jaehyun was under the impression that you’d be here too. Your grandmother had reassured him they would always have their doors and arms open for him but he never thought that meant without you.
“I’ll find my way to you even if I have to go to the end of the world so I can read the token of my adoration for you.”
‘Of my love’ is what he wants to say, hanging on his tongue yet too scared to dive out. You seem to read his mind, kissing him instead to swallow what neither of you can say just yet.
There was still some time left but nothing else worth seeing. Perhaps it was best to gather all your belongings from the hotel, you had the keys to the car and it shouldn’t take you too long. By this point it would be best to waste time at the airport, as dreaded as it is.
Upon arrival time made itself present. The father clock in the lobby allows its ticking to echo through the tiles that you love. The ones in each room weren’t any better. Screaming far louder than the rest that when Jaehyun finished packing his and your grandfather’s bag to make way towards your room, all he could hear was the ringing in his ears. Dreadful and painful as the feeling in his heart.
He watched you look through the night stands, making sure your grandmother’s medication wasn’t left behind. He had done the same for your grandfather, his medicine case tucked inside his bag. There’s a forlorn look in his eyes, you don’t miss it when turning to smile at him, comfortingly. You want to ask about it but fear it will consume you as well if you dwell on it.
“Ready?”
Jaehyun shakes his head, joining you on the bed and taking you in a tight embrace. In every sense he wasn’t ready to part ways. You try to laugh it off, kissing his cheek and tightening your grip. Your hands caressing his back to bring some type of comfort but it does the opposite.
Jaehyun can now understand why your grandfather breaks down so easily. The weight of one’s emotions are soon to leave when you allow yourself to be free. That may also explain why he’s always so joyful, he’s free of all his grievances but for Jaehyun it will follow him for eternity if things are not fixed as soon as possible.
“This isn’t the last time, Jaehyun… Please don’t cry.” You cradle his face, wiping away his tears that shine like diamonds under the sun rays peeking in through the window. He hiccups, sniffling to control his sobs. “It doesn’t change how difficult it is to say goodbye.” He pouts, lips so rosy and puffed. You kiss them tenderly for comfort and warmth, it’s the least you could do. Words aren’t your forte and you don’t want him to see how gutted you truly are despite trying to hold a front all this time.
Jaehyun returns the actions of affection, holding you for dear life while kissing you like no tomorrow. Muffled words leave him, incoherent to you yet you swallow them. Like the blood of Christ, you don’t let a blood drop if it means your salvation.
“I-I” He attempts to sound what he wants to say, you don’t allow him. Shaking your head fervently, slipping your tongue in the cavity of his mouth to mute him further. You know what he wants to say but if he does, it will make things far more difficult than they already are.
Jaehyun submits to your cowardice and lets the ticking of the clocks guide him. His hands hold your body near him, pulling you onto his lap to feel you closer. He wants more and so do you, God knows when you’ll meet again.
Fingers threading through his hair, sliding down to his neck, kneading the warm skin you love so much. The actions lead to silent mewls to leave his lips for you to take. You’re so appreciative of the gift that you deepen the kiss, letting his hands roam under your blouse to feel you closer and closer. It’s your turn to gift him a sweet sound that he wishes he could trap into a music box for him to wind and listen to it on repeat daily.
Jaehyun decrees that your blouse is in the way. Too thick and cold, nothing like your skin as he feels now. His large hands take a firm grip of the textile, pulling it off. You’re exposed and he can read what your heart has hidden all this time. Jaehyun prefers to kiss it away, his pillowy lips delicately falling against your chest. Kissing it tenderly to create more of those pretty sounds that hypnotize him.
You hold him while he does, kissing the crown of his head. Granting him what he wants while your hips softly rock against his, friction forcing him to become rougher. A soft gasp leaves your lips when he softly nips the goosebump filled skin, nimble fingers undoing your brazier. One hand covering one while his teeth take your nipple in between them.
“Jaehyun…” It’s all he wanted to hear. His tongue is warm against your tit, kissing it like his life depends on it. Perhaps it does, neither of you are sure but prefer to act like so. You on the other hand work on unbuttoning his shirt, the cool linen doing no justice to the warmth of his skin that you crave. Little by little you both feel closer to each other.
He gently lays you down, between the warmth of your bodies and the sunrays witnessing your farewell ritual, the cold had nothing against you. You watch him, admiring every crevice of his body while pushing off your bottoms, leaving you bare for him to gawk at while unbuttoning his pants.
Your giddy smile teasing him to hurry, giggles reinforcing the sentiment. Taking his shaft in between his warm hands, Jaehyun begins to pump slowly. You attempt to replace his hands with your own which he denies. Your touch will send him overboard without even beginning.
Instead he crawls on the bed and over you, kissing you like he always does. With sweet adoration and love, one you take thankfully. You make sure to cradle his face, his upper body in contact with yours as his fingers thread closer in between your legs. The digits waltz around your inner thighs, reminiscing on the path you and him often took to the plaza and market for your daily shopping trips.
He smiles into the kiss, the memories of all he’s experienced with you consuming him. The position alone brings him to that day at the hot spring where you two began this but never got to go further. The wait was over and he had you here. Caged between his arms, flesh against flesh, warmth radiating and your pretty sounds that he couldn’t get enough of.
Slowly his fingers intrude the cavern between your legs, a gasp leaving your lips that helped him deepen the kiss. His tongue enters your mouth, finding yours immediately to participate in a waltz where the two could share the words that neither of you were strong enough to share. His fingers curl and pump languidly within you. The action is so foreign and long forgotten that you feel like putty beneath him.
His name falls from your lips like a prayer, warm breath danced across his skin. Lips perfectly wrapping around the flesh of his red earlobe. He’s so sweet and easy to digest, you wish to swallow him so he never leaves you but you know that can’t be so you will make do with what these few minutes can bring to you.
It’s not far off that he takes his fingers out of you, sticking his tongue out to savor you. Just as sweet as you find him. He moans in delight, rubbing off the dripping essence on his throbbing cock that had earlier been rubbing up against your leg. Jaehyun looks directly at you while pumping himself once again. You no longer look playful but rather hungry and desperate. You needed him like one would need air. Like an addict needs their fix and you fear yours will be taken away from you once you’re both done. The ticking clocks are making it boldly aware.
His eyebrows turn up, eyes softening as if asking if you’re ready. You nod as a response, replacing his hand and continuing his strokes, dragging him downwards slowly in the process. He knew if you touched him he would be thrown overboard, he’s near it but he’ll try to last just for you. And for the sake to excuse being together for longer.
Jaehyun fixed his position above you, nudging your legs minimally to fit between them. He went in slowly, bit by bit. Avoiding any discomfort that he could bring you. You pay him with pleasured moans and kisses to shut yourself up, he graciously takes them.
“I–” he wants to say it, he wants to tell you how much he loves you. This feels like the perfect time. You shot him down again with that sweet smile of yours, shimming your hips to which he responds by beginning his thrusts. They’re gentle and steady, enough to make you feel something that you’re only able to describe through silent mewls. He holds you tightly, pulling one of your legs above his hip. Jaehyun tries everything to feel you closer, he wants to go deeper and deeper to no avail, his thrusts can only go so far and it makes him yearn for the possibility that he could have more of you but so little time and resources to figure it out.
Jaehyun can’t believe this is it. He’s thankful this is the memory of you he’ll take with him, he’ll cherish it with every fiber in him, treasuring it like one would the eucharist. All he could think about was how wonderful you felt and how perfect your body molds to his. If this isn’t a sign that you’re meant for each other then he doesn’t know what is.
He worships you in these moments and will continue to do so when he’s gone. He now understands the feeling devotees feel when finding their God and as sacrilegious as it is, Jaehyun’s mind won’t change. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you…
And most of all you feel his love within you. It manifests itself through tears streaming down your cheek, moans muddled with sobs that he can’t decipher to stop and comfort you or continue his thrusts. You answer for him, begging him to keep going, that you’re so close but he knows there’s more to those words besides lust.
He prods, kissing you, being the one to beg this time to let him know what was wrong but you smile and kiss him along. Leaving a trail of kisses along his jugular and shoulders, hands grasping to his flesh for dear life.
“My sweet girl.. Please tell me what’s wrong? Y/n, I lo–”
“I love you, I love you, I love you! I love you, Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun’s thrusts speed with every repeated word, elated to hear you say what he has wanted to all this time. To hear you spew the words he finally had the courage to let out. For you to hear and engrave in your heart and brain the way he has done so with your own.
He smiles, kissing you with a final thrust. Pulling out to place the proof of his love on your cramping stomach, the pain leaving when you, yourself release. Without a care for the mess, he lays on you, craving your warmth and touch.
“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know or understand.” The whisper pollutes the room, kissing you to cement the sentiment. You sigh, kissing the crown of his head, cradling his body against yours. If it was up to you, you would not mind dying like this. With the city’s racket as background noise, your heart palpitating against his ear, and his breathing the anecdote to tranquilize you.
Time wasn’t forgiving, his departure time was coming sooner than ever. Reluctantly, both pull away for a quick shower. It felt surreal how slow time felt when enthralled within the love you both had for each other but when reality hit, it rushed you all through the motion. Picking up your grandparents from the park, driving in silence to the airport while dealing with some traffic and the static of the radio. All of this just to arrive at the airport with minutes to spare and for the universe to not understand the pain you all felt.
It’s surreal how cruel and love can be.
“I guess this is it, huh?” Jaehyun is the first to break the silence, holding back his sobs, the redness of his nose and ears give him away. Your grandfather laughs, nodding as he takes him into a hug in which both men break down in a fit of cries. Your grandmother gives you a look, she wants to say something snarky but her tough exterior proves futile when even she feels a weep stuck in her throat.
“You’ll contact us, right?” Your grandfather wipes his nose, sniffling while smiling warmly at the younger. Jaehyun nods, taking out his pocket book, scribbling his address for you all to send him letters. He doesn’t need yours, he has it saved by memory.
Your grandmother is second in hugging him, slipping in a bill for him to buy something back home. Both know it’s useless where he’ll go but he’ll cherish it as a memory from her just like the box of cigarettes your grandfather had gotten him. He doesn’t smoke but a token of love is a token of love.
The elder woman pats his cheek, smiling at him tenderly. She hopes this isn’t the last time she’ll see him but she more so than anything hopes he doesn’t disappoint you after this departure.
“Take care.”
It leaves you at last. No more to say, no more actions to show. You just hope he comes back to you as promised.
“I’ll miss you.” Your fingers fiddle with the paper in hand, his pretty handwriting hypnotizing you to believe this moment isn’t real.
“I love you.” That’s enough to call your attention. His palm cradles your face and he steals a quick tender kiss. Embarrassment of having done so in front of your grandparents floods you, you only hope they understand which they do.
“I love you too…”
You had all drowned the calling from the greeter at the door earlier on but things had to be done and reluctantly you both let go. Watching him enter that path had taken a piece of you and when he was out of view, your entire body felt like it would crumble.
You tried your darndest to not cry. To not show your grandparents how much his departure was hurting you. Futile is what they would call it, your sobs were becoming louder as your grandfather drove back home, hoping to get there before night caught up to you all.
Nothing good ever comes out of crying. You’ve known this for a while, for you and your grandmother crying only continues to further make you miserable. Not like the relief it brings your grandfather and Jaehyun, that’s something you think you’re both cursed on.
It wasn’t too far on the road that you kept missing him. Regretting not carrying the film strip with pictures of you both to look at him at every moment now. Your only token of his existence came from the piece of paper between your fingers. Flapping around with the harsh air coming in from your grandfather’s rapid driving.
You believe it smells like him, Jaehyun’s soft musk that you love with all your being. It’s even warm from his grasp, and his pretty handwriting taunts you, letting you know it was permanent on it unlike with you. The paper will remember Jaehyun’s actions against it, it has proof, not like you who will rot at the fact that his actions can be erased easily. What’s worse is that the paper continues to torture you, freeing itself from your fingers and flying out of the car at a rate that even if your grandfather stops you won’t catch up to it nor find it.
“No!”
Your words are useless and frightening to be heard from the elders who question what happened. You tell them between sobs, losing all composure. Hunching over yourself to cry against your knees. This was it, you knew it was too good to be true. Your only hope relies on the letter Jaehyun will send you.
Letters that will never arrive.
Questions. There’s plenty of those that have plagued Jaehyun’s mind since he left. He remembers leaving on great terms but as the months progressed his letters were left unanswered. If he had taken in the home phone number or Gabby’s he’d call for them years ago. Instead he found himself at the front door of the place he once called home with a panic rushing through his blood stream but hopeful nostalgia in his heart.
There was a doorbell outside of the patio door, it had been painted orange. Very fluorescent, it reminded him of Gabby’s store. He had passed by it on his way here, buying a few beers like the day he learnt he had to go back. She didn’t remember him and he made no effort to remind her. Some things are better left in the past.
He didn’t hear many animals inside and it worried him, scared of how much change had been done. It took a couple of minutes for the door to be answered. Received by the presence of a kid he didn’t know but seemed to be around three years old.
“Who?” He looks at Jaehyun quizzically, tilting his head like Ollie used to do. “Um… is Mr. and Mrs–”
“Don’t open doors, how many times do I have to tell you that!”
Well there’s a voice he recognized. Jaehyun stood up straight, looking up from the kid to the owner of the voice. When both took in the image of the other, Ollie was the first to take Jaehyun into an embrace. So much giddiness and joy in his squeal that he felt like that nineteen year old again. Even his grasp is childish and brute, shaking Jaehyun around. Jaehyun laughs, squeezing Ollie in return.
“I didn’t think you’d ever come back! When did you get here?” The patio looked the same. Fewer sheep and goats in the pen, Camila was gone and replaced with a pig. The dogs were strangers to him and the cats seemed to have forgotten him just like the chickens.
Ollie led him to the kitchen, at least that remained the same and he felt comforted by that fact. The two took a seat not far from each other, firewood crackling in the chimney to bring them warmth. Jaehyun handed him a beer bottle, cheering for his return and Ollie’s growth.
“Why didn’t you think I’d return? I promised you all I would.” Jaehyun smiles, wiping away the alcohol residue from his lips. Ollie shrugs, doing the same. “You never kept in contact so after a few months of not getting your letters we lost hope. I was really mad at you for the longest time… I thought you had just abandoned us… Y/n.”
Jaehyun is aware of the spite in his tone but he can’t help but feel vindicated for something that isn’t true. His eyebrows furrow, leaning over the table for Ollie to feel his confusion. The younger one tilts his head like the boy from earlier.
“Ollie, I kept sending letters nearly every week for the past five years. I thought you all were the ones to leave me in the cold. What do you mean I didn’t keep in contact?” The roles seemed to have reversed. Ollie mimicked Jaehyun’s stance, elbows on the table while downing the remains of his drink.
“We never got a single letter. Pa was so disappointed he cried often about it. Ma didn’t but it was obvious in the way she took care of her plants. Your departure was enough but you really hurt them after that, they saw you as a son, you know.” Ollie shakes his head, swatting a fly away to avoid looking at Jaehyun.
“And Y/n… you really ruined her, Jaehyun. She would spend days in your room hoping to find an address or a phone number. At least to reproach your actions but instead she would cry herself to sleep in there. Her parents had to take her back home after a year, so she found a job and Ma and Pa were taken in by their daughter. She was doing better by then but still had to stay in the city just in case. They left me to take care of the house but it’s not the same.”
Ollie’s voice is no longer harsh, it’s hurt. Jaehyun can’t help but blame himself with how things unfolded but he was sure he wrote those letters. He kept copies of them to recall everything he once said to you and them and if he had known you never received them, he would’ve bought them.
“I-I…” He sighs, “I promise I sent the letters! I made sure to drop them off at the publishing house’s mailing room. I can’t believe this…” His hand comes to his forehead but Ollie shrugs, picking at some peanuts he had laying around. “Beats me then. Why didn’t you visit in that case? We waited long enough.”
Reality is that there will always be evil lurking around and seeing how this place brought you joy and peace, the publishing house did everything in their power to yank it away from him. Jaehyun isn’t a bubbling author full of life and hope. No, Jaehyun is a bleak cynical writer who dwells on the hatred he has for the house and manifests it through broody characters that find no meaning in life. If they had to bring that back, they would. He can have his one train wreck of a joyful book but newcomers have to go back to what they were.
Jaehyun’s head hangs low, all excuses feeling useless. “Manger and publisher didn’t let me. We spent two years editing the final draft and by the following, publishing was in the works but the investors tried everything to change it that we had to fight for another year or so. I wasn’t even allowed to visit my parents, they had to come to me. Isn’t that insane?”
Ollie nods, sympathy and pity muddling on his face. Cruelty at its finest.
“We only traveled for promotions at the end of last year once it was published and some months after this one but I ‘escaped’ if you will and here I am.” His smile twists to the side, dawning upon him that misery will accompany him everywhere he goes.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? It’s not your fault.” Jaehyun hands him another bottle. Ollie nods, “I know, but things could’ve been different if you didn’t work in hell.”
The two laugh, clinking their bottles again. All was lost but one thing and that was the hope of Ollie helping him connect with you and explain it all. He didn’t want you to have such a bad image of him when all he’s ever done is show you how much he loves you.
“What have you done with your life then?”
“I got married and had a kid. The brat from out there.”
The kid had been playing with the hens outside the sprint door. Cats surrounded him and reminded Jaehyun of Ollie when he used to play with the animals while pretending to be doing labor work.
“Looks just like you.” The younger hums. “He’s just like me too.” The two laugh heartily, reminiscing on your grandfather’s laugh.
He hesitates for a moment but ultimately asks. “How’s Y/n doing?” There’s longing in his voice but the look in Ollie’s eyes tells him something isn’t right. The fact that he’s holding back a cough, a grave clue. The younger one wants to stall but knows that eventually he’ll find out if he keeps looking.
“Y/n is soon to get engaged…” Like a bucket of cold water, Jaehyun feels his arteries clog and his body run cold, turning stone hard. “She’s been seeing a guy from work for the past two years, they relocated him to somewhere in Maranello, and now they’re living there. He sent a letter asking me to be there for when he proposes… I got the letter yesterday actually.”
Ollie handed him the letter still inside the envelope. “He’s a nice guy but lacks some sense. He treats her well and provides for her but I’m not sure if it’ll thrive.”
The now father stands up with a bucket of corn kernels, calling his child to feed the chickens while they’re all huddled together. He gives Jaehyun one last look with a mischievous smile plastered on his face.
“You’re welcome to stay, in your old room or here.” Jaehyun thanks him. “Landline has long overseas calls now, do with that as you will.” A toothy reassuring grin, Ollie walks out of the home leaving Jaehyun to his vices.
He gives the boys one last look, gaze dropping to the letter and reading over it around four times. It lacks emotion, it’s formal and only demonstrates excitement when describing your work on the garden. The only thing that reminds you of this place now that you’re miles away. Behind it is a letter written by you.
‘Very well, I’ll send you a care package later, Ollie. I wanted to remind you that we have a new phone so I’ve written it down. Don’t forget to write it down in the contact book or you’ll have to find a way to call me this time!
I love you, Gremlin, take care!
Sincerely,
Y/n.’
If the angels weren’t clear as day, then he was stupid if he didn’t take the opportunity.
Jumping out of his seat to the bar, Jaehyun stumbles to grab the phone, nothing like Gabby’s old dinky phone. He dials the foreign numbers, fingers tracing over your written name to feel the connection you did with the paper that lasted you a measly few hours.
“Hello?”
That sweet voice transported him five years to the past. Trembling within the walls of his brain and heart, waking up whatever joy he once felt before leaving this wonderful place. Even when your voice seemed aggravated from the silence on his end while garnering courage, he felt alive again.
“Hello?!”
He sighs, clutching to the phone for dear life, facing the outside allowing the sun rays to fall on him like the day he rested over your exposed body to feel your heart and soul envelop him in the love you once –and he hopes you still have– had for him.
“Y/n–”
“...”
The hesitance hurts, old feelings swarming in like a desired plague. You won’t ever forget that voice.
→husband!mark lee x f!reader | ft. jaehyun + jungwoo
genre: smut, angst, tragic romance, miscommunication, marriage au, 2000s au
synopsis: all mark ever does is use weaponized incompetence to get out of small tasks you ask of him. when he finally realizes you resort to his close friends to do what he can’t— nothing can prepare him for what’s in your pandora box; now karma is set in motion.
warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, orgasm denial, cum swallowing, jealousy, toxic relationship/love, insecurity, vomiting, work field harassment, mental health deteriorating, self sabotage, smoking, mentions of poor eating habits/self care, pregnancy, mark is a horrible husband. this is for the people who only know toxic and bad relationships, woohoo (...)
disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are only characters. read at your own discretion.
an: it's been a year since I last updated the happy together series, I guess I lied when I said the stupid girl incident wouldn't happen with this one but hey it's finally over! this is an epilogue for happy together but can be read as it’s own part. yn’s character here isn’t the same as happy together, this is a completely different yn!! fun fact I came up with this before happy together lol
‘No one wants to think about it. About how your love may run out or hang by a thread because it’s that big, not able to be supported by one person alone. To even have the fleeting negative thought race in your mind. No one wants that.’ — April 25, 2004.
Life was sweet, it was a new romance never felt before (at least in your case). The type to make your heart swell at any sweet action. He was tender, sweet, and attentive. Whatever you asked of him, he’d have for you, ready and in your hands. Mark used to go out of his way for you but slowly the small things became a burden and any little task, he never wanted to do anymore.
Even so, now as you sit on your knees in between his legs, hearing his grunts from the pleasure he is enduring, you put off your own pleasure for his as long as the satisfaction of him feeling loved continues.
With his cock stuffed deep in your mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat. Mark held onto the messy comforter while you kept going. Your nose hitting his pubic bone, staying still for seconds just so he could feel the warmth of your throat around him.
At that feeling Mark allowed a disgruntled moan, loud and perfect. His hips buckle forward, causing you to gag. Tearing up and finger nails softly claw his thighs. That’s the most damage you allowed yourself to cause him. His hand wraps around your hair, the sting of his pulling mirroring the one of your clawing, he was relentless unlike you.
“You’re so good to me. You feel so good, fuck!” He groans, eyes tightly shut. “I love when you gag around me, it feels so good. As if your throat still hasn’t gotten used to me after all these years, pretty girl.”
Raking your nails on the lower back of his thighs, he hisses. With his hands holding onto your head, his thrusts get harder— almost as a counter attack.
The hand you had on his thigh comes in contact with his balls, pinching them where he likes. Playing with and twirling them. Mark’s thrusts become slow but harder, hitting the back of your throat more painful, nothing you wouldn’t take unwillingly, though. He knows you can and will take anything he gives you.
That’s how you knew he was extremely close. When his thrusts were rough and slow, the grip on your hair became tighter when he pushed you further down, becoming extra sensitive to the way you handle his testicles.
“Ah~ y/n… Please, just a bit more. Ahh…” He pants, stopping his thrusting momentarily until you pinch his scrotum, to which he whimpers loudly. Some sweat had accumulated on his neck and forehead. Glistening, he looked so beautiful, much more than he already is. Mark’s eyes were closed but he could feel your lingering gaze on him. He could feel the penetrating stare that looked at him with adoration.
When he couldn’t handle it furthermore and his thrusts against your throat were becoming sloppy, Mark’s eyes fluttered open, looking down at you, giving you one of his most tender smiles. You never got used to the way he looked at you. Even when he gave you his coldest glares, there was always a sense of adoration to them.
So one can only imagine the warmth and giddiness you felt when he looked at you this lovingly. Lovingly enough that he removed one hand from your head and placed it on your cheek. Thumb caressing your flesh, soft strokes contradicting the ones abusing your throat.
“What I wouldn’t do to be like this with you forever.” The words contradictory and cheeky to his caring caress, almost conniving.
Mark’s hips jolted forward, disgruntled moans left his lips but his eyes never left yours. Even after he screwed them shut momentarily from pleasure, he’d always open them to let you know how good he felt. Head thrown back, trying to regain his breath and calmness after the orgasm you had just given him. His hand strokes your head softly whilst you gaze up at him lovingly, your head resting on his thigh.
“Morning,” your voice snaps him out of it, looking down at you with a smile. “Really good morning.” He chuckles in a breath, leaning down as much to give you a soft and tender kiss, tasting himself on you. Pulling apart, Mark stands up, helping you up from the aching position you were in. Rubbing your knees momentarily to soothe the pang.
It didn’t take long enough to forget his care and make his path to the kitchen, you trailing behind like a lost puppy, ignoring your ache just to start the day for both of you. “Hey, can you do me a favor?” Your soft voice squeaked against his ear, making him turn to you slowly. A gleam of hope on your part as always.
“What is it?” You could see his emotions coursing through, already looking for excuses as always. “Just— can you pick up an order at Cafe 7 Dream? It’s for Venetia’s pregnancy leave party but I don’t have time to pick it up. Please? During your lunch break?”
Your eyes still glimmer with hope knowing well what his answer already is. “Oh… baby, you already know I can’t. I don’t even know where it is.” He ran a hand through his hair, walking past you after giving his famous apologetic pout.
Back to him, hopeful smile faltering, slowly closing your eyes disappointed but not surprised knowing the predicted outcome. You sigh quietly, basking in the background noise he made. Opening and closing the fridge door and pans moving around the stove top as if he truly had intentions to do something.
“I guess, yeah… it’s fine I’ll figure it out then.” Defeatedly, you make your way to him, watching him play with the knobs as if he didn’t know how a damn stove works, you only interfered when he opened the egg crate. Rushing to him you took it all off his hands, his faux complaining making you roll your eyes, him oblivious to how it wasn’t playful anymore. “Go shower, you’ll be late.” Still, your voice held no annoyance.
He chuckles, completely oblivious to your feelings as always. “Or we could shower together…” he suggests, not over the morning rendezvous. Wanting more and more, never satiated.
You didn’t have it in you to smile at him, shaking your head and dismissing him as you crack the eggs over the pan. He giggles, towards the bathroom, placing a playful slap to your ass on his way.
The walls were thin. You could hear the sound of the toilet flushing, the water running, and your thoughts bouncing off of them. Torturing you with the words and feelings you try to repress all the time in order to live in peace and in love with him.
You loved him. More than anything, to the point it was extremely painful despite him being yours. You’ve fought hard trying to make your love for him unconditional, there was no backing out anytime.
Moments like these in which he shut down your pleas, all you could do was restrain yourself from the ill thoughts your tired brain tried to throw at him. You couldn’t let anything get in between the both of you, not even yourself.
So instead you rather stand in front of the stove, moving the spatula around to make him his beloved sunny side up eggs. Funny enough, you hated them but if he wanted you to love them, you would.
Coming out of the bathroom, steam painting the mirrors and windows. Mark dries his hair with the towel sitting atop his shoulders, a sniffle leaves him, pulling the chair from the dining table, smiling at you with a ‘thank you’ rolling off his tongue while you set down his dishes and drink right in front of him.
“You’re not eating?” He questions the moment you sat beside him with just a pouch of Konjac Jelly. You could only smile and shake your head, suckling on the nozzle to get out the contents. You weren’t eating then and there, you just didn’t want to tell him you were getting breakfast with your colleague on your way to work.
Mark nodded before digging in on the yolk with his spoon, that expected smile on his face.
He talked and talked after every bite and chew. Mark was well aware of how much you liked to hear his voice, especially in the morning before he left you for work. Head resting on your palm as you watched him stack his plates, a smile plastered on your lips from his presence alone.
“Want me to drop you off? You’re gonna have to hurry though.” The clanking of the bowls on the sink as he passed water over them knowing you’d wash them eventually; making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and finish getting dressed.
Shaking your head as a response, he waits for your explanation. “I’m walking the entire week, don’t worry about me. Maybe I'll take the bus.”
How couldn’t he when both of your jobs were a tad bit far from home. It didn’t help that most of the time you got out late. At least he was thankful Jungwoo could drop you off whenever he wasn’t able to pick you up or simply didn’t feel like it.
“You know I don’t like it when you ride the bus, it’s always filled with… men at these hours. Take care, okay? Call me once you arrive or if something happens.”
Despite your smile of approval, what was he going to do when he can barely take care of himself?
Mark’s lips fell against yours the moment he opened the door to the apartment, towering over you for a few kisses before pulling away. “By the way, can you pick up my suit from the cleaners either later or tomorrow? I have a meeting at the end of the week.”
He was giddy asking you for a favor, clutching his backpack, ignoring the way you tried to not let your emotions show through your face. “Yeah… I’ll do it after work.” Your soft voice, trying its best to hide that tinge of bubbling vexation.
Mark smiled, a giggle leaving his throat whilst his hand caresses your cheek. “I’ll see you at night, baby.” You couldn’t answer, he had bolted towards the elevator. Only the daily bittersweet taste lingers once again.
Shutting the door behind you, your eyes immediately travel to the pile of dishes he left for you on the sink, not even allowing your sighs to escape by how familiar this scene has become. It was rather frustrating for Mark to not notice your obvious signs of unhappiness with him. He knew you loved him, perhaps more than he loved you, which he tends to ignore to not throw himself off.
But that love he thinks you have was blinding him from all the realities of how dysfunctional the relationship was. It was pitiful that his friends were the only ones to actually notice them.
“Markie, morning!” Johnny’s cheerful voice booms against his ear, hand softly patting the younger man’s shoulder as he signals to follow him and Jaehyun to the break room while handing him a cup of coffee.
Mark returned the greeting to both of the men standing in front of him, conversing as if he didn’t see them almost daily. From joke after joke, Jaehyun’s phone beeped constantly, the other two ignoring it as he checked it with a giddy smile plastered on his face; Johnny asks if they’d like to get lunch during their break.
Mark immediately agreed to the offer, taking some of the last sips from his coffee. They spoke about restaurant options but upon Jaehyun not answering, rather typing, the blackberry keys louder than his coworkers, the two turned to ask again.
“Jaehyun, you’re down for lunch?” Johnny questions, making his way towards the trash can, depositing away his cup, the eyes on the ‘7’ icon turning to Mark. Jaehyun hums in response, putting his phone away before actually speaking. “Uh, maybe next time. I have something to do.” An apologetic smile, Johnny understanding but Mark lets out a teasing chuckle.
“Lunch with a special friend?”
“Actually, I’m helping your wife.”
He didn’t want to make it obvious but Jaehyun put enough emphasis on ‘your’. “She asked for a favor and I always say yes, so...” Jaehyun shrugs, sipping the last of his own coffee.
The air was shifting to hostility the more Mark’s expression began to change, slowly but surely. His eyes followed every move Jaehyun made, ignoring how all the 7’s glared at him, even his own. Johnny was no fool, if Jaehyun couldn’t feel the building hostility, Johnny was clearly feeling and seeing it. His eyes advert from both men as he watched how quickly a mood can be annihilated.
“Always? What do you mean, always?” Mark turns his back to the other two —almost to shield himself from the accusatory numbers—, throwing away his not empty cup and going to the sink to wash off the stickiness from the coffee that spilled on the sides.
The second oldest man mustered a shrug, taking a cup from the water cooler and pouring some in to get rid of that coffee taste on his tongue. Bitter coffee taste, the one lacing Mark. “I mean, I can’t say no to her… if she’s busy and can’t run an errand she asks me to run it for her and in return she bakes me a cheesecake. We all win!” Johnny smiles at Jaehyun at the mention of the desert and his unconvincing naivety.
Mark didn’t speak, his mouth forming an ‘O’ at the realization that the reason you always baked was not for you or your coworkers but for his friend. For doing something you had originally asked of him. Just in the past month you had baked six cheesecakes and all of them after you asked him for a favor that he turned down. All this time he thought you were just baking for pleasure but now he knows Jaehyun helps ease your stress. Jaehyun, not Mark.
“I’m gonna head back…” Johnny’s voice broke him out of his train of thought, the elder’s eyes adverting from his two younger friends before opening the door. Jaehyun announces that he’ll follow behind, leaving Mark to his own thoughts for just a second.
One could call that the start of his demise. If anything Mark would’ve been better off knowing you did everything on your own but now he felt an unjust slight resentment that you ran to one of his friends. Guilt, if you will, for his own faults.
He didn’t let the thought go the entire day and it didn’t become better once you had arrived back home with groceries and his suit in hand. Worse off, he saw you struggle with the heavy items but he made no effort to help, rather analyzed the components in your hands. Contrary to you, upon seeing him, a warm smile spreads on your face. Putting everything down and going up to him to envelope him in an embrace and a tender kiss.
“Hi…” your breathy voice showing obvious signs of agitation.
“Hey… why are you so late?” He questions, accusatory for something he’s not sure what he’s looking for yet; a minute frown as he looks through the contents of your grocery totes. Cream cheese, graham cracker, sweet condensed milk… a pit in his stomach formed, a growing feeling of confusion followed.
“Another cheesecake?” He questions, taking out the items and starting to put them away. To say you were taken aback was an understatement, your chest swole and you felt some relief seeing he was actually helping. You nod, holding onto the back of a chair to catch yourself. Mark hums, turning to look at you. Upon seeing how sunken and dull you were looking, his expression turned to one of concern.
“Have you eaten?” Mark asks, his hand reaching to caress your cheek. “Yeah! We had a dinner party for Venetia’s leave.” ‘I told you about it..’ you want to add. No matter, you knew it was futile with how he hums in response. It was true about the dinner part but you hadn’t eaten there, Jungwoo and you had decided to blow it off and go to a soup bowl restaurant instead.
He hums again, putting away all the other groceries and leaving just the cheesecake items. “Seventh cheesecake this month isn’t it?”
His piqued interest sounded hostile and cold, eradicating any sense of relief that he cared. “Yeah, why not?” Responding with a smile and knitted eyebrows, Mark didn’t add more. In turn, he took his items from the living room to the bedroom, opting to continue working there.
Looking at the empty spot he left, a sigh left your lips before continuing to fulfill your part of the deal with Jaehyun. You didn’t know if the sigh was from relief or grief. Regardless, his care was too good to be true.
The next morning he had woken to your spot on the bed empty and cold, a building resentment and loneliness starts to grow when times before he didn’t feel them. Odd.
Giving himself a few minutes of rest time until he decided to get up and do his daily routine. By the time he had reached the table, his breakfast was covered to keep the warmth in, glowering when he noticed it was slightly warm but getting cold. A note on the side of his dishes.
‘Decided to head early. Sorry in advance if the food gets cold. Love, y/n’
A small heart next to your name, Mark smiles to himself. As he ate his breakfast, his concerns and the slight jealousy he had gained overnight dissipated. He felt foolish for questioning your relationship with Jaehyun. What was there for him to be jealous of? Hell, Jaehyun was taking care of the burdens he didn’t want to, that’s a win-win situation, no? Jaehyun gets his treat, you remain content, and he isn’t bothered. Yeah, he can now think clearly and see that’s fair. Nothing ever comes out of your close friend being nice and considerate of your wife, right?
Hmm…
Nevertheless, Mark shakes his head with a goofy content smile whilst he drops his dishes in the sink, passing cold water over them. You picked up his suit yesterday and today it was hanging, freshly steamed furthermore. His shoes clean and shiny by the door, food you cooked for him in his system, and overall a lovely note you wrote him. Mark knows you love him and only him, what a stupid little preoccupation yesterday was.
“Dumbass.” He chuckles to himself, squeezing a plushie he had gotten you that ever since, you left on the bed, your smell on it; you’d always be near him and oh how he loved that security. Surely he has to let you know how he adores your love.
Walking towards your desk to look for whatever piece of paper, he sat on your chair, opening the drawers and searching for at least a sticky note.
Upon finding the nearest notebook, Mark pulled it out along a pen. Opening it to where he could find a clean page; he stumbled on multiple pages of frantic writing and numbers written all over. Sometimes they went down and sometimes they went up, if the number was higher than last, a large ‘x’ crossed it in red. He didn’t think much of it, maybe something to do with work statistics?
Curiosity still got the best of him, he’s never seen you write messily. Everything you’ve written has been tidy and neat, so this was interesting. Flipping through the pages, he found two lists. They read the same thing but the one on the left had more x’s whilst the one on the right had check marks, sometimes nothing.
Pick up cleaners,
fix the leak in the kitchen
pick up order from cafe 7 dream
find a new car inspection place
pick up Venetia’s leave cake
Those were all things you had asked him to do and things he had told you he couldn’t do on account of all the excuses he made. All striked through, ink bolder and fresher the more recent the task was. All those crosses were for him and he figured all the check marks were for Jaehyun.
Some of the stuff seemed too intimate for Jaehyun to do for you. Picking up the cleaners? Fix the leak? Find a car inspector?
Jaehyun had no responsibility to find any of this stuff for you but there he was doing what Mark couldn’t and that jealousy he felt yesterday was back again. That meant you hadn’t picked up his suit yesterday, right? It was Jaehyun who had done so and his grubby hands must’ve left oils for you to steam it again?
God, no… he was being irrational again!
The more he flipped through the pages, Mark read the small and longer paragraphs. Most of them written frantically and showed obvious frustration. It seemed to be completely full of vent paragraphs. You wrote down your desperations and thoughts, often seeming angry and saddened. He cared for all that but they became unreadable the more upset you became as you went on.
Few things that made his head pound and chest start to rip apart were how many times he read two names over and over: ‘Jungwoo’ and ‘Jaehyun’. You met them through him, he had brought them into your life but now he was finding that to be a mistake.
Ironic, isn’t it? You spoke so well of them. Every paragraph regarding them was neatly written and cohesive. For the most part you were just thanking them for making your life easier.
‘Keep forgetting to look for new posts, Jungwoo has been helping but he seems kinda down when he does.’
‘Dinner coordinator keeps bringing the same catering and it’s growing tiring, seaweed treats are hell. Thank god Jungwoo took me out instead. — 03.29.08, 22:37.’
Last night’s date. You had told him you ate at the company dinner but instead went out with his friend and didn’t think to tell him, opting to lie about it. He knew you loved him but now he was questioning if the amount was just as big as he thought.
‘Wonder if Jaehyun is getting tired of these favors and cheesecakes. I don’t think he even finishes an entire one in a month and I’ve baked seven for him, I fear for his fridge. It’s not as big as I thought now that he moved. Nevertheless, thank god I can count on him to actually do these favors for me.’
The last part stung horribly. It didn’t seem to be a jab on him from how you wrote it but he took it as such given he always did something wrong when you asked him to just so you would stop or he’d make excuses for the same reason. He now took issue with you preferring Jaehyun’s and Jungwoo’s help over his.
He also hadn’t told you Jaehyun moved apartments so there was no reason for you to know how big his fridge was. It stung more that neither of his friends told him about the close friendship they held with you, his wife.
The last note on the paper is what caught his attention; ‘Lunch with Jungwoo at Cafe 7 Dream, 12:30 today.’
It’s only 08:35 in the morning as of right now; he got dressed and put away all your stuff trying his best to make it seem like he didn’t rummage through. As he buttoned up his shirt all he could think about was going to said cafe and seeing what it was all about. A part of him told him to stop being stupid, you and Jungwoo were friends too given the company you two work in, so a lunch shouldn’t be bad. But he couldn’t shake off this uncertainty.
His day went monotonously. From the moment he made his way out of the apartment, to his daily drive through the freeway with a clear view of a big ‘7,' not drinking his daily coffee with his colleagues, to now being back in the car, looking at that same ‘7’ he sees daily while he roams for a parking spot.
Whatever was playing on the radio was static and the air around him stuffy, not even the rolled down windows being able to aid him. It was around 12:53 in the afternoon when he had arrived and parked a few spots away from the vast window of the cafe. Bringing down the sun visor, fingers strumming on the steering wheel, and his lips pursed, eyes roaming the area— Mark had spotted you and his friend in the outdoor section.
His initial jealousy wasn’t present right now, he was mostly focused on the image that had never been presented to him: you were visibly upset. Throughout your six years of being together, you always remained calm and even when he spewed vile things towards you during one-sided arguments you never cracked.
Maybe that’s why you’ve lasted this long. He could say whatever he pleased and kept off his chest while you never gave him a negative reaction. For the most part whenever you didn’t respond in the arguments he’d angrily walk out of the situation to go meet with his friends while he left you to scribble your feelings onto the journal he stumbled upon just today.
Your arms flailed, hands forming into claws that whenever you were spewing something that angered you, clung to your flesh, leaving dents on it— must have been that intense if he could see those forming. Your hair was disheveled but your clothes intact besides the pantyhose you were clawing at earlier. You didn’t look dull anymore but you did look on the brink of angry tears.
In contrast to you, Jungwoo leaned back on his metal chair, hair kept well combed, suit intact and ironed, with a shit eating grin on his face as he nodded with everything you said. His words were slow, helping Mark in reading his lips and only being able to read just that sentence: “Let it all out, you don’t deserve this.” Every time he said those words, you’d slump over the table, head resting on your hands and nodding to yourself.
The perplexed expression on Mark’s face never left. His eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, leaning in against his wheel as if any of that would help him listen to the conversation. It worsened when Jungwoo took a small box from his pocket, handing it to you in which you’d give him an apologetic smile for ranting to him while also being thankful.
He didn't understand where all this came from. You have always been so calm, never letting things affect you let alone smoke. Hell, you're the reason he stopped smoking but here you were doing what he used to do with his friend.
At this moment he didn’t understand why he had rushedly gotten out of his car and inside the building. All the courage he mustered to go inside dying whenever he saw the both of you stand up from the table after paying.
His heart was palpitating in horror. He couldn’t excuse why he was there this time, he told you he didn’t know where this place was so it would only worsen your already horrible mood. Not to mention, he had nothing to say. How would he start the conversation? “I know I’ve lied to you about this place but what the fuck is your deal with Jungwoo and Jaehyun? What’s your journal all about?” No, he can’t let you know he’s been snooping, let alone have you think he’s jealous.
Mark could only follow behind a group of people walking to the counter, hiding amongst them and hoping you stayed enthralled in your conversation to not notice him. At least he was thankful he could finally hear the conversation but that dissipated the moment he heard Jungwoo’s voice.
“If you keep pushing away and shutting off your frustrations with him this won’t end well. You can’t just conform to keep him with you and let him do all he’s doing. You can’t let him act the way he does and hope he changes without asking. You know what my grandma would say? If you don’t speak, God won’t hear you. And he’s not hearing you. Are you not miserable in the relationship?”
It stung. It painfully stung deeply in his heart that he truly felt he was having a heart attack right now, cardiac arrest— whichever. It sounded oddly familiar.
“Mark says, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.’ So which is it?” Jungwoo laughs, shrugging. “Seems God can’t make up his mind or he's fucking with us just because he can.”
Sadly for the both of you this was only the start of your demise. As for the following weeks, Mark had begun to dig deeper into this madness he was slowly learning he had created. Every time he was home alone, Mark began to read the notebook he had found. Your writing didn’t become any less incomprehensible but he was starting to learn what certain loops meant.
He wouldn’t say your writings were enjoyable, rather more concerning than anything but this is the closest he’ll get to truly knowing you. It still baffles him that after six years of being together, you were capable of hiding this much from him. The only time he could recall you actually being mad was the time both of you crossed paths with one of his childhood friends.
The atmosphere turned hostile and tense as the older male reprimanded him for not inviting them to his wedding to which Mark said he did, he even gave his mother the invitation directly to give to them. The look the two shared had made your insides churn, in that instance you wanted to cut your own chest to relieve that sting within.
You could handle a lingering look and his friends' questioning remarks whenever speaking to you, but what killed you was that it took him a week to regain his dignity after he bid him goodbye with a kiss to his cheek. The words: “They long to see you.” Cascading from his lips, but Mark smiles tenderly and awkwardly.
Mark only recalls you giving him blank stares and taking a while to answer him, conversations non-existent unless he started them. But Jungwoo got to see you tear your desk down, shred paper after paper, and cry in agony at the same time that entire week, knowing well what the older man had meant, you weren’t stupid after all, he’s not the only one who’s read someone’s secret stash of letters.
That’s the only time he thinks you’ve been mad at him or resentful enough. If only he knew how many fits Jungwoo has experienced and cleaned. But while you might not be foreign to an empty bed, Mark was. When he felt your side of the bed still neatly made and the duvet cold, a sense of fear made him shoot up.
He had gotten home before you that day once again, trusting that Jungwoo was giving you a ride not long after he arrived like always. After a few hours of working on some data and analysis to the point of not being able to eat the dinner you had woken up early to cook for him. Mark had decided to rest for a while not thinking of taking a nap until his eyelids feel heavy and his slumber commenced.
That was around 6:43pm, now it’s midnight with no signs of you in the bedroom and if he knew anything from those six months of living with a married couple— one of the spouses was up to something.
That’s where his fear rose and his chest started to constrain his breathing. You would never do anything to hurt him, right? Mark knew you loved him. Yes, you love him, you’d never do anything of the style. You're not her.
You're not her...
Opening the bedroom door with such force; he startled you, jumping once the doorknob slammed against the wall. His fears dissipated the instance his eyes laid on your sitting figure. Crouched over your desk with a pen on hand and arm covering the pages of that same notebook. While he was relieved to see you, now he was worried of what else you could add to wreck his nerves.
“When did you get home?” His raspy voice questions. You shrug, taking his presence, closing the notebook and shoving it into one of your desk drawers.
“Maybe an hour ago? Jungwoo got quite drunk so Jaehyun took a while to pick us up.”
Mark knew what jealousy felt like, he’s experienced it in the most hateful way and over all these years he trusted you enough to never feel this strongly ever again but his friends were starting to test his patience. It may be subconscious and a self inflicted fear but Mark knows what friends can do.
“You didn’t say you were going out with Jungwoo.” That pitch of irritation laced his tongue, every word getting louder the more he shook his slumber away. His eyebrows furrowed unconsciously. He really didn’t want to have any reaction but he can’t reap what he sows.
Mark always started like this when an argument would ensue. You could handle his vile words and reproaches but you had a presentation tomorrow and the last thing you needed was for him to treat you like shit at midnight. You’ve had enough of your supervisor for that.
“Company dinner meeting, Mark… I told you about the presentations.” Your voice was betraying you with how whiny it came out. But could anyone blame you? You had been ecstatically talking about this for almost a month, even Johnny knew about it. It just seems the man you married couldn’t be bothered enough to remember.
Mark tried his hardest to pick at his brain and recollect the memories of you telling him. It was of no help that you hadn’t written about it in your journal either. All he had left was to deflect.
“You could’ve called me to pick you up, though? Why did you have to call Jaehyun?”
“Would you have gone? You've been sound asleep the while I've been here.”
Your tone took him aback, this was the first time he could hear some attitude and mocking in your voice. He didn’t know whether to be happy that for once you spoke to him like this or angry that the mention of Jaehyun was eliciting this response, almost as if you’re defending him.
Noticing the look of confusion on his face, you retracted any possibility of continuing this ensuing argument. Just like him, you’ll avoid any further action.
“Go back to bed, love. I’ll be there in a bit.”
He didn’t listen, just sunk his feet deeper into the tile, processing the whiplash of your actions. On the contrary, you walked past him to the bathroom, forgetting to turn off the stereo system, hoping your nightly ritual would help you not think about these happenings. Him? He’ll sulk like he is not at fault.
‘Oh, I think you’re holding the heart of mine. Squeeze it apart, that's fine…’ The melody mocks and lulls him goodnight.
A similar situation happened days later. The days building up to that night, you hadn’t asked him for any favors. Times before he’d be glad but now he grew weary. The only outlier was that you weren’t baking, so had the rewards gone further than sweet treats? How far could you go?
No! Stop! Mark knows you’d never do anything like that, you’re not her, that’s a huge reason he fell for and married you. You ar– were perfect.
But then, why haven’t you asked anything of him yet? Was it truly futile now?
Deja vu hit, the bed was cold beside his own spot, your plushie thrown to the floor (the only difference), no sign of you, but the second he swung the door open, there you were. Sitting mindlessly on your desk, scribbling things he couldn’t see but knew he would struggle to understand later. He approached slowly, the only light source the lamp before you.
“What are you doing?” His voice is curious and soft in comparison to last time. You shrug like before, scribbling. “Nothing.” Precise yet somehow cold. No matter how much closer he got, by only a step, you shut the journal, throwing it in your drawer and turning the lamp off. He didn’t know how to take it, your actions swift and nonchalant but regardless you still made the effort to kiss him goodnight on the way to complete your night routine.
01:48 read the stereo system. Mark hums, this night’s song mocking him again while his eyes look into the darkness and curves of your desk, directly at the drawer that held all your grievances. He contemplates it but it’s no use tonight.
‘I love him so much, it just turns to hate. I fake it so real, I am beyond fake. And someday you will ache like I ache.’ He chuckles, turning it off.
The next day was enough. You had left before him again, no reason as to why either but later he had learnt that Jaehyun had gotten into the office late with a Cafe 7 Dream drink in hand and not bought by Johnny.
He had taken your absence as an opportunity, looking at the positioning of things in your desk carefully to remember how he’d put everything back. Slowly but surely, he took the journal out, opening it to the new pages.
With the journal in hand, he steps into the kitchen, sitting on the dining table where his warm food rested. Warm enough to let him know you left not long ago. Effortlessly, he uncovers it, sliding the plates towards him and standing up to get a drink. The ice-cold water pitcher sat in front of him and he began his tasks.
‘Guilt floods me every time I ask Jaehyun and Jungwoo for favors. Is this excessive? Poor Jaehyun looks so tired, I think I have to ease it. He may claim it’s fine but how much cheesecake or danishes can someone eat without feeling the weight of burden grow as fat around his muscles?’
“What a way with words,” Mark scoffs to himself, accidentally biting the inside of his cheek, his teeth scolding him.
‘Jungwoo on the other hand is probably exhausted from my complaining. I see this as my karma for all the times I told friends to leave their bummy boyfriends. I get it now. This feeling is too strong. I can't just end it, I think… Regardless, I do need to stop with the favors, hell they’re easy so I can do them but it’s nice to not hear them complain or make excuses instantly. That’s selfish of me but I deserve some self indulgence from time to time. No… not at their expense at least...‘
00:59 at the time you began writing that.
He didn’t like that. He’s read enough for the past few weeks but nothing like this. The bummy part even less.
He won’t deny that he wished your food got stuck in his throat and suffocated him so he can drop dead with your journal in hand and true guilt arises in you when you find his body but that’s not him, that’s his jealousy and anger speaking. Maybe he was getting influenced by your entries, this is something you would say just not to him.
Mark scoffs again, sighing heavily, and pushing his chair to get out. He leaves the food uncovered and dishes dirty to complete his morning routine. Despite his anger he puts back your journal not counting on the wet back from the water pitcher but flaws are meant to happen when you’re letting frustration blind you.
The day went in a blur from then until lunch. Snapped out of his trance by Johnny shaking his shoulder and their manager next to the taller man, Mark gave the two a fish out of the water look. One that made his manager pinch the bridge of his nose but shook it off while Johnny on the other hand gave him a questioning look. The man wasn’t stupid, he could see how distant Mark had been and at most kept to himself despite trying to act like everything is fine and bond with him and Jaehyun, but he’s not that great at covering the heart on his sleeve.
“Here, take the intern with you and ask for the lunch platter at Cafe 7 Dream, the meeting is in less than an hour and we still aren’t prepared.” The manager rushedly spoke, handing him his credit card, the gray hairs on his side seemingly growing with every word he spoke. It was a large investment meeting and he needed to secure this but he had been so careless that their hospitality was a wreck.
Nevertheless, Mark agreed, the new intern standing behind the other two men that he hadn’t noticed her until she popped out, startling him a bit. She was young and timid, he hadn’t heard her speak but that little jump she caused him made her laugh apologetically.
That’s the most verbal communication they had through the ride to the cafe. The radio was adamant on playing TVXQ and she enjoyed it while he focused more on the sounds the tires made and the honking from outside. Even when they arrived at the cafe they didn’t speak, if anything their expression said it all. He seemed tired and uninterested while she was indifferent with only polite smiles to her senior.
Crossing the threshold of the first doors, a familiar figure stops in front of him much to the other’s confusion when his indifference turns into a content smile. No matter how frustrated he was with what he had read, an inkling in him will always remind him of the affection he has for you. “Y/n, hi!” He exclaims, turning to you a hand reaching for your shoulder. You’re not too sure how genuine his giddiness is but in the moment for Mark, it’s the most sincere thing ever, more than you have ever been.
It’s not enough to convince you though, with your eyes flitting between him and the intern as he kisses your cheek and the other stands awkwardly behind only flashing you a quick greeting smile before looking around.
“What are you doing here?” Your voice broke the interactions, a hint of annoyance and to an extent accusatory over something that you haven’t voiced, turning to her again before looking back at him. The young girl wasn’t quite sure of how you felt but knew it was a safer bet to go order before their boss called, clenching his ass from how fast time went and he didn’t have things ready.
Clearing her throat, “I’m going to go order… The card?” She extends both hands, Mark takes out their manager’s card and hands it to her who bolts to the register. It doesn’t take Mark long to turn to you, smile slowly faltering, seeing your stare. Unsure if it’s a glare or if that’s how you look at someone when no longer adoring.
“Manager sent us to get something for a meeting.” He brings his smile back, hoping that would help. Yet, you hum and that’s all he gets. It takes a few seconds until your mouth, like a fountain, unexpectedly spouts something. “I’ve asked you to get things for me from here but you always say you don’t know where this place is.” A soft huff leaves you while forcing a smile. You can feel warmth rush from your skull down to your feet. It’s not pleasant, at all, but you can’t lose your cool right now. Not in front of him.
Perhaps if this had happened before reading your entries, Mark would have dismissed it but now he was growing knowledge of your behavioral cues and he can see your hands go behind your back, allowing your nails to cling onto your bare skin.
He musters a sigh and looks at his watch, the meeting was near. “We can talk about this later, pretty girl.” His hand reaches your arm to stop you although he makes sure to not let you know he knows about your little habit.
You shake your head, smiling up at him and going in for a kiss. “No, it’s cool, it’s fine. I just– don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later at home, okay? Okay.” You didn’t wait for a response and habits don’t die so he found it preferable to drop it. At least he’ll probably read about it in your journal soon and not have you complain in his ear.
Of course you’re not going to be in his ear when you’re on your phone frantically typing something and soon putting it to your own. Seems you’ll be blowing someone else’s ear off and it’s likely the poor loser will be Jungwoo. With every motion, flailing arm, and facial contortion– Mark knew enough of how this little thing made you feel and all he could react with was a grunt.
On weekends, by the time he began to rustle in bed and stretch, he’d be greeted with kisses and tight embraces. They often made him giggle but this weekend was much different. Once again, he woke up with the plush on the floor, a cold bed, and the window closed with only the racket outside the bedroom door. Everything was muffled but if there’s something he identified was the smell of food being made and those two laughs he’s known very well for quite a while now.
With some surprise, he jolts up. His body aches from the lack of stretching but his feet don’t care and drag him out of bed. Opening the door he’s met with Jungwoo and Jaehyun bickering about how heavy the couch was, soon to shift their attention to the movie that had been playing through broadcast TV. On the other hand he turned to look at you taking out things from a cabinet, Jungwoo rushing to help, a screwdriver in hand as he inspected the door– it creaked.
“Morning…” He greets, stretching a bit and hiding his yawn behind his arm. You make way towards him but the other two were quicker, taking his hand and continuing their greeting-shake. By the time you reach him, he kisses the top of your head, your arms around his torso in a hug like they should’ve been when he woke up. Jaehyun and Jungwoo throw each other a glance, one you both miss but that they mask with their teasing towards Mark.
“Morning? It’s nearly two.” Jaehyun begins, “Can you blame him? What does he have to do on a lovely Saturday?” Jungwoo continued but it came out rather bitter despite trying to be playful. Mark manages to laugh just like the rest of you, it doesn’t change the warning look you throw at Jungwoo who ignores it while removing the cabinet door, showing more chipped parts to it.
“Can you help me find something, then?” Mark dismisses the other two, looking directly down at you. Without hesitating you nod, walking to the room with him, your grasp on his torso not falling, rewarded with a tender smile of his. Unbeknownst to you two, the other pair give each other a glance again, although this time it lingers on each other. Disappointment and exhaustion painting itself on their features before going back to the favors.
The wooden door shut behind you two, Mark makes way to the restroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, leaving you situated on the bed and confused. “What are we looking for?” You question with some excitement as if this was a task you truly wanted when making him happy was enough.
“Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?” He finally speaks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, hair strands damp. “They’re just fixing some stuff.” You ease softly, smiling up at him as he stares at you.
His hand perched on your shoulders, pushing you down on the mattress and met with a surprised squeaking giggle that he shut immediately with a kiss. Those same hands wrapped around your body pulling you flush against him as his tongue works against your own.
Lips became slick by the moment but he felt so much pour into that kiss. So much longing and desire. A mixture of lust and guilt and that balance may be why he felt the need to keep you here in this room with him and not out there with those vultures.
Possession is the word he’s looking for.
His hands began a journey down your body, feeling every curve until they rested on your hips. Inching closer to the hem of your shorts, teasing their entrance under. It was enough for you to gasp quietly, feeling his cold damp fingers while he kissed you, smiling into it. He swallowed every word and protest before you could even spew them.
Your own hands on his hair, lips submissive to his. A moan when you feel his digits fully in between your legs. You shake your head but not in protest but rather of how much you needed his touch. “Say something…” He whispers against your lips, no smile on his face. “Please…” You beg, his fingers making slow circles to not hurt you but enough to get you to lubricate and use that instead.
The scene was greedy and lustful but ultimately, he was reminded of those two out there and the reason as to why they were present lingered. Was the couch and cabinet door that important that you had to call the little crew? No matter how displayed you are for him, with your hands holding onto him, lips kissing his own, and legs open for his own disposition– Mark was still aggravated.
Softly he pulled away from you, caressing your face with his free hand while his fingers went to work. “Why didn’t you ask me to help instead of them?” He tries to seem soft spoken like his caresses but those become rougher the more he speaks. “Would you have done it?” There he knew how much little faith you had on him and the scene from a while back repeats.
“I’d go to the end of the world for you, Y/n.” Mark confesses into the kiss, neither of you too sure how truthful that was. His fingers make their entrance into you, slowly moving to elicit a response. Your body ran hot, his clothed figure above you, silently begging for you to at least believe a fraction of what he said. Those pleading and mopping eyes as he pumped his ring and middle finger, increasing the pace.
You believe me like a God,
‘You’re being so cruel.’ You want to tell him, to engrave it in his brain but it instead came out as a pleased disgruntled moan, one he took as accepting his lies. Mark smiles, head tilting to the side before lowering it to begin kissing your chest. Tongue lapping on the dents your collarbones create, whispering his ailments in them to the point of flooding and creating lakes that flowed down to your perked nipples after unbuttoning your blouse. His tongue, scorching and velvet against them. Granted was a jolt and a gasp when you felt his mouth wrap around one, biting softly to soon suction on the tit.
I’ll destroy you like I am.
Teeth grace your goosebump filled skin, kissing where his teeth left razor marks. Threatening crimson to spill only to be a false alarm, lingering pain and pleasure was all that was intended to reside. His fingers slowed the pace, blunt thrusts per second that left an ache between your legs when his palm came in contact with your outer skin, but oh how good it felt when his fingers hit your sweet spot. It doesn’t help that by this point he had inserted a third finger, the stretch causing so much more need within you.
His mouth travels up the path he created after years of savoring your body. Tongue feeding the dried stream, cool when its source disappeared to carve marks on your neck. It was so juvenile but he wanted you to go out of that room with some swelling for those two to see. Eliciting another moan from you, Mark’s free hand softly comes up to your mouth, covering and sealing it with shushes against your ear.
“Do you want them to know what we’re doing?” He whispers in the same location, you shake your head fervently, feeling hazy and growing even more needy. “Good girl.” He grins, removing his hand to hold your neck, pulling you in for another kiss. His teeth gracing your lower lip, softly nipping it to soon ease the pain he’s caused with his tongue– as he always does.
His fingers kept working their magic between your legs despite the constriction of your shorts, his wedding band no longer feeling cold inside of you but the fact that he didn’t think about removing it made you feel more aroused. To feel that metal piece unite you besides legality but through flesh and body.
Mark must have felt your growing arousal, especially with how much easier it was to ease his fingers within you. The clamping of your walls, more of a clue. In this instance he wanted to be cruel, and he attempted so. His hand stopped moving, rapidly getting out of your shorts and causing a desperate groan to leave your lips, legs quivering from the abrupt halt.
Just as he was going to cause a drought to the land of your skin and mouth, your hands took a hold of his body. Wrapping around his shoulders to hold him near, causing him to stumble slightly but not to topple over you; able to hold himself up. He won’t deny that knocked the wind out of him to a degree, feeling like in any instant he could have crushed you but pride and satisfaction soon filled him.
“Please, Mark… let’s finish at least.” You beg, your voice drunk off of his touch and whiny from how long it had been since you received anything from him. “Yeah? You want that?” He questions, making fun of you with that smug grin on his face, remaining features feigning compassion. He smiles at your desperate nod, mimicking the motion when he laughs quietly, kissing you again.
Swallowing every single one of your silent moans that he told you to keep quiet to not let those two outside know what he was doing to you. Thing is, he did want them to know, he wanted them to see how fucked you will look once he is done with you. He wants them to see how your legs spasm when trying to walk and see how marked and irritated your neck is. He’s simply making fun of you right now and you’re falling for it because you will be anything he wants. Even a fool.
His hand slowly slides off your shorts and panties, caressing your warm legs in the process. His once calloused fingers from his creative days that he left behind now soft and tender. You held his face in between your own hands, making sure he never kept too much distance between your lips, that fresh taste of mint still lingers on his tongue.
“But do you deserve it?” Mark immediately stops his caressing and kissing, the words echoing in the cavern of your mouth, you swallow them. His gaze is cold but curious, scanning your own for a response, a witty one.
In this instance he tries to remove his touch from you, your grip on him despite how his knee teases its clothed friction against your exposed and destitute clit. He had been denying you an orgasm for the past fifteen minutes, depriving the other two from knowing what was going on but Mark didn’t care, he was luxuriating in this.
“You’re being so cruel.” You finally say the words that had been covering the walls of your brain and heart. Needy yet angry tears prickling the corner of your closed eyes. It wasn’t just lust but the fact that he was playing dirty when you’re so vulnerable and in dire need of getting something from him. For once.
“You think so?” His knee stops, eyebrow quirking, shit-eating grin falling. You nod, a pout forming, making things worse. ‘Did you really have to cry now?’ He asks himself, huffing as he shakes his head, pulling down his sleeping shorts.
“You jump to conclusions so quickly, it's always such a shame.” He doesn’t dare look directly at your face as he speaks this, knowing that the constraint and squeeze of your heart was showing. No, instead you’re met with the warm feeling of his spit falling off his tongue onto your cunt, some on the tip of his cock.
To be given something forced you to shut your eyes, a moan of relief enclosed within the four walls of the bedroom you shared with him. It became louder when you felt the intrusion of his dick within your walls, his mouth covering yours to drown those sounds. He likes to cherish these sounds for his own entertainment.
He gives you a few seconds to adjust to him, the girth feeling foreign despite how familiar you are with every inch and crevice of his body. Slowly, he picks up the pace, raising your leg to prop it beside him. “See how things turn out when you’re patient?” He asks, searching for your eyes but they’re shut.
The most he gains are pleasured moans in the crook of his neck. Mark can’t figure out how satisfied he is with that answer, so his hand opts to slap the inside of thigh, causing you to whine but reward it with kisses to his neck.
To be fair you didn’t think this could last long. Not when you abstain from self gratification, knowing that only he can bring you to an orgasm and given it’s been a while since you two slept together, an orgasm was long overdue. The friction of his pelvis on your clit while he thrusted was not helping. Just feeling that extra sense of overstimulation while his shaft filled every nook and cranny of your cunt, feeling his length bulge in your stomach.
Holding your body to his, your face buried in his neck begging him to please let you come. The hand beneath you pushing you flush against his own body. If it wasn’t for his shirt as of now, he’d be more vocal with how well you’re both feeling his cock go in and out of you. For now he’s relying on his sweet words, worshiping how well you’re taking him.
Specifically: “Feel how perfectly you were meant for me, pretty girl?” He grabs your hand holding his shoulder, pressing it against your stomach and for some reason that makes you feel like you could come any second now, begging him silently to let you. To please grant you this one thing.
“Fuck, Mark… just give me this, please…” You cry out, eyes screwed shut, lashes wet from pained and pleasured tears. You felt it in your core, you felt how bad your body clamored for some release.
“How bad do you want it?” He asks, his own words struggling to come out unlike the pre-come lining your walls. “As much as you.” You claim, fingernails clinging to his skin, a shallow groan leaving him. He likes to know how much you need him and if you were going to the lengths of hurting him to leave your message, so be it.
With every thrust, your nails dig deeper into his shoulder blades, sliding down his back. Whether he was picking up masochism or basked in the pleasure of the sadism he inflicted, Mark felt it. He felt how he gave out before you. Spurts of come followed with desperate deep moans that you swallowed in dire need of your own release.
But he was cruel. Very fucking cruel that the second that he stopped spasming and decorating your walls, his actions halt. For a few seconds he holds his position, head on your chest trying to relax his body full of adrenaline. If he was to look at you, he knew your face would beg him for your own release.
After a minute or two he pulls away slowly, taking his shirt off and reaching for the wipes inside his night stand. He warms them with his breath, moving them around to disperse the heat, only to lay them flat between your legs to clean off anything that fell out (although not much), propping your legs up and laying some pillows behind your back so you could rest for now.
Tongue poking his cheek before sighing and turning his back to you. “That’s cruel.” He didn’t say anything furthermore, his voice harsh and cold. Locking the bathroom door behind him and leaving you sprawled on the bed, arousal immediately terminated and the only feeling was of regret for saying what you did and letting things go this far. You couldn’t cry either, the other two would probably cut you off this time for good. So you’ll deny your body from letting out its emotions again. Afterall, Mark has made you be so resilient in that aspect.
Jungwoo’s and Jaehyun’s tasks were complete by the time Mark had gotten out of the shower, lunch too. The entire time underwater he spent it beating himself for the decisions he’s made to let things go this way. A month ago he was content thinking his wife loved him despite his flaws but Jaehyun’s big mouth made him unravel slowly that he was doing more harm than building an eternal home. Mark was resentful, he’s not going to deny that. He hated how quickly theatrics and how easy things he saw as fine can fall.
It stung more that you were laughing uncontrollably with the other two, seemingly neither had anything to mention of the marks on your neck or the completely different outfit you have in comparison to the shorts and blouse from earlier. Hell, Jaehyun is sitting in his chair rubbing salt on the wound and you are not saying anything upon noticing Mark; it sucked the life out of him. A slug in a bath of salt.
“Sit, I’ll fix your plate.” You smile at him as if nothing had happened in the four walls of the bedroom, your conformity noticeable. By this point he had taken the cold seat he was unfamiliar with. Sitting across from you was not something he was accustomed to, not in his own home at least, but here he was, watching two men who actually do drop everything for you. Two men that were his friends first, cracking jokes just to make you smile and laugh at which you did, enough to hunch over, something you haven't done with him in a while.
Mark had blocked out the conversation completely, watching your moves and theirs. Your facial expressions and where your hands landed from time to time. That deafness fell when you placed the plate before him. The presentation made it obvious that others had gotten to your food before him. The mixture of ingredients painting the canvas of his plate faster than prior times when he was the first to cut through the masterpiece of your dishes. This time it was tampered and by the looks of Jaehyun’s still neatly moved around plate, he was the one to break through first.
Throughout lunch Mark tried his best to not speak, only replying when spoken to or agreeing in some sense. Things got worse when your cell phone kept buzzing and buzzing uncontrollably on the kitchen counter that made the other two give each other a glance, this time, not gone unnoticed by him and piquing his interest further.
The incessant buzzing continues, enough that Jungwoo sighs before lolling his head to give you a weird look. “Is it that dick?”
‘Oh?’ Mark thinks to himself, an eyebrow raising as he begins to chew slower. Your glare towards Jungwoo to hush him is futile when Jaehyun joins. “Haven’t you told him to stop bothering you after work?” He sounded angry, the type of rage Mark should have, not Jaehyun. In his mind: Jealousy and that made his feelings worse.
How selfish.
“What dick? What are you guys on about?” Mark was so annoyed and frustrated at this point that venom laced every single one of his words, spraying it as he flayed his hands. Your silence made it worse, more painful was that you did so while Jaehyun and Jungwoo took it upon themselves to explain. The two, immensely tired of you not saying anything, of not speaking up.
Jungwoo goes first, he knows, they work together for Christ’s sake. “What’s his name? Ah, whatever… Y/n’s floor colleague has been bothering her for a while, you should know.” He frustratedly shakes his head, fork digging into his plate without noticing the look Mark throws at you. “Yeah…” He mutters, eyes never leaving you, all knowing he’s lying and upset.
“You should really report him, Y/n-ie.” Jaehyun breaks through, forcing Mark’s neck to snap and look at him. He was just making things worse because all Mark could feel was his lunch rapidly collecting in his throat. Cutlery dropping from his hands.
‘Y/n-ie’?! What an insolent fuck! That’s what Mark thought of Jaehyun. How dare he use a diminutive for you? Who the fuck did he think he was? Not even he, Mark, your husband called you that. What a fucking asshole.
How selfish.
A coward too, he wouldn’t know how to react either way. Instead he revels in your words as a distraction. “My boss seems to like him a lot. The only one getting in trouble would be me.” You sigh, fork moving food around. Mark looked between you and your actions, you noticed him, that you took a few bites to make him stop.
“Why don’t you apply to where we work?” He suggests, chewing what was on his fork, now using it to point between him and Jaehyun. Foolish to not grasp yet how that would mean seeing Jaehyun more and having it rub in his face that even under the same roof you’ll run to him for favors.
You liked the idea, it was easy to notice how much you perked up at the fact that he suggested being together 24/7 no matter the different departments.
Jungwoo had other plans, “Then you’d leave me alone.” He pouts childishly. On other occasions he’d laugh too and call him cute but he doesn’t think he can see Jungwoo as fondly as before. “Move to my floor instead.” He continues to test the waters but is met with a kind giggle and shrug from you.
The afternoon transpired with finishing lunch. Jaehyun had insisted on cleaning the dishes while Jungwoo the pots. Mark on the other hand sat on the couch, eyes often stealing glances on how you interacted with the other two. If you tried to clean, they’d reject the idea and tell you to just go sit and do what Mark is doing: nothing; an obvious jab.
Ending their visit with discussing the kick-back Johnny was hosting at his place in a few weeks. Something about the Champions or US Open? You’re not sure. You were growing more worried about Mark, that you ended up telling whoever to just text you the deets. They smiled with a nod… and a kiss to your cheek as a goodbye while waving to Mark who perked at the scene. He felt his eyes warm and heavy. Not sure if they were tears beginning to form from jealousy or insecurity.
You throw him an acknowledging smile while making your way to the bedroom. He stood up, leaving the TV on to follow behind. Before you could open the closet door to fetch something to sleep in, you feel his arms wrap around you. There was desperation to his grab, his hold was rough. Your back hit his chest, feeling his exasperated breath on your neck. Soft kisses at first but nipping soon after to leave his name all over you again, claiming you since it seemed like the others weren’t being repelled.
“Mark?…” You call out, his hands knead your skin. “Why didn’t you tell me?… Why did you keep–” ‘everything’ he wanted to say, “that from me?”
“Come on–” you intend to plead but he’s not letting it go. “Why?!” He asks exasperatedly against your face while he leaves wet kisses on the skin, pleadingly. “I didn’t want to burden you.” You confess, a whine at the harsh grasp.
“You’re my wife! I need to know these types of things, Y/n. You can’t just keep things from me, how can we be good to– how can it be good for us?” He exclaims; angry and wailing all at once.
‘How can we be good together like this?’ He wanted to say, biting his tongue to not tell truths while sober. Mark didn’t know what it was, but it hurt. He had been thinking about this for weeks. How to ask you overall about the things you’ve hidden from him but now that he has the chance to bring it up, he can’t help but feel resentful and pained.
Why did you trust Jaehyun and Jungwoo more than him? He’s your husband.
He expected that once married, loyalty would be granted to him no matter what, one way or another. Just like she had granted it to Donghyuck despite how flawed their marital logic was.
Sure, he made things worse but would the universe be cruel enough for him to be in Hyuck’s shoes years later? He deserved it, he knew, something at least, but that ill side of him– what he had learned from her plagues him and demands you to love him unconditionally. To do things on your own without the help of others even when he’s the one to deny you any aid, when he’s at fault.
Mark is miserable and he expects you to be so too… even more than you already are.
Misery loves company.
His hands stopped their harsh kneading, turning you around to look at him. His tired and weary eyes looked straight into yours. But while he felt resentful and confused, you felt odd. Why was he acting like he cared all of the sudden? It was strange and while you appreciated it to an extent, you also hated it.
You weren’t used to it at least, and you weren’t sure if this act would last. You don’t want to admit it but that voice hidden in the vault of your heart loathes him more than anything.
“Okay…” You nod. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you things more often, yeah?”
“Please…”
You nod and he nods, pleadingly; he’s not content and neither are you.
After that discussion, the day transpired as if nothing had happened. He had returned to the living room leaving you to do whatever while he kept his distance. Only answering with hums and nods whenever you come out of the room.
Did you mind? No, it was so normalized it didn’t make you angry anymore. You actually felt like things were back to normal and this was sufficient enough. Mark on the other hand tried everything to ignore how he felt or regulate those emotions since he wasn’t too sure who he was mad with.
By the time he had figured he was over it, you had fallen asleep alone like all those times he did weeks prior. A warmth filled his chest at the thought. An inkling telling him to wake up before you do the following day just to leave that dissatisfaction you had left in him, not accounting with how disappointed you were with him already that it wouldn’t affect you in the slightest.
He wouldn’t do it, though. Not because he cared enough, but because he wasn’t planning on waking up early to be petty. What he will do is go back to the living room and let his fingers roam like Thing until those crumpled and messy pages sat on his lap and he laid on the couch, stereo system on.
Instantly he’s met with those familiar sharp corners and loops. Numbers, increasing and decreasing significantly. The larger ones bold from rage, the decreasing one's neatly written with smiley faces next to them. He still couldn’t figure out what they meant but he surely enjoyed the recipes you kept adding to the journal and the doodles of how they turned out. Although, he felt that they lacked so much substance.
All of these felt either welcoming or asked that he be eradicated from this earth for the way he’s breaching your privacy, acting like an over controlling strict father despite being your husband. Almost like his dad, but don’t tell him that or he’ll throw a fit. For having lived so many lives, he's surely turning into the worst version of himself.
Through more flipping to see if he missed anything, he came across some interesting notes. All which made his stomach churn and that pride he would once feel, turned to– well, some type of disgust and concern…
‘I’ll do anything for him but every day I’m going insane with tense trials. It’s fine. If I have to go insane to stay with him I will.’
Mark sighs heavily, hands covering his face to soon slide off hoping his flesh would fall with them, groaning to himself.
Fuck, he loved you. In a fucked up way he did but how much could he endure knowing things aren’t fine and dandy? Sure, his first instinct is to try and fix things but there’s also that part that won’t let him strive for any change and it’s winning.
Change hasn’t been the kindest to him in the past. Hell, it’s the reason he’s morphed into what he is now but you accept him this way. That’s what the incessant and pestering part of him told him to let things be and just act like he doesn’t know what you truly are.
He should be glad, no? To know that you love him so much that it’s killing you. Yet, he isn’t. He’s not sure why, maybe because of his deep buried true morality but he has also grown to be selfish and he wants to relish in the glory of your love until you hit a breaking point.
For once he doesn’t want to be a Bernal character and it seems this is where he is slowly breaking that pattern— albeit, he is not enjoying it either.
Perhaps it was the hour, his growing resentment, anger, and hurt, or he was overstimulated that caused the music in the background to tremble and clog his ears the longer he kept reading. Lists upon lists of things you had to do at work followed by entries on how much longer your hours would run every instance you paid no mind to that dick that the guys described.
Countless entries of your boss calling your attention after that asshole complains. Instances in which, despite how many pictures of Mark you put up in your cubicle, he makes an effort to make them disappear any time you’re not near. On company dinners, Jungwoo and you make it your life’s mission to slither away from the crowd– to be seen but not noticed, enough to not be reprimanded when you’re miles away from danger.
‘Jungwoo mentions in passing every opening in his floor as an incentive to ask for a transfer. Going as far as getting letters of assistance to request my temporary time in the department. Hours to days, they have been great but not everything lasts. With just one foot back inside in my department, the entire mood shifts and it’s back to reality.’
Mark doesn’t understand why his chest aches every time he reads your journal. Perhaps there’s a moderate amount of empathy but he also feels hurt knowing you’re hiding so much from him.
Years worth of things and even if you don’t say it, you make it known you hate the person he is. Mark is sure that if you weren't attached to him like you are, you’d loathe him the way you loathe everyone who has wronged you. He wonders how long it will be until your love runs out and he will finally become one of them.
He shouldn’t expect it but if it happened with Donghyuck who promised to never leave him, of course it can happen with you who he has wronged just as bad as his brother, even if you do everything in your power to prove him wrong. Mark tends to bite the hand that feeds him, if he gnaws for far too long, surely there will be consequences.
03:46, a warm night in 2008… Aggravated and nauseous from making your suffering about himself, Mark dictates that it was enough meddling for the day. Tiresome and bleary-eyed, head thumping achingly with the music debilitating him; Mark stands up frustratedly to turn off Sinead O’Connor angrily screaming ‘you’re a liar’ over and over making him forget about the journal on his lap.
The vegan leather taunts him with its loud thump against the floor, screeching as he picks it up but in the process he drops some notes. “Fuck me!” He curses frantically, knowing you’ll definitely know he’s been snooping when none of these end up where you originally placed them. He starts to panic, he feels his heart race dangerously, his aching head is now spinning, flipping through pages to see where he can put these in, yet in the process he stops.
“Don’t beat yourself up because of him. I’ll always be on your corner and so will Jungwoo. I love you, y/n. – Jaehyunie ♡”
I love you, y/n… Not ‘we love you’ but ‘I. I love you’.
Mark’s blood runs cold, his eyes bulge. In that moment he feels his chest and heart compress, squeezing the life out of him.
This is what Mark’s fears came to. He worried so much about your unconditional love becoming conditional, that the universe allowed him to see the incriminating clue that told him that sooner than later that was to happen. Right?
‘Dinner on me today! NO buts! Who else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?! XOXO — Snoops XD.’
The pitch black ink taunts him, questioning how recent or how old these must be. The handwriting felt juvenile with every smooth corner and small bottoms. The top of every letter felt bubbly and messy when connecting. Jaehyun’s could still be neat when messy and for some reason that bothered Mark more.
Unbeknownst to Mark, the papers were crumpling between his shaky fingers. As shaky as his breath restraining whatever he was feeling. ‘Who else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?’ Mark repeats to himself that same question for a hundred more times, each making him more angry. ‘Who else but her husband? Me!’ He wants to yell at the top of his lungs. Drill it in the minds of everyone in your shared circle. He was capable of taking care of you!
But being capable doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t nor put effort into doing so.
No, Mark didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to jump into conclusions of infidelity or anything down that rabbit hole. He knew you wouldn’t do it. He wants to think that, he wants to believe it. You’re literally ruining yourself for him, so why would you do all that to throw it all away? Regardless, he can’t swallow the lump in his throat.
He also once thought him and Hyuck would be in each other’s lives until they died. It later turned into him believing Hyuck would fade into the shadows of this earth and not ever see him because she would be his, choosing him, but that didn’t happen. In fact it was the opposite. He also didn’t become the renowned artist he was in his college years with a list full of connections that left him when he fell from grace.
He didn’t end up thriving in the studio where he was meant to start over and is now in a dead-end design engineering job because of his father and his connections, not Mark’s. Did he know anything about it going in? He knew the word design but oh god how far can connections go if he landed something like that.
Even you, he met you because of his father, and the bells of the life he avoided for years rang incessantly letting him know no one can run from their faith. No matter how hard they try.
It didn’t matter if he was or wasn’t in Hyuck’s shoes, it only mattered that he now knew how much pain Hyuck was going through seeing his wife rejoice in the care and love of men he considered friends. That and the fact that he was making your unraveling all about himself, at least they can share that too.
He couldn’t understand how you acted so peaceful and put together when during lunch he’d visit the cafes you frequented with Jungwoo and found you the same as the first time. Exasperated, vexed, and angry with a cigarette between your fingers when you two were to leave.
A chuckle on his lips remembering all the times you pestered him to quit smoking because you wanted him for many years to come. Now he’s not sure if you want to be with him as much, no matter how many times you write about it.
“You’re still a liar, you’re still a liar, you’re still a liar!”
Monday rolled around in which Mark swore to not allow Jungwoo another lunch date with you. Furthering his selfishness and restricting your moments of relief so he could take that time up. You wouldn't mind, right? It’s him after all…
It goes to say that when he stepped through the ample threshold of your floor with a cute little bag in his hand and some drinks in the other, that confusion crossed your mind before that thought was pushed back by adoration.
“What are you doing here?” You ask with a warm smile. You felt like a child whose parents never showed up for any activities but this one. That childish glee and relief of knowing that you are loved. “Can’t pay my wife a visit?” Mark retaliates with a cheeky smile, leaning in to give you a short but sweet kiss.
You want to say it felt like when you first began dating. So sweet, tender, and soft. How he was before you married and his facade fell, showing how dependent he was. His small acts of love come through.
You want to believe it so bad that you’re willing to push back the tiny voice in your head trying to force you to question what he wanted out of you if he was willing to visit you this far.
“Well yeah,” You giggle in an effort to leave your desk. “Come, let’s go to the rooftop.” Your hand takes a hold of his wrist, pulling him along until that incessant blob of human flesh presents itself right in front of you both, blocking the way.
“Well look at that. Your husband, right? Didn’t think you’d like the soft ones…” A mocking grin slapped on his face, arms crossed against his chest. He wasn’t much taller than Mark but he sure was confident to take a step closer to you both. Mark opts to carry all bags in one hand, twisting his wrist to hold your hand rather than you him.
You sigh, looking for ways to respond but Mark doesn’t give you time, walking around him with you in front, ignoring any calls from him to go back for a conversation. Such an insufferable man, Mark was aware but to you, this moment, you were still treating it like one of your earlier dates. His attentiveness and courage of protecting you. You missed that Mark and any resentment from marrying him faded for now.
“That’s him?” Mark breaks the silence, the walk to the rooftop consisting of him complaining from these few seconds they met. If he thought this much from only that timeframe, you wonder how long he would have lasted in your shoes.
You responded to his complaints with nods and hums, taking a seat across from him on the bistro table. He laid back on the chair relaxed, if it wasn’t for his babbling one would think he wasn’t really affected.
“And, I mean, he’s such a dick.” He groans, sitting up straight, his roll of eyes halting upon noticing you pick at one half of the sandwich.
Mayo wiped off, pickles on the bundle of used napkins, the turkey they touched on top of them, chunks of old avocado added to the tower. “What are you doing? Why are you picking at your food all of the sudden?” He leans against the table, elbows on the glass to be closer to you. In that instance, you stop your actions, looking at him through lashes before raising your head.
“Mark, I don't like these. I thought you knew by now…”
Fuck.
“No, yeah, I know. I’m sorry…” His hand leaves his chin, stretching it to hold yours. “Sorry, I forgot to check the order at the cafe, I didn’t want traffic to get me.” You smile at him, he smiles at you. You know he’s lying but it’s the thought that counts. “Plus, I think I came at the perfect time. Imagine I had come later and he had bothered you more?” His fingers squeeze yours, a little too hard if you say so.
He’s received with a shrug. “He’s a dick, like you said.” You giggle softly, pulling your hand away to wipe them with another napkin. “He doesn’t react like that with Jaehyun, though. Does everything to avoid him.” Your head tilts, reassembling the sandwich to presentability.
“Jaehyun?” You gave him that same look as when he questioned you seconds earlier, except it was softer and almost incriminating. You didn’t mean it in any form, more casually but after his findings, Mark can’t say he’s too happy with this information.
“Oh, well, when you can’t bring what I ask you to, I… sometimes ask Jae. So, they've met before…” Your gaze lowers, taking the other sandwich half onto your hands. “I think he’s scared of Jae, to be honest.” You giggle in attempts to break whatever tension you felt from your husband.
‘Jae, Jae, Jae. Christ, what a broken record.’ Mark thought, an urge to roll his eyes at the mention of his coworker. For fucks sake, he was the last thing he wanted to think about or even see. The only reason he saw him today was because of work but that should be it. He shouldn’t be hearing or thinking about his name here with you. Let alone hear it coming from you, his wife.
Stretching your hand towards him, you smile. “Here, eat the other half. These are huge on their own.” He took it, lunch soured by your incessant need to bring up Jaehyun and that dickhead from earlier.
Was this how he was paid? Making an effort to be a good husband just to have things be thrown in his face?
Lunch ended not too long after, he was on his own lunch break after all. It goes to say that his drop off and goodbye bid seemed lackluster in comparison to his greeting.
“Um, and don’t forget to file a floor change.” He gave you a tired smile and a quick kiss. It was the last thing he said to you while fixing any pictures of you two on your desk —three missing now— before heading towards the elevator.
Like an act of a malice-meaning demon, when reaching the twelfth floor, the doors yanked themselves open like a grand introduction to a world renowned boxer or an all-show wrestler, showcasing that smug pug-faced asshole. A silent chuckle upon placing himself next to Mark who slumped against the railing and mirror walls.
Mark greeted him with a huff, head lolling similar to his eyes. The feeling got worse when he heard him blubbering, “At first I thought that the other guy was her boyfriend. You know, tall, dimples; suits her better.” He nods to himself, egging Mark’s ringing ears.
Here they went again. Bringing Jaehyun into every conversation. It’s made worse knowing that this idiot felt even Jaehyun could be your partner. That no matter how many images of Mark you display, to the world only Jae was good enough for you. Because he’s the only one who shows up.
“He seems like an actual man or that guy from the floor below. The orange haired one, a little weird but he surely goes out of his way to not let me have some fun for the day.” He laughs, snorting at his abhorrence. He turns to Mark, swallowing that disgusting lump of mucus in his throat, hand itching to come in contact with Mark’s smooth cheek. A pat of mockery. “She’s doing charity work with you.”
Ironic, Mark would say. Ironic that he thinks you’re doing charity work with him when this idiot was never an afterthought. The older man insists on glaring at Mark, not letting their gazes drop, seeking any response from Mark even when the elevator rings, letting them know they’ve hit the garage lobby. He felt victorious feeling as if he had struck a nerve when Mark hopped off without a peep. Only for his triumph to be shut down shortly after.
“No wonder she has never mentioned you before. You’re repulsive to even think about and a sorry excuse for a man.”
A disgusted scowl replaced Mark’s poker face, glaring at the once mocking jackass whose face had sagged, shock turning into anger that he didn’t know how to express before the doors closed, making his target disappear from view.
Mark might have felt great in the moment but things could only go worse for you. He didn’t think about the consequences of his actions. He never did. He didn’t think about how it would affect you at work and the repercussions you faced for the weeks to come. Mark hadn’t processed he was at fault until your journal became frantic, pages with holes from how hard you wrote on them. Crumpled from the anger you couldn’t express besides abusing those pages.
He didn’t notice because he was indulging amongst the side notes and words highlighted with your tears about how scared you were of losing him. Your quick remarks on how you felt him pulling away or acting odd. Imploring to whichever higher being to not take him from you if that was the case. While you’re wallowing in the pits of your sadness hoping he won’t leave you, Mark enjoys the feeling of warmth seeing your desperation.
It meant you loved him, right? With how things were going on with Jaehyun, Mark took any crumb of your love that only felt real when you wrote about it. It’s hard to understand why he didn’t feel it was real when it came from your lips but it did when you confessed to the things you’ve put yourself through for him. For him, not Jaehyun, him, Mark. That felt like love.
Right, only on paper it felt like love. Not like now that you found yourself in Johnny’s kitchen with Jaehyun next to you like a guard dog, chewing your ear off with whatever he was saying despite your look of anguish. A worrying look to Mark and the likes of his— well, your friend it seems.
He had been enjoying the final match with Johnny, Yanyang, and the other coworkers they shared. You had been sitting by his side for most of it but it wasn’t until a few minutes ago that Jaehyun pulled you aside, asking for your help to make some drinks for the rest of the guests but now he was holding you hostage, begging you to drink some water.
Mark figured the drinks you had were getting to you and Jaehyun could tell. He won’t say he’s fond of that fact. That Jaehyun knows you well to the point he can tell when you need to be cut off.
Mark tried not making it obvious but when only his head isn’t turned to the TV and the host is making sure his guests are having a good time, well it’s hard to miss. Johnny notices it too, how Jaehyun was fixing you a slider, the words: “You haven’t eaten well, stop trying to fool me.” sternly spewing from his mouth.
No mayo, no pickles, no condiments at all. Just a plain cheeseburger slider. He knew how you liked it by heart and that’s something that makes Mark’s heart pound in hate.
The feeling becomes worse when your whispering turns frantic and almost audible for the rest to hear. Your words whining like you wanted to cry about how hellish work has become after Mark’s visit. Jaehyun shakes his head, hands pressing against the counter to lean against with an angry look on his face. That infamous look of hollow cheeks and sunken dead eyes. He wanted to say something but knew it was best to be a shoulder to lean on.
“And don’t tell me to talk to him about it because what’s the use?! You know how he is. I love him, I do but—” Your hands come in contact with your forehead, shaking it a bit, “Why can’t he just be a tad bit like you?…” You hiccuped, hands slowly sliding down to your mouth as you shut your eyes. It wasn’t a sign of regret but exhaustion, vile stuck in your throat.
Jaehyun’s face softened, standing up straight to turn to you. To some form of comfort, his hand extends to rub your back, pulling you in for a side hug while you try to hold in whatever you feel. Jaehyun understands your words come from a place of hurt but confessions like that can be taken wrongly.
“Why can’t he be just a tad bit like you?...” Just like Mark had, who now felt his heart shatter. Disillusioned and hurt, stupid for thinking that you would want him no matter what. Worse off, it was Jaehyun who you confessed that to. Someone that everyone thought was a better fit for you.
I’m sorry I’m the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.
Johnny took it upon himself to raise the volume of the TV, sparing Mark from any more anguish and saving your business to be heard by the other guests who by the graces of God were more interested in who would win the Stanley Cup this season.
His attempts didn’t work. Mark felt his world crashing down on him in this instance. He wanted to go out and scream, cry even, at the reviving memories flashing through his head. He’s seen this before— no, he’s experienced this.
Her cries to him about Hyuck to soon commence their affair in that same instance. If that was to happen in these walls, Mark thinks it’s his time to take a leap out of Johnny’s apartment balcony.
So when you leave me, I should die. I deserve it, don’t I? I can feel it getting near.
The vile stuck in your throat had been persistent on coming out, enough to push Jaehyun out of the way to run towards Johnny’s bathroom. It’s amazing how enthralled with the game his guests were to not notice anything happening behind them. To not feel Mark’s radiating poison as he watches his wife and ‘friend’ rush towards the bathroom, door slamming behind him. If it wasn’t for Jeno’s and Yangyang’s cheering scream, they would hear you hurl the slider into the toilet bowl, crying along with self-disgust.
Mark couldn’t hold it in anymore; abruptly he stands, ignoring Johnny’s sympathetic look. Not only for him but for you too, aware of Mark’s own flaws. He had thoughts of barging in and blowing Jaehyun’s ear off with his barking. Questioning you about what was going on, but he slowed down when he heard you hiccup and cry before and after vomiting. Jaehyun’s soothing hushes to you making his head spin but innocent enough.
Innocent until he opened his mouth. “Shh, it’s okay. Let it out, it’s okay, pretty girl.” Jaehyun coos into Mark’s eardrum through a megaphone to imprint the notes of his voice onto his brain.
Pretty girl. That’s his pet name for you, Mark’s pet name. Hurt floods him when you make no effort to correct him and present this fact.
Since when have you become someone else’s pretty girl?
He couldn’t take it any longer, angrily slamming the door open to watch Jaehyun soothing you with backrubs, holding your hair as you went.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Mark spits out venom, mimicking that of a cobra. His eyes widened by hot fury as he approached you two. You wanted to speak, but the invasion from your gut stopped you, tears being the only thing you were able to respond with.
Jaehyun on the other hand gives him a look as if to tell him to calm down, that everything was fine, more worried about your well being than Mark’s insecurities. “Just helping her out, calm down.”
It aggravated him how collected Jaehyun’s words were, how little mind he paid him or how you made no effort to have Jaehyun stop giving you supportive squeezes (almost like you weren’t fighting for your life).
Mark huffs, hands taking purchase on his waist watching you two, the volume to the television and the guests drawn out by your heaving. He whispers, walking towards Jaehyun with that same menacing look– eye roll worthy, Jaehyun would say.
“I just fucking heard you, she’s my wife. What the fuck are you trying to do?” His finger rose to poke at Jaehyun’s shoulder. The taller one of the two feeling offended by Mark’s accusations and thoughts that he’d snake him like that. Jaehyun was not Mark.
“Sorry, that’s on me,” Jaehyun slaps Mark’s hand away, creating some distance. “I'm just helping her—” “Back the fuck off, she’s my wife…”
Tired enough by this facade, Jaehyun scowls at Mark, pushing past him towards the door. “Then don’t be a shitty husband and she won’t have to seek other people to do what you can’t! I know how to respect marriages well enough, if anything I’m just helping her. Something you should do for once in your fucking life.”
Jaehyun bites back, watching Mark’s face falter as he slams the door behind him while you continue your sobbing. Overwhelmed by your bodily reaction but mostly for what just ensued in this room. With no form to defend yourself and Jaehyun. Hurt that Mark thought you two would betray him like he’s done to those before you.
You believe me like a God, I’ll betray you like a man.
In that instance Mark wanted to run to Jaehyun and gouge his eyes out, rip his stupid freshly bleached hair out, and beat him until he was nothing else than liquid matter. The words rang horribly inside his head to the point he was seeing red, his vision blurred and stars were floating in his eyes.
History was repeating itself and he was finally paying his wrong doings. He thought Jungwoo and Jaehyun were his friends but Hyuck thought the same of him and now he’s found himself in this predicament.
You're sweet, you're lovely. You go out of your way to make Mark happy so it was him all along. He's the problem and karma is finally making him pay the price.
Jaehyun understood it was his fault for being careless and using pet names but can one blame him when he was worried? Someone has to if not the one who bowed to do so. Even when he’s gone from eye sight, Jaehyun’s efforts are felt through Johnny who knocks on the door. Mark opens it slightly, Johnny standing before him with a glass of water and baking soda. Telling him about how Jaehyun sent him before leaving; for you to swish your mouth with this and drink some sparkling water to soothe your stomach ache.
Mark took it without a word, nodding at Johnny before shutting the door in his face as if this wasn’t his home. You were up on your feet by the time Mark turned around, lid closed as you flushed the toilet, reaching the sink to rinse your mouth before taking the glass from his hand. No words from either of you.
He looked at you through the mirror, arms crossed and factions softening upon noticing how tired and sick you looked. Gauntly, lips and eyes puffed out, and cheeks streaked. It was best to go home after that incident, only giving Johnny an apologetic goodbye while the rest of the guests paid no mind. On your end you were out of the apartment already, embarrassment laced on your face.
And even through the car ride, all you could think about was Mark’s words and actions. Memories of Mark smugly telling his ex-best friend words Jaehyun spat at him flooded his vision, making it dangerous for him to be driving. To his side you grunted in discomfort, feeling as if vile was to rise from you again but he paid you no mind, made no effort to comfort you, more focused on his own feelings.
The look Hyuck had on his face eight years ago was the one Mark mirrors this night. One way or another one will pay for all their sins and you were his cross.
He didn’t talk to you for the remainder of the night. Didn’t care enough to question why you fell ill or how frightened you were about the possibility that this may be it, that this was his excuse to leave you behind.
The thoughts, his actions and words clouding your mind through your shower, skin care routine, and brushing your teeth. Spending minutes upon minutes doing the latter, disgusted by yourself. Brushing away all the vile you wanted to throw at him but instead ended down Johnny’s plumbing. For only Jaehyun to hear and understand.
Mark laid down on his side by the time you came out of the bathroom. You knew he was angry, his stiff body making no effort to move even when feeling the bed sink under your knees. He tried not to move when he felt your arms wrap around him seeking comfort in his warmth, but Mark wasn’t willing to give it to you. Without a care if he hurt you, which is what he did.
“Why don’t you love me anymore?”
Your words made his eyes open. Startled, his body hardens under your touch, almost like your upcoming tears were freezing him on the spot. Damp on his sleeping shirt but hot on his back. He turns abruptly, pushing back a bit in the process. “What are you even ta—”
“Why don’t you love me anymore?!” You cut him off, voice raising to something he’s never heard before. “You’ve been so distant. More than usual and I can’t take it anymore!” Your palms cover your eyes, pushing back tears, forbidding you to look at that mocking grin on his face as he shakes his head in disbelief.
You’re the one who grows distant when I beckon you near.
His voice on the other hand makes sure you know how he feels. “You think so? I think this is the closest I’ve been to you.” He chuckles, taking into account that look of confusion on your face as you put down your hands, resting them on your lap. “Why don’t you tell me anything, Y/n? You tell Jungwoo everything. You ask Jaehyun to do everything for you. I’m your husband, why don't you don’t you trust me enough?”
Your confusion falls, disgust and anger replace it. “When I ask anything out of you, you never want to nor know how to do it.” Your voice was hurt, head shaking a tad with every syllable, hate laced into each one. He hated how much your reaction resembled Jaehyun’s.
He doesn’t want to admit you’re right, “You ask the most absurd of favors.” He scoffs, sitting up to be face to face with you. “Are you fucking serious? You’re a grown man who can’t cook or clean for himself. Up until I saw you at the bakery I thought you didn’t know where it was but then I saw you with another girl there.” You huff, arms flailing like when you’re with Jungwoo.
There would be some satisfaction in him to know your true self is here talking with him but bringing old news made him groan. “I thought you said it was fine and we’d drop it there.” He takes into account the glare you’re throwing him, smoke coming out of your ears the longer neither of you speak.
If he had known a few drinks would do this to you, he would have not let you drink. The thing is, Mark pays no mind to you to not notice you’ve drank mocktails all night. He was more worried about Jaehyun than you.
“It’s not fine when you’re with some other girl to a place you keep avoiding when I ask you to go. Is it because of her? Is she the one taking my place now?” Your voice came out choppy, acheful, with the question, inhaling and exhaling to calm yourself down.
He on the other hand doesn’t take it kindly, annoyed that you’d think about him that way but that's what he’s been thinking about you, so what difference does it make? It would not be his first rodeo, so are you that insane to think of him like that?
I’ll betray you like a man.
Mark stands from the bed, crouching to eye-level with you as if you were a child he’s lecturing. “It’s not because of her, I don’t give a fuck about her! I barely know her, she is just an intern, and hasn't been there for a month now! We were sent by my boss!” His fingers poke his temple, in a form to tell you to get it through your head.
“But I’m right? You don’t love me anymore.”
Mark stands up straight in disbelief with your words despite none defending his case coming from his own mouth. He could see how your heart was crushing with every passing second.
The truth is hiding in your eyes and it’s hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood.
“All this time I thought you were calm… level headed— but you're the opposite... you don’t talk to me, you tell Jaehyun and Jungwoo everything. Why can’t you tell me everything? Why can't you need and trust me?” His voice softens, calming down.
“Because you don’t ever want to listen to me! I can’t need you when you do everything in your power for me not to!” Truth is, he did know how to clean and cook for himself, he's done it before but he's grown selfish and dependent.
Your outburst left him speechless, all the sighs he had to give stuck and dispersed through every crevice of his interior, poisoning his flow. He knows you’re right but he doesn’t want to believe it.
“I give and give and give but I never receive! I love you so much, it's become so painful that I rather let it slide than be far from you.” You crawl closer to the edge of the bed, hoping to minimize the distance between you two. The feeling of proximity only seems to feel farther, leaving room for a blizzard to rest between you two.
Mark knows he’s not man enough, your coworker said it. He knows he doesn’t help or take care of you, Jaehyun and Jungwoo told him so. None of these men had to tell him for him to know he doesn’t deserve you. It just so happens to be that Mark is selfish and wasn’t able to process it until now. He swore he believed you through writing but now, with you telling him directly— reality is forcing itself upon him.
“I think we should take a break.”
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
“What?” You ask confused and startled, looking up at him with fury in your eyes. “What? Don’t be fucking stupid. We’re married and we’ll stay this way! It's not as easy as you let out, asshole.” You sniffle, getting off the bed now, approaching him despite the gap he’s formed between you two. In all senses.
“You’re just not who I fell in love with anymore.”
You wanted to rip his hair out, claw his skin and inject your pain and love into him so he could understand what you felt. You knew he was selfish but how fucking stupid could he be?
“You’re so— you’re no fucking better than anyone else. You fell in love with the idea you made of me. Whatever the fuck that is! Any chance you get to see the real me you shut me down, Mark! Why can’t you just love me?! Not the stupid girl you thought I was.”
Your cries stopped, hands taking purchase on his arms, squeezing tighter with the adrenaline of wrath coursing through your veins. You were tired, tired of his foolishness and in times like these, you weren’t going to let him ruin what you’ve built.
“You fell in love with an idealized version of me too, if you’re still this in love.” Mark gulps, making no effort to move but his eyes felt heavy and tired. Hurt even, not sure if for himself or for you, empathy winning for once. Pity sounds better.
You think that I can’t see what kind of man that you are. If you’re man at all.
“I see you for who you fucking are. You’re selfish, you don’t want to do things for others unless you’re getting something out of it. You weaponize your incompetence for me to do things for you. You’re insecure especially with other men around me because you think of yourself exactly the opposite as them unless they’re more pathetic compared to you.” Your finger poked his chest, reminiscing on how he began berating Jaehyun.
“You’re especially jealous of your friends because they offer more for me than you do and that’s your fault. You project your insecurities and mistakes onto them and me because you’re a bad friend, husband, and ultimately a bad person. Yet I’m still with you because I love you— even with everything you put me through and how you can’t help but compare me to— to her! Get over it and through your head, that was loneliness and you were the easiest victim. No one leaves their husband for someone they don't love.”
Like the pathetic man he was, he broke down. No amount of swallowing and gulping down the knot in his throat would go away. Tears streamed down his cheeks upon hearing you project onto the world what you had whispered to the toilet bowl earlier. Mark wasn’t aware that you knew about Hyuck and her but he wouldn’t doubt if you had come across letters from them both in the past just like he came across your journals.
Having you voice what he had been thinking about since that experience caused his world to finally see true color, despite you being purposely vicious. He knew what that fling meant for her, for Hyuck, and for him. It just so happens that it meant more for him and here he was taking it out on the only person who has stuck by his side.
You loved him but you also hated him and that was more than clear to him now.
“Better reason for us to take a break. You deserve better… I’m sorry I’m the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.” He sighs, sniffling, throwing his head back to not let any more tears shed.
“I don’t care. If I go without you I’ll—I…” you clinging your nails to his shoulders trying to cut off your words. You knew what you wanted to say wasn’t healthy, not for you and not for him. Mark knows this, weeks of reading your entries allowing him to understand what goes within the walls of your brain.
"Y/n please stop... you’re hurting me." It doesn't change the fact that feeling it was worse than reading it. “Then you’re a coward who would die within an hour in my shoes if I treated you the way you treat me.” You sternly and ferociously spit. He wails before doing the only thing he knew would calm you down.
Leaning in, he kisses you, meekly. Pouring in the love he once had for you and the remaining he has now. But your body rejects it, feeling how phony it is. Pushing him off, running to the restroom to repeat the happenings of earlier. Mark sighs in relief to have you not corner him but in this instance concern floods him.
He follows you to the bathroom, standing by the door frame with crossed arms. Watching you hold your hair like Jaehyun had done earlier. Tears back in your eyes as you continue to lash out your rage against the white porcelain that's witnessed this on other occasions. Although this was one that should symbolize happiness, yet it’s clear you both won’t take it as such.
Mark took a look at his watch, 11:28PM. “Come on, get your shoes. I’ll take you to urgent care, you probably just need some electrolytes.” He approaches you, aiming to help you up but you resist, shaking your head defeatedly.
“I’m not drunk.” You let out through gritted teeth. “No?” He questions smugly, annoyed at your rejection. “They were mocktails. These are normal symptoms.” He gives you a quizzical look. “Look in the drawer, Nancy Drew.” You huff, mocking him for his detective work these past weeks. It was only natural he’d find out eventually if he kept meddling in your journals.
With furrowed eyes, and look remaining, Mark pulls at the white drawer, the cold metal burning his warm hand. He digs and digs through piles of papers. All bills or old letters neither of you cared enough for. Reaching the bottom Mark feels something solid wrapped around a newer piece of paper. In comparison to the yellowing pages, this was white and bright, tied with a rubber band around the solid material.
He throws you a quick glance while taking it into his hands, unraveling the rubber to open it and come to view with three sticks, all with matching two-pink stripes. Any ounce of hope to restart is gone with the weight in his hands. Disappearing when he read the paper.
Mark reads it over and over, finally having the courage to look at you. His eyes wide and dim, reflecting on your cold angry ones. This was it. It was his life. What you would have taken as a beautiful moment, you can now agree this seals your faith. The look you gave him mirroring his misery. At least now you both were on board for once, basking in the fact this was a deadend no matter what.
You both know nothing will get fixed, all there is left is to pretend for the life that’s growing within you. Wreckless as ever, and the cycle of life continues. An innocent life to suffer the trails of a failed relationship for years to follow. That’s all Mark knows, that’s all you know. Generational curses don't end with either of you.
if you liked happy together: it’s too bad you’re married… to me, you’ll enjoy: stupid girl !
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“We met in the worst circumstance possible, but yet, even if we had to meet in different circumstances, I’d still fall for you.”
SUMMARY. While Jeno and Renjun put their pasts behind them and look onwards disowning their brothers, Donghyuck and Mark try to do things the right way, but find themselves in hot waters with the law. They all want to move on, but it seems as though fate has other plans.
Areum doesn’t come to school on Friday as well as on Saturday. Donghyuck is partially worried that something bad might’ve happened to her, and so when he gathers up enough courage to inform his mother of his concern, she tells him that her Areum's mother called in sick to say she wasn’t feeling well.
Donghyuck can’t say much as Areum doesn’t show up again on the next week. He can only hope that she’s okay, and it begins burning inside of him of what he should do, because at this point he so desperately wanted to tell someone about what the Uncle has been doing to the girl. If he told anyone at the school, they’d surely not believe him because it was a personal and family matter and didn’t involve him.
Aside from worrying about Areum, he also began worrying about Mark. Mark hadn’t gone back to his old ways, but he picked up on a suspicious habit of always stalking Jeno and his alleged girlfriend. According to Mark, he saw Dae, the rich girl (the girl whose house they broke into) and Jeno give each other kisses and immediately knew that they had something going on. It had Donghyuck curious, but at the same time fearful of what his friend was going to do. So sitting down one afternoon together in the park, they’re both eating some bread while watching people pass by. Donghyuck takes the opportunity to address his friend.
“How’s your stalking journey?”
Mar sighs. “Wild.”
Waiting for Mark to explain, Donghyuck doesn’t say anything. Yet upon the silence intensifying he turns his head to Mark. “Wild how?” Mark looks like he’s in deep thought as he’s eating on his bread. He shrugs his shoulders. “Come on man, you’ve been at it for some days now. Following them and updating me on their life. How did things get wild?”
Mark blinks and looks to Donghyuck. “He’s got your eyes.”
Donghyuck tries to decipher the words, but they make no sense. “He’s got…my eyes?”
“You know,” Mark chews on his last bread before sitting up properly and turning back to his people watching. “He doesn’t drink anymore, doesn’t zone out like a drone, and now he makes decisions for himself. Whereas in the past he always depended on me. I don’t know man,” Mark brings his knees forward to wrap his arms around them. “Seeing my brother looking perfect while being with her makes me feel….”
“Like a fuck up,” Donghyuck leans his back against the tree trying to understand Mark.
“Nah, seeing you makes me feel like a fuck up. I should’ve stayed in prison. This life is not for me.” Mark snorts out a little laugh. “But seeing my brother makes me feel like this life is for him.”
“Mark don’t be like that,”
“I don’t belong out here, I mean, what’s the point of freedom and living like shit? Or going day by day eating bread?”
Donghyuck pats Mark’s back. “Mark I’m sure there’s purpose in your life if you look past your mistakes,”
Mark sighs before closing his eyes and turning his head to the side to get some sleep. He was going through the stages of grief and he hated it. First it was denial of what his life had come down to. And then it was anger that he couldn’t do anything else with his life. And then he began bargaining with whether or not he deserved to be free or not. Before the depression sunk in that even if he were to be locked up it wouldn’t do anything to him. And finally he accepted that his life was really shit and that he had no will in him.
So the next morning comes, and of course Donghyuck is already gone to his work, leaving Mark to wonder around back to Jeno’s apartment and watch from afar how his brother and ‘girlfriend’ leave their apartment together and go for their daily stroll. He follows them being several feet behind until they land up in a secluded park. As he’s sitting down on a bench and watching them work out together with smiles on their faces.
Jeno this time is in control of their activities and does stretches here and there. It makes Mark smile seeing his brother looking so free, happy and sober without a care in the world. Jeno looks especially happy when she smiles at him and plants kisses on his temple. Whatever they’re doing and talking about makes Mark feel like he needed to protect his brother from anything destroying and disturbing their peace.
So as they’re done working out and begin to head back home, Mark follows behind them ensuring they get back safe. Time flies by with the sun beginning to set, and it’s not until Jeno leaves the house and takes the red car with him does Mark feel that he should head on back to the park where he and Donghyuck rested. But upon seeing Dae leave the house moments later, he cautiously follows her. It seems like she was just taking an evening walk without Jeno. However, it’s alarming because Mark notes that as he’s following Dae, another guy also seems to follow her.
She’s not aware, but Mark is. Upon seeing the hooded frame of the person following and getting closer to her, Mark quickens his pace making sure that this person isn’t seeking to hurt her. And just like Mark predicted the man immediately grabs a hold of Dae and drags her into the alleyway. Mark is quick in running in and stepping in. Dae tries screaming but it doesn’t sound too loud, as the assailant has a knife to her throat. She puts up a fight, alarming the guy to be sharp when trying to get her to stop moving. Dae doesn’t stop, using the self-defense lessons Jeno taught her.
But still Dae is in frantic heaps of fear when wondering how long will she need to do this for. This guy is bigger than her and buffer then her. When seeing another man appear she screams. "Help!”
“Hey! Let her go!" Mark not needing to be told twice sharply steps in and lands a crossed punch on the other man's cheek- Dae is free of his hold and moves away from the man seeing the stranger gripping onto the person who held her captive.
Getting a look at his face, the stranger who helped her she gasps. But he glares at her. “Run!” And with that she begins running as fast as she can. She doesn't look back, doesn't try to see the face of the man who helped her. She hears a loud scream but adrenaline takes over her and all she does is run back to her home. As soon as she gets home, she's quick to call the apartment security to alarm them of what happened. No sooner than later, she hears the sirens and breathes out normally.
Hopefully the person who stepped in didn’t get hurt badly and that the security got there on time. She just can’t believe that it was him…Mark.
S2: EP16 -20
[Dae's residence. 2 weeks later]
"How can we be out of milk so quickly? I bought 4 whole packs," Dae sighs, closing the fridge when remembering Jeno's excessive intake on his milk and egg yolk mixture. She walks to the pad stationed on the kitchen counter. A 'to do' grocery shopping list. Not just any tea, but green tea with herbal and ginger spice. Herbal medicine is the best medicine. After boiling water and making fresh green tea she heads up the stairs to her shared bedroom.
"Baby you awake? Bae?" she calls getting in the room taking careful steps making sure to not step over the tissue boxes on the floor. She sits on the edge of the bed while placing the tray on his bedside folding her arms when Jeno shifts around pulling the blankets over his head like a child.
"I'm still sleeping," He mumbles out.
"You're such a baby," Dae says nudging his side resorting to tickling him knowing he has a very hard yet soft body when it comes to tickles.
Jeno erupts out an unexpected laugh before groaning out while still chortling painfully under the blanket whenever she pokes his side. He reflexes instantly by coming out the blanket getting a hold of her hands- causing her to stop with an amused face. He tiredly smiles with his eyes slightly open. He yawns and with the early morning stress he has, he gently brings her on top of him adjusting her position over him as she straddles him. Dae giggles running her hands over his hair, neck and shoulders. Jeno turns his head to the side seeing the light pigmented tea.
"No milk?" His cheeks puff out yawning out a little. He dives in for a morning kiss but Dae moves backwards shaking her head. "Don't I get morning kiss?" He asks mixed with a little cough.
Dae laughs. "Morning kisses with you lead to more than just kisses. And, you've got a cold coming on. So no. Plus you finished all the milk with your home made power protein drink," she gets off him sitting crisscrossed as he sits up getting comfortable by the dashboard. She holds onto his hand while he ruffles his hair with his other hand.
"I just wanted a kiss," he grumbles. "No milk, no kiss, is this what life has come down too?"
Dae rolls her eyes, patting his cheek. "How'd you sleep? You were coughing a lot last night," she informs. He shakes his head parting his hair from his eyes.
He picks up the mug and brings it close to his lips. "Hot," he mummers and puts it back down. "Something was clogging up my throat at night," he explains. "Must've been yesterday's photoshoot,"
"Were you shooting outside?" Dae questions placing the mug back on the plate.
"Mhm," He nods his head wrapping his arms around her waist. "The location of the houses your dad built were far, set in windy places. But this hasn't happened to me before," he says trying to kiss her again.
"There's a first time for everything," She blocks his attempt at another kiss with a playful smile and gets off the bed. She kisses his forehead bringing up the blanket over his shoulder. "Keep warm baby, I'll be back a bit later."
"You off to work?"
"No," She shakes her head playfully winking. "I called in sick. I'm gonna go down to the pharmacy and get some syrup. While I'm at it I'll buy some groceries too. Please stay put, don't go anywhere. I'll be back soon." she smiles at him. Covering his tea, he uses his hand to bring her back to him where places his lips over her lips. She finally gives in and he moans into the kiss.
She chuckles in between the kiss, "Do you want me to get sick?" She whispers.
Jeno laughs and lets her go, "Sick with my love of course,"
“Get some rest.”
With that the front door shuts, indicating that she’s left the house to run some errands. Unlike her words for Jeno to get some rest, Jeno gets off the bed and begins getting ready for the day. Originally today was supposed to be his day off and Dae was supposed to be at work. So it’s a bit unraveling for Jeno that she didn’t go to work – reason being, because on most day offs, once a month he’d have an appointment with Officer Na Jaemin. He didn’t like keeping things from Dae, but when it came to matters concerning his verdict checkup, or even issues concerning his brother Mark, he preferred for Dae not to know anything. That part of their relationship was still a bit of a touchy subject. He hopes she won't be around for when Officer Na Jaemin comes around. No sooner than later, as soon as he's done changing and goes to his little study room to edit the photo's he took yesterday- there's a knock on the front door.
Wiping his nose with some tissue, he goes over to the front door unlocking it. "Officer, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting since yesterday?" Jeno welcomes with open arms.
"Jeno," Officer Na greets with a polite smile getting into the hug. Never in a million years would he think that he'd become well acquainted with a former convict. As Jeno went to county jail- Jaemin from time to time came for round up checkups. Within those days of keeping up with him, he ‘sort of’ started getting to know the boy better. "A police never gets a day off, you should know that by now," Jaemin jokes taking a seat on the couch with Jeno following. "Especially with Jisung as my partner."
Jeno chortles. "Aren’t you and Jisung getting along?"
Jaemin nods his head. "I don't even know what getting along means at this point. But we're close enough. He asked me to watch his frog."
"Frog?" Jeno is taken aback before laughing out slightly.
"Anyway," Jaemin leans forward picking up the sweet wrapper on the table. "Is there a reason why you wanted me to come here instead of our usual morning spot?"
"Dae's coming back any time soon, and she wanted me to stay put,"
"Mmm the Miss," Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows with a naughty smirk- before Jeno hits his side. "She's one lucky woman, is all I'm saying. Any who, I thought you called me over here because of your brother. I’ve got some news on him. Do you know what the doctor said?"
Jeno turns serious and shakes his head. "His legs are fucked up pretty badly, so now he’s on a wheelchair. They need me to watch over him as his brother. I mean with the way the doctor said it, I had to agree to look after him. Problem is, I haven’t even told Dae about it. She freaked out the first time he came over. In her head, she can never forget what Mark did to her when he was alone with her.”
“I can only imagine.” Jaemin sighs out. “Has he come over before his injury?”
“No. Not even a call, nothing out of the ordinary. I asked Dae to start taking up most of the house errands just to avoid Mark coming by and she’s around. He traumatized the shit out of her, so I can’t let her see him again.”
“I was supposed to come yesterday to inform you of his release but you were occupied. Unfortunately, they’re going to discharge him in half an hour. As his parole officer I have to bring him to the comforts of a relative that will look after him. That’d be you. I’m glad you agreed.”
“Even though I agreed, Officer Na, you have to understand me when I say I can’t take him in. Can’t he just go to Donghyuck or something?”
“I know what you’re saying, I can even understand why you don’t want him in your life again,” Jaemin says. “But they’re letting him go in an hour and he needs a place to stay. He and Donghyuck been living out in the streets like homeless people ever since they got out of prison. Taking him to Donghyuck would be like abandoning him. I doubt Donghyuck would even want to take care of him. He’s on a wheelchair and he can’t take care of himself. Come on man, the worst he could do is roll over your toes. I believe he can’t hurt you or Dae in the state he’s in. If you like, I’ll come by and do regular check-ups.” Jaemin gives all his best commitments. “I’ll even talk to Dae if you need me too.”
“Roles have reversed since we saw her family. Her dad wanted me to quote on quote man up for his daughter if I want to continue seeing her," Jeno mumbles. “I’ve taken up a lot of the responsibilities. I pay house rent, I’m working so many shifts, provide a lot more for us and I’m trying my best to keep her safe. I want to keep her safe at all costs. Mark being here is a gamble that I’m not willing to take,”
"Still can't believe you're with her," Jaemin laughs a little, trying to shift the topic away from Mark just for a bit. Just until he can get Jeno to accept. "You should've put a ring on her finger by now." Jaemin jokes. "You turned a rich girl into a house errand girl? Even your brother will acknowledge that he shouldn’t mess with you. Speaking of which, are you still planning to propose?"
"Fuck," Jeno's eyes lights up as he sits forward, a smile growing shyly on his face, making Jaemin beam for his friend. He's been planning to propose for some time now. "Ever since speaking to her family, I’ve been making preparations. I ordered a ring last month and I'm getting the ring this Sunday. I can't wait for the day to come. We're having a family dinner with her family next week Friday, and I wanna talk to her dad about it."
"Her dad?"
Jeno nods his head taking in a deep breath. "Sounds fucking scary, I know. He's…tolerated my presence enough- dude, he literally asked me the other day to schedule a weekend where I'll be free so he can take me around his new buildings so that I can do my magic and take photo shots. At this point, I see him more than Dae does. Jaemin- wait, did I tell you that he asked me to join him every Thursday's for golf? I went out with him yesterday and it was a whole club of businessmen taking shots. As scary as it sounds, he's finally accepting me. Well it's what I think. And Mark will just fuck everything up,"
"And you proposing to his daughter won’t?" Jaemin asks with a bewildered face. "I was with you up till now. If you can show her family just how serious you are, they’ll consider you as a potential suitor. If you can show her family that you can take care of your brother and that you have him in check, they might just feel safe in allowing their daughter to marry you-"
"I can't help it. The desire is burning in my heart- my soul. I need to marry her- I need to propose now. We've been together for 3 years and a half month and I love her. My hands itch whenever I don't see a ring on her finger or even whenever I take her out and just have to end it with a kiss- dude no. There are so many guys out there who still hit on her as if she's single. I don't like having to explain every time that 'hey she's my girl' I want to make it official with a symbol,"
"That's a fucking grand commitment. Oh god you're burning up," Jaemin withdraws his hand from his face. "Look, I'm no expert at romance, however, I think you should wait and not rush into anything that's too- for crying out loud are you even listening to me?"
Jeno stubbornly places his finger over his ear drums and shakes his head. "You don't know what you're talking about. And on top of that, I see you’re testing the waters with Mark. I’ll think about it.”
“You only have 30 minutes to think about it, because I already told Jisung to bring him over here,” Jaemin speaks quick causing Jeno’s eyes to widen.
“What?”
Dae scans each shelf and medicine, looking for another cough syrup since the one they usually buy is out of stock. In her trolley there are different kinds of medicine, from vitamins to stress relievers to pain killers and even energy boosters.
"Hi Miss Dae, what a surprise seeing you here, how can I help you today?"
Dae turns her head to the side seeing a man with all smiles and a uniform, the service guy who constantly helped her. A worker trying to shoot his shot with her- no matter how many times she's rejected him.
"Oh, hi Shotaro," She gives him a polite smile flipping her hair behind her back. "Grandpower is out of stock, so I'm looking for an alternative to it. Which one is better between Cough Care or Mad Lemon?"
"Oh Mad Lemon as said here in the back label, works effectively in the body and rapidly, one spoon and you're zipped to wellbeing. Cough Care works as fast but it requires you to take it on set times," the salesman, Shotaro finishes. Clearly he's not that knowledgeable on the medication but Dae still asks.
"Are there any allergy reactions I have to watch out for? My boyfriend is sensitive to some ingredients,"
As always Shotaro is stunned that she still has a boyfriend- but regardless he puts his best salesman promotion talk on and talks about the allergy reactions. For crying out loud this isn't even his department, but he just wanted to speak and talk to her. As he's talking, Dae's eyes catch a certain head shape. The man's hair is black and it's cut shortly, but for some moments when the person turns his head- her eyes widen.
"-yes ma'am?"
She breaks out of her thoughts, "Yes, yes thank you," she smiles taking the medication focusing back on the short haired male. He's dressed in black faded pants, a white t-shirt and brown pullover that's torn in some places. The last time she saw him, was in the court where he was a bandaged mess and was practically sent back to his country to serve his sentence. It gets sadder when Dae thinks of all the times she was mean to him in varsity.
The man is skinny but anybody would recognize him by his facial structure. He was usually on the bright and positive side, however, seeing him now, his face looks strict and mean. He finally turns around making Dae's eyes pop wide.
It's him.
"Holy crap." She lets out. "Renjun?"
At the sound of his name he turns around spotting the owner of the voice. A beautiful lady in a knee white fitting dress. At first he thinks his vision is messing around with him- because why would a lady as elegant like that call his name, but then when the radiant woman makes her way towards him with her trolley he realises that she's real. And he realizes who it is.
"Shit." He mumbles lowly still looking a like a deer caught in headlights. Out of all people to see, the last person he wanted to see is Dae and her rich family. He's been through so much because of them. As she draws closer he shakes his head arranging his face fast. "Dae?" he calls allowing for the forced tight lipped grin to spread on his face. "It's a surprise seeing you here." He bows his head still being civil, despite his discomfort. Why the hell is she greeting him with a smile? Didn't she have a strong distaste towards people like him?
Dae gladly bows greeting him with a modest smile. "It's a surprise seeing you here," Dae retorts to which Renjun chuckles with a hesitant grin.
"I guess we're both out of our element zone." Renjun wraps up quickly. "Well, I should leave you be so-"
"Wait, let me get your number quickly,"
"M-my number?" Renjun squawks and shakes his head. "N-no, it's cool-"
Already taking out her phone, Dae panes her eyes to him noticing his whole stance. He's uncomfortable and looks like he wants to get away. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"
Renjun looks around before scratching his head. "It's not that. It's just, your…family put a restraining order and yeah. I could get in serious trouble for being here with you-"
Dae's eyes widen when realizing and remembering the court case and how things went down and ended. "Oh…"
"Yes." Renjun feels relieved once he says that, and grips his trolley. "Well, it was good seeing you-"
"Hold on you didn't give me your number,"
Renjun's eyes widen but he tries not to curse. "Dae," He breathes out. "I've been out of prison for 3 years now. I'm not looking for any problems with the police authorities, neither am I looking for means to go back or get locked up again. Because of going to jail, my life has been torn to pieces. My scholarship got revoked, and I can't apply as a normal student in my old institute or any institute for that matter. No college will accept me, no job will grant me a position- there's nothing I can do to clear up my name unless I'm lucky. And I haven't been so lucky these past few years. So no. I don't want your number and I don't want to give you mine. I do not want anything to do with you. So I'm asking you- respectfully, leave me alone."
Dae's mouth is frozen in shock as she watches Renjun pick up his own basket and walk away as fast as he can from Dae. He really didn't want anything to do with Dae- and for her, it's been a while since she's been rejected by a person. None the less, she doesn't follow him or make any more contact with him. Him using a different isle and avoiding even walking in the same place, is only clear to Dae that he's dead serious when stating how he doesn't want anything to do with Dae.
Unfortunately, fate has other plans when Dae joins a que to pay and Renjun is in front of her. She doesn't say anything to him, neither does she breathe in his direction as she waits for her turn. However, when Renjun starts fidgeting around, scampering his hands all over his pockets- Dae looks between him and the cashier as she 'patiently' waits for him.
Renjun lets out a low curse when not finding his socket card holder in any of his pockets. Did he leave it at home? No, he clearly remembers taking it because he reminded himself thousands of times to take it. So now where is it? If he can't find it, he's doomed. He didn't bring any cash with him. Trying not to take up the line, he shifts aside when the cashier notes that while he's still searching for his card then she'll continue with the other customers. He had two options now, because clearly his card wasn't with him. So it's either he shamefully returned all the items back to their shelf and went back home to search for it, or he could call his mum or Donghyuck to come and help him. But Donghyuck's working. He'd have to call Donghyuck- because his mother was fasting and praying and Donghyuck could probably excuse himself quickly. Problem is ever since Donghyuck came out of prison, neither of them actually spoke to each other. Well, Donghyuck tried, but Renjun didn't want anything to do with his 'brother'.
The cashier is done scanning all over Dae's items and places them in the plastic bag. Dae takes a deep breath, clearly feeling bad for Renjun. He's just standing there with his hands to his hip and his head down. She's about to lay a hand on his shoulder, but his reflexes are so fast that Dae nearly falls forward.
"Don't touch me."
"Sorry," Dae modestly apologizes running her sweaty hands on her dress. She was nervous. "Let me pay for you."
"No." Renjun shakes his head, deciding to call on his brother. He looks up to Dae, attempting a smile, but it's stiff. "Thank you though,"
"Geez Renjun," Dae sighs out in exasperation. "I just can't bare you standing like that and looking distressed taking up the line."
"I'm fine." He comments almost immediately.
Dae huffs silently. "Why are you being so stubborn? It's not like I'm asking you to do anything? I just want to help."
"I don't need your help."
Renjun places his phone over his ear waiting for his brother to pick up. Meanwhile Dae takes her credit card and hands it back to the cashier. "I'll be paying for him." She smiles with irritation, ignoring Renjun, who's eyes widen as he watches the cashier swipe on Dae's card.
"I said-"
"You're welcome." Dae interrupts picking up her own plastic bag. "Take it or leave it. Bye. Have a nice day." Her tight lipped smile is all that Renjun sees before she moves past him with two heavy bags of plastics.
Dae's gone by the time the cashier is finished placing all his items in the plastic bag. He thanks the cashier before leaving the que and the store. He stops in his spot when he sees Dae standing in place with the trolley of many plastic bags. He's about to ignore her and walk past, but she stops him in place by waving his- his socket card holder that had his name printed out boldly.
"I assume this is yours. I saw it by the exit with your ID."
Renjun takes a deep breath rolling his eyes. "Okay. What is this?" He asks with irritation. "Are you following me? Do you want something from me? Why aren't you-"
"My god, you're so annoying." Dae speaks up fiercely. It's been a while since she used this type of tone. "I've been trying to be a decent human being to you, but you're being so aggravating. Here." She shoves his card holder against his chest glaring at him. "Since when did you get thick headed?"
"Prison can really fuck you up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get away from you by 400 yards or else the restraining order will-"
"Jeno?" Renjun questions in confusion. How could he forget that name. "You mean Jeno, Lee Jeno?"
Dae rolls her eyes getting pissed. "Fine. But can I have your number?"
"I don't think so-"
"Not for me, but for Jeno. Do you remember him?"
"But the restrain-"
"Yes," Dae nods. "You may not want anything to do with me, but I'm sure perhaps you'd be interested in Jeno-"
Dae can only blink. "He's my boyfriend."
Renjun's eyes widen in disbelief. "Boyfriend?"
Dae nods her head sensing Renjun's half will to communicate. "You would've seen him instead of me right now, he usually does the grocery shopping but he's feeling ill and resting at home."
"At home?” Renjun tries to wrap his mind around it all. It even stops Dae from speaking. "You mean, you guys are together? You're dating him? You're joking right?"
Dae blinks for a minute before pulling out her phone and instantly opening it up revealing a picture of them together in a mediation pose of yoga. Jeno's smiling brightly. "It's hard to believe but I'm not joking."
Renjun sighs. "What the hell," He whispers quietly. His eyes move across the parking space and clears his space. "You mean to tell me, you've been with him and the police hasn't locked him up?"
Dae nods her head. "For a good 3 years. In December it’ll be 4 years."
"Well congratu-fucking-lartions. Good for him. I'm not about to piss anyone off." Renjun is quick to reject again. Trying to move past her.
"Oh my god. What's it going to take for you to actually-" Dae grunts and goes to contacts on her phone. "Can I please have your number? Not for me."
Renjun, wanting to take advantage of the situation stops in his tracks with his plastics and stares at Dae. "I can't afford to go back to jail. But I need you to get off me. Do you have a car?"
"Yes..."
*
"Good. You can drop me home and I'll tell you my number and you have to promise never to bother me again." he's not in any position to make commands but with the way Dae is begging, he feels lucky to actually snap his fingers and she'll bend to his will. "Besides, we can try to catch up in the car. Is that cool?"
Dae says nothing, already picking up her plastics in motion for him to follow. She's pissed but says nothing.
After dropping Renjun home, which is a new suburb deck of house that's been added Dae waves her hand while driving off. Renjun smiles to himself, a real stress free smile. Aside from his mum, seeing Dae (someone who he’s always feared) and hearing her talk about Jeno, made him feel that anything is possible. Even the impossible seemed possible. Dae changed for Jeno. If Dae can forgive, why can’t he?
Which is why he mentally prepares himself to forgive Donghyuck for the next time he comes over. Much to his surprise, he’s shocked out of his mind when entering the apartment and inside their home Donghyuck is inside with a little girl who begins lifting up her skirt revealing her underwear.
“What the fuck- Donghyuck!”
Donghyuck’s head shots up to the door and he’s got his eyes wide open. “Renjun-”
“What are you doing with this child?!” Renjun yells out in furry.
Donghyuck scampers to Renjun and shuts the door before covering Renjun’s mouth tightly- causing Renjun to drop the plastic of groceries. His eyes move between Donghyuck’s heavy deadly stare to the clock which reads 10 am. What the hell did he just witness his brother and a child doing?
“Shut the fuck up you twap!” Donghyuck grates out through his teeth in a seething whisper. “It’s not what it fucking looks like. Stop making noise or else she’ll cry.”
But it’s too late as both of their ears are attentive to the wailing of the young little girl. “Mr Sunshine it hurts,” Areum cries out no longer being able to hold in her tears. Donghyuck sharply turns his head back allowing for Renjun to break free of his grip.
“If you don’t explain what the hell happened right now, I’m going to the police-”
“I also wanna go to the fucking police. I don’t know what the fuck to do!” Donghyuck stresses through hushed curses- but he still picks up Areum and pats her back. “Calm down kid, it’s okay. Just, just stop crying please,”
Areum obediently hiccups and hugs Donghyuck around his neck. “O-okay,”
Donghyuck breaths out stressfully before opening up his eyes and looking at Renjun, who is frozen with his mouth wide open and his eyes bulging out of their socket.
“Should I call the police?” Renjun still asks.
“Look, I…. today is my day off and I was hungry, so I went to the school to ask mum for the keys so that I could come home and get something to eat. But then, she started following me-” Donghyuck motions to Areum.
“Why?” Renjun asks.
“Renjun please, let me tell the story without getting interrupted. I’m under much pressure as it looks. I don’t know what the fuck to do. She's feeling pain. I asked where, and she kept crying. Not wanting to cause a scene I told her to go back to class but she refused. She didn’t want to go back, and then blood started coming out from in between her legs.” Donghyuck in horror recalls the situation. “I asked her to show me where she’s feeling pain. Even though she didn’t want to say it I figured it’s her fucking vagina-”
“Donghyuck how on earth are you caught up in fucked up situation like this?”
“I promised her that I wouldn’t tell anyone and it seems like I might be the only one who knows this secret. I picked her up and came straight here. It’s only 10 now, but I have to figure out what the fuck I’m gonna do before 4pm when her uncle will come and pick her up. Fuck. Her uncle is raping her with horses and she’s afraid to tell her mother or anybody because her uncle is going to punish her. I asked how will he punish her and she lifted up her skirt. Renjun, what the fuck do I do?” Donghyuck walks back and forth while explaining and patting the little girl’s back.
Renjun runs his hand through his short hair and his mouth opens up like a fish. He wants to say something, but doesn’t know what to say. Donghyuck is with a little girl who’s somehow getting raped by her uncle? “Why didn’t you tell mum?”
“She told me to stay away from her,”
“And why didn’t you stay away?” Renjun questions. “I’m sure you could’ve,”
Donghyuck pauses in his step. He looks to his hand that’s against Areum’s back. His hand is shaking as he’s patting her. He can feel her heartbeat and just from how fast it’s beating he can tell that she’s scared shitless. She’s scared and she came to him. The mere thought that someone, a little girl, found refuge in confiding in him and crying to him has him feeling responsible. This little girl had no other person to turn to. Not even a teacher…but to him.
“Donghyuck?”
Donghyuck blinks and is surprised by the emotions that overcome him. He continues soothing Areum. “It’s okay Areum, I’ll help you,” He whispers softly in her ear and gently sets her down on the coach. Her small puffy red face is scorched with tears and she’s shaking and hiccupping while holding in her tears. At this point, he completely ignores Renjun when running to the bathroom and coming out with some tissue and a face cloth and what looks like water in a little bucket. Donghyuck squeezes the cloth in the bucket of water before wiping it over the little girl’s face.
Renjun stand in place and in shock. His first instinct wants him to jump to the phone and call the police, but the way the little girl is looking at him and is seemingly trusting Donghyuck makes Renjun reconsider. It’s with a heavy yet reluctant heart that he goes into his mother’s room and finds the decoration teddy bear before moving back to the living room- whereby Donghyuck is now wiping up her legs that are stained with light patches of blood. Renjun sits on the couch waiting on Donghyuck.
Donghyuck’s ears perk up when he hears Renjun state ‘we’. “If you know how to do it, please do it. I can’t bare for her to keep hurting.”
Donghyuck takes notice of Renjun and turns to him. But Renjun lifts up the teddy bear. “Any luck finding out where she's feeling pain?"
"Can't say for sure. But I'm guessing it's her tiny lady part." Donghyuck mumbles squeezing the water from the clothe.
"Since I couldn’t finish my qualification at uni or any college because of my record, I took up online classes. I accidently signed up for art therapy and couldn’t take it back, so I had to learn." Renjun explains. "Point is, in order for child to come clean to you, you need to make them feel comfortable and then you can ask your questions. It seems she's comfortable now. Maybe if we calmly ask her, she’ll be able to tell you the details,”
Renjun nods his head and gets on his knees moving closer to Donghyuck. He tries to smile at the little girl, but she’s so timid and her big eyes pool with tears. He lifts up the teddy bear and starts with the standard child procedure of therapy. Making sure that she sees herself in the teddy bear, asking a few easy questions allows Areum to open up easily, but upon getting to the hard questions- Areum tenses up. “How is she feeling today?”
“Sad,” Areum meekly speaks out looking down and rubbing her eyes again. “Mr Sunshine it hurts,”
“Where does it hurt Areum?” Donghyuck softly asks, and Renjun can almost hear the tears behind his words. “Where does it hurt on the teddy?”
Areum looks back to the teddy bear that Renjun is holding and her face morphs in sadness. She shakes her head, but this time Renjun speaks. “You won’t be in trouble if you help teddy find out where she’s feeling pain,”
Areum taking into consideration of the words, she stares at the teddy bear in Renjun’s hands before her hands raise and she leans forward to press her finger on the lower area of the teddy bear. Donghyuck already had an idea of where it hurt, but he still gets angry when Areum points to where she’s feeling pain. Renjun asks two more questions, of how badly it hurts and also what does she feel down there. However, it’s the next question that has him bugged out.
“Teddy doesn’t like it when uncle Jung eats her out. Teddy doesn’t like it when Uncle Jung plays with the horsey on her. Teddy doesn’t like the new secret toy between Uncle Jung’s legs.”
“Alright,” Renjun nods his head, his whole mind being disgusted by what the little girl has gone through. “Does Teddy-?”
Areum pants and bounces her leg before crying again. “It hurts again.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Donghyuck mutters. “She needs a hospital more than the police right now,”
“How about we call mum?” Renjun asks to which Donghyuck freezes to. One phone call from Renjun gets an immediate response from his mother, who explains that she’s still at the school and will be leaving in 4 hours from now. “No, it’s okay mum. I just wanted to ask you…” Renjun struggles to find the right words before he says them. “A lady question.”
Unsure of where her son is heading with the question, she smugly complies thinking it’s a playful situation. “Hurry up Renji, I’ve a class in a few,”
“So, uh. There’s a girl I know…and she’s kind of having…uhm…” Renjun clears his throat before sharply inhaling and trying to compose himself. “She’s having pains around her genital area. What can I do to digress the pain she’s feeling?” The question is surely odd and gets his mother to pause while her smile depletes from her face. Renjun asks the question again before following Donghyuck who takes Areum to the bathroom.
“Well for starters would you like me to speak to the girl?”
“Mum, it’s kinda complicated, but I need to be the middle man in this situation.” Renjun shifts in discomfort. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but spare me the tough details and just tell me what I need to do to make it less painful…I think she might also have itchiness and sores. It’s tough to tell.”
“We should talk when I get home-”
“No.” Renjun rushes quick in anxiety. “I mean please, she’s crying.” Renjun looks to the little girl’s reddened face.
Hearing his words she has sympathy for the unknown girl, before moving to a secluded area to talk. “Tell her to soak herself in warm water for 10-15 minutes, and after wards she has to pat it dry with a warm cloth. Petroleum jelly usually works to ease redness or itchy ness, but so does ointment cream and even baby oil, but whatever she has shouldn’t be soap- as it can cause an irritating itch to form. As I don’t know the root of this pain, that’s all I can offer- actually, before soaking herself in the water, she needs to use some wipes to clean thoroughly around the area. Tell her to keep the area dry when she’s done it all. I’m sure in some way that’ll help to reduce the pain.”
With the phone on speaker, Renjun moves and trespasses by his mother’s room to fetch some the items such as wet wipes, petroleum jelly and a spare cloth, while Donghyuck prepares the tub and fills it up with warm water. All the while Areum stands from side to side not trying to scratch herself. Upon setting up everything Donghyuck and Renjun walk outside the bathroom door and begin to guide Areum.
“Alright kid, take this and I want you to be careful.” Donghyuck hands her a few wet wipes. “But I want you to use this like a toilet paper, wipe yourself where it’s painful but do it gently. When you’re done knock on the door alright?”
“Okay,” Areum nods his head after closing the door. Areum removes her underwear that was trenched in soft blood and begins wiping on the area. She panics when seeing all the blood. “There’s so much blood,” She whimpers but still tries to use the wipes to clean herself. After cleaning up all the blood she walks over to the door and knocks on it.
“Alright Areum, here’s what you’re going to do now.” Donghyuck speaks in a loud tone so that she can hear from the closed door. “Remove your clothes and carefully get inside the tub of water okay?”
“Okay,” Following his instructions, Areum does as told and carefully gets inside the tub. “The water is too high,” She squeaks when she nearly falls in.
Donghyuck and Renjun’s ears perk causing them to have a short discussion before Donghyuck knocks on the door lightly. “Areum? I’m gonna enter with a towel, okay. I’m not gonna look at you, so don’t worry.” Donghyuck enters the bathroom with the towel high up so that he can only look at the floor. However, he holds in his discomfort when seeing her underwear with blood patches. He grunts but still moves forward to the sink and with one hand he sinks his hand in until it pulls out the stopper allowing the water to swarm out. “Tell me when it’s okay, you should be able to sit down,”
Areum stands inside the basin as the water still circles around her stomach. It slowly sets and when Areum begins to sit down cautiously she yells for him to stop. “Stop. It’s fine now,”
“Good, the waters not too hot right?” Donghyuck asks and she hums. He stops the stopper again, before backing up. “Alright Areum, when you’re done use this towel to wipe yourself and then call us, okay?”
“Okay-”
Picking up the underwear, Donghyuck leaves the bathroom going to the kitchen where Renjun is, making a sandwich. “She has to stay in there for 15 minutes. Is she okay?”
“I hope so,” Donghyuck mumbles. “Uh,” He looks at the underwear. “I’m gonna wash this.”
“Why don’t you pop it in the machine, it can wash and dry.” Renjun says before moving over to Donghyuck and stretching his hand. “Let me do it,”
“Thanks,” Donghyuck carefully hands the undergarment so that neither of them are touching the blood. He begins to operate the machine and puts in the underwear.
“I’m also making a little sandwich for her,” Renjun washes his hands and gets a tomato out the fridge.
“She doesn’t like tomatoes, so don’t add that inside,”
Renjun, who’s about to cut in the tomato, quickly nods his head and begins adding cheese instead. “She must be those picky little children that mum talks about.” He mumbles.
Donghyuck chuckles lightly, a smile lingers on his lips and his eyes stare at his hands thinking of the day he started avoiding her because his mum said so. No matter what, she still looked for him and asked if he was okay. Even though he kept himself occupied, she was worried for him. “I wouldn’t say she’s picky. She’s actually really genuine and kind. Especially since she goes to a top kindergarten with snotty bratty children- her character feels developed. She likes helping those around her- and can I just say she’s clever. Whether it’s by sitting with someone who always sits alone, or making those around her laugh, heck she even goes out her way to help me clean after school. She’s witty for her age and has terrible puns but they always make me laugh…or even smile. I don’t know. It sounds fucking lunatic but she reminds me of myself. Not that I’m good at making people laugh or that I’m genuine, but I used to be like that. In the sense that, you give yourself to others so much that you don’t care if they hurt you or not. You just wanna make sure they’re happy.” He looks down thinking how sadly his environment and father changed him. “Lucky for her she’s in a good home. A bad home can fuck up her morals. Fuck…can you just imagine the trauma she’ll go through because of her uncle? I even found myself praying for her.”
Renjun, listening to everything Donghyuck says, doesn’t fail to notice how Donghyuck’s emotions are being responsive to what he’s saying. Normally Donghyuck was closed off or one sided and not that interested. But speaking about this little girl has him smiling and thinking deeply. Renjun isn’t blind. He knows someway, somehow, Donghyuck wasn’t the same anymore. He started changing himself and it’s evident in the way he speaks. So as he continues making the sandwich he speaks up. “Want one? You did say you were hungry,”
Donghyuck gets his head out of his hands clearing his throat. “If it’s not trouble.”
Renjun nods his head. As he’s making the sandwich for Donghyuck he speaks up. “My past family…the one in China, were kinda wealthy. Wealthy with riches, but not wealthy with love. They were an arranged couple and hated each other. I was made, with the sole purpose of being a heirloom and legacy so that our family name wouldn’t die. I can’t remember what happened all too well but, my mother didn’t really want me. I was an only child but was treated like shit every day.”
He places the plate of sandwiches on Donghyuck’s table as he continues.
“I can’t remember half the things that happened in that house but they were never happy memories anyway. Majority of my child was spent with me resenting my own existence. I turned 15 on March and my family that day decided that traveling for my birthday would bring us all together. I was a bit scared, but I trusted their words… I didn’t want to disobey them so I tried to be happy that day. We landed in Korea and they got me cake, balloons, big toys- everything was perfect and it made me really happy. So you can imagine my shock when it’s late at night and we drive to an unknown neighborhood and they told me to get out. They drove away, and I didn’t even chase them. I just stood there in silence as if I had already known that they’d do this to me... I don’t know why, but I didn’t cry. I just stood there in the dark watching people pass. Some kids stole my toys and balloons but I didn’t even cry. I think I stayed on that street for 3 days before I was approached by mum.”
Donghyuck, hearing this story for the first time is struck with revelation. He even feels guilty all over again, the same way he felt guilty when he went to jail for dragging Renjun down with him.
“Your mum, despite not having anything simply said that she saw me standing outside her house for some days and wondered if I was lost. I was still in limbo and basically didn’t answer her. But regardless of it, she took me in and from that day on I’ve been amazed at how better I’ve been treated by someone who was of lower ranks then my past parents who were high rankers. You were in prison for that period, so I grew up with your mum. She was welcoming…always made sure that I ate well and slept well. And when I had bad dreams, she’d comfort me. I never knew what it’s like to receive so much love, so I was in awe of it all. Her goodness, her kindness, her light that radiated through her sickeness…you know what’s funny, she didn’t even tell me to call her mum, it came out naturally. And because it came out naturally, I wanted to stay with her forever. She became my mum and whereas back then when I felt rejected and lonely, because of her I began feeling cared for and loved. Even when you came out of prison and saw me for the first time. I was happy to be your brother…but,”
For some reason, when Renjun looks up to Donghyuck’s eyes they both let out a little laugh upon the memory of Donghyuck being confused by the new so called addition to their family. “I was a dick.”
“You were, but I was just happy to have a brother honestly. I thought it was a normal thing for siblings. I guess I looked up to you because mum always spoke highly of you. And when I looked passed your anger issues, I saw that everything she had said about you was true. You’ve got a big heart and you care so much…you just chose to show it in different ways and because of what you’ve gone through, it’s been buried in anger and resentment. Despite being bitter at you, I realized how much you cared for me and mum. I know I said a lot of things but the fact that you really wanted to leave our lives so that we could be better made me feel bad. Because you also deserved to be part of our family…you’re already a part of it and I don’t want to lose an older brother like you.” Renjun scratches the back of his neck. “Anyway, back to what you said about a bad home fucking up morals. It’s true to some degree, and that’s why if you care enough for this child, you won’t allow her to endure by herself anymore. I realized, that it’s better to forgive you then be angry at you for your mistakes. As my brother, you’ve considered me through thick and thin…and even when I was being a moody you were somehow still kind to me. So, I just wanted to say I’m sorry Donghyuck-”
Donghyuck shakes his head. “It’s me that should be apologizing. I don’t express it much but your Chinese ass always makes me feel like I’m needed. Needed to show you the right things and not drag you down. I’ve been a bad brother, and I’m sorry bro. For dragging you down into my corrupt lifestyle. The day you went to prison for the first time broke me down so much because I failed to protect you…and that made me feel like I failed to protect mum. So, please forgive me,”
Renjun looks down at Donghyuck’s hand and brings his own hand up to shake on it. The bro handshake alone brings both of them to a place of relief. Weight is being removed from their shoulders and peace is entering in them. “I forgive you,”
“Why’d you cut your hair?” Donghyuck finds himself asking. “Even when you’re smiling you still look so mean,”
Renjun laughs and nods his head. “I learnt from you. To be dangerous you should look dangerous. And that’s what I did.”
“I fucked you up already,” Donghyuck snickers. As they sit around the table and engage in a light conversation before the alarm on Renjun’s phone rings. Once again standing by the door, they direct Areum in the next steps of patting gently with the cloth on her private area before using the towel to wipe everywhere and finally applying the petroleum jelly all over her lower half. Telling her to wait for a couple of minutes by walking up and down, Donghyuck tells her to put on her dress.
“Alright Areum, how are you feeling? Good or bad?”
“Better,” She answers before opening the door and looking up to Donghyuck.
“I’m happy you’re better.” Donghyuck squats down patting her head. “But I want you to promise me something, to not get upset when I tell somebody. Uncle Jung did this to you right?”
“He didn’t hurt me-” She blabbers but stops herself when her eyes get watery. Donghyuck feels his heart ache, but he still tries to smile to her.
“You don’t have to lie for him. When someone hurts you, you make sure they don’t break you,” Donghyuck says looking in between her nervous eyes. “You’re a beautiful and smart girl Areum, I promise you, everything will be alright and he won’t hurt you anymore. I want you to be happy and not worry about your uncle. So no more fuck. No more playing games with him. Or riding the horsey, okay?” Areum regardless of the tears pooling over her eyes she nods her head. Donghyuck places both his hands gently on her face and wipes the tears away, before he finds himself picking her up while she wraps her arms and legs on him. He hugs her so tight that it makes her cry silently.
Poor little girl. Renjun thinks to himself as he watches from the side. Donghyuck hands Areum half of the sandwich Renjun made, allowing her to eat while he carries her. She begins to fall asleep as Donghyuck pats her back in a calm way while he hums out softly. Renjun watching it all gets side tracked when his phone rings and he sees it’s his mum calling. “Yes mum-”
“What the hell Renjun?!” She shrieks. “Are you kidding me?”
“Mum?” Renjun furrows his brows being worried by the way his mum is breathing and whispering yet shouting. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s too much of a coincidence to ignore but you know what, I can’t jump to conclusions.” She panics to herself more than him before she blurts out in a hushed whisper. “Is Donghyuck at home?”
Renjun nods his head and then answers. “Yes.”
“Oh my god,” His mother panics. “This girl with pain on her genital, how is she feeling?”
“Uh…” Renjun looks to a sleepy Areum on Donghyuck’s shoulder.
“Renjun be honest with me right now. Is there a little girl in our house, by the name of Areum?” His mother strains out, alarming Renjun. “Does this girl with the pain on her private area happen to be Areum? Answer me Renjun.” She sternly pressures.
“Mum before you freak out, listen-”
“Oh my god. What the hell Renjun? Tell Donghyuck to bring her back immediately! She’s been missing for the student parent meeting and her guardian is about to press charges on the school. Tell Donghyuck to bring her back now!”
“Donghyuck-” Renjun quickly gets up and hurries to Donghyuck. “You need to take her back to the school-”
Renjun doesn’t even need to finish to know that something went wrong. “Shit, it’s only 12.”
“I’ll order an uber-” Renjun is quick in grabbing his phone while searching through his wallet. Donghyuck is already opening the door and going out- with Renjun behind him. Thankfully the uber Renjun calls is already downstairs by the time they both scramble out the building. Renjun spots the black vehicle and directs Donghyuck. Once paying for the ride already by the door, he wishes Donghyuck luck. Once the car is out of sight, Renjun can only hope that Donghyuck won’t get punished. They just forgave each other for crying out loud- they can’t take him away… They won’t take him away if Donghyuck plays his cards correctly and explains the situation.
While it’s a 30 minute drive from Donghyuck’s mother’s home to the school, from Yezi’s hospital to the school is an hour’s drive. And as soon as she gets the message from Jaehyun that Areum’s not at school her heart busts with fear.
-
10 minutes before.
Quietly opening the door, Dae is surprised by the pairs of shoes all around the door. Jeno was supposed to be in bed or rather trying to rest up- however upon seeing the shoes Dae is confused of why people would be over when he was sick.
"Honey bits I'm home!" She calls out removing her shoes by the door. She heads first into the kitchen to leave the groceries. "Sugar plump?"
"Hey babe," Jeno enters the kitchen, his infamous eye smile greeting her while he walks closer embracing her in a hug, which she smiles and sinks into. Being in his arms always felt blissful. "Uh…” He runs his hands over his hair once they break apart before holding onto her hands with his own shaky hands. “I…" He whispers. "Some people are here. Please just hear them out, please? I'm right here okay? I promise I won't let go of your hand. Nothing's gonna happen to you because you're going to be holding my hand,"
"Sure," Dae nods her head squeezing his hand unsurely.
"Let's go," He says and pulls her hand gently.
"Is it my dad? Who’s here and why do you look so worried?" Following behind Jeno to the living room, Dae is greeted with two standing offers who bow their heads.
"Oh, hi," Dae is highly shocked when seeing both the officers; Jisung and Jaemin.
"Miss Dae, how're you doing?" Jisung greets.
"I-I'm good Officer," Dae smiles humbly bowing as he returns the bowing. "How have you been?"
"Good." He answers simply, just as Jaemin bows his head.
“Miss Dae,”
“Hi Officer Na,” Dae nervously greets. “Uh, I hope all is well Officer,"
He smiles simply and nods his head. “All is well,”
“Uh, so what brings you here?" She politely tries to bring up. “Were you waiting long? Would you like me to make some tea?”
“It’s alright,” Jaemin states. “We were actually waiting for you,”
“Oh, I hope I'm not in trouble. I pay my taxes,” She jokes lightly making the guys politely laugh. “Then I hate to be rude but…is everything alright?”
“Why don’t we sit down?” Jeno says and she looks up to him with anxious eyes. Sitting down beside him, she’s aware of another person in the room… particularly on a wheelchair. A shiver runs up her spine causing her entire body to stiffen.
Although she's calm on the outside, Jeno can tell she's panicked because she holds his hand tighter. “Dae, uh… Remember that day when I told you that my brother was in the hospital? Because he got stabbed,”
"I take it his injury is pretty bad. But, why did you bring him here?" Her voice unintentionally quivers. “Officer-”
"Dae," Jeno calls but she’s hyperventilating causing him to hold onto both her hands. “Dae listen to me-”
“Jeno- I can’t…”
"Babe he’s helpless-"
"I’m helpless right now- How could you bring him here to our home-"
Mark’s dark hostile eyes peer up at Jeno when both his hands leave her own and go over her head. He brings Dae’s head close to his while her hands hold onto his wrists and she shakes her head. Mark can’t take his off his brother. Surely this was his brother, but with the way he is with this girl makes him look so different.
“I promise everything nothing’s gonna happen. He’s on a wheelchair and he can’t hurt you,” Jeno whispers to Dae. “Just breath and calm down please,”
Dae being reluctant feels her eyes watering but she holds herself back and nods her head. Dae takes a few minutes to regain her composure as she tries to breath in and out. Looking up, the first person her eyes go to is Mark, but she can only shiver when his eyes are already on hers.
“Dramatic-”
"Mark." Jisung warns Mark from talking any further before focusing back on the couple. "Miss Dae, I’m not sure how much Mr Lee Jeno here has told you, but this is concerning Lee Mark. Mark was released from prison a months weeks ago and has been adhering to living honestly. However, he unfortunately got himself caught up in a brawl and his opponent drew a knife and stabbed him in the back literally. As his Probation Officer, seeing his state, the court saw it fit for him to be taken care of by his family. As he's got no other family but Jeno, we ask your cooperation in-”
Dae can only shake her head. "Even if Jeno’s the only family left, they can't force him to stay with him. There are many other places to take him in, not here,"
"I already signed the paper's in his name," This time Officer Na says.
"Why?" Dae stresses but Jeno holds her hand.
“Because I agreed,” He states. He tries looking at her to see her reaction, but her eyes are closed as her body lightly trembles. Her silence scares him. Jeno speaks up noticing Dae going into retreat and trying to let go of his hand. "For how long is he here?" But Jeno holds tighter onto her hand.
"A period of 6 months," Jaemin answers.
"6-" Dae is blown out of her mind with shock. She abruptly gets up forcing her hand out of Jeno's hand. "I'm not- I can't- just give a moment."
She storms out of the living room yet halts when hearing a low voice. Not turning her head back, she holds onto her face feeling her tears threatening to spill. "Hey, Dae right?" Mark's eyes peek up to Jeno who nods his head. "Look, it was not my intention to get involved that night and get stabbed and being forced to live with my brother. I don't want to be here. If you don’t want me here I’ll go. Your anger towards me is rational and I deserve it. But if this is the last time I’ll see you I just want to apologize for what I did to you. Seeing how happy you makes my brother gives me the assurance that he doesn’t need me. So I’m sorry for everything. I’m not blaming the drugs, but I was aware of what I did to you. Shit got out of hand, and I violated you. I’m sorry-”
She leaves the living room not staying around to hear him. She didn’t want to hear him- but somehow him amplifying his voice apologizing has her in tears. The vague memory of having him take advantage of her body has her shivering.
Feeling warm hands around her body she stiffens for a little bit before sinking into the familiar scent of Jeno. “If you’re not comfortable with him here, I’ll tell them to go. Should I tell them to go?”
Dae silently stays in his grasp not letting him go. He’s the brother to a guy who violated her against her will. The fact that Jeno, her lover will let his brother go because of her makes her feel some type of way. Especially since he apologized to her.
They’re chat is interrupted when Jaemin budges past looking alarmed. “Yezi calm down- I’ll be there right now. I’m coming to get you- Shit.” Jaemin stares at the phone and instantly gets his eyes on Jeno. “Can you open the door for me, I need to go.”
“Was that Yezi on the phone?” Dae asks in confusion get her arms off Jeno. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“It seems like she’s walking to the school from her workplace. I need to go and pick her up and at least get her to the school,” Jaemin explains while Jeno opens up the door and gates for him.
As soon as Jaemin is out of sight and Jeno begins closing the gate and door Dae speaks up. “Do you want him to stay here?”
His eyes perk up by her words and he sighs while moving close to her. Looking down to her, he has a view of how nervous she looks. It's almost as if she's scared. He knows that she is - after all, she doesn't look up to him the way she mostly does with assurance that he'll keep her safe. And he doesn't want her to lose faith in him, that he can keep her safe. But at the same time, Mark is his brother. And hearing about his condition made him wonder how exactly his brother got hurt. The brother he knew killed anybody who even tried to hurt him. But seeing him in his living room looking defeated has him feeling worried. At first, he didn't want for his brother to stay…but seeing him in a wheelchair knocked his heart down. "I know he's my brother, but he hurt you-"
"Baby, look," Dae places her hand underneath his cheek. "He's your family, and I shouldn't be dramatic about it. You came to see my family and they gave you a chance, I think it's only fair to give him a chance. It's up to you,"
Jeno can only look away from her for a moment. But then he realizes she isn't really trying to get his attention. She's trying to talk to him because she wants to comfort him, and Jeno knows he owes her an answer. Looking back into her eyes, his heart skips a beat feeling nervous. "I promise that I won't let him hurt you again,"
Dae nods her head. Although she doesn't say it out loud, she has a feeling that Mark won't hurt her again. If he was able to save her that night she took a walk and was nearly killed, and if he was also able to apologize and admit that he would leave, just gave her the reassurance that he wouldn't do anything to her.
“You can continue Officer,” Jeno returns back to his seat holding Dae’s hand. Mark looks at their hands clasped before looking to the ground.
“I told the Officer I’m good on my own.” Mark says. “So sorry for wasting your time. We’ll also be going.”
“He can stay,” Dae meekly speaks. Getting his attention, Mark freezes as he places his hands on the rollers of his wheel chair. He looks up to Jeno first before at Dae. She timidly looks down and breaths in deeply. “You can stay,”
“I’m good. I’ll go.”
6 months is a lot, but Jeno clears his throat. “Come on Mark, please stay. I can’t let you go out there on your own. Let me take care of you,”
“You’ll bitch about it-”
“I won’t bitch about it, please bro.” Jeno pleads.
In response, Mark places his hands back on his lap and shrugs his shoulders silently waiting for the officer to continue. As Jisung begins to further into the types of medication Mark needs and the types of exercises he should do, Donghyuck in the car with Areum (who is now awake) tells jokes to cheer up.
“What did the ocean say to the sand?” Donghyuck starts making Areum smile expectantly. “Nothing, it just kept waving,”
Hearing Areum laugh sets his mood a bit lighter, hoping that when he gets to the school he can be calm and deal with any problem in a tone that’s not angered. So when the driver stops by the kindergarten and Donghyuck heads out the car with Areum - he is greeted by his mother who has a stone poker face. “In the Principal’s office. Now.” She takes a hold of Areum’s hand and they begin to walk inside the building.
Areum is nervous upon getting to the office and seeing Uncle Jung. “Thank goodness you’re safe,” Jaehyun breathes out. He gets up from his seat moving towards Areum but she stiffly moves back and away from Donghyuck’s mother’s hand and attempts to run out.
However she bumps onto a pair of legs. Gazing up and Donghyuck’s face, she hides behind him holding onto his legs tightly.
Not only is the principal surprised, but also Donghyuck’s mother. Jaehyun immediately understands the situation when seeing Donghyuck’s face. He scoffs out pinching his nose before turning to Areum. “Areum come here,” She hesitantly shakes her head, holding tighter onto Donghyuck’s legs. Donghyuck has his hand over her head. “Mummy said I should pick you up since you weren’t feeling so well today. Come,”
“I think it would be best if her mummy came to pick her up herself,” Donghyuck speaks up, not once looking away from Jaehyun’s frame.
Jaehyun peers at Donghyuck with violent eyes. “I am her guardian-”
“You sexually violated her.”
His mother abruptly calls on his name. “Donghyuck-”
“I don’t care who you are.” Donghyuck continues nonetheless.
“Sexually violated?" Jaehyun scoffs. “What are you insinuating?”
“She’s not leaving until her mother comes.”
“She’s on her way as we speak. So I think it’s best we don’t cause any trouble. I’m willing to look past the fact that Areum disappeared and hasn’t attended her classes.” Jaehyun states. “As long as Areum’s safe, we don’t have to involve her mother.”
“She’s not safe with you.” Donghyuck retorts.
An awkward laugh from the principal only gets the attention of Donghyuck’s mother, as both the other males are having a deadly stare down. “Mr Jung, please do understand this is our new recruit janitor. He’s not quit familiar with-”
“So you’re okay with this janitor kidnaping my child-”
“She’s not your child and I didn’t kidnap her. She came to me.”
The principal clears his throat. “Mr Lee, we’ve had no disagreements or troubles with you up till now. Please leave the child alone.”
“Donghyuck let her go.” His mother speaks up.
“You’re acting as if I’ve got her hostage.” Donghyuck mumbles and folds his arms. “She’s clearly clinging onto me because she doesn’t want to go to her so called guardian.”
“Areum dear. Please go to your guardian-”
Jaehyun cuts the principal off and aims his speech to Areum. “Areum you’ve been a bad girl today. If you don’t want to be punished, you’ll come to me right now.”
Areum standing behind Donghyuck has fear gripping onto her entire being. She trembles when turning her head away from him. Seeing this, Jaehyun stands up right and peers into Donghyuck’s eyes. Donghyuck is trying desperately hard to control himself, especially feeling how urgently she clings onto him. “I told you she’s not going anywhere until her mother comes.”
“Areum. Do you think he’s going to protect you from when you get home?” Jaehyun asks.
“You are not going to touch her.” Donghyuck instructs.
“You have no say in this janitor. And for the record I’ll punish her more because of you.” Jaehyun seethes through his teeth. “Areum come here now!”
Areum jumps in fear and instantly squanders over to Jaehyun keeping her teary eyes tethered to the ground. Donghyuck can only watch in anger when seeing Areum meekly approach her ‘uncle’.
“It seems like you were a bad girl today,” Jaehyun speaks to Areum when he squats down and pats her head trying to get her to look up to him. When looking into her teary eyes he looks up to Donghyuck. “You made her cry.” Jaehyun stands up. “Thank you Principal, we’ll be going,”
“No problem Mr Jung.” The principal bows his head maintaining a professional smile.
As soon as Jaehyun gets to the door Donghyuck refuses to move. “You’re not going anywhere until her mother comes.”
Jaehyun’s tongue pokes the sides of his mouth. “And I told you that I’m willing to let this whole mess slide. Move.”
“No.”
“Fine. If you don’t want to move, I’ll make you move,” With that Jaehyun omits a fierce backhand against Donghyuck’s face. Donghyuck’s face strikes to the left in pain. He blinks the dizziness away panting out. He was hoping not to get into a fight but after hearing Jaehyun’s next words, he’s not so sure that he can hold himself back. “I’m gonna have fun punishing her today.”
Balling his fist Donghyuck lunges to Jaehyun punching him. Jaehyun springs backwards as Donghyuck furiously tackles him to the ground rapidly landing a rough rock hard solid punch over his cheek. Blood bursts out of Jaehyun’s mouth as Donghyuck lands another aggressive punch on the other side of his face. Being dizzy by the impact Jaehyun lays motionless panting out while Donghyuck grabs his collar looking at him in the eyes. “You’re not going to touch her again!”
Donghyuck hurls out his fist tightly when hearing Jaehyun laugh. “What did she tell you? Was it the horsey that got you-” Donghyuck punches him again trying to shut him up.
Jaehyun grates his teeth tightly when seeing Officer Na drag Donghyuck by force in a headlock hastily getting him off. “What the hell is going on here?” The Officer enquires.
“Jaehyun!” Yezi pounces in worry and heads to Jaehyun’s side. Seeing his bruised face, she clips her hair up before helping him out . “Oh my god what happened?”
“That fucking janitor took Areum to god knows where and did god knows what to her,” Jaehyun grunts when Yezi helps him onto a chair. She heatedly turns her head back after hearing Jaehyun’s wanting to give the ‘janitor’ a piece of her mind. Her eyes enlarge just as her whole body turns to face the janitor fully. With her mouth slightly parting, she watches how Jaemin tries to tame him. But Donghyuck tries to get out of the headlock bustling with anger.
“Officer Na I did nothing wrong this time! He’s the one you should be cuffing!”
Never ever would she be able to forget his boiling voice, the same man who broke into their home, the same man who had his way with both her and her sister, the same man who raped her, the same man who inflicted such fear upon her, that same man who wouldn’t stop beating up everyone and who at least punched or slapped everyone at least once. She’d never ever forget that man with anger issues who unveiled her and made her feel nothing but insecure.
She attempts another slap but Jaemin is quick to holding onto her hand. “You’ve got it all wrong-” Donghyuck’s eyes burst open when hearing her words, he tries to move his hands to explain but when seeing their in cuffs he points to Jaehyun. “I’m a janitor here in the school and-”
Seeing him manhandled by Jaemin while a familiar motherly figure tries to speak has her seething with anger. Seeing Areum being trapped behind Donghyuck’s mother, Jaemin and Donghyuck has her consumed with rage. She stomps to them and upon getting a clear view of him her hand swings back and she slaps him. Donghyuck being smacked rapidly turns his eyes towards the culprit. In an instant his eyes are frozen on Yezi with confusion. “How dare you touch my daughter!?” Another slap from her has Jaemin letting of a frozen Donghyuck while he attends to Yezi.
She grabs onto Areum’s hand and pulls her away from them and next to her. "You took my daughter to your house?" She slaps his again.
Jaemin tried to hold Yezi to stop her from hitting Donghyuck. Surely Jaemin already understood the situation, and is conflicted on who the real culprit is. But hearing Donghyuck blame the 'uncle', he knows it's a truth that Yezi isn't about to listen to.
Donghyuck is equally stunned when seeing Yezi. He never forgot her face and seeing Areum rush to her hugging onto her legs has him confused. Was Areum… her daughter? "Is she your daughter?"
“Did you touch my daughter?” Yezi breathes out, her body absorbed in rage. “How dare you-”
“Janitor?” Yezi shakes her head in confusion and looks to the principal. “This man is a janitor here in this school? Do you even know who he is?” The principal tries to speak but Yezi cuts him off. “He is a convict who went to jail for rape!”
“Listen to me.” Donghyuck stresses. “Your daughter-”
“Don’t you dare talk about my daughter!” Yezi sends another sharp slap across his cheek turning it red and causing Jaemin to hold onto her-
“Get your hands off me-” Jaemin let’s her go keeping his head down from her sharp stare. “Did you know he works here?”
“I’m not his parole officer-”
“Why is he out of jail!? He went to jail for raping me and now he’s free-”
Donghyuck steps in trying to speak in a calm tone. “That was a fucking long time ago but you need to listen to me or else Areum will-”
“Don’t you even dare say her name-” She tries to go in for another slap but this time Donghyuck grips her hand tight.
“That fucking uncle is raping your own daughter!”
“Shut up.” Her hand swings back and she gives him a tight back hand slap her eyes watering. “Shut the hell up. I can’t even stand to look at you right now. You’re a rapist, you don’t think that’s something the school should’ve known about?”
Donghyuck is bent over breathing out. Looking up into Yezi’s eyes he touches his own cheek that has a cut and is bleeding before noticing Areum crying and standing behind him. He stands up again and inhales sharply. “I’m tired of this back and forth. Don’t you care about your daughter-”
“Stop mentioning my daughter! Not only did you take her out of school and to god knows where- but the fact that she’s been feeling pain labia only proves to me that you did something to my daughter?”
“It’s not about what I did! For fucks sake did you even question that uncle-”
“Baby don’t listen to him-” Jaehyun tries to steal Yezi'd attention.
Donghyuck bursts out again in fury. “I only kept her from that freaking uncle who keeps playing 'fuck' with her! Did you know that he raped her and he’s been-”
She’s quick in slapping him and grabbing his shirt having so much adrenaline. “Let me ask you a question- did you or did you not go to jail for rape?”
“Did what I say fly through your head-”
“Did you go to jail?
“Fuck- this isn't about me right now-”
Donghyuck stares at her being absolutely shocked at her being one minded. “Yes but-”
“Did you go to jail for rape?”
"For fucks sake can't you hear me-"
"Did you-" Yezi's eyes refuse to leave his wide eyes. "Go to jail for rape?"
“That’s all I need to know.”
“You don’t know anything.” Donghyuck’s hands in cuffs grabs onto both her hands and gives her one violent shake. “If you think I have anything with your fucking daughters labia you’re wrong- you should be looking at that uncle who keeps raping her. I took her out of school because of him and what he did to her-” Yezi who struggles to get her hands out tries to hit him but he speaks up. “And if you keep hitting me you’ll make Areum cry.”
Hearing Areum’s name, Yezi stops hyperventilating hearing Areum crying. Looking back and forth between Donghyuck’s eyes Yezi sharply inhales when noticing his features. Although Areum looked a little bit like Dae- Areum surely had his eyes. Seeing his eyes angry and feeling his force on her causes her to tear up. Turning back and away from him she doesn’t see Areum by Jaehyun or even Jaemin but instead she’s behind Donghyuck holding onto his leg. Pushing herself off him she looks down to Areum who keeps on crying.
“Areum sweety come here,” Yezi hates seeing her daughter in tears and behind the man who allegedly raped her.
Looking up to her mother Areum walks over to her mum and Yezi picks her up holding onto her tightly as Areum breaks down and cries louder. She cools her down and beads her eyes to the principal. “For hiring this rapist I’m going to press charges and sue this school-”
“Ma’am please-” This time Donghyuck's mother tries to intervene. If what Donghyuck was saying is true, then it meant Areum was in serious pain.
“Your son is a rapist and if you can still stand there and be proud of him or even defend him then you’ve got bad luck on your shoulders.”
Donghyuck pokes his cheek before glaring back at Yezi just as his mother shakes her head. “Don’t you dare talk to my mother like that when you can’t even look after your child, and see that she was raped-”
“My daughter doesn’t concern you!" Yezi fights the urge to slap him when having Areum on her shoulder. "She never will. Jaemin I’m going with Jaehyun. Please.” She faces Jaemin who has a stern face. “He shouldn’t be free at all. Jaehyun.”
“Mummy he didn’t do anything-” Her eyes blur when hearing Areum whisper in her ear.
“God you’re a filthy human being.” Yezi’s looks to Donghyuck who has his head down. “I hope you rot in that jail cell.”
Just as they leave, Jaehyun walks past Donghyuck giving him a dirty look. “I guess I should’ve known, that once a rapist always a rapist. You probably had your own taste of her-”
Donghyuck bucks again but instantly Jaemin holds onto him. “Donghyuck calm down.”
The principal speaks up. “Mr Lee you’re fired.” He states and looks to his mother. “I need a word with you Mrs Lee. Officer you may leave.”
-
20h00
Yezi looks up when hearing a knock on her door. Chenle walks in the room quietly noticing Areum sleeping in her mother’s arms. He takes a seat next to Yezi on the bed looking down at her. “Heard from Jaemin what happened.”
Yezi’s mouth goes stiff just as her eyes sadly look down.
“He said that the convict mentioned Areum bleeding from in between her legs. They did an examination on Areum and...” Chenle starts lowly. “The results came back with Jaehyun's clots of DNA. How did that convict know before you?”
He sighs out before kissing Yezi on her forehead. “It’s not your fault,” He whispers out to her.
Yezi pouts her lips being saddened. Upon getting home from the hospital, Yezi put Areum on the spot and when Areum began speaking Yezi felt her heart aching as his broke. From Areum speaking of the types of games that she’d play with Jaehyun to her hearing about how ‘Mr Sunshine’ took her to his place and helped cleaned her up only made Yezi overwhelmed with feeling like a failure. “My boyfriend put his dick into my daughter and I didn’t even know. She told that convict because she was afraid to tell me.” Her voice fades into shame as she sinks her head down trying to hush herself. Chenle gets on the bed and positions himself next to her so that he can hold onto her as she’s crying.
“Then whose fault is it?” She whispers.
“Yezi. Things just happen to remind us of the world we're in and it's types of people.”
“I thought I was doing everything right,” Yezi sniffs. “Why is it so hard protecting her?”
Yezi lays her head on her dad’s shoulder listening to him and reflecting. He rubs her shoulder. “The fact that Jaehyun, a well respected figure could do that to child shows you that you can't trust everyone. You did your part in raising Areum, but unfortunately she's now a part of this sick world.”
Chenle hums soothingly rubbing his hand on her arm. In a slow and quiet voice, he whispers in Yezi’s ear. “That’s what I asked myself the first time you and Dae were born.” Chenle recalls with a little smile. “The answer I got, is just to do everything the best way I can. Areum has just been hurt psychologically, physically and even mentally,”
Areum shifts in her mum’s arms causing both their eyes to land on her.
“What happened to Areum needs to open your eyes to allow you to step up in your responsibility as her parent. Right now, Areum needs you to not be a nurse for others, but to be a nursing mother for her, you’ve got your mum and I behind you every step of the way.” Chenle advices. “Another thing, you shouldn’t sue the school or the janitor, you should give blame to the rightful person and take legal actions against him. No man who hurts my daughters has the right live comfortably.”
Yezi sighs and repositions Areum in her arms so that she can hold her tighter. “It’s the fact that the person who raped me, knew before me, that my daughter was being hurt. And he stepped up in that responsibility as a stranger who helped a little girl. Areum called him Mr Sunshine. He raped me but to her he’s Mr Sunshine. Dad,”
“I can’t say much about him, only that perhaps the prison life this time around woke him up,”
-
After allowing Mark to stay with them, Dae thought that Jeno would take care of his brother and wouldn’t involve her. But then it became personal for her when Mark was being mean to Jeno (by refusing to do anything). It’s not till she stepped in and assisted Jeno that Mark reluctantly gave in. First it was already a hand full to accept Mark and help him out as a sick patient, but for some reason, she also had to create extra space on her dinner table for Donghyuck.
It was odd to be seated with all the criminals that broke into her home. It felt therapeutic in a way. But Dae was uncomfortable.
When he arrived, he immediately wanted to leave after seeing Dae. But Jeno told him to stay and surprisingly Dae too was kind (looking like she was held gunpoint) enough to allow him to have a seat on her supper table. Jaemin explained the situation over the phone and Mark asked Jeno if Donghyuck could come over. Just for one night. When telling Dae... Hearing what went down at the school both Dae and Jeno were in shock, but didn’t turn Donghyuck away.
She expected everything to be discreet and abnormal, yet when Jeno and his brother tried to lighten up the mood of the table she tried to cooperate. Donghyuck found it particularly unusual to sit and eat on the same table with Dae, however being seated with Mark and Jeno allowed him to be respectful as he saw they were being polite throughout everything.
“You cook well,” Mark says modestly trying not to appear unbearable. “You’re out of Jeno's league,”
Dae simply nods her head meekly eating her food.
“Mark,” Jeno runs his hand through his hair. “Can you just eat,”
“Hmm, I'm just complementing her food. I should’ve known why you changed for her. It wasn't her pussy, it was her food." Dae stiffens up and stares at Jeno. Mark however tries to calm the atmosphere looking at Dae. "I didn't mean it in a sexual way, more that my brother has always been the pegging type,” Mark breaths out, causing Donghyuck to snicker.
“What’s pegging?” Dae asks curiously looking to Jeno who rolls his eyes.
“It means he likes getting his ass eaten out-”
“Baby don't even listen to him. I don't like getting my ass eaten out. It means that I prefer you taking control over me,” Jeno immediately cuts, feeling his cheeks getting warm making Dae uncomfortably smile. Was this a normal type of conversation for people like them?
They continue to eat in silence with Mark and Jeno talking, while Donghyuck and Dae kept silent. It wasn't awkward but it surely was uncomfortable for Dae.
“So pegging... that's interesting.” Dae shifts uncomfortably in her seat, letting out a forced laugh. "Is this a normal conversation we should be having when eating?"
Mark laughs at that. "Oh babygirl you've got a lot to learn about your 'boyfriend'. How'd you guys meet? I mean after he got released?"
Jeno sees Mark's attempt to soften the barrier or even break the ice. He also sees Dae's reluctant will to comply in being bearable. "Well your brother saved my life. I got in a car accident and he helped me."
Mark nods his head. There's just something about being sober and looking at her that has him feeling some type of way. Guilty? Just looking at her... She had a soul, and the fact that she even considered her brother makes him wonder... Why? How?... Why? "I really am sorry."
"Mark." Jeno warns, but Dae sitting next to Mark actually smiles lightly.
"Jeno, just eat. It's fine." She says softly. She feels red in the face but doesn't peek at Mark.
“Wow, the food is really good. I haven’t eaten a meal like this in forever.” Mark modestly speaks after slurping the last bits of his food.
Dae simply smiles being happy about being complimented about her cooking. She can’t imagine the type of background they all come from. “I’m glad you’re enjoying the food. Do you want another bowl?”
“Yeah I’m starving,” Mark chuckles lowly.
“I’ll get it for him,” Jeno pats her back and picks up Mark’s dish. “At this rate you’ll eat all the food. Have some self control man.”
“It’s okay.” Dae finds herself speaking while taking the plate away from Jeno and dishing up for Mark. “He can eat as much as he wants,” He looks malnourished. Is what Dae says in her mind.
Everyone deserved a good home, food, clothing and warmth and love. When she took away the fact that Mark was a criminal and allowed him to be free, she began to see a different person in him. And although it was bothersome at some point, knowing that he lacked a lot of means to life made her be considerable towards him. Dae tried not to judge him for his mistakes. The same way she forgave Jeno, she took it upon herself to forgive Mark and move past all that he did.
“They have large appetites,” Dae whispers to Jeno when looking at Mark eating his food, before she turns to Donghyuck who’s also quietly eating and dishing up for himself. They were starving. She turns back to Jeno. “Just let them eat,”
“So,” Mark turns to Donghyuck. “Are you going to speak to your mum?”
Donghyuck shakes his head. "No."
“Don’t you think you have to?” Mark asks again. “You didn’t do anything wrong. She has to know that. Besides didn’t you say Officer Na said that woman dropped the charges?”
“That bitch threatened to sue me when I didn’t even touch her kid.” Donghyuck grumbles still in disbelief. Peeking over at Dae, Donghyuck ignores that she’s looking at him before he turns his gaze back to his food. Quietly eating, he finishes up his meal and looks to Mark. “I should go-”
“Nah stay man. They’re chilled,” Mark peeks at Jeno and Dae who clear up the table and go to the other room to wash the dishes together.
Donghyuck doesn’t put up a fight, since he was stuffed and he didn’t want to go back in the park all alone. He was back to square one. No job with an angry mum. “Fuck. What am I going to do now?” Donghyuck lays his hand over his head feeling a headache form.
“What’s this?”
Donghyuck looks up when hearing Mark question. One the table, Dae places before each of them a plate of what looks like chocolate balls, but really it’s some sweeteners. “Dessert.”
“De- what?” Mark looks to Jeno, who places a spoon on their chocolate pudding. “Dude don’t tell me this is how you live every day?”
“I got used to it, apparently all the sugar sucks out any congested fat. Something like that.” Jeno smiles. “It’s really good,”
“Where I come from, one meal a day was all we needed to live.” Mark shakes his head. His brother was surely living the life.
“Can I ask you something?” Donghyuck looks to Dae who’s holding onto her spoon still eating. The mood around the table is calm. He doesn’t want to ruin it, but he needed to know something.
Her heart seizes but she nods her head remaining calm.
“Your sister…” Donghyuck looks down at the table thinking of how he should ask the question. “Her kid…was it… because of me?”
His question leaves a difficult silence on the table as Mark’s ears are sharp to the question. Jeno too turns to Dae. Although he lived with her, he never knew how to address Yezi and her child. They only met once but he was so sure that Donghyuck’s sperm couldn’t have made such a polite little girl. So just like everyone anticipating her answer, Dae places her spoon down and nods her head. “Yes.”
Donghyuck’s eyes widen in astonishment. “You mean, that little girl, Areum is… Mine?”
“In this type of situation, I don’t think she’d call you the father, but yes, she’s your seed.” Dae states.
“Can I ask you another question?" Donghyuck tries not to get upset about that. "Do you have an uncle called Uncle Jung?”
Dae shakes her head. “That was my sister’s boyfriend.”
Donghyuck’s jaw’s tighten. “That fucker.” Donghyuck shakes his head. "If your sister doesn't mind, I'd like to attend the court. Officer Na said they'd put that uncle on trial." The feeling of despair wash over him as he relives the memory of Areum crying in his arms. How Areum cried in pain because of what that man did to her. Donghyuck is left feeling the same way he felt after raping Yezi. Anguish and misery coat over him, only this time his feelings are concerning the little girl…his little girl. Areum. “I shouldn’t be asking any favors from you. But,” Donghyuck clears his throat. “Tell your sister that the same way she got me locked up, should be the same for that uncle.”
And so it is, the day of the court has everyone boiling with anger towards the defendant who was defending Mr Jung Jaehyun, aka Uncle Jung, or best known Jung Jamal, wealthiest son to billionaire owners of Jamal Car Funders.
“Judge, what Lawyer Lee Taeyong has brought forth to you is not admissible evidence for 6 year old Zhong Areum, who was convicted of non consensual rape by my client Jung Jaehyun. By law this right here, my client being accused of this heinous crime, is a criminal offense.” Yuta states. “I understand the issue is sensitive however, it could all be foul play to remove Mr Jung from his enterprise.”
“The investigations and tests results-” Taeyong objects.
“Could’ve been forged. From facts mentioned in the re-examination, it’s common for little girls her age to go through bleedings. One of the many pointers I brought forward is that fact that she-"
"Your honor you can't deny the facts. The investigation team found that inside the little girl. Several gentile seeds of a grown man were found in her-"
"Your honor even if all the facts are against my client, they have no other witness other than the family and their 'claims'." Yuta states.
"But she's my daughter!" Yezi bursts out in tears. "He-"
"The 'he said-she said' game doesn't work here in court. If there are no witnesses then this case should be closed shut." Yuta ends buttoning up his jacket. He knew Jaehyun was in the wrong, but they were paying a lot of money because Nakamoto Yuta was the best lawyer when it came to backing up criminals.
“I testify.”
Yezi immediately snaps her head back to the voice, just as everyone else is stunned by the sudden witness. Seeing Donghyuck stand up, looking pissed has Yezi's heart pounding in hope. She turns forward seeing Yuta looking unmoved. “Your honor, if I may say, the man testifying is the former janitor of the kindergarten in which the child attends. Prior to this case being opened, the mother of the child stated that her child had no underwear when returning home. In this matter, we can blame the janitor as he was the one who took the child home with him. God knows why he’s not here on the stand. My verdict is that my client Mr Jung Jaehyun is innocent. The real culprit should be investigated. That's an unreliable witness.”
“Your honor, I testify.” This time Renjun stands up. “I was at home when he brought the child home. The underwear went missing because I washed it. She was severely bleeding and thus it soaked her underwear.”
“Your honor, if I may, Huang Renjun is a convict of-”
The judge Jungmyeon seeing almost everyone in the court room standing up turns to the Lawyer Yuta. "It looks like you have yourself a case. Security, take Mr Jung into custody. There will be no bond. Adjourned."
“Then I testify.” Dae stands up looking serious. “I was at their home and looked after the child while they washed her underwear.” Although it’s a lie, it throws Yuta off guard as he blinks at Dae as well as the next person who stands up. This causes a string of people standing up stating how they were witnesses to the devious and heinous crime committed against the child. The innocent child who was defenseless.
The moment the judge hits the gavel, Yezi unknowingly lets out a sigh of relief as tears leave her eyes. Laying her head against her dad's shoulder, some tears pouring out of her eyes causing her to hiccup, sniff and fall into a breaking emotional state. Her dad, Chenle hugs her tightly. He feels such an overwhelming amount of joy that they initially won the case. While Yezi hugs onto her dad, Chungdae walks back into the court room carrying Areum who had bright eyes.
Yezi immediately cradles her baby in her hands kissing her cheek. It's sweet victory with everyone in the courtroom besides the Jung family- being joyful that the man who hurt the little girl was going behind bars. While Dae and Jeno find themselves communicating with Renjun, catching up - Donghyuck has his eyes on Areum who's being held tightly by her mum.
"At least she's okay," He sighs and clears his throat walking out the courtroom. Donghyuck can't help but feel better at the case win for the little girl. For some reason, even though he was fired and never to be around the little girl and her family (not that he wanted to anyway) but he felt good- that all the ties were finally cut from that whole trouble.
What started out as a thirst to get more riches and possessions turned into a nasty tunnel hole that caused him his ultimate life dismay.
"You!"
"Never again." Donghyuck declares. However, as he's about to step on the last step away from the court building, his ears freeze.
Not being the name he was given, he turns around knowing very well of the voice of the person addressing him. Yezi.
Her heart is beating when seeing the face of the man who once raped her. Clutching her jaw and stiffly going down the stairs while he turns his body towards her. He's got his hands in his leather jacket...the same leather jacket he last wore when he raped her. She holds herself from balling her fists and swinging it across his face- especially since he looks nonbelligerent.
Standing 2 steps away from him, she sucks in a deep breath and gulps all her piled hatred down. "Thank you,"
Donghyuck's ears twitch in hearing the foreign word. No one ever thanked him. Not knowing how to react, he nods once and turns around.
"Wait." Yezi quickly withdraws her hand and holds onto it as Donghyuck's head turns back. "IWith every being in me, I hate you. I really do." Her eyes feel watery when thinking of the night he forced himself on her. "But, I love Areum. She means the world to me, a-and..."
Yezi has to look down and away from his empty stare to try and calm herself down. Donghyuck no longer looks at her and also looks to the ground. However he turns his body towards her paying attention to her. "I'm sorry."
She didn't want to hear his apology. She didn't need it. Her eyes shut tightly and she folds her lips shaking her head. Composing herself, she faces Donghyuck again, her eyes lightly glistening. "I love Areum so much. So so much, you have no idea. I'd do anything for her. I don't know how, but ever since I had her I could only love her, not because of what you did, but because she came from something so painful, and I had a choice to kill her of give her life... I could've killed her along with the painful memory of what you did to me, but to me that wasn't fair. I kept Areum because really I wanted to hurt her so badly...but as I kept her and the months kept passing and she kept growing in my womb, something in me changed. I couldn't protect myself from what you did to me, but I could protect her. And it's all I could think about when she was born. I only wanted to protect her from what I wasn't protected from...the cruelty of the world. I... I chose to give her life...but I failed to protect her from the one thing that broke me..."
Yezi tries not to appear vulnerable and look into his eyes, but she can't help looking into his eye and being equally stunned by the look of accountability and blame. Donghyuck feels bad hearing that, to think that little Areum was defenseless just like her mother...brought Donghyuck back to the night he raped her...he thought of his own mum and how defenseless she was...that wasn't fair and none of them deserved it.
"But you protected her." Yezi nods her head looking down holding in the tears. "You protected my baby and looked after her. You protected her from the cruelty. She spoke so highly of a janitor called Mr Sunshine, and at the time I really hoped that this Sunshine guy would not hurt her. To think it was you, really had me in the mud. You really, did more for her and I... I really hate you, but I wanna thank you so much. Thank you, for everything you did for my child. You didn't even know her, but you still saved her, and for that I owe you so much." Yezi bows her head before standing up straight again.
Hearing how she takes complete ownership of Areum without acknowledging Donghyuck, settles his heart. "I felt bad for her," Donghyuck lowly speaks.
Yezi hearing his voice, hears her own heart skip a beat.
"I witnessed my father abusing his power over my mum one too many times. I was powerless and would always get beat up when I tried to intervene, and so I thought that's just how the worlds works. You fight to get what you want. My dad really was a spineless coward and I'm no different seeing as I did what he did, I did the same thing to you. I realized that I had become my dad and I...hurt you. I hated that my mum looked at me like my dad and that everybody around me looked at me the same way. But your daughter...that little girl looked at me with light in her eyes."
Donghyuck can't look in her eye, but finds refuge in looking at the ground when thinking of Areum.
"That little girl never missed a day in asking me how I was, or what I was thinking, and she'd always tell these bad jokes. It's weird to say but, she reminded me of myself. Innocent, young and so full of wonder. The light in her eyes...was honestly what kept me going. If a child can look at me like that then hopefully someone else might too. When she told me of the secret that her uncle had been doing to her, my heart was enraged. Here was this little girl with so much happiness in her being used. I snapped but I couldn't do anything because I wanted a second chance at life and didn't wanna get involved in drama. I hate that I never spoke up the first time she told me, but I hated it even more to see her lose the light in her eyes. I wasn't about to let another light die- not especially since I was the only one who knew. I wanted her to be...free and not turn up like me, or my mum...or you. She wasn't meant for that. Not with the light she has in her eyes."
Donghyuck finally looks up at Yezi, he's a little surprised that there's a small smile on her face, but he continues on.
"So really, I felt bad that she lost her light." Donghyuck ends up saying. "How old are you now?"
"21."
Donghyuck slowly nods his head. "You're a great mum." His lips find himself saying. "You love your child so much and would do anything to ensure her safety. Despite the fucked up world, you did what you could to keep her safe. I know I'm not one to talk but, I should be thanking you... For not killing her. She brought light back into my life and if it weren't for you, then she would've bitter like me. But you did such a good job with her." Donghyuck finds himself awkwardly saying and feeling the heat rush to his cheeks.
There's a pause of silence between them with Yezi shyly looking down with a smile acknowledging his words.
"I'll be going." Donghyuck speaks up and scratches his head. "Take care of her, yeah?"
Yezi nods her head.
"Take care of yourself too," Donghyuck says. "You're one tough broad, so don't go looking for trouble,"
She can only smile lightly, even though it's genuine. She doesn't stop him when he begins walking away, but instead she watches him disappear after turning a corner.
She jumps lightly when turning around seeing Jaemin walking down the steps. "Everything good?"
Yezi nods her head looking up into the warm eyes of Jaemin. "Everything is good,"
Pairing. Camboy!Donghyuck X Innocent!Reader ft boyfriend!Chenle and frat boy! Jaehyun
Summary. Your relationship with Chenle gets strained as you continue to seek Donghyuck's guidance in your private life. You'd disagree to call it cheating, but the more you spend time with Donghyuck, the more it tugs on your relationship with Chenle and the more you begin to fall for Donghyuck.
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With constant hits and popularity rising to you and Donghyuck, Donghyuck comes three times a week; Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, giving you enough time to spend with Chenle and also practice what you’ve learnt. Despite Chenle finishing in two minutes, you note that your foreplay life with him has evolved into something beautiful and you can tell that it’s something highly anticipated by the both of you.
There seems to be a spark that has lit up inside of you as well as Chenle. It seems that watching Sexy Sun please his new girl (you), has put Chenle in some sort of mode to always follow. Meaning, whatever Donghyuck did to you, Chenle would try it out.
Which also means that you’ve started anticipating Donghyuck’s every move. Although you’re still tense in some moments, he surely makes you feel calm when inserting his fingers inside of you, or staring so deep into your eyes with praises of how well you’re doing, and at times doing after care services with you making sure you’re cleaned up before he goes. Most of the times it worries you that Chenle can’t smell the scent of cigarettes around your room or he doesn’t notice the background that is similar to Sexy Sun, he doesn’t even realize that the vibrators you use are the same ones that Donghyuck uses in his live.
Other than that, days and weeks have passed and you’re feeling that the days are closing in on Donghyuck finally inserting himself inside of you. He used the vibrators to stretch you open, and now it’s time for him to start using the dildo’s to make it easier for you to accept his length in you, he even mentioned how he’d like to try and eat you out one day. And then finally he’ll put his actual dick inside of you. Donghyuck really has a gift and knows how to capture the audience attention as well as yours. Every night when he comes over his audience is never disappointed and they pay large amounts of money just seeing you being pleasured. He's really good at pleasing you and he's been keeping the tips up high- and every time he offers to pay you, you refuse and ask him to pay you with lessons.
And boy have the lessons been the best thing you’ve ever learnt in your entire life. How to please your boyfriend. Most of the times, Donghyuck jokes that these are things he wishes girls would do for him, but other than that he’s really gentle when teaching you all these tricks that he knows.
It kills you how one day you’ll have to stop seeing him.
Your main mission is pleasing Chenle, and if Chenle is pleased then it means you’d no longer need to give Donghyuck your service. But just as much as you’re using him, he’s also using you and you must admit that he makes a lot of money from kink factory. When he offers to pay you some of the amount, you always tell him to keep it because he deserves it more. And as days progress, you realize just how intelligent Donghyuck is. Aside from being a good teacher, Donghyuck excels in his studies. He could’ve been a nerd like you and Chenle but somehow he found himself part of the cool nerds. But they don’t call themselves nerds.
And by spending a few minutes with Donghyuck, you’ve sort of gotten to know his friends. They all tease how they want to enter in you, and every time you look uncomfortable, Donghyuck takes you away to tell you the next steps and so on. But none the less, you’ve gotten to know that they are nerds…just the cool kind. Renjun is in business marketing, Jaemin is in human resources management, Mark is in talent specialist acquisition training, Jeno studies cyber law, Donghyuck does computer robotics engineering and Jaehyun is in civil engineering. A smart duo but they all have their heads in the wrong places, especially when it comes to their future and what they’ll do.
All you can wonder now is if Donghyuck finally puts himself inside of you…will you still need him to teach you, or would you finally call it off? Because all you wanna do is please Chenle, and if you figure out how to get down to the problem…you might not need for Donghyuck to teach you.
Feeling troubled by your thoughts you decide that you'll voice it out with Donghyuck the next time you see him. Going to the canteen and up the flight of stairs, you nervously approach the table in which Donghyuck is always seated at with his friends. Instead of seeing him, you see all his other friends except him.
Upon not seeing him, you back slide and make your way out. Half way through– you almost bump into Chenle. Your eyes widen slightly for a second when seeing him. "Baby? What are you doing here?”
Chenle’s smile is warm when he embraces you in a hug and points to Jisung (one of his classmates). “Jisung wanted to show me something, are you headed to the lunch break spot now?”
“Uhm yeah,” You nod your head with a little smile. Despite the times you spend around Donghyuck, Chenle shouldn’t ever know what you did behind his back.
“I’ll come later on,” He notes. “I won’t be too long,”
“Okay,”
Parting ways yet again, you’re walking outside of the canteen still looking for Donghyuck, hoping that some way you can see him or spot his all too familiar leather jacket or cloud of smoke that sometimes surrounds him. Sending him a message on Kink Factory that you need to talk to him, you’re bummed when he doesn’t see the message immediately. Unfortunately, you can’t find him after your search and just decide to go and sit down. It’s in going to your usual spot by the steps do you already notice Chenle. From far he looks deep in thought and when you draw near to him, his eyes go up to yours with so much shock.
“What’s wrong baby?” You ask him taking a seat next to him and putting your hand on his shoulder.
“N-nothing. I was just thinking,” He mutters and removes his glasses and rubbing his eyes before he pulls them back on his face. “I need to get new eye glasses.”
You hum out and bring out your own food. Nothing is unusual, however the silence that soon follows makes you feel odd. You peek at him and he has his eyes glued to his pants, but this time he looks disheartened. “Babe?”
“Hm?” He snaps out of his daze. “Do I really not know how to please you?”
“Pardon?”
“Jisung was telling me that statistically speaking 4 out of 5 women pretend to be satisfied in bed and aren’t really enjoying the sex they have with their partner.” He lets out and worriedly looks between your eyes. “So I just wanna know, am I not good in bed? Do you pretend to enjoy it?”
Your hands land on his cheeks gently as you look at him deeply in his eyes. “Babe, why would you even think that? You think us having sex hasn’t been good lately? Don’t mind the statistics, and don’t be down casted. I’ve really been enjoying myself when we’re together in the room, when we’re trying new things and even when we make love. We’ve been together for a really long time and have explored together, so of course everything is perfect. What makes you think you’re not good in bed? Was it because of Jisung? And why would you guys even be discussing that?”
Chenle looks between your eyes and gets the slight sense of your earnest remark. A month ago you were too shy to even talk publicly about sex. But it’s like a new aura around you has you feeling confident. And if honest, Chenle feels almost pleased that he looks like he's doing a good job in satisfying you. But he can't help thinking what he's thinking after everything Jisung told him. "Jisung is a philosophy student, so he was just reading to me his essay and I felt attacked by it."
"Well don't," You pat his cheek. "You have noting to worry about. In fact, I'd even say that our sex life has improved tremendously, wouldn't you say so as well?"
You expect Chenle to answer in a heartbeat, but when he takes his time you wonder if he still has doubts. Okay maybe ending it with Donghyuck right now isn't a good idea - you need to make sure that Chenle as well feels confident in himself.
Your phone buzzes alerting you of Donghyuck's message in Kink Factory. "Oh I guess I have to go. See you?"
Chenle nods his head as you both kiss each others cheeks before you depart from him. Following Donghyuck's message whereby he tells you that he's in the robotics campus, you surely walk around using the school's safety map (located on section parts of the campus). Upon finding the pole with the label of Robotics, you carefully tread on unknown grounds. Thankfully you don't have to tread far as you spot Donghyuck on one of the buildings smoking by the terrace.
Hurrying in the building to not delay and waste time- you're halted in your tracks when hearing Donghyuck cuss out. "Fuck, I can't keep paying for all your debt mum. I also- mum- hold on what? Do you know how hard it is for me? I haven't paid my own fucking rent in 2 months, I'm living off of dry noodles because I can't even afford to buy my own water, I don’t even eat every single- what? - hold on- wait- mum- mum I fucking even barely have enough to pay for my textbooks- it's a fucking miracle I'm still on scholarship- what do you mean who cares about me? - Mum I'm a fucking male prostitute for crying out loud! Do you know what they call me? A gigolo. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to apply for a job and the first thing they see when searching me up is my dick down a throat of an old lady? Do you-"
Donghyuck's irritation causes his voice to grow louder, fairly bitter and tightly in irritation causing you to quickly hide behind the wall to avoid being seen by him. You contemplate leaving…seeing as you came during a bad time, however hearing him pour out his heart has you feeling somewhat nosy and intrigued…you also feel bad.
"I have to! Fuck. I can't believe you're actually fucking talking right now. You're the one who's supposed to look after me- not me always taking care of you. When have I ever gotten the chance to be a child- you always fucked things up- why do I- that's the point you- so fucking disown me already!"
You don't hear anything for a couple of minutes, and right before you decide to reveal yourself (in the most natural and 'non ease dropping manner') you hear an incredibly loud bang and you jerk by the harsh tone of Donghyuck's voice. "Fuck!" The banging happens a couple more times and you think that he’s probably beating something.
Waiting a few more minutes you're not expecting to hear a silent hiss, and then ultimately a sniff. It's at this point whereby you wonder whether you should leave or just enter… leaving seems to be the only option however your heart…hurts.
As you’re going down the stairs and leaving the Robotics building, a thought pops up in your head. It only takes a few steps away from the exit of the building before you race back to the building, climbing up the stairs again and briskly walking into the classroom. You're not surprised that the classroom is empty- otherwise he wasn't going to have that conversation so audibly- however you are surprised that he’s really alone. Why is there no one in this building? Aside from the few students outside, no one is inside. Walking in the class silently, you see him hunched over a desk with his whole head down.
As you get closer to him your eyes enlarge when taking notice of his bloody hand. He’s just staring at it! In alarm you quickly move towards him and place your bag on the desk while bringing out some soft wipes from your bag.
Donghyuck’s focus snaps back to reality when seeing your frail figure bring out some soft wipes and a bottle of water. He clears his throat, running his hand through his hair and wiping his eyes- however he’s quickly alert when noticing his hand is bloody and he feels pain over his knuckles that are cut deeply. “Shit.” He mumbles.
“It’s okay let me do it,” You timidly assure as you take a hold of his hand and start placing the wet wipes on the wounds of his knuckles which are bruised severely. So that’s where the sound came from. He was punching his hand. Just as you try to focus on healing the wound, Donghyuck takes a seat on the stool and tries to clear his head from the conversation he had with his mother. “What happened? How’d you get this wound and cut?”
That seems to do the trick as Donghyuck completely shuts down and pulls his hand away from yours. He digs into his school bag that’s nearby and takes out a pack of cigarettes. “Don’t worry about me. I’m good. So um," Donghyuck rubs the back of his neck, not minding that the blood is still pouring. Your eyes remain enlarged but you don’t try to help. He looks incredibly low and you’re not sure if he’s the violent type or not, so you try not to dwell in that situation. "I was hoping that… I know we still have some toys left, but I really wanted to have sex with you. It could bring in a lot of money...a huge amount of money. I know it feels rushed, but with proper marketing I know that we'll get a lot of money, but what do you think?”
He doesn’t even look at you when saying this, and it’s almost as if he’s ashamed of himself. After hearing the conversation, your mind is quick to piece his words together. He wants money.
“I know it’s a lot to ask…” Donghyuck breathes out still not looking at you. It must be a lot for him too, since he barely lights up his cigarette and his eyes are staring at his bloody hand.
“Wait, I actually had a proposal,” You promptly state. “Do you mind coming with me right now to my dorm?"
"Sure." He agrees in an instant and picks up his bag before stuffing some electronic components inside.
-
Upon getting inside your room, you make him acquainted with the kitchen as your briefly prepare a small meal. Donghyuck hadn't said anything the whole way while walking as his attention was on the ground (and you can only assume it's because of the conversation he had with his mother), so you're actually surprised when he speaks up. "What are you doing?"
Especially when you dish up for him some food and hand it over to him on the counter. He looks confused and you pay him no mind when taking a seat on the high stool next to him and bringing out a notepad. "I wanted to treat you to a meal and tell you something,"
Donghyuck looks nonchalant towards the food but deep down he's starving and his stomach is growling. He puts on an act of not really being hungry, but you urge him to eat.
"Please eat, seeing your bruised hand and drained face, I want you to have energy,"
Donghyuck breathes in before picking up the chopsticks. You quickly go into your washroom and bring out your first aid kit. You place it to the side as you watch him eating wholeheartedly with his mouth full. He's slurping down on the instant noodles but when you enter the room - he's quick in keeping a simple pace.
Before you can think about it, you’re reminded of how most of the times when Donghyuck would leave your house after each session, some of your left overs would be gone, or other times your fridge stock would be missing. You never assumed much of it because on a daily when Chenle would be over, he'd raid your fridge and take things out either when he would cook or when he wanted to snack. To think that Donghyuck could also have been lurking through each shelf in your kitchen makes you saddened. The poor guy had troubles that were unknown to the naked eye. After hearing the conversation with his mum, his parent who was supposed to be a parent, you heart actually broke at the type of dynamic they had. Donghyuck had taken the parental role while his mother had assumed child position.
Sitting down next to Donghyuck and watching him eat makes you feel at ease and you clear your throat. "While you eat I'm just gonna talk. So I was thinking, well I had a chat with my boyfriend and he looked down and a bit insecure that he didn't know how to please me. I know that our lessons are based on me trying to please him, but I wanted to ask you, what could make him feel less insecure when pleasing me?"
Donghyuck tries to hurry in swallowing his food yet you quickly stop him.
"Wait no, I've got more questions. So, based on you wanting us to have sex because it'll bring in more money, I was thinking of an idea,"
"What is it?" He asks with his mouth full.
You place your pen down and sit side ways so that you're facing him. "My boyfriend was watching an anime the other day and I saw this character that was cute and small and all the guys loved her."
"So cosplay?"
"Uhm,"
Donghyuck picks up a piece of smoked staked meat and dips it in some sauce. "Say ah," You open your mouth and say 'ah' and Donghyuck bites his lip. "You know babygirl, you've got such an attractive mouth. If we had to do cosplay, your mouth and body would be perfect. Can you say 'oppa' in a cute way?"
"Oppa~"
"Fuck, that's hot," Donghyuck chuckles and finds you another meat. He nods his head and hums out. "By the way, the food is delicious,"
"Thank you," You smile. "So what do you think?"
"I like the concept of cosplaying, and a mukbang, but I still think sex could bring us a lot of money,"
You close your lips and tilt it to one side. "Don't you want to test out the dildos and other toys on me first?"
Donghyuck doesn't need to prompt more out of you when seeing your nervous face. He too knows that you're not ready and forcing you into something that makes you uncomfortable will make the viewers all the more reluctant to watch it. Of course there would be those hardcore 'rape her' comments that pop here and there but after reconciling with you that day- he began respecting your boundary a bit more.
You were a fragile girl with a body that still needed to learn.
However, he needed money ASAP.
"How about this?" Donghyuck's ears are perked when hearing another proposal from you. "It seems like you need money and I-"
"No." Donghyuck can already see where you're headed and wholeheartedly refuses. There was nothing more degrading for him then being offered money from somebody. It always felt like pity cash. And he didn't want to be pitied. Better die in debt then have everyone knowing he was strapped in debt. Besides he has been with you for a long time to know that you're actually a very giving friend.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way." You meekly say. "I meant that we could film more content on days as well as nights, that way your ratings and views can go up and then also people can tip more."
Donghyuck considers the idea and hums before nodding his head. "Day content sounds good. Could we try one now?"
"N-now?" Your eyes pop and you hold onto your seat.
Donghyuck nods his head, eating the last bowl of food while he stands up and walks to your room. You follow behind him like a puppy and tie your hair back when Donghyuck takes a look at you. As always he's always prepared with a mask and gives it to you. You put it around your mouth and wait for Donghyuck's next approach. He gets out his phone going onto camera.
Starting the recording he approaches you with his phone in his hand and with the other hand he palms your breast softly and slowly almost kneading it like dough. Your tits react and he dips his hand inside your shirt pulling the material down and pulling out your breast from it's bra placement. Your pink nipple has him feeling aroused by how perky it becomes. "Wouldn't you want to pierce these lovely beauties?"
By his comment, ideas pop in his head for a new type of content.
"Babygirl, how familiar are you with BDSM?"
-
[Sexy Sun Live...]
During the night, you're a moaning mess when Donghyuck applies the pressure on the nipple tweezers over your boobs by pulling on them.
"Damn, you've got such nice tits," You're laying flat on the bed trying to breathe over the mask covering your face. But it's so hard to breathe when every breath that leaves your mouth is a gasp of arousal and it only makes the space around your mouth feel hot. Your body is in heaps of sweat and with your continuous soft breaths Donghyuck is easily turned on by your exotic sweaty but cute form.
Donghyuck despite not liking bondages kink, finds himself taking a liking in pleasing your body, reason being because he loves your eyes. His eyes are stuck on yours. With every blink you do they're rolling in pleasure and sleekly making you look high. He's watched Hentai before and never thought any human girl could replicate the lust intoxication look without cosplay makeup, yet here you are looking dizzy and drunk with pleasure and he can't stop looking. If he could he would've masturbated to your sight.
"Fuck, you look hot,"
Donghyuck has the camera in an angle that's diagonal to the bed. Meaning the viewers can see your body spread out on the bed with him holding one leg over his shoulder to allow for better viewing on your whole body. While one hand pulls on the nipple tweezers over your boobs, his other hand is playing with the tail butt plug on your anus. There's a weird pain sensation that spreads across your body. By the amount of pain over your boobs, you're surprised that it turns you on when Donghyuck pulls on it and plays with your tits. And while there's a literal clog being plugged on your booty hole your surprised that as Donghyuck Wiggles and pulls on the tail do you feel oddly good. He then moves over to your holes and applies pressure over your pussy - and that alone makes your anus (that's plugged with the butt plug) feel hot and you just want to rub it to add onto the oddly weird pain sensation.
When suggesting cosplay to Donghyuck you didn't think that he'd try it the first night. You've got new toys such as a butt plug designed in a hairy tail for some kind of pink fox, you've got matching pink fox ears and a fox mask.
Your hands are in a knot above your head and Donghyuck likes how you look when you can barely hold still. The whole room smells like sex; sweat, semen, sweat cream and perfume. "Can I kiss you?"
Your eyes enlarge but it doesn't stop Donghyuck from pulling your mask down your chin and planting his lips over yours. His tongue slides into your mouth and you engage with his as you slide over his tongue making out. It's a sloppy kiss that's full of smooches and distracts you from Donghyuck's sneaky fingers that slides your leg off his shoulder and uses his other hand to rub your wet holes while the other holds onto a dildo.
As you and Donghyuck discussed, Donghyuck prepares your holes by playing with a squishy dildo over your slippery slope. You're shivering when Donghyuck enters just the tip, and this reminds you of Chenle and his kink for only adding his tip. According to Donghyuck, your boyfriend gets off to just a tip kink and that's a normal and common thing for guys.
However recalling Donghyuck's words only increases your anxiety levels - especially when he pushes the enlarged dildo into your heated core, which is already stretching wide to accomodate the length. Your hefty moan turns into screeches of pleasure making Donghyuck smile inbetween the kiss. Breaking free from the kiss, Donghyuck gets a hold of your legs that seize to close- he holds onto your juicy thigh and instantly pulls out the dildo as you groan out in ecstasy making him laugh. "You're already dick hungry and this isn't even a real dick,"
Donghyuck turns you around on the bed and prompts your butt up. Instead of your butt facing the camera, Donghyuck has your face in direct view of the camera, so together with your mask, you look innocent and so ready for the dick.
"This position is better when getting that dick," Donghyuck says and his eyes focus lustfully on the toy that gets engulfed and swamped into your glory hole. Your loud moan and eyes rolling around don't go unnoticed by all the thousands of viewers watching the cam.
The moment Donghyuck begins moving the rubber toy in and out of your pussy at a pace that you've never experienced - you lose all control of your body and all the gestures it makes. If not for the mask everyone would've seen just how dick-struck you are. You're drooling and you're tongue is out. Donghyuck slaps on your butt and you feel like you can levitate. You can't take it and even though it's still early to cum, you do. But that doesn't stop Donghyuck from going on. In fact with the tweezers over your boobs you still feel high and horny.
Donghyuck out of nowhere takes it out, and slides his head underneath your body. "Shit. Sit up babygirl,"
Your body is trembling and you're still trying to catch your breath when breathing out loud like a dog panting. Snapping back to reality you look down and see Donghyuck right over your pussy.
"Sit on my face,"
You have no time to process his command when his hands wrap around your thighs and he pulls you down to his face. This is something you've never felt before; his nose, his tongue- his face! At this point you're a Hentai character who squeals repeatedly like a child and are in heat. Your toes are curling at every sucking and tongue flicker from Donghyuck. His whole mouth eats you out and you are sure that you can see the stars from how far your eyes have rolled back and you can see the open curtains with the gobsmacking view.
Unaware, you're riding Donghyuck's face just as much as he's eating you out. Jaehyun was right when he said you tasted like a pineapple. You're so sweet and sour that it's mouth watering for Donghyuck, he can't stop sucking you and slurping on your juices. You lose your mind when he he shakes his head and his warm tongue rizzes up your lower half.
"Donghyuck!" You yelp out in wild ecstasy.
While the camera stops recoding as the song ends, Donghyuck doesn't stop pleasing you. And even if you hear the song over and you pick your eyes open to see the camera red recoding light off, you don't stop him. You're both so lost in the pleasure that it takes Donghyuck's phone ringing to snap you out of it. While you're a mess, Donghyuck laughs when he lays you on the bed and begins to undo your ropes and removes your mask. You can barely look at him as your eyes are still trying to adjust.
Donghyuck smiles and pats your cheeks of your worn out face. "You did good babygirl,"
You're too tired to move, so you just lay there like you're dead. Donghyuck performs aftercare services for you and cleans you up, and at the same time cleans up your room too. And throughout the process he's talking about how you're ready for him but you'd still need more practice at taking in dick.
"Speaking of which, can you ride?"
"Ride what?" You enquire.
"Dick," Donghyuck comes back with your granny panty and a shirt. "Can you ride dick?"
You shake your head and sit up to put on the shirt and underwear while removing the fox ears. "I've never done that,"
"Wow, your boyfriend has done you dirty," He sits on your bed and watches you drop to the side while looking at him. "You're basically telling me your boyfriend has never given you control. How're you feeling now? Think you can move?"
"I'm tired,"
Donghyuck smirks but still lays next to you. "Get on me,"
"Donghyuck-"
"Come on babygirl, you did so good, I wanna teach you something," His side gaze over your face has you sighing out before you drape your leg over him and get up to properly align yourself on him. Donghyuck shifts your body lower so that you're sitting on his dick. "Now, I want you to ride me as best as you can,"
"Ride?"
"Like you're riding a horse,"
"Okay," With a little help Donghyuck bucks your hips forward and you get the gist of it by sliding over him. Your eyes enlarge greatly when feeling a heavy force grow.
"Fuck, that's a boner. Keep going," You do as told and from your view up wards, seeing Donghyuck with his eye shut and head back you feel a bit confident to try something. Which is to go a bit faster and allow yourself to move your own hips. "Shit, that's it, keep going,"
And you keep going by circling your waist and trying to find out what feels more good. When you lean back stretching your arms to hold onto his legs behind you, it drives him crazy as his chest begins to rise and fall, meanwhile leaning forward with your hands on his shoulders has him bucking his hips up and down and he's telling you not to stop. Feeling his boner and dry humping him is a new experience that has you enjoying each and every second. Your horny pussy gets wet while Donghyuck's thrusts up into you has you both making eye contact and looking at each other deeply while he shows you how to ride. It comes to a point where Donghyuck has to grip your hips to stop you from going on as he can't handle the erection and burst if excitement.
You smile proudly having achieved his praise, yet you don't get off him. "Hey Donghyuck,"
"Yeah," Donghyuck pats your thigh and runs his hand over them.
"I've just come to realise that you're incredibly smart," You allow your hands to play with the ends of his shirt. "So why is it that you do this,"
You don't even have to go deep in explanation for Donghyuck to understand you. He contemplates in his head of whether to open up to you or not. The decision comes to a conclusion when he sees how vulnerable you are… Or it could be how pussy drunk he is and feeling your covered pussy over his dick makes him soft. "I…" It's shameful to say especially when looking at you, but looking into your eyes has him opening up. "You know babygirl, I'm broke. And being broke, will drive you into doing crazy things, hence my secret kinky life at kink Factory,"
You nod your head listening to him. Seeing how he reacted to your pity sympathy character, you try a different approach. "Would you still reject my money if I think you genuinely deserved it? For pleasing me and making me feel good?"
"My pride would go down." Donghyuck admits.
"There's nothing wrong with a male asking for money. I mean, if you can do it to a bunch of strangers online at kink Factory, why can't I spoil you?" You shrug your shoulders looking deep into his eyes. "I wanna spoil you,"
Donghyuck smirks at your comment. "It's different. I can take advantage of people online. I can't do that to you, you're… too innocent."
Your eyes widen in shock. Is he seriously talking about 'innocence'? "What are you even saying?"
He laughs lightly looking at your thighs. He makes an effort to sit up and you immediately try to get off him, but he holds you straight in one position. He sits up and drags his body back against the headboard before gripping your thighs and pulling you back on top of him so that you're straddling him.
You're even looking into his eyes, as he does the same with you. "I'm saying that I'd rather do this dirty thing with someone else."
"Oh." Well you guess there was always some truth to what Donghyuck said. "You won't do it with me because I'm innocent?"
"And kind. You're thoughtful too." Donghyuck meekly smiles. "You know, I was actually in a bad headspace this afternoon when you came to see me. I was about to have sex with you for money. Literally. But then, when you proposed your idea, I thought about you for a bit. You seemed like the kindest person I had ever met in a while and, well, after you cooked for me I fell in love,"
You laugh at this comment causing him to chuckle. The way his voice drops is so soft and sincere and, if anyone was to hear him speak this way they'd think he was your boyfriend. "Tell you what, exam period is about to start, if you like, you can come over and I'll cook for you. You could even study here if you want,"
"And your boyfriend?" Donghyuck doesn't know why it's a bitter word to say, but when he says it his eyes move to your lips. The kiss he had with you before inserting the dildo inside was so warm. He hasn't kissed anyone in a while so kissing you felt so warm and in that moment…as well as this moment, it felt like you belonged just for him. "What about your boyfriend?" Donghyuck let's go of your thighs by the bizarre thoughts in his head.
"During exams period he's on boyfriend hiatus," You smile, and Donghyuck swears that he can feel something inside his heart move by your smile.
"I think I should be going," He says after a while. "Oh yeah, we didn't even read the comments,"
Your legs feel cold when Donghyuck gets up and moves towards his laptop. Before he can even pick it up and bring it over to the bed - he's frozen on the spot by the amount of tips he sees. "No way."
"What?"
"We made 157,000 tips-" Donghyuck's eyes enlarge.
You don't know if that's a lot but compared to what he said he used to make which was 25,000 tips- you jolt when he cheers aloud and runs to the bed as his lips instantly attach to yours. The kiss is deep as he can't stop the excitement oozing out of him.
Parting from your lips he groans out in ecstasy. "This is greatest nights of my life," Taking his laptop, he returns on the bed and moves past the comments.
Sliding past the comments, your smile grows just from seeing him so happy. "They really like you babygirl, shit this is grand,"
While Donghyuck goes through the comments your eyes slowly close. It's not until your head is just hanging on his shoulder does Donghyuck notice you. Without much hesitation he carefully lays you down on the bed and covers you up. "You did good babygirl,"
-
Days and weeks pass with you and Donghyuck meeting up often for causality rather then sexual transaction. The tips converted to cash really helped him out. It's through his expenses that you got to learn more about Donghyuck. He's an aspiring Technician who loves creating gadgetry. He buys parts and compiles then together to create a working machine that operates. His presentations are 80's inspired and are aesthetically pleasing, but you're highly impressed by his commitment and dedication. To top it off, it's during exams period that you truly learn that he's a beast when it comes to studying. He uses the money to pass for his exam fees and uses portions of it to buy textbooks that he needs. You also learn officially that he's on scholarship. He often comes by your dorm room to take you up on your offer of both eating and studying (studying at your place is better because it's quiet and not like his rowdy apartment with other guys who walk in to discuss other things with him).
It's obvious that something has changed. Maybe you've both become trusting towards each other; he told you about his crisis with his mum. And how after his parents divorced she hadn't been strong on her own. She turned into prostitution and when Donghyuck was barely of age, she introduced him into that life. The night when he told you that, you felt it in your soul that he trusted completely.
Aside from twist, the both of you have been spending a lot of time together physically. As stated, exam period reduced the amount of times you'd engage in sexual activity, but that didn't mean that Donghyuck ignored you like he would in the past. No, he came to your dorm regularly to do things that you considered friends would do. For crying out loud you even Netflix and chilled with him to anime!
And on his end, things have changed because he's started taking an interest in you… He never missed a bit to mention how he prefers spending time with you then with his friends.
Having his lips on yours regularly should raise flags but it hasn't. Sometimes you kiss for his 30 second reels, other times he kisses you for good luck- because lately he's believed that ever since you helped him in surpassing his normal tips rate then it meant that you were a girl full of luck- hence his usual kisses.
Not only that, but you've gotten a bit more comfortable with your body around him. While his lives were cut down to once a week, he began uploading shorts and reels frequently. The shorts would be you with your mask dressed in cosplay clothes before it would cut to the next scene of him fingering you, other reels had him kissing you by cropping off the top of your face to only show yours and his lips together, and because he's taken a liking to bondage, he'd have you in knots around your ankles and wrists while you were naked and he'd slap your butt continuously watching it turn red, or have you try out the sponsored stuff that producers asked him to sell. The new toys were painful, but strangely really good.
The pain turned you on. And because his tips went up, so did his status on Kink Factory. He was now being sponsored with BDSM bondage toys and even cool cosplay outfits for you. While you never managed your own account, you started doing it for the fun of it. Having thousands of guys message you was hot. By posting little shots of your body here and there, never your face just your body. However when Donghyuck found out, he straight up asked you to not do it, to not sell yourself or your body online. He never did fan service as he said it's full of creeps, and it limited your promotion chances as in if employers searched your name they'd come to your account. If anything Donghyuck really didn't want you involved with the app- and in some way you understood especially when he mentioned that Chenle wouldn't appreciate random guys sending his girlfriend dick picks. And he wasn't lying, because your account was full and filled with thirsty horny guys.
So you removed your content and just stuck to normal social media. Donghyuck followed you! And even though for you it was something, for everyone else around him…it was weird. But who cares.
Aside from that, it's daily and nightly when you see Donghyuck in your house - much more than Chenle.
The other day when Donghyuck came over to study, you were on the bed resting up and before you knew it, he came up behind you and begin massaging your butt and shoulders, offering you tea and plainly being your diary where you complained about exams and Chenle's disappearance. Being with Donghyuck felt good, and that was a problem.
A lot of the things feel good with him. You know they're wrong, but they feel good. The way he rakes your hair or stands around you when you're cooking - or even causally tells you things like a friend would makes you feel some sort of way. If it's not him talking in your ear or him hugging you whenever you need a hug, then it's him sending you memes featuring himself and his gadgetry, this friendship has escalated into something that you don't even know. He even wonders about your studies and compliments you proudly when you bring good results back.
It almost feels like he's your boyfriend.
And it's when you begin to think like that, that you actually wonder where your real boyfriend is. The only reason Donghyuck's been consistent is because Chenle had seriously been MIA. Missing In Action. What was supposed to be a boyfriend hiatus turned into Chenle not pitching up once around you.
You thought you'd see Chenle at school or even during breaks but no, you always say alone and if lucky Donghyuck would find you and sit next to you while showing you his latest self built gadgetry and how it worked. Which even lead you to introducing Donghyuck to a classmate of yours Lee Taeyong who did Computer Science. Upon them meeting Donghyuck advertised his gadgets and demonstrated his skills of fixing a busted up laptop and that got him a solid intern position in a prestigious company.
So when Donghyuck comes over to your dorm for Kink Factory activity and recording, he doesn't rush straight into it like he would do in the past, instead he talks to you as he's been doing lately. Gosh, one time you both spoke before the live and never ended up doing it because you guys were deeply talking.
"I've been thinking," Donghyuck takes a seat next to you on the bed after setting up everything. "After tonight…I think it would be good to close my channel,"
Your ears perk up to that news, a smile groans on your face. "It's about time, I've been telling you that you're too smart for this. And from the time of getting to know you, I realised you weren't even a pervert who liked sex. You're just a person who had no other option. Well you had options you just chose the cheating route."
"I don't even like sex that much. It's draining." Donghyuck chortles, a smirk rising to his face. "Honestly with the amount of time I spent eating you out or fingering you or playing with the toys, it allowed my dick to rest and surely now, I feel healthy. I know this is overshare but really I feel like I've got my flow back,"
"Overshare or not, you always need to be healthy," You smile and bump into his shoulder with yours. "And I'm happy that you're healthy, you've been eating well too,"
"All thanks to you, my personal chef," he pats your head. "However I wanted to do something for you,"
"For me?"
Donghyuck nods his head. "Your boyfriend is one lucky guy," Donghyuck mutters. "So I'd rather we remained friends,"
And that word scares you. You can't say that all of a sudden you're in love with this guy who's been pleasing you and giving pleasure to your body. But you can say you've become attached to him and have seen him slowly opening up and all the cracks around him have come down. You don't love him, but you like him. Like him enough to not want to let this go.
"You don't like the sound of that either, do you?"
"It's not that I don't like it," You breathe in. "It's just, I started this whole thing with the intention to please my boyfriend in our sex life. But in doing it I realised that he had his own tip-only whatever kink, and he's pretty open in doing new things. But since I haven't seen him lately to practice the new stuff we've learnt, it's left me and you learning more about each other. I don't mind being friends, I just don't know if you'd still wanna be friends with me if we don't have s-sex,"
"That's not true at all," Donghyuck immediately says once you finish. "Take these past few weeks. We've spent more time talking to each other instead of pleasing each other. Which means that I like talking to you a lot more than we have sex. And plus we haven't even had sex yet,"
You lightly smile when Donghyuck wraps his arm around you and lays his head on yours.
"So what did you want to do for me?"
Donghyuck breathes in. "Well after tonight's last activity, I wanted us to just spoil each other. To thank you and to repay you for all your kindness by spending a day together."
"Last activity," You say. "What's it going to be?"
"Probably all the things you'd need to know in pleasing your boyfriend,"
And like usual Donghyuck sets a timer and gets back on the bed. Tonight there's no cosplay, no apron, no fancy outfit. You're in your pajamas and he's in his black clothes. The only thing you have is a mask, but it's under your chin as Donghyuck dives in for your lips.
By habit your body goes on top of him as he liked it better when you were on top. He smiles into the kiss when you settle down in straddling him. "Love it when you're on top,"
The night feels long when Donghyuck is removing your shirt, as you're taking off his shirt for the first time. Something about removing his shirt feels intimate. He's letting you be intimate with him. His warm hands go up your body and land on your back. Your lips are still locked with his and you can feel how hot his skin is under you. It makes you want to get closer to him, but you don't want to leave any gaps for space between the two of you. You keep your eyes closed. You've never been more content. He pulls away from the kiss and traces his lips over your cheek and neck. He unclips your bra and helps you remove it.
Unaware that the the live cam began a while ago, you're both aroused and deeply attached to each other that you don't even hear the music that starts playing.
From the camera angle and view, the viewers have a good shot of Donghyuck's spread legs and your body on top of it. It may not be visible because he's wearing black pants but for the most parts, his boner is evident when you roll your hips over him.
Jaemin bites his lips as he rubs over his boner in his pants while typing in the comments section. "Damn,"
Renjun sits up with his laptop over his thighs as he watches the screen of you and Donghyuck looking so hot and bothered and intimate. Lately with the amount of money he's been making, a lot of smart decisions have been going around. So as Renjun sees this, it just confirms his suspicions.
Flashback
"You like her don't you," Renjun starts.
Donghyuck closes the tap of water and turns around giving Renjun odd eyes. Donghyuck just came home and after washing up his face he's met face to face with an inquisitive Renjun. "Hi to you too,"
"You look at her like you love her, and online you touch her with tenderness. Feels like I'm watching an intimate scene between a couple,"
"Renjun? I'm beat, I just wanna sleep,"
"It's past midnight. Where were you?"
"You sound like an obsessive girlfriend," Donghyuck ignores Renjun and walks past him.
"That's because I have to stop you from doing something out of character. You can't like or even love this girl,"
"Where the hell is that coming from?"
"A place that knows she's not your type of girl." Renjun says. "She's got a boyfriend and she's way out of your league–"
"I don't like her dude, so quit stressing,"
"You spend so much time with her, you look at her like she's the only one, you've abandoned a lot for your hookups for her, so I can't quit stressing. You're making money, a lot of money then before, so I say ditch the girl and focus on your initial plan of studying. It's better you leave her instead of spending time with her–"
"Dude quit stressing."
End of Flashback
Renjun shakes his head when watching how Donghyuck spins you around and you land on the bed. His finger dips your mask down and he begins kissing you. He can't get enough of your lips and with your legs wrapped around him, it feels more intimate to have him close to your body.
"Is it just me, or does this feel more intimate?" Jaemin comments.
"It is," Renjun goes over to another tab opening up his Spotify and continues on writing his report. "It's break up sex if you ask me,"
Comments:
Let's get it!!! *Sends 100pts
His body looks so good *600pts
Finally we'll get the master doing his thing! *300pts
Shit is he removing his pants ?? Are they finally doing it?🤤 *900pts
Yes he is- but damn is it just me or has her riding picked up some expertise? 🎯 She's a natural fuck look at that hip roll *500pts
OMG! HIS LEGS ARE SO GOOD! *100pts
Now this is content I'll gladly pay a thousand to see. Let's enjoy the show 🍿 *2000pts
The moment we've all been waiting for 😆 *500pts
"Are you ready?" Donghyuck asks lowly, treating you like it's your first time. He can't get his eyes off you and you're heart is beating fast by how thick his penis is. By length and width it's thick and it's throbbing, and that's enough to frighten you. "Trust me, you're gonna like it,"
Already by the entrance of your wetness, the familiar feeling of the tip enters, but this time feeling how fleshy and hot it is makes your throw your head back. "Oh my goodness it's so big,"
"Wait till it gets in," Donghyuck's whole member throbs in pain, wanting so badly to be relieved by entering in you. He moans when it slowly makes its way inside of you.
Donghyuck holds onto your hands and continues to slowly make his length enter. Despite using the toys, you're still so fresh and tight.
"Shit, I'm nearly in," Donghyuck's sweaty forehead resembles yours. Your eyes are shut as you take him in with your wet lubed pussy.
You gasp out when his length enters into a deeper part in you - it's far better then the dildo and far better then his fingers. Donghyuck grunts by your throbbing core.
"Good? Does it feel good?"
You nod your head and bite you lip. Donghyuck continues in a slow pace, enjoying the feeling of your warm walls swallowing him and accepting him back inside with slight pressure. Donghyuck's thrusts are slow but they emit such a loud reaction from you. "Don't stop Donghyuck, oh my goodness! Yes!"
The comments are on fire, both from your first time and how passionate this looks. From Donghyuck's deep thrusts into you to his immerse gaze and chuckle he does by the sounds you make, only set the comments on fire.
For one Jeno can't stop beating his bush accordingly to the way Donghyuck thrusts into you. "Shit,"
Jaehyun in his room has his own fetish and sounds you make and even sends tips in hopes that the show lasts longer.
Mark in the bathroom can't help himself just like Jeno as he thrusts his cock into a fleshy hand held pussy. You're so precious and your innocence to Donghyuck's monstrous cock is what has everyone in heaps of ecstasy.
Donghyuck brings you closer to him as he gets off the bed and carries you. You're taken to another dimension when he pounds into you and you're bouncing off his dick. Your moans are erotic and are so loud that at some point even the music fades away. Donghyuck has his way with you loving how much you're loving his dick. Allowing himself to take different positions he gets your feet back on the ground and has your body turned so that your butt is facing him. Your hands hold onto the mattress and you get on your tippy toes when Donghyuck pounds himself into you - it's so rough and wild that you're fingers get slippery and you're laying flat on the mattress as Donghyuck holds onto your hips and continues to hammer into you.
While it feels like you're making love to tens of thousands of people, you can't even think of them as your mind is focused 100% on Donghyuck. With your shaking legs, and Donghyuck spanking your ass and gripping your thighs when lifting up your leg, you allow him to do what what wants with you- you've never felt this before.
But Donghyuck doesn't stop there, he moans when he takes a seat on the bed and you straddle him. He helps you to slide into him and he leaves you the platform to ride him. He moans when leaning back on the bed and slapping your butt continuously encouraging you. At some point as you rock his world into oblivion, he sits up so that he can hold onto your hips and thrust higher into you.
However as soon as he sits down and begins thrusting himself into you- he gets shocked by the figure standing by the way simply watching everything.
Freezing up, Donghyuck's eyes are on the door while you continue to ride him and throw your head backwards in pleasure. "Donghyuck~" You're moaning out his name and Donghyuck feels the most guilt when Chenle's beady and watery eyes move to your back and the camera. His eyes go over to the camera and to the clothes on the floor. He looks back down to his phone, to the Sex Sun's live and he's still in shock at how much your room resembles the room on the phone. To think that this was always your room only makes Chenle turn his head around and head into the living room. He takes a seat on the couch and continues to watch the live, but he connects it to the tv.
Watching you have the most fun on Donghyuck's dick only makes him feel inferior. So this is where you've been learning and getting bold.
-
Laying next to Donghyuck and you're panting and breathing out still trying to recover. "You were so good," Donghyuck compliments and turns his head to you.
You smile and allow the blanket to cover your whole body. "You were amazing. I've never felt that way before,"
"I'm…" Donghyuck shuts his eyes and curses lowly. "Sorry,"
"What?" You ask instantly noticing his demeanor. "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry," Donghyuck opens his eyes and faces you. Seeing your eyes looking back into his with so much awe and trust only makes him feel more guilty. "This wasn't sex, I poured my all into this,"
You're confused by his words yet you still nod your head.
"I made love to you, because I like you a lot, babygirl," Donghyuck's sudden confession has you stuck when looking into his eyes. "Renjun was right, I like you a lot. B-but I can't do that to your boyfriend,"
"My boyfriend?"
"I think, he's here,"
You furrow your brows when Donghyuck mentions. "Here?"
And just in time the door breaks open a little and you're immediately up on the bed when making eye contact with his gaze. But just as his gaze meets yours, he's out of sight and you gasp in horror. "Oh my god." Hurrying up and out of the bed you're held back by your shaking legs and throbbing core. "Shit."
Donghyuck being attentive gets up from the bed and gets a shirt and underwear quickly from the ground. While Donghyuck helps you dress up in his boxers and your own shirt, you limp out your room. Chenle is sitting by the couch and he wipes his eyes when you come out of the room.
"Are you done?" His tone is broken and it only makes you whimper.
"Chenle. Wait, I can't explain,"
He nods his head and his gaze moves up to yours. You kneel down before him and hate how broken down he looks. "That's why I'm here, you owe me an explanation,"
"I…"
You can't continue when Chenle bites his lips and shakes his head. "You know Jisung lives across from your room right? And you know what he told me? That I'm not doing a good job with you in bed, because there's someone who makes you scream so loud that all your neighbours tune in to watch Sexy Sun have his way with you. Y/n you're my girlfriend. What's the meaning of all this? I didn't want to believe it because I know you. I know you wouldn't do this. I know that we're not damaged but when I watched Sexy Sun and began realising that your background looked a lot like the one he's always in, I didn't want to believe it. But then, we started having sex and things became different. You took control a lot more, you did things that we've never done before, heck you even brought in the toys that he used. Y/n? What explanation can you give?"
Your eyes just like his are immersed in tears. Why does it feel like you've broken his heart- of course you broke his heart, but why does it feel this way? Why does it have to be this way? He was never supposed to find out. You were never supposed to go back into Donghyuck's world. But you did, and you enjoyed it but yet you can't bring yourself to open up your mouth and explain to your boyfriend that all that you did was for him. How would you even begin to explain to him your reasoning? In a place of him being happy that you learnt for him, he's upset and you're upset because it's like 3 puzzles all falling and breaking and mixing in with other pieces that don't belong to each other. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
"You have nothing to say right?"
You shake your head. "I wasn't cheating on you. I promise. I just, I did this for us, so that our sex life could be better. He was only teaching me-"
Chenle can't believe his ears. What did you just say? "T-teaching you? Thousands of people tune in at night to watch him fuck you and you're saying he was teaching you? How-" Chenle bites his lips and stands up getting your hands off his knees. He runs his hands past his hair. "And you have the nerve to say you weren't cheating? You allowed another guy to see you- he held you in his arms and you fucked him. You were moaning- moaning out his name! And you sit there and say you did this for our sex life? How does yelling his name bring benefit from our sex life? Y/n-"
"Chenle baby you're-"
"Don't call me baby." Chenle snaps. "I love you and this is what you do? Couldn't you have been honest with me? That I'm a terrible lover and don't know how to have sex with you? Did you have to go to him? Invite him in your bed? Invite thousands of people to watch him screw you? Over 600k people were watching you- and you want to say that you did it for us? Y/n even if you covered up your face I've known your eyes from the first time we've met. The moment I realized it was you was the same night I played for you that video. The first time he changed his girl. It was you, wasn't it?"
Your tongue feels heavy and your mind is blank as you hear his broken tone and his eyes getting red by the intense emotions he's feeling. He can't even look at you as he's so disappointed and angry and sad and lost and just so…how could you do this to him?
"You were in an affair with him for months now and I just let it slide because I'm like, you'll come clean to me. But you never did." Chenle shakes his head. "You never did."
Chenle sniffs and his eyes get pissed when seeing you're wearing black boxers that don't even belong to you.
"Suppose I believe that you did this all for me, what am I supposed to do next? What are we supposed to do next? Where can we go on from here? It's now engraved in my head that whenever I screw up in bed you'll go and learn from somebody else and bring it into our relationship. I can't- I can't even begin to fathom how that makes sense? Y/n how is it possible that you did this? So if I see that we've got problems, it's okay for me to go out and sleep with another girl and then bring back her teachings in our relationship? Is that how it works?"
The more he speaks, the more you begin to wonder why you agreed to do it again with Donghyuck.
"It's the fact that it all made sense to you to continue and pursue this relationship behind my back but yet to a thousand of people. I can't even- Y/n? I…" Chenle rubs his face looking drained. "Are you not going to say anything?"
"I don't want you to break up with me," You speak lowly looking down. "But judging from how this is going, you're going to break up with me right?"
That seems to tip Chenle off even more. "You don't even feel any remorse or shame in yourself-"
"I do feel remorse-"
"Clearly it's not enough because you want to break up," Chenle fires back and you shake your head.
"Chenle it's not like that-"
"He's already moulded you and customised you into–"
You shake your head. "Chenle please-"
"The way you called his name, the way he looked at you, you mean to tell me that even if we continue on together, you'll easily forget him and how much excitement he's brought to your body?"
"Chenle just listen to me–"
"You aren't saying anything so I think it's fair to just…" To say that it's over is the toughest words to leave his mouth. So instead of saying it, he walks past you and out the door.
When the door closes you slump on the couch and fold your lips as the tears swell by your eyes. In the end, it would've all been for nothing. Sleeping with Donghyuck would've all been for nothing, because it's clearly clear how this was all a bad mistake. Chenle leaving your dorm room only made you break down because you just lost your boyfriend. Your boyfriend who has been with you for so long. Who you were sure you could love forever. You just didn't expect him to turn around and leave. But to be fair, you wouldn't want him to have done the same thing to you. It would've made you feel like you're not enough, so you can understand Chenle's feelings.
The sound of something being dropped off by your room door makes you flinch and look up to see Donghyuck standing there, he's all dressed up and has bag over his shoulder looking guilty. "Hey," he says softly.
You're too embarrassed and overwhelmed with emotions to even look at him. He puts his bag down and takes a seat next to you on the couch. Rubbing his head he wraps his arms around you- only for you to shake your head and move away from him. "Go home." You know he wants to talk to you but if you let him right now, you know it'll only make you feel worse. He shouldn't even be here in the first place. If you were honest, you knew how much Donghyuck cared about you. But you were just too stupid to get that. Now look where it's got you.
Donghyuck doesn't know what to do. He's never been in a position like this. While you and Chenle were discussing in the living room, he was cleaning up, dressing up, packing up and even eavesdropping.
Donghyuck isn't dumb he knew this is what would happen. No guy in their right mind would allow his girl to cheat and then come back to him. But to be fair, Donghyuck was also to blame. Although he started off as not caring for you or you're relationship, the result of the end product is that he cared enough for you and didn't want to do Chenle dirty. But now that Chenle cut himself out the picture, Donghyuck doesn't know whether or not if this is what he wants.
He's still trying to figure out exactly what he wants. So, in the midst of his inner turmoil, Donghyuck finds himself sitting there on the couch next to you, holding you tight in an embrace that neither of you wanted. He knows you need space but he also wishes that maybe he was strong enough to convince you otherwise.
Is this going to kill you if he does stay? Are you really going to be fine without him? Or will you still miss him when he leaves? Will you fall apart again?
In the end, he decides not to say anything and you're surprised when he carries you back in your room and pulls the blanket up to your chin. He kisses you gently on your forehead and leaves. "I'm sorry."
-
It's almost unbearable to go to school for the next couple of weeks. Thank goodness for the school break that's coming soon. The past few weeks have been nothing but misery and frustration for you. It's almost like Chenle has vanished from the face of the earth. You occasionally make out Jisung leave his room, and you can't help but despise him. He did nothing but tell the truth, but hell did he really have to tell the truth? None the less Chenle is scarce around Campus. And when you do see him, or he sees you, he's quick in making a U-turn and walking away. It's almost scary how angry he looks when you see him by chance. He looks beyond pissed and he's always got a resting poker face filled with hatred and rage. You're broken in your soul because you know that it's because of you why he's now dead inside.
You also hate how Donghyuck has also been scarce from your life. After that last sexual activity you swear it's like the whole world knew who you were. If it wasn't random guys coming to ask if you were the girl in Sexy Sun's cam and you lied saying it's not you, then it was the non stop messages and attachments to your name as well as girls asking you why Sexy Sun deleted his Kink Factory account.
By now some people with brains connected the dots that you were in a relationship but because of your account and your kink sessions with Donghyuck - it caused you all to leave the platform. And because the rumours were true, you just decided to leave Kink Factory. There was no reason to stay there when all your reasons to even join had left and abandoned you.
You've thought about what you did, you had time to reflect on your actions, and while consensual sex with Donghyuck was a term, the condition was that your boyfriend wouldn't find out. But since he found it, you realized that from the get go that type of term and condition was non-negotiable for you as you were already in a relationship.
It sucks that you caught feelings for Donghyuck only after having that breakup sex, but it hurts more when you were left to deal with it alone.
You were too chicken to go and look for Donghyuck by his normal friends group, so your school days became dull completely. So much for being the unknown girl on campus with granny panties, to being the most famous Kinker on Kink Factory, to being another reject who got caught up in scandals.
Being wallowed by your own stress and misery, you fail to see a hurrying figure bump into you making the papers in your hands fall. You apologize when the guy helps you pick up your papers as well.
"Oh, hey Y/n,"
You look up and meet Taeyong. "Hi,"
"Sorry about that," He dusts your papers before giving it back to you. "I was rushing to the Computers Convention, wanna come with me? Donghyuck's been chosen to represent our university against the other universities."
Hearing Donghyuck's name, you're not sure if you want to come or if you just want to bury the past and never think of him again. Unfortunately your decision is already made when Taeyong grabs your hand and starts sprinting with you behind him.
Upon heading to the auditorium gym hall, you're swamped into a world of tech and science when meeting geeky experts one and alike. You stick close to Taeyong for the most parts, but after a while when gazing at an interesting machine you lose Taeyong. Debating on going out or staying in the hall, you're decision is once again made for you when you lock eyes with Chenle.
It's no shock that your eyes enlarge, but it's even more shocking when his gaze doesn't divert from yours, and to make it worse for you he begins to approach you. He doesn't have that almighty scowl when he looks at you, but instead his face is neutral.
"Hi,"
"Why are you approaching me?" You don't mean for it to come off rude and standoffish, but it does and you quickly have to add on. "I'm the last person you want to see,"
Chenle is taken aback by your defence but he doesn't rebut it. "Just saying 'hi'. I figured it's about time I stop avoiding you,"
You have nothing to say to that except maybe nod your head. You both stand in an awkward silence, with his gaze lowered and yours to the floor it's clear that neither of you are willing to talk. And it pains Chenle to swallow the bitter truth but he sighs.
"Who am I kidding," he mumbles as is gaze slightly meets yours and then going around the hall. "I thought that…after some time we could get back together and that I'd be able to forgive you and we could move past this moment. But seeing you now just makes me understand that we were both with each other for the mere fact that nobody else wanted to be with us,"
That gets your attention and sadly Chenle hits the nail on the spot. You've never really thought why you and Chenle were together other for the fact thar you were each other's companies.
"I would've probably turned the other cheek when I found out about your affair with Donghyuck, but I realized that by day and by night we were slowly drifting apart. Jisung confirmed my suspicion when he mentioned Donghyuck coming by whenever I'd leave," Chenle looks down. "We were already drifting apart, we just found ways to act on it. You did it through sex with another guy and I did it by clicking well with other guys who accepted me in their clique."
Although you don't like that word affair, you get struck in the heart by his confession. Drifting apart… That could've been the case. That's something you can agree to, but admitting it sounds so tough, because all your life you never contradicted Chenle or raised your voice to him or even opposed his statement. "I guess I did it with the intent on pleasing you. But the second time around when I agreed, another part of me liked the new feelings I began feeling."
Chenle nods his head. "So," he sighs. "I'll always love you, maybe in a different way, but I know for certain you were my first in my aspects of life,"
"Same here," You nod your head and you both make brief eye contact.
Your encounter with Chenle ends there when you both embrace each other in a hug. One thing that Chenle was good at, were his hugs. He's so warm and gentleman when he hugs you. After the embrace, you both part and go your separate ways. For some reason, it feels like a sweet parting when you both makeup and you see him being content with his group of geeky nerdy friends.
Meanwhile there's you, still trying to navigate yourself out, but it's like you were purposely brought here to make amends with everyone because the next person you bump into is none other then Donghyuck. Unlike Chenle and your awkward greeting, Donghyuck's whole face lights up as he greets you. "Babygirl hey!" his eyes brightening as he cherishes you and brings you in a hug that's full of contentment. He lights up when he sees you. And then his entire face turns completely red when he pulls you away. He looks away from you and mutters something about being in charge of the robotics and he had to get back. But before he leaves he turns back to you. "Wanna come along?"
"I don't even really know why I'm here, so I'll just–"
“It’s been too long since I saw you.” You laugh awkwardly at the statement forgetting all reasons why you were angry at him. "I figured that since you needed time, I could give you space, but seeing as you're here, come with me."
Holding your hand and intertwining your fingers makes your heart feel light. It doesn't matter how much you try to convince yourself that this is wrong or right. Even if this isn't real, it feels so good. So good that you can hardly think straight as the two of you walk through the hall until you reach his main booth stand and you realize this might be the only chance you ever have with Donghyuck to change the course of how you see each other.
Your eyes are brought to life by the advanced prototype machines that you see Donghyuck had built. The once projects that were half finished are now polished and looking amazing. "Wow, Donghyuck this is amazing,"
"Cool right?" Donghyuck smiles and nudges his head to a group of people. "Those judges right there are gonna come here in a few and I need to present and sell my work to them. I was nervous as fuck, I was jittery the whole day, but then I saw you and knew that my gold charm had come back,"
That makes you blush when he steps closer to you. His hand cautiously rests on your neck before his eyes search in between yours for a moment as he leans in closer. "The only way to activate my luck is through kissing you,"
You swallow hard. He's so close. The way his breath caresses your lips sends electricity down your spine. Your gaze shifts from his mouth to his eyes and they're dark brown that look almost black. His gaze softens further. When he closes the distance between you and places his free hand behind your head, you're lost but happy. His warm hand brushes against your cheek and you can barely keep your eyes open. His hand cups your face and then, he kisses you and your mind goes blank.
He's warm. Everything about him is so warm. It's comforting and you lean into his warmth as you both melt into one another. It's perfect. And so, so easy. Like you've always known him as someone who would do anything for you and nothing less. You let your hands rest on his chest as you kiss him back ever so passionately. And after a while, he pulls away gently. His thumb rubs small circles on the skin under your jaw. "I'm guessing this kiss is the start of something," he says softly.
You're afraid to nod, afraid to feel anything.Is it correct to be entering into something with him when you're not even sure what it is? Is this what it means for your soulmate to be someone whom you never thought would be your end?
You're scared, terrified that this will end badly. That you'll ruin whatever it is that you've made with him. You're scared that he'll leave and never look back, but at the same time…
You're happy.
And that's enough.
So you lean back in and kiss him again. He hums quietly, and then he kisses you harder and deeper than before. You hold him back, your arms wrapping around his waist as you tilt your head forward, allowing him to deepen the kiss. "Don't put my kiss to shame. Present well,"
Stealing one more kiss from you, Donghyuck nods his head. "I will,"
And so when the judges come, Donghyuck with a few cuts on his face but patted with a soft bandage looks extremely excited and eager to present his passion to the judges.
Donghyuck opens up the machines, and they are not only retro but they are so pleasing to look at. There aren't any obvious problems with their designs that you can tell, but there are subtle differences. The metal parts that connect to one another and create a network look intricate yet sturdy. You watch as he explains each part and uses a variety of technical terms to show off the functionality, but also the beauty of each pieces. But then you look at Donghyuck and all thoughts disappear as you watch him with the biggest smile ever gracing his beautiful features.
The machines work, and even as one of the judges goes to test it; it's functionality is solid and you applaud when the judges give back positive feedback. Donghyuck's team and group are given a pass and you walk around with Donghyuck just exploring the other gadgets. In his true form you find it adorable how geeky and nerdy he is when it comes to tech and robotics.
As you follow the judges you who judge the other schools there, your heart falls for those who's projects aren't meeting the expectations as well as for those who primarily aren't as enthusiastic when presenting. In the end the judges get onstage to announce the release winner as well as full-time position with their company.
Sneaking himself behind you and snaking his hand over hips Donghyuck whispers in your ear. "What am I getting if I win?"
"A full-time job,"
He chuckles breathlessly in your ear and you feel so heated hearing his voice. "No, I mean from you. It's been a while but we could do something,"
That gets you bubbly and tingly. "No camera,"
"Of course,"
You think in the same mind as him and get super excited when the presenter announces the first place winner. You're jubilated when it's your university and Donghyuck's team. You're not expecting Donghyuck to join his lips with yours but he does it anyways, and you're surprised but so glad at how much you've missed him. How much you didn't want to be parted from him despite not wanting to be apart with him but wanted his attention, his love. And he gives it. A hundred times more than you deserved.
"I notice you don't smoke anymore," You mention when sitting across from him eating your pastry.
"I still do, just not as excessively," He smiles. "Why? Do you want me to stop?"
"Now that you mention it, I've never liked it's smell,"
"I'll try my best to not, but regardless I wanted to ask you something,"
You nod your head.
"What do you think of us?"
You bite your lip and look down nervously. "I'm scared that it's only pure physical attraction between us and that, we maybe are just in lust with each other,"
It makes Donghyuck smirk as he laughs lightly and looks up to meet your eyes. "But..?" he prompts.
"I guess…I mean I'm not an expert, but I think that you're cute. And I love the fact that we get along together,"
He lets out a low chuckle. "And?"
"Donghyuck," You playfully pout, but he goes on.
"And I like you," He looks in between your eyes. "I like spending time with you. I miss spending time with you…I don't want to scare you, so I'm not saying I want to date you, because that'd be crazy especially since you got out of your relationship, and I definitely don't want to get married to you either, because that'd be stupid and too son, but what I'm saying is that I'd love you. To spend time with you,"
"Donghyuck…"
"I wanna see, where this goes." Looking at his face, you find a determination within his eyes that you haven't seen before. It's something different from his usual playful nature and you realize he must've been waiting for some time to talk to you about this subject. It must've gotten to him. He has a serious side too, which scares you because no matter what he said earlier, there was always going to be fear for the future. Even if you weren't planning on being with him, there was always going to be the possibility that one of these days he's going to realize that he wants something more with you than friendship.
You take a deep breathe in. You know this might sound weird coming from you, but you actually want to hear it. "Are you really asking me to go out with you?"
"I've never actually asked a girl out. It's always 'do you want to sleep with me?' but," Donghyuck bites his lip looking nervous and shy. "If you want, we could do something like this more often,"
You stare at him for a long time thinking about his question. Are you ready? Are you ready to risk your reputation? Are you ready for all of these feelings that keep swirling around inside of you?
As the answer is yes to all those questions, a smile breaks from your face and you nod your head.
Pairing. Na Jaemin! Incubus vampire x OC Haeyeon!Siren x Lee Donghyuck! Werewolf x Jaehyun!Vampire x Lee Taeyong! Warlock (ft Lee Jeno!human)
Synopsis. One full moon, Jaemin and his girlfriend Haeyeon, visit there friend Donghyuck out in the open woods. What they expect is a normal night to talk and catch up - however it soon turns dark when Donghyuck and Jaemin's bodies begin to transform into something unearthly. Waking up in new bodies with new abilities, they're forced to leave their ordinary world behind. While Donghyuck is willing, Jaemin does not want to give up the one perfectly good thing in his life, and that's his girlfriend Haeyeon.
Genre. Supernatural meets humans. Dark romance. Fantasy & Mythology. Toxic relationships. Heartbreak.
Warnings. Mentions of mystical creatures religions etc.
An AO3 Exclusive Book
Regular updates: Monday - Friday
AO3 Chapter link:
Chapter 1: Prologue (link here) - Chapter 2: Hidden Takes (link here)
- Chapter 3: New Feelings Meet Old Feelings (link here) - Chapter 4: Hello Full Moon (link here) - Chapter 5: New Me (link here) - Chapter 6: The Next Morning (link here) - Chapter 7: Packing Up (link here) - Chapter 8: Really Goodbye (link here) - Chapter 9: Break Up (link here) - Chapter 10: Baggage's (link here) - Chapter 11: Surrounded By Darkness (link here) - Chapter 12: Taste of something New (link here) - Chapter 13: Goodbye, goodbye (link here) - Chapter 14: Hello, hello (link here) - Chapter 15: Good to see you (link here) - Chapter 16: Ten and Kisses (link here) - Chapter 17: Mother (link here) - Chapter 18: All is found (link here)
Chapter 19: Not yet posted
Chapter 20: Not yet posted
Chapter 21: Not yet posted
Chapter 22: Not yet posted
Chapter 23: Not yet posted
Chapter 24: Not yet posted
Chapter 25: Not yet posted
Chapter 26: Not yet posted
Chapter 27: Not yet posted
Chapter 28: Not yet posted
Here's a little snippet.
Preview: The first Change
20:00
"I thought it'd be cold tonight," Jaemin mutters walking hand in hand with Haeyeon. "But it's not,"
"That's because you're here." Haeyeon smiles briefly fixing her eyes on their intertwined hands.
"That's so cheesy," he chuckles. "Donghyuck's influencing you badly,"
"Cheesy or not it's true," she mentions playfully swinging his hand that's in her's, back and forth. "You're the one who brings warmth to this cold earth. You bring warmth to my heart too. Without you by my side, can you imagine how different the weather would feel? It'd be dark, cold... emotionless."
Haeyeon turns her head towards him. Every time their eyes met, she was sure that something changed, the adoration for him grew and it became harder to hide it. Even right now in this moment with his eyes twinkling and her heart beating fast a fond energy emerges in her. She was falling for him harder then ever.
His hand lifts up to the side of her cheek patting it lightly. "You're not going to lose me, you're my missing puzzle piece," he sings softly.
Softly she places his hand over her chest to feel her heart. No words come out when his palm feels the quick beating of her heart. A radiating beam displayed on both their faces, this happiness felt too good to be true, almost like a dream. He gently slides his hand up her chest to cup her cheek. Gently running his thumb over her lips he begins to stare trying not to kiss her but instantly gives in leaving a light plant over her lips. Her hands slowly trail up his neck into his hair.
Jaemin grins pulling away bringing Haeyeon in front of him wrapping his arms in front of her as they walk further to their destination, into the woods talking lightly about what would happen. All thoughts of the steamy make out of earlier is replaced by this new warming kiss.
"We're almost there," Jaemin mutters. They got further and further away from the twinkling lights of the city, now following a dirty path into the depth of length long and wide trees. By now Mother Kim would start worrying but Haeyeon already excused herself. She thought it wouldn't be that long but the pin drop of where Donghyuck wanted them to meet was far away from civilization. Her legs feel wobbly and they ache but she pulls through hoping that the light leg cramps would go away. Why only now? She internally groans.
Similarly, Jaemin's heart beat quickens every second and his stomach twits and turns uncomfortably. He gulps down his own saliva trying his hardest not to reveal his pain and discomfort. They both knew why they were there, even if they worried about how the night would turn out or if they could hold their own pain in- they were there for Donghyuck. Their friend who would put off everything to be there for them.
Soon enough on the ground with a bag and a blanket stretched open with a small telescope and recording camera they find Donghyuck in the middle of it all, surrounded by a stretch of trees.
"I can't believe you packed all this," Haeyeon starts ignoring the pain over her knee but runs non the less to Donghyuck. "Are we pulling an all-nighter with you or what?"
Donghyuck with a keen spirit joyously brings her into a tight hug. "Haeyeon! Man I've missed you so much,"
Haeyeon dips her head into his shoulder holding him securely. "I've missed you more,"
"I've missed him more- she said. Mhm, that's why you didn't call or text, nothing." He sticks his head up snobbishly playfully sulking refusing to hug her back– although his arms instantly hold onto her when her legs buckle causing her to nearly fall. "Wo- are you okay?"
Jaemin is quick behind her holding her waist for support. "Easy, easy. Babe, you good?"
"Yeah, sorry," She nods her head holding onto Jaemin's arms. "I think I'm worn from the walk, I'm fine now, thanks guys. Nonetheless why are we here and not in your room?" She swiftly dismisses the topic of her legs, already being used to the little wobbles but not wanting to scare the guys -she skips to the man of the hour. Donghyuck brightens up getting back to the spot on the dirty soil on top of the blanket.
"This is where I always find myself after the full moon. This spot exactly," he explains he shows them a tree that had sharp marks. "Look here,"
Haeyeon leans in closer with Jaemin right behind her. Still with his hands around her waist, his head places itself comfortably on her shoulder to keep her balance.
"What is that?" They ask in unison.
"Perhaps a mark to claim territory. I have reason to believe I did this. I don't know, but it's clear that whatever did this isn't human. That's why I'm here," Donghyuck nods assuring them that it's him. "I didn't think you guys were gonna come,"
"Why wouldn't we come?" Jaemin mumbles and shifts uncomfortably due to the pain slowly churning in him. He immediately plants himself deeper in between her shoulder leaving a light kiss on her neck. His body quivers after he gulps down to try controlling the abnormal stir in his stomach.
Despite all the pain he's going through, he doesn't even notice the big bright smile that makes it's way onto Donghyuck's face. Donghyuck always loved sharing things that he found interesting with his friends.
"Sorry about yesterday," he calmly blurts out, owning up to his mistake.
Jaemin acknowledges the sincerity in Donghyuck's voice. Jaemin shakes his head giving a pained smile. His body was slowly failing him. "It's okay. What are we waiting for?" His body twitches.
"Babe, are you okay?" Haeyeon asks, detecting her boyfriend's mediocre yet strange movements.
Jaemin nods his head forcing a smile. "Let's just get this over with,"
"Right."
“Right,” Donghyuck nods his head pointing to the clouds. “See the clouds blocking the moon. I predict that once the moon is revealed then- Jaemin!”
Jaemin falls to the ground letting out an earsplitting screech. Haeyeon’s eyes widen when she crouches beside her boyfriend trying to hold his face in her hands but he cruelly shoves her away dragging himself hard against the tree panting roughly.
Her attention snaps to Donghyuck hearing bones cracking witnessing his body tumbling to the floor as he yelps and groans. “Donghyuck!”
She runs towards him but stands still in shock when his eyes turn from black to a sharp heavy and dangerously glowing hazel brown. He lowly shrieks out slobber running down his chin from the breaking and creaking sounds that come from his mouth when larger and bigger teeth grow. She gaps in horror watching the bleeding gums and his mouth full of slobber blubbering.
“Get- syringe now!” He yelps rolling on his back completely manifesting agony.
She collects herself from the shockwave running to his bag on the floor but halts after hearing her boyfriend yelling heatedly. Her attention lingers between the two boys watching them in agony. While Donghyuck’s body eccentrically grew wider and ripped through his heavy padded jacket and skinny jeans, Jaemin’s posture was bent over on his knees with his appearance shining and sparkling towards the moon as he excessively bellowed in throbbing pain when sharp long fangs emerged from his mouth and his jaw stretched wider to accommodates the thrashing line of sharp teeth that grew inside.
Haeyeon stumbles back in panicked fear hearing the two male figures suffering with every hit from the moon. She unsteadily crawls over to Donghyuck’s bag briskly swiping through everything trying to look for the syringe. As she dug thoroughly she didn't notice that now the full moon was on full display and not hidden in some parts of the cloud.
She finally gets the colored blue liquid in the sharp needle stick, the syringe, from his bag about to dash to him and his mutating nearly naked figure rolling and howling- unexpectedly her limbs give up on her and she thumps hard on the dirty soil. It’s enough for Donghyuck’s transfigured long lanky body to leap to her trapping her underneath him- slobber drenching on her face.
The slimy tall mutated thing growls with force causing her to bursts in terror screaming for her life. His growl is short lived when a huge force collides into him pushing him away from her. In return she’s covered by the force and hears a whimpering snarl bitterly from the thing that pushed Donghyuck.
Haeyeon’s eyes peek open to the thing in front of her, but widen when seeing it’s Jaemin panting heavily and his body looks so built in his almost torn shirt that work hard to contain all his physiques. She’s about to rejoice that Jaemin saved her however his head hastily turns towards her with infusing red eyes staring maliciously.
There’s a dangerous smirk placed on his lips when he grabs her neck and his snake like tongue slithers out and licks over her lips paralyzing her, her eyes are hooked onto his demonic red eyes and a long line that represented his iris. She stutters in fear.
“J-Jaemin- pl-please.”
Tears cover her eyes as she struggles to breathe under his harsh grip around her neck as he lifted her up smelling her body. His own body trembled with pleasure as a coursing strength and energy flowed through him, what was this? He felt alive and new.
“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’d never hurt you.” His snake like tongue springs out of his mouth bringing her closer to his face. “I just want to kiss you... I want to taste you. I want you. Oh sweetheart, you're making me hungry. I kept thinking about us this morning after that kiss. You woke me up you know, and for that I say thank you. Let me taste you,” he darkly laughs but is knocked over by an almost hairy mutated being that screeches.
Jaemin’s fangs spike and he hisses towards the mutated Donghyuck. Even in pain of a slow transformation and struggling to control himself, Donghyuck saw that his friend, Jaemin wasn’t the same anymore... In his body he saw Jaemin as a threat.
Haeyeon falls and hurts herself badly but still holds onto her neck shaking as tears pour out her eyes. That is not Jaemin! What was going on? Was she going to die? Just then her breathing is short when a nasty cough makes its way up to her throat and dots begin to cover her eyes.
She makes out Jaemin, using his forceful hands clashing dangerously with the mutated Donghyuck? She was confused, although Jaemin looked like himself but a more demonic version with red reptile eyes, a bit more strikingly handsome face, and his body looking built in strength and strong- with extensive large fangs poking out his mouth and a screeching hiss- Donghyuck looked nothing close to human. He looked disfigured and broken with hair sticking out parts of his slimy body. Her eyes fail to analyze more and her body collapses on the ground passing out.
From a distance Taeyong parks his jeep as he and Taeil come out with large chains.
“Do you hear that?” Taeyong asks hearing abnormal shrieks and grunts. “Sounds to me like we’re opening our doors to new students.”
“What a mess.” Taeil announces hiking towards the passed out girl on the ground. Taeyong rapidly paces towards the two aggressively fighting beings pulling his hands apart with a direct force knocking both Jaemin and Donghyuck against a tree.
“You can say that again,” Taeyong mutters clapping his hands chanting a spell. “Sereto Di Ma Freebros.”
Taeil gets up from the ground moving closer to Donghyuck, and his half fleshly half slimy growing body.
“Damn he’s still transforming. Doesn’t he feel pain?” Taeil asks as he draws closer with a large chained leash. He throws it around Donghyuck’s neck just as Donghyuck frantically growls vigorously shaking his head. Taeil hands the chain to Taeyong. “Must be his first transformation.”
“Metoram Eert Eht Dnuora.” He chants and the chain spikes going tightly around the tree. “Fabu.”
Donghyuck is set free from that invisible bound that held him. He tries to pounce towards Taeil and Taeyong but is pulled back by the chain. He groans in pain getting down on his knees as he’s fingers grew freakishly long and the bones on his back broke and developed getting larger. Nothing could stop him from yelling in discomfort and in anguish as his body and bones kept breaking and forming into something that was inhumane. His last pant as a human was unheard by anyone but Donghyuck felt it himself that the pain would finally stop when his vision enhanced and he saw everything clearly. He tried to speak but what came out was a vulgar bark. His full figure was large and grown into a full black-
“Werewolf? You’ve got to be kidding. Those things exist?”
Both Taeil and Taeyong’s heads snap to the tree behind where Jaemin looked unexpectedly calm with a sickening smirk as he spoke.
“So he was right. He’s a werewolf.”
Taeyong continues to stare Jaemin down but his conversation is directed to Taeil. “He looks like a vampire, but I’ve never seen one like him in years.”
“That’s because he’s an Incubus Vampire. Long Fangs, bloodshot red reptile eyes, clear skin- he’s known for being the highest vampire if we’re speaking hierarchy level.” Taeil states with his knowledge. “He’s ancient, a creature capable to extract vital energy from their victim through dreams at the same time using seduction based tricks by draining their vital energy by drinking the victims’ blood. If we’re being realistic, he should be a dream entity instead of a living being.”
Taeil then points to Haeyeon and looks at Jaemin.
“Is she your victim?”
“No,” Jaemin rolls his tongue playing with his words as he ominously chuckles smiling darkly. “She’s my girlfriend. Ahhhh. She smells so good. Can you smell her?"
Jaemin inhales letting out a lethal laugh opening his mouth revealing the sharp rows of teeth in his mouth.
“I thirst for her. Let me go.” He asks calmly.
“Not until-”
An earsplitting hissing taunt emerges from Jaemin when he screeches. “Let me go!” Whatever birds where in the tree in that moment all flew away fleeing from the deranged sound of the vampire.
“This one is going to be a challenge.” Taeil mutters.
“Ko pa mique reya.” Taeyong speaks holding up two fingers at Jaemin. Surprisingly nothing happens after the spell making Jaemin chuckle. "It's not working, Taeil?"
“Are you trying to make me sleep? That’s not gonna work with me.” Jaemin laughs.
“I’m guessing this is your first transformation too,” Taeil speaks walking back towards the jeep ignoring the boiling bark from the werewolf.
He comes back with a metallic bow and arrow gun striking once on Jaemin’s neck. Jaemin stiffens up grunting and hissing sending deadly daggers towards Taeil.
“That’s known as a strap. Goodnight.”
-
The morning comes with a clear pinkish hue of the sun rising and clouds parting. Donghyuck’s eyes narrow a bit feeling confused but yet so refreshed. He sits up on the bed stretching his arms, looking towards the window with light curtains. He scratches his head until the events of last night hit him like lightening.
“SHIT!” He jolts up from the bed touching his whole body, perplexed by the clean white clothes that covered his body.
He remembers it all, the entire night, of how he left his house hoping that he’d find answers as to why his body acted strange. His expectations came nothing close to what actually happened. He transformed into a wolf- a werewolf and although painful it was the most breathtaking moment of his entire life. A smile hangs on his lips as he continues to touch his chest and face. Wait till Jaemin- holy crap.
He remembered it all, Jaemin also turning into whatever it is, a superhuman- Donghyuck thought. Jaemin was scary. Donghyuck turns his head to the lightly lit room, spotting Jaemin on the opposite bed dosing. Donghyuck gulps thinking of the entire event. He fought with Jaemin… because Jaemin wanted to hurt Hay-
“Haeyeon!” Jaemin snaps his eyes open panting heavily.
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Donghyuck says in an alarmed tone. "Dude-"
“Where’s Haeyeon?” Jaemin gets off the bed still with his old clothes but their slightly torn. He holds Donghyuck by his shoulder shaking him. “Where’s Haeyeon? I think I hurt her? I don’t know. I don’t remember. Everything is foggy.”
Jaemin holds his own head in frustration.
“Dude.” Donghyuck starts. “What happened to you last night?” He’s still in a daze completely shocked by Jaemin’s turn. “You turned-”
“I don’t care about me- where’s Haeyeon? Where are we?” Jaemin looks around the large beige room only seeing two beds. “Where’s Haeyeon Donghyuck?” Jaemin asks again in fright.
Before Donghyuck can respond the door opens up revealing an unknown man. “She’s safe and I’m glad that you two are finally awake. Come with me if you seek answers to your unanswered questions.”
The man signs and heads out leaving both the boys confused but instantly following so that they wouldn’t get lost. After crossing numerous of halls seeing some teenagers walk into rooms or walk around Jaemin finally sees a clock. It was 6 in the morning. Where the hell were they?
They enter a large office that was stacked with books and artifacts that looked almost real and almost fake. Jaemin still dragged in pure confusion is anxious while least Donghyuck had a little smile on his face exploring everything new around him. Where were they? The place looked magical and something out of a book.
“Please do take a seat,” The man speaks pointing to the chairs that were in front of his desk.
Jaemin analyzed the man and his silver animatic hair, he felt like he knew the man but that was strange because he had never met the man before. Even so Jaemin takes a seat muttering a polite thank you which surprises the man.
“My name is Lee Taeyong. You may remember this or not but yesterday was a full moon.”
Donghyuck’s eyes almost burst out from the little words.
“And you both had a transformation. Do you guys remember that?”
Donghyuck nods his head attentive, yet Jaemin’s head fogs up by the memory only remembering pain.
He shakes his head. “I know that it was the full moon, but I can’t remember transform- I’m sorry,” Jaemin shakes his head leaning forward on his seat with worried eyes. “Where’s Haeyeon?”
Taeyong analyses the young man in front of him. He was definitely different from what he encountered yesterday, he surely is not a normal vampire- Taeyong thinks. He looks at the dark black eyes that conveyed his concern. The Incubus Vampire he met last night had no emotion what so ever concerning the girl called Haeyeon.
“She’s resting. She was in the room opposite from yours. She’s okay,”
This calms Jaemin down for a bit and his attention snaps to the man, Taeyong. “I’m sorry for interrupting but you were talking about some transformation, what does that mean? What happened last night? Everything is foggy for me. Where are we?”
Taeyong nods his head. “I used to have a speech prepared on magical history, but as time passed a generation of greedy little know it all’s emerged and fabricated the stories. Right now you are in my office, I’m the headmaster of Neo Cultured Prep Boarding School.”
Both Jaemin and Donghyuck’s head go back in shock.
It’s that bogey fancy rich school for those smart brats- Jaemin thought. He doesn’t know what to feel but a pulsing anger as well as a forceful nonchalant behavior engulfing him.
Donghyuck shakes his head. “Hold on, I’m confused. Isn’t this school a top academics school?”
“It is,” Taeyong nods his head. “We are the best academic’s responding school both for young adults and cultured youth. However, the privileges of this school renounce normal human beings but instead we embrace youths like you. But the public doesn’t know that.”
Jaemin turns to Donghyuck in confusion. “They are a school of magic,” Donghyuck explains.
“The word is supernatural- and there are many aspects and territories to that word. Everyone in this school has something in them that makes them special and uniquely different. But the world outside us rejects the unfamiliar and therefore wouldn’t understand. That’s where we come in and embrace the unfamiliar.”
Donghyuck’s eyes widen and he points to himself and then to Jaemin. “Are we also part of the unfamiliar?”
Taeyong nods his head. “Yes you are. I need your full undivided attention as well as honesty-”
“I don’t mean to be rude but,” Jaemin shakes his head rubbing his face in both exhaustion and annoyance- he doesn’t even know why he’s feeling so bipolar. “I don’t know you. You’ve kidnapped us and brought us here to your fancy school to tell us that we’re magical beings? No supernatural beings?”
“Yes. I'm sure your memories will come back eventually confirming that you are indeed a supernatural being,” Taeyong simply answers. “What do you think?”
“I’m thinking that I’ve lost my mind completely or that-” Jaemin’s eyes widen and he turns his head to Donghyuck. “Werewolves are real? This is beyond insane. How is that even possible?”
“It’s a long ancient story,” Taeyong admits. “A story and lesson that our classes cover up first year.”
“In my first year I learnt about academic literacy and business,” Jaemin mutters.
Taeyong nods his head. “We cover that too. We wouldn’t be a top performing school if we only focused on 'magic'. Right”
“So what are you saying?” Donghyuck asks. “That supernatural stuff is real and that you’re going to teach it to us?”
“You must be enrolled into the boarding school of course, with that said I’ll need to know your names.” Taeyong answers. “And I’ll need to consent with your parents,”
Jaemin zones out when Donghyuck excitedly talks about how he always believed that things like this were real. Jaemin’s only thought is on Haeyeon and also what happened last night. “Donghyuck you’re saying nonsense again-”
“It’s not nonsense okay?” Donghyuck exclaims. “It’s all real. Everything I’ve been saying and reading about is all real-”
“Real?” Jaemin snaps glaring at Donghyuck. “You want me to believe that you’re a werewolf? This is insane-”
“But it’s true. You saw me turn…didn’t you?” Donghyuck becomes silent again and the room dwells in a cold eerie silence. What happened to Jaemin last night. Donghyuck turns to Taeyong. “How did you know about us? How did you find us?”
“Finally, a question.” Taeyong nods his head sitting up in his seat. “You might not like the answer I give, that’s a pre warning. I am a warlock-”
“Which is a male witch,” Donghyuck mutters to his friend.
“-Wizard and sorcerer. I sense changes of the night every full moon. There is a river I go to, that river tells me the names and incidents that will happen every full moon. I happened to hear the names Lee Donghyuck and Na Jaemin in the river,”
Jaemin’s ears perk up to his own name. “You heard my name?”
"Yes that is why I have to confirm with you," Taeyong nods his head. “Na Jaemin, yes. I heard both your names months ago on the other hand I was incapable to pin point your exact locations, as the wave signals were low. Every full moon you’d either not transform or fight the urge to transform and that is impossible since you can’t fight the urge. Now I ask you both, how did you do it?”
Donghyuck fully intrigued by it all answers first. “I read this once on the internet in a dark website. I created my own mixture that would help me sleep through all of my pain, it’s called-”
“Strap.” Jaemin answers. “I think that’s what you guys hit me with right?” Jaemin asks as the image of a black haired man taking out a bow and arrow gun striking his neck.
“First off it’s very dangerous to be making those, you could get hurt. Secondly, it’s dark internet sites like that, that we keep you from viewing and hurting yourself.” Taeyong turns to Jaemin. “Your turn.”
Jaemin shrugs his shoulders. He didn’t know what he did to block his so called transformation. “I’d lock myself in my room and would keep my feet in a bucket of cold ice. I don't know.”
Taeyong nods his head turning back his attention to Donghyuck. “As I said before in the beginning, you might not like what I’m going to say, but I need to ask you something to make sure that I can enroll you here.”
Donghyuck nods his head unsure of where everything was heading.
“Unlike your friend Jaemin, his Incubus comes from a generational line. Yours whether you know it or not, isn’t passed down like the movies emphasizes on. It’s a curse and in order to let’s say activate that curse something deadly has to happen. Triggering your werewolf senses comes from a long line of murder. I understand that you're an orphan, so you wouldn't know much of your family’s history. But since this is concerning you, I'll have to ask. Lee Donghyuck,” Taeyong sternly looks to Donghyuck. “Who did you kill?”
“What?” Jaemin’s the first to react getting to the edge of his seat. “Incu-what? Murder who? This is all made up bull. Donghyuck has never ever done something as cold as murder-”
“I did.” It’s low, but Jaemin catches the words. He turns to Donghyuck seeing his friend looking terrified.
“I need to know the truth, so that I know that you aren’t a threat if I’d have to enroll you in the school.” Taeyong says his piercing gaze latching to the young boy. “Who did you murder?”
Donghyuck swallow’s the bile down his throat. Jaemin lays his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder turning melancholy. Donghyuck throughout his life had suffered an amount of pain, some were unspeakable while others even if spoken out loud were never to be spoken about again.
Jaemin stares at his friend, maybe that’s why Donghyuck always flew away into books and obsessions with things that weren’t real, hoping to have some sort of power to make his life better. Jaemin now felt bad.
That's just a snippet, but I can assure you that the book is already finished, all that's left is to post it. So I'd really appreciate your vote, so that I know where this book is going. AO3 or Tumblr.
Have an awesome day, thanks
Disclaimer. I don't support Taeil or any of the things he did. It sickens me and breaks my heart tremendously. Unfortunately I've been writing this fic for 2 years now and he's part of the cast (not the OG). So while I could've removed him and place someone else's name, I just decided to stick with him and think of PARK TAEIL instead. He's a south Korean actor, and I feel is more suitable. There's only little places where you'll see the name Taeil. If reading his name makes you feel uncomfortable, I understand, and you can leave the book altogether. However if you're still interested, please be warned. Even writing his name is sickening... But it is what it is.
Three lovers, two affairs, and one betrayal, but who will break first?
"I've had her, you know." The sinister smirk spreads across his lips. "All over your precious billionaire company, your prized mansion and even in your car. I've seen her all.”
PAIRING(s). Jung Jaehyun!husband x Reader!wife x Na Jaemin!Sideman
SYNOPSIS. Jung Jaehyun has worked diligently hard to achieve his perfectly balanced life. A high flying thriving career as an elite businessman of a very prosperous Perfume fragrance firm and a charming passionate lover in his wife, you. You are his stunning partner who has vowed to be by his side at all times. You have faith in your husband even though he's barely around. Your best friend, seeks to convince you that your husband is indeed cheating on you. However, tables twistedly turn around when you "accidentally" have a one night stand with your best friend’s husband Na Jaemin. Your carefully ordered life spirals out of control when you face the music that your husband, Jaehyun has never cheated on you. Your now left in a scandalous position that could cost you your marriage.
WARNING(s). Slow burn (longshot). Office drama (mentions of inappropriate acts/unethical practices). Cursing (mild and soft). Smut (includes and not limited to cheating, consensual and non-consensual, rough/dominant, submissive, dry humping). Angst (has levels of tones).
Fragrance 1: Faded Fantasies
SYNOPSIS. You're home alone, it's late at night and you're on the phone with your best friend- who's nagging you nonstop that your husband, Jung Jaehyun, is cheating on you. Overwhelmed with emotion you agree to go clubbing, whereby you open up a door to infidelity when meeting Na Jaemin. It's just supposed to be a causal encounter, yet for some reason, you find yourself underneath him starting an immoral affair relationship.
Read here
Fragrance 2: Poison That Spreads
SYNOPSIS. Your mind is imbedded on Na Jaemin. You can't stop thinking about how crazy, hot and wild his pleasure was, especially now that you have his number. It was supposed to be merely a one night stand (even though you had already done it twice with the man that was not your husband), yet you've found solitude and refuge in crawling back to him, with your legs wide open. However your infidelity is challenged by the reoccurring presence of your husband, Jaehyun who begins paying attention to your needs. Your only problem is that you've let Jaemin somewhat in your heart, you've let the poison of him sink into you.
Read here
Fragrance 3: Final Scent
SYNOPSIS. What happens when a perfectly hidden affair becomes public? You feel almost petrified and exposed when Jaehyun (your husband) and Jaemin (the man you've been sleeping with) officially meet. Jaemin isn't afraid of twisting his words to get Jaehyun paranoid, neither is he holding back on the feelings he's grown for you. Meanwhile, you're so hell bent on securing and hiding this lie away from Jaehyun that it almost becomes impossible to tell him the truth. All the while Jaehyun grows more suspicious of your relationship with Jaemin that it strains your relationship. You find yourself left with no other option, but to come clean. The only problem now, is how to come clean to the man you've married, and the man you've been having an affair with.
Read Here
Fragrance 4: Final Act
Synopsis. After a moment of infidelity with Jaemin, your once-stable life begins to crumble. Now, with a baby growing inside you, everything feels uncertain, especially the baby's paternity. Is it Jaemin’s baby or Jaehyun’s baby. As tensions rise you're forced to confront the consequences of your choices and decide: will you fight to rebuild your relationship with Jaehyun?
Genre: Smut | Best Friends to Lovers | Secret Relationship | Slow Burn (turned fast & filthy) (Not proof read)
Word Count: (forgot to do the count ngl)
Status: Ongoing one-shot continuation (maybe)
Content Warnings: (MINORS DNI)
• Sexual tension and explicit sexual content (slow-burn smut)
• Voyeurism elements (accidental and intentional watching)
• Light degradation and praise (eventually)
• Friends-to-lovers tension with emotionally messy moments
• Masturbation (mutual and solo)
• Unspoken feelings, jealousy, possessiveness
• Eventual explicit consent and sexual exploration
Summary:
What started as innocent teasing between childhood best friends has spiraled into something much more dangerous — and addicting. Late-night games, stolen glances, and one risqué manga opened the door, but now? Jaehyun owns her — her body, her sounds, her limits. The only problem? No one else knows they’ve crossed that line.
From stolen touches in crowded rooms to being bent over bathroom stalls, their secret grows harder to hide… and harder to resist. He was supposed to be her best friend. Now he’s her favorite mistake — and he’s not letting anyone else have a taste.
But teasing Jaehyun has its consequences… especially when she moans his name while thinking of someone else. (lil teaser🫣)
This is the full fic to the “don’t look” teaser didn’t expect to actually get people to like it i hope this will story satisfy yall… idk how to feel about it just know that it is STEAMY
The sound of rapid clicking and muffled gunshots filled the air, blending with the occasional curse that left Jaehyun’s lips as he focused on the game. Y/N barely paid him any mind, curled up on his bed with her legs swinging lazily in the air, a well-worn manga volume in her hands.
It was a regular thing — crashing at Jaehyun’s place after classes, him glued to his monitor while she raided his snack stash and made herself at home in his room. They didn’t need to talk to feel comfortable. That’s just how they were. Easy. Familiar.
At least… usually.
Today was different.
Jaehyun had taken off his headset to answer a call, wandering out of the room mid-game. When he came back, the first thing he saw wasn’t the screen. It was Y/N, lying on her stomach on his bed, skirt hiked up just a little too high, and her eyes glued to a page that definitely wasn’t PG-13.
He blinked. Then blinked again.
Was she seriously reading that kind of manga? In his room?
He moved closer, quiet as ever, leaning over to glance at the page. Yup. That was definitely someone getting bent over a desk.
His voice came out lower than intended, a little too amused. “What are you reading?”
Y/N nearly jumped out of her skin. She snapped the book shut with a gasp and turned over, clutching it to her chest.
“W-What the hell, Jaehyun! Don’t sneak up on people like that!”
“I wasn’t sneaking,” he grinned, walking over and tossing himself onto the bed beside her. “You were just too into it to notice me.”
She narrowed her eyes, cheeks flushed. “You saw nothing.”
“Oh no, I definitely saw something. A lot of something, actually.” He smirked, eyes drifting — not-so-subtly — from the manga to her exposed thighs. “Didn’t know you were into that stuff.”
She threw a pillow at him. “Shut up! It’s just—plot. With… extra.”
“Mhmm.” He leaned in, voice dipping to a tease. “Didn’t know my bed was so inspiring.”
Y/N rolled her eyes, trying to cover the blush blooming down her neck. “You’re such an ass.”
“Maybe.” His fingers brushed her knee, lingering longer than they should. “But you’re not denying it.”
Silence hung for a beat too long. The tension wasn’t like usual. It wasn’t playful — not entirely. There was heat in the air, thick and humming between them.
His voice dropped. “You know, if you wanted inspiration… you could’ve just asked.”
She stared at him, heart pounding.
“You’re joking.”
His eyes flicked down to her lips, then back up. “Am I?”
Another beat passed. Her book slipped from her hands, forgotten.
And then—
Y/N didn’t move. Didn’t breathe.
She couldn’t. Not with the way Jaehyun was looking at her — like he’d just flipped a switch and wasn’t planning to turn it off anytime soon.
Her voice was barely a whisper. “You’re not serious.”
Jaehyun smirked again, slower this time. Darker. His hand, still resting lightly on her knee, started to move. Not rushed, just deliberate — dragging up the soft skin of her thigh, under the hem of her skirt. “You think I’m the kind of guy who says things he doesn’t mean?”
She swallowed hard. “Sometimes.”
“Not about this.”
He leaned closer, one knee sliding between her legs as he crowded her space. She could feel the heat of his body, the tension in his muscles — held back, barely. His fingers brushed higher now, just skimming where her inner thigh met the curve of her underwear. Her breath hitched.
“You’ve been teasing me for months and didn’t even know it,” he murmured, voice low, like a secret just for her. “Walking around in those short skirts, curling up in my bed like it’s yours, making these little sounds when you read your dirty books.”
“I—I wasn’t teasing”
He chuckled, dark and low, thumb hooking under the edge of her panties now. “No? Then what are you doing now, letting me touch you like this and not stopping me?”
She couldn’t answer. Not with the way her pulse was racing. Not with the way his mouth was hovering, close enough that she could feel every word ghost over her lips.
“Say something, baby.”
That broke her. She shivered — not from fear, but from the way he said it. Like he owned the word. Like he already owned her.
“I want you,” she whispered, cheeks burning. “I just… I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
His eyes darkened — not in mockery, but something deeper. Fiercer. Possessive.
“I’ll take care of you”
And with that, he kissed her.
It wasn’t sweet. It was slow, claiming, full of intent. His tongue slid past her lips, coaxing rather than demanding, but still leaving no room for doubt. His hand moved behind her neck, tilting her to deepen the kiss while his other pushed her skirt up fully, baring her to the cool air and his warm touch.
She moaned into him — soft, unsure. He swallowed the sound greedily.
“You trust me?” he murmured against her lips, fingers now stroking the damp cotton between her legs.
“Yes,” she breathed, hips twitching into his hand.
“Then be a good girl,” he said, voice pure sin, “and let me show you how good it can feel.”
He pulled her underwear down slowly, trailing kisses from her mouth to her jaw, then down her neck, teeth scraping lightly as he went. “Keep your hands in my sheets,” he ordered, eyes flicking up. “Don’t hide from me.”
She did as he said, fingers curling into his navy-blue comforter, breath coming faster as he shifted lower. He settled between her thighs like he belonged there, dragging his mouth over the inside of her knee before looking up at her — eyes burning.
“Don’t look away,” he said softly, almost tender. “I want you to watch me when I make you fall apart.”
And then his mouth was on her.
Hot. Wet. Expert.
She gasped, arching, one hand flying to her mouth only for him to pull back and growl, “Hands. In. The. Sheets.”
She obeyed, whimpering when he dove back in, licking and sucking her clit with slow, devastating precision. He took his time, letting her fall apart inch by inch, building the tension until she was trembling, thighs threatening to close around his head.
“Jaehyun,” she sobbed, nearly there.
“Come for me,” he whispered, lips brushing her clit with the words. “Right now. Be good and come on my tongue.”
She shattered.
She came with a cry, thighs shaking, hips bucking into his mouth as he held her down and took everything she gave him.
Only when she stopped trembling did he pull back, lips glistening, eyes dark with something dangerous.
And he still wasn’t done.
“Now,” he said, tugging his shirt over his head and revealing the body she’d only ever dared to imagine, “you’re gonna lie back like that sweet little mess you are—” he undid his belt slowly, letting the sound echo in the room, “and take your reward like a good girl.”
Y/N’s breath was still catching in her throat when she watched Jaehyun rise above her — slow and steady, like he had all the time in the world. His eyes never left hers. Not even as he kicked off his jeans, fingers moving with that same calm confidence that was driving her absolutely insane.
She’d never seen him like this. Not fully.
Not like this — shirtless, flushed, cock hard and heavy in his hand as he stroked it lazily while looking down at her like she was something to be worshipped.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” he murmured, crawling over her. His fingers traced the outline of her face, brushing hair from her cheek like she was fragile. “You—like this. Under me.”
She bit her lip, heart thudding. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
His smile was soft now, almost sad. “Because you were mine long before you ever knew it. And I wasn’t gonna risk losing you… not until I knew you wanted this too.”
She didn’t answer. Just reached up, touching his cheek, then trailing her fingers down his chest, the tight muscles flexing beneath her touch.
“I do,” she whispered. “I want you.”
That was all he needed.
Jaehyun leaned down and kissed her again — this time slower. Deeper. All tongue and warmth, his body lowering to press fully against hers, skin to skin. She could feel everything: his heat, the weight of him, the way his cock slid against her slick folds, not yet inside but enough to make her whimper.
His hand found hers beside her head, fingers lacing together. “You ready, baby?”
She nodded, voice gone.
“Words.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “I’m ready. Please.”
His groan was low, strained. “Fuck. You’re gonna feel so good.”
And then — slowly, carefully — he pushed in.
The stretch was unfamiliar, thick and hot and so much, but he didn’t rush. He kissed her through it, whispered against her skin, his free hand stroking her thigh as he sank in inch by inch.
“That’s it,” he murmured, lips brushing her temple. “Just breathe. You’re doing so good.”
She clung to him, eyes wide, overwhelmed in the best way as he finally bottomed out, buried to the hilt and panting against her neck.
“God, you’re tight,” he growled, stilling for a moment. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep clenching like that.”
“Move,” she gasped. “Please, Jae”
He did.
His hips pulled back and rolled forward again, slow and smooth, grinding into her with a rhythm that made her toes curl. Every thrust was measured, sensual, like he wanted her to feel every single inch of him — and she did. Her legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, trying to pull him deeper, closer, more.
“That’s it, baby,” he groaned, biting down on her shoulder. “You take me so well. Like you were made for this. Made for me.”
She couldn’t hold back the moan that tore from her throat.
Jaehyun caught it with a kiss, swallowing the sound as he picked up pace, just a little. The bed creaked, the air thick with heat and breath and the slick sounds of skin on skin.
But through it all, he kept touching her — his hand on her cheek, his mouth on her throat, like he couldn’t get enough of her. Like this wasn’t just sex. Like it was something more.
“You feel everything?” he panted against her skin.
She nodded desperately. “Feels so good… you feel so good…”
“I’ve got you,” he said, voice wrecked but still soft. “I’ll take care of you. Gonna make you come again, alright?”
His thumb found her clit, rubbing in tight circles while he drove into her, each thrust making her cry out.
“Let go for me,” he groaned, forehead pressed to hers. “Come all over my cock like a good girl.”
She shattered with a scream, legs locking around him as her orgasm ripped through her. Jaehyun followed with a curse, hips stuttering as he came deep inside her, holding her close like he never wanted to let go.
And when it was over — when the room was filled with only the sound of their breathing and the soft thump of his heartbeat against her chest — he kissed her again.
This time, it was gentle. Loving.
“I meant what I said,” he whispered, brushing his nose against hers. “You’re mine.”
Her fingers curled in his hair, a lazy smile spreading across her lips.
“Good,” she whispered. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”
Jaehyun didn’t pull away right away. He stayed inside her, warm and pulsing, forehead resting against hers while his fingers lazily traced the curve of her hip. His breath was still heavy, but his touch was gentle — grounding. Worshipful.
Y/N’s legs were still wrapped loosely around him, and even though her body was spent, she didn’t want to let go.
“Was it too much?” he asked softly, eyes searching hers like he hadn’t just made her see stars.
She smiled, tired and blissed out. “No… it was perfect.”
He kissed her nose, then her cheek, then finally her lips again — slow and sweet this time, no urgency. Just affection.
“I’ll get you cleaned up,” he murmured, carefully slipping out of her. She whimpered at the loss, and he chuckled, low and fond. “I know, baby. I’ll be right back.”
True to his word, he returned with a warm cloth, cleaning her up gently, murmuring quiet praises and brushing hair from her forehead.
“So pretty when you’re all fucked out,” he teased, but his touch was careful, his eyes soft. Once she was tucked into his sheets — now officially hers too — he pulled her into his chest and stroked her back.
“You did so good,” he whispered. “I’ve never wanted someone like I want you.”
She blinked up at him sleepily. “I’ve never let anyone in like this before…”
Jaehyun leaned down and kissed her again, just because he could.
“You’re mine now,” he said, half-possessive, half-promise.
She fell asleep with her head on his chest, heart full and body aching in the best way.
⸻
THE NEXT MORNING
Y/N was deep in sleep, limbs tangled in Jaehyun’s sheets, when she felt something warm and firm press against the back of her thigh.
At first, she stirred faintly, breath hitching as the sensation grew — the softest kisses trailing up her spine, teeth nipping at her shoulder, a hand sliding under the hem of his oversized shirt she wore to bed.
“Morning, baby,” Jaehyun’s voice rasped against her skin, already thick with lust. “You looked too pretty not to touch.”
She whined in protest — half asleep, half already aching. “Jae…”
“You gonna pretend you don’t like it?” he murmured, hand sliding between her legs. She was already wet, and he groaned in satisfaction. “Damn. You were dreaming about me, weren’t you?”
“Mmm… maybe,” she teased, wiggling her hips a little.
His grip tightened slightly. “That attitude’s gonna get you in trouble.”
“Oh no,” she said innocently. “Whatever will you do?”
His hand slid around her throat — not tight, just firm, grounding, possessive — and she gasped at the sudden rush it gave her. Her thighs squeezed together, and Jaehyun noticed instantly.
“Oh?” he grinned, low and wicked. “You like being choked, baby?”
She bit her lip but didn’t answer.
“That was a yes,” he muttered, flipping her onto her back, spreading her thighs. “You should’ve told me. I’d’ve had you crying in pleasure last night.”
His hand stayed at her throat, still gentle, still careful — but undeniably dominant as he slid inside her again, this time with more force. More hunger.
She cried out, hands flying to his biceps, nails digging in.
“Still sore?” he panted, driving into her deeper. “Too bad. You’re the one who woke up wet and bratty.”
“You’re such—ah—an ass.”
He smirked. “Yeah? Then why are you moaning like that?”
He grabbed her thighs and pinned them open, his pace picking up — steady but rougher, his abs flexing as he fucked her into the mattress, groaning every time she clenched around him.
“You want it harder, don’t you?” he breathed against her mouth. “Want me to ruin this sweet little pussy again?”
“Yes—fuck—Jaehyun…”
“Touch yourself,” he ordered. “Be a good girl. Let me see.”
Her fingers found her clit instantly, circling as he pounded into her harder, more unrestrained now. He was still watching her, though — eyes glued to her face, hand tight around her throat again, thumb brushing her jaw.
“You gonna come for me like this?” he growled. “Choked and used and full of me?”
She nodded, eyes rolling back. “Jaehyun—I’m gonna—”
“Do it,” he demanded. “Come now.”
She shattered under him with a scream, clenching around him like a vice — and he followed with a loud groan, spilling inside her again, thrusts slowing as he milked every second of her orgasm.
When it was over, he collapsed on top of her, then rolled them gently so she was cradled against him again.
“You’re gonna kill me,” she breathed.
He chuckled against her hair. “You say that like I’m done with you.”
Her eyes fluttered shut, a lazy smile on her lips.
She was absolutely ruined. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.
The room was thick with heat, the air heavy from everything they’d already done — the tangled sheets, their sweat-slicked bodies, the faint scent of sex still clinging to the air.
Jaehyun was lying back against the pillows now, one arm behind his head, the other lazily brushing along her spine as she rested on his chest, both of them trying to catch their breath. He looked smug. Satisfied. Like a man who’d just conquered something sweet and sacred.
But she wasn’t done.
Y/N lifted her head, eyes dark with mischief and still-flushed cheeks. She trailed her hand down his abs, letting her fingers drift lower, nails teasing just above where the blanket covered his hips.
Jaehyun groaned, low and surprised. “No way. You’re not seriously ready for more.”
She straddled him without a word, sliding up until she was seated right over him, warm and wet and barely hidden by the thin sheet between them. Her hands braced on his chest as she leaned down.
“I wanna ride you,” she whispered against his lips.
Jaehyun’s breath caught. His eyes snapped open, pupils blown wide. “Fuck. Are you even real?”
She grinned and rocked her hips slightly, feeling him twitch beneath her. “You’re not scared I’ll break you, are you?”
“Scared?” He growled, yanking the sheet away so she was bare above him. “I’m scared you’re gonna pass out. You were crying into my mouth ten minutes ago.”
“Let me show you what I want,” she said, grinding harder now. “Please.”
That word — that please — did something to him.
He watched her sit up, take him in her hand, and line him up with her entrance. The head of his cock slid against her soaked folds, and they both groaned at the contact. Then, slowly, so fucking slowly, she sank down on him.
Jaehyun’s head hit the headboard with a dull thud.
“Holy shit,” he hissed. “You feel even tighter like this.”
Her hands gripped his stomach for balance as she started to move, hips rising and falling in a slow, hypnotic rhythm. Her thighs trembled slightly, but she kept going, riding him with a mix of inexperience and raw, aching need.
And he watched her — eyes locked on the way her breasts bounced, the way her lips parted in moans, the way her nails clawed at his chest as she found the pace that made her see stars.
“Look at you,” he rasped. “Taking what you want. Fucking yourself on my cock like you need it.”
“I do,” she gasped. “You feel so good, Jaehyun—fuck—don’t stop looking at me.”
“Never,” he promised, hands finding her hips, helping her grind deeper, harder, until the sounds of wet skin and broken cries echoed in the room. “You’re so fucking sexy like this. Like you were made to ride me.”
She moaned louder, pace faltering as her legs began to tremble harder. She leaned forward, bracing herself on his chest, thighs burning, every inch of her buzzing with overstimulation.
Jaehyun saw it — saw her trying to hold on, trying to stay in control — and smirked darkly.
“Getting tired already, baby?”
She bit her lip, nodded just slightly, eyes glassy.
He sat up in one smooth motion, flipping her effortlessly onto the bed and pulling her onto all fours.
“You shouldn’t have tempted me,” he growled, lining himself up behind her. “You knew what this was gonna do to me.”
She barely had time to breathe before he slammed into her from behind — hard, fast, deep — the new angle making her scream into the pillow. He gripped her hips like he owned her, driving into her relentlessly, the bed frame rocking under the force of it.
“F-fuck—Jaehyun—too much—”
“No,” he gritted, bending down to kiss her spine, his hand tangling in her hair. “You wanted to ride me? You wanted to show me what you like? Then take it.”
He yanked her head back gently by her hair, just enough to make her arch. Her back curved perfectly, ass pressed against his hips with every thrust, and he groaned at the sight of it.
“You look so fucking good like this,” he growled, hot against her ear. “You like being used like my personal toy, huh? Getting fucked stupid first thing in the morning?”
She couldn’t answer. Not with the way he was splitting her open, dragging her closer and closer to the edge again. But her whimpers said it all.
Then, suddenly, his chest pressed to her back. One arm wrapped around her waist, the other came up to press gently around her throat — firm, confident, perfect. His lips were at her ear now, whispering filth as he fucked up into her, angle deep and brutal in the most intoxicating way.
“Can feel you tightening,” he whispered, voice ragged. “You gonna come like this? With me choking you? Huh, baby?”
She sobbed, nodding, body jolting with every thrust.
“Do it,” he growled, slamming into her one final time. “Come for me like the good little slut you are.”
She came hard — harder than she had the first time — shaking in his arms, muscles locking up as her climax hit like a wave. Jaehyun wasn’t far behind. He grunted against her neck, hips jerking as he spilled inside her again, holding her close through the aftershocks.
They collapsed together, sweaty, tangled, completely wrecked.
He kissed her shoulder, her jaw, her temple.
“Holy fuck,” he whispered. “You were not kidding about round two.”
She laughed breathlessly, collapsing onto her back. “You look ruined.”
“I am,” he groaned, flopping beside her. “You ride me like that again and I’m gonna have to put a ring on you.”
She turned, smirking. “So… round three?”
He blinked.
Then grinned.
“Oh, you’re in trouble.”
“Let’s go get cleaned up Jae, i feel super dirty” she says
All he can think about is what he’ll do to her in the shower
“Anything you want princess, but don’t think i’m done with you yet.”
SHOWER SCENE
Steam had already filled the bathroom by the time Jaehyun dragged her in, lips locked to hers like he couldn’t bear to part for even a second. His hands were on her ass, squeezing, guiding her backwards toward the hot spray as their bodies pressed together.
The second the water hit her back, she gasped — warm and soothing, a perfect contrast to the sharp ache still lingering between her legs from earlier. But Jaehyun wasn’t giving her a break.
His mouth dropped to her throat, sucking a bruise into her skin while his hands slid down her slick body, worshipping every curve like he hadn’t just fucked her senseless.
“You’re unreal,” he muttered into her neck. “I get you off twice, and you’re still looking at me like you want more.”
“I do want more,” she whispered back, fingers curling into his damp hair.
He growled, spinning her and pressing her front to the fogged-up glass wall, hands spreading her legs apart. The hot water ran down her body, pooling between her thighs — and then she felt him again, thick and heavy, sliding against her already-sensitive core.
“Fuck, baby,” he groaned. “Still so wet for me. You want it here? Against the glass?”
“Y-yeah,” she panted. “Want you to fuck me, Jaehyun—just fuck me.”
He slid in without warning — hot, deep, and thick — and she nearly screamed from how sensitive she still was. The glass rattled with each thrust as he buried himself inside her over and over, pace rough but controlled, one hand gripping her hip, the other wrapped tight around her throat.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he panted. “Even after everything, you still suck me in like it’s your first time.”
Her legs shook, breath fogging the glass.
He leaned in, lips brushing her ear. “Say my name.”
She moaned, voice cracking. “D-Daddy—!”
Everything stopped.
Jaehyun froze mid-thrust, his whole body going still behind her. For a second, all they could hear was the pounding of the water and her own ragged breathing.
Then he twitched inside her — hard.
“W-Wait,” she gasped, panicking. “I didn’t mean—! I mean, I—shit, I didn’t know it would just come out—”
He laughed.
Low. Dark. Dangerous.
“You didn’t know?” he repeated, pulling out of her slowly, then turning her to face him. His hands slid down to grab her ass, hard. “Princess, you could’ve called me that ages ago.”
Her eyes widened as he pushed her back against the tiled wall, gripping her thigh and hiking it up over his hip.
“You like that shit, huh?” he murmured, dragging the head of his cock through her folds again. “Calling me ‘Daddy’ while I fuck you dumb? You dirty little thing.”
She whimpered, already melting.
“Say it again.”
She looked up at him, lips trembling. “Daddy…”
He groaned and slammed into her in one rough stroke, hand coming down on her ass with a loud smack. The sound echoed off the tile, mixing with her gasp as he started thrusting hard — deeper than before, the slap of skin on skin bouncing off the shower walls.
“That’s my girl,” he growled. “Fucking take it.”
She clung to him, the rhythm brutal but addicting — loud, wet, and desperate. His hand gripped her throat again, squeezing just enough to make her moan louder, and his other hand delivered another hard spank to her ass, making her jolt.
“Such a good little slut,” he hissed. “Taking your daddy’s cock like this.”
“Y-You’re so full of yourself,” she managed to choke out, even as her moans stuttered with every hard thrust. “Bet you say that to all your little brats.”
He laughed — low and wrecked. “You’re lucky I like that mouth.”
Another slap. Another choke. Another deep thrust that made her legs shake.
“You keep acting like a brat,” he murmured, licking up her neck, “and I’ll bend you over the sink next.”
She grinned through her moans, breathless. “You say that like it’s a threat.”
Jaehyun snapped.
He lifted her effortlessly, pinning her against the wall with his body and pounding up into her — hard, sloppy, loud. The water only added to the sound, the slick slide of his cock inside her driving them both insane.
Her head fell back, nails scratching at his shoulders.
“I’m gonna—fuck—gonna come—”
“Come for me,” he commanded, hand tightening at her throat, his mouth on hers as she shattered. Her whole body trembled, walls clenching around him in rhythmic waves. He didn’t stop — just kept going, chasing his own high until his thrusts grew erratic and he came hard inside her again, groaning her name like a prayer.
They stayed like that — shaking, dripping wet, bodies plastered together under the stream — until their breathing evened out.
Jaehyun leaned in, kissed her temple, then whispered against her cheek:
“You call me daddy again, and I swear, I might just fuck the shit out of you with no mercy.”
She laughed — spent, wrecked, and so, so happy.
“Guess I’ll have to say it more often, then.”
He smirked, brushing hair from her face. “You’re so getting bent over that sink next.”
Few weeks later
The music pulsed through the walls of the club, heavy and hot, bass vibrating through the floors like it had its own heartbeat.
Lights flashed overhead in dizzy bursts — red, blue, violet. The crowd moved like waves, hips grinding, drinks spilling, bodies brushing close in the dark.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, Y/N was dancing.
Jaehyun leaned against the bar, jaw clenched, sipping his drink as he watched her with hooded eyes. Her dress was short — dangerously so — clinging to her body like it had been designed to drive him insane. And she knew it. Oh, she fucking knew it.
He watched her laugh at something some random guy whispered in her ear, watched her throw her head back, touching his arm like it was nothing.
But it wasn’t nothing. Not to him.
Because she wasn’t just his best friend anymore. Not after that night on his bed. Not after the shower. Not after she called him daddy with his hand wrapped around her throat.
And yet here she was — pretending they were still just roommates. Still just close friends out clubbing.
Pretending she didn’t know exactly what she was doing.
He downed the rest of his drink and set the glass down a little too hard.
Fine.
Two could play.
When she finally turned to glance at him across the floor — all heat and mischief and sweat-slick skin — he didn’t smile. Didn’t nod. Just stared.
That heavy, unreadable stare that made her thighs press together.
She turned back to the guy dancing behind her, but her hips slowed.
She felt it. The shift.
Jaehyun wasn’t just watching anymore.
He was waiting.
She leaned into the stranger’s touch a little more, lips parting in mock laughter.
And across the room, Jaehyun’s jaw ticked.
She should’ve stopped there. Should’ve known better. But she was tipsy — on alcohol, on attention, on him. And she was feeling bratty.
So when she brushed past Jaehyun to grab another drink, she leaned in real close, whispered in his ear:
“Jealous much?”
He didn’t respond. Just looked at her. Unblinking.
So she smirked. Teased her finger along the edge of his collar. “I’m gonna go freshen up. Try not to stare too hard while I walk away.”
She turned.
Jaehyun waited exactly three seconds before downing the last of his drink and following her.
The hallway to the restroom was dim, empty except for the muffled throb of music bleeding through the walls.
Y/N stepped into the women’s restroom, humming under her breath, cheeks flushed from dancing. She leaned over the sink, fixing her lipstick, unaware that the door behind her didn’t fully close.
Then — a click. The lock.
She turned, startled — and there he was.
Jaehyun.
Broad, dark-eyed, towering in the tight space.
“Jae—? What are you—”
“You done?”
His voice was low. Rough. Dangerous.
She blinked. “What?”
He stepped forward, crowding her back against the sink.
“This game you’re playing. You done teasing?”
She laughed — a little breathless now. “It’s not a game—”
“Yes it is,” he cut her off, hand bracing beside her head. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? Grinding on some guy like I haven’t fucked you raw three times this week?”
Her breath hitched.
His hand slid to her throat, thumb tilting her chin up.
“You want me to lose it, don’t you?”
“I—maybe.”
His eyes darkened.
“Then congratulations.”
He spun her around before she could react, bending her over the sink. She gasped, bracing herself on the edge as he yanked up her dress — no preamble, no hesitation. Just pure, possessive energy.
“I tried to be patient,” he muttered, dragging his hand down her spine. “Tried to let you play your little game. But you just had to push me.”
“Jaehyun—”
“Shut up,” he growled, yanking her panties to the side. “You don’t get to act like a brat and then pretend you don’t want this.”
She whimpered — hips wiggling just slightly. A challenge.
So he spanked her.
Hard.
The slap echoed in the bathroom, followed by her muffled moan as her hands clenched the edge of the sink.
“I’ll make sure everyone in that club knows who you belong to,” he whispered against her ear. “Even if they never see it.”
Then he pushed into her — slow, punishingly deep — until she was gasping and arching and biting her lip to keep from moaning too loud.
Jaehyun didn’t hold back.
He set a brutal rhythm, fucking into her with possessive precision, each thrust angled perfectly to make her cry out.
One hand tangled in her hair, yanking her head back, the other snaked around her waist to choke her gently — thumb pressing right under her jawline.
“You like being used like this?” he hissed. “Bent over a dirty sink like a slut?”
“Y-Yes—fuck—”
“You gonna flirt with another guy again?”
She laughed through a moan — bratty to the end. “Only if you watch.”
He growled and slammed into her harder, one hand smacking her ass again, the other gripping her throat tighter.
“You’re gonna pay for that later.”
“P-Promise?”
He fucked her until her legs gave out, until her moans turned into broken little gasps, until her mascara started to smear from the tears she didn’t even notice.
And when she finally came — hard, shaking, back arched like a bow — Jaehyun followed right behind, spilling into her with a groan that sounded like her name.
They stayed like that for a moment — panting, pressed together, sweaty and flushed — the scent of sex thick in the air.
Finally, he pulled back, fixing her dress and kissing her neck.
“You okay?”
She turned, breathless, eyes blown wide. “I want a round two.”
He smirked. “Back to the apartment.”
“No,” she whispered, tugging him down by the collar.
“I meant in the stall.”
The door to the stall slammed shut behind them, barely catching on the lock before Y/N was already on her knees — dress rumpled, pupils blown wide, lips parted in that wrecked little smile that made Jaehyun twitch.
“You’re getting way too good at that,” he muttered, looking down at her. “Dropping like that without me saying a word?”
She just smirked, fingers curling around his waistband as she undid his jeans, slow and teasing. “You didn’t need to say it.”
Jaehyun hissed between his teeth as she pulled him out, her hand wrapping around his cock like it was second nature by now. And maybe it was.
“You’re already so hard,” she murmured, tongue sliding out to trace his tip. “You like me like this, don’t you?”
He stared down at her, hand threading into her hair. “I like you better when your mouth’s full.”
She grinned — brat — and took him in, slow at first, letting her lips stretch around him, letting him feel every inch. Her hands held him at the base, stroking where her mouth couldn’t reach yet, and soon she was bobbing her head, taking more and more, tongue swirling, moaning around him.
And fuck, that sound…
His hips jerked forward instinctively.
But then he saw it.
Her other hand.
Slipped under her dress. Between her legs. Fingers buried where he should be.
“Y/N,” he growled.
She stilled — mouth still full, eyes flicking up to meet his.
“What do you think you’re doing?” His voice dropped, dangerous. “Did I say you could touch yourself?”
She whimpered around him, lips tightening, but she didn’t move her hand.
He stepped forward, forcing her to take more of him, groaning when she gagged just slightly, those wet, obscene noises echoing off the tile.
Then his leg moved between hers, spreading her wider.
“I said—” his hand fisted in her hair, yanking her off him, spit dripping from her lips “—did I fucking say you could touch yourself?”
“N-No,” she whispered, breathless.
“So what the fuck are you doing?”
She opened her mouth to answer but he was already dragging her up by her hair and spinning her, slamming her back into the stall door.
“You wanna act like a slut?” he muttered. “Then I’ll treat you like one.”
He didn’t wait.
He shoved into her in one hard, punishing thrust that made her eyes roll back. His hand clamped over her mouth to muffle the scream, his other hand slipping under her thigh to hook it around his hip and keep her wide open for him.
He fucked her hard — rough, deep, possessive. Every thrust shoved her into the door, the stall rattling with every slap of skin on skin. His palm came down on her ass in sharp smacks that echoed louder than her moans.
“You like this?” he panted. “Getting used like a toy in some filthy club stall?”
She moaned, clawing at his back.
“What was that?” he taunted. “Didn’t hear you.”
“Yes—yes, daddy—”
He growled, fucking her even deeper, sweat dripping down his temple.
Her body clenched — tight, fluttering — and just when she was about to fall over the edge—
He stopped.
Pulled out.
Her whine was immediate, high and needy.
“What the fuck—Jaehyun—!”
“You don’t deserve to cum,” he said simply. “Not yet.”
She sobbed — bratty and ruined — but he flipped her again, bending her over the toilet tank this time, fucking her from behind at a new angle that had her shaking almost instantly.
Then the phone in her purse started ringing.
They both paused for half a second — then Jaehyun’s grin turned vicious.
“Answer it.”
“What—?”
“Answer the fucking phone.”
She fumbled for it with shaking fingers, not even checking the caller ID.
“H-Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Johnny,” came the casual voice on the other end. “I was thinking we should hit up that new rooftop bar next week. You down?”
She tried to breathe. Tried to speak.
Jaehyun grabbed her hips and slammed into her hard, making her lurch forward with a muffled cry.
“Y/N?” Johnny asked. “You good?”
She bit her lip hard, trying to speak through the moan threatening to rip out of her throat. “Y-Yeah, I—mhm—‘m good, just—um—club’s really loud.”
Jaehyun’s hand snaked around to rub slow, brutal circles against her clit.
She whimpered.
“Oh,” Johnny said, clearly pausing. “…should I call back later?”
Jaehyun leaned down, whispering into her ear loud enough to be heard: “Go on. Moan for him, princess.”
She couldn’t help it.
She slipped — loud and sharp and filthy.
“Oh fuck—”
Silence on the line.
Then Johnny’s voice, tight. “Yeah. Uh. Definitely calling back later.”
Click.
The line went dead.
⸻
Johnny’s POV
He stared at the screen for a second, blinking.
Across the table, his friends were still chatting, laughing over drinks.
“You good?” one of them asked, noticing his expression.
Johnny cleared his throat, cheeks flushed red. “Y-Yeah. Just… think I called at a weird time.”
He shoved his phone into his pocket and picked up his drink again, but his mind was definitely not on the conversation anymore.
All he could hear was her voice in his head.
That moan.
Fuck.
⸻
Back to Jaehyun
“Oh?” Jaehyun murmured, thrusting slow and deep now, cock dragging against every sensitive spot. “You clenched so hard when he was on the phone.”
She moaned, wrecked.
“You like being fucked while someone’s listening?”
She nodded.
He laughed — low and dangerous. “Maybe you’d like getting fucked while someone watches too.”
She gasped — and clenched again.
“Oh my god,” he grinned. “You’re such a slut.”
Then he leaned down, lips at her ear.
“Maybe I should invite Johnny next time.”
She moaned — high and needy.
“You’d like that, huh?” he growled. “Two cocks instead of one? One in your mouth, one in your pussy? Letting him see how dumb you get when I fuck you like this?”
She nodded again, panting. “P-Please—daddy—”
“Maybe he’d let me cum,” she teased through a moan. “You’re so mean—”
His hand flew to her throat.
“You wanna come?” he hissed, slamming into her. “Then beg for it.”
She whimpered.
“Beg like a good little slut. Or I’ll keep edging you until you cry.”
Her breath came in ragged gasps, thighs trembling, cheek pressed against the cold stall door as Jaehyun’s grip tightened around her throat. Not enough to hurt — not really — but just enough to remind her who she belonged to.
His cock was buried deep inside her, dragging slow, punishing thrusts that had her clenching and fluttering with every drag. She was so close — could feel the edge of it, hot and prickling and just out of reach.
But he wasn’t giving it to her.
Not yet.
“Go on,” he murmured against her ear, breath hot. “You were talking real bold a second ago.”
She whimpered, squirming under him.
“You said maybe Johnny would let you cum.” His voice dropped, dangerous. “You still think that?”
She shook her head quickly, mouth falling open with a gasped moan when he snapped his hips forward again, hitting that spot that made her knees nearly buckle.
“Then beg.”
“I—daddy—please,” she whispered. “Please let me cum, I need it—”
“Not good enough.” His hand slid between her legs, rubbing circles over her soaked clit, fast and firm and mean. “You can do better than that.”
She sobbed, writhing under his grip.
“Please, daddy,” she choked out. “I’ll be good, I swear—don’t wanna be a brat anymore—just wanna cum—please—”
“Say what you are.”
“I’m your slut,” she gasped. “I’m your filthy little slut and I don’t wanna cum unless you say I can—”
His hand slammed over her mouth just in time as he rammed into her — hard, punishing, each thrust stealing air from her lungs.
“Now,” he growled. “Cum for me. Loud.”
She shattered.
Her scream was lost in his palm, her whole body convulsing around him, legs giving out as her orgasm hit her like a truck. Her walls clamped around him so tight he groaned into her neck, hips stuttering as she milked every drop of sensation from him.
But he didn’t stop.
Not even close.
He pulled her back up, arms wrapped around her waist from behind, holding her flush to his chest while he kept fucking her through it, her body twitching and oversensitive.
“You thought we were done?” he rasped. “I’m not finished with you yet.”
She whimpered, head falling back against his shoulder.
“You begged so pretty for that one,” he said, voice low and smug. “Let’s see how long you last now.”
He brought her to the edge again.
And again.
And again.
⸻
She didn’t know how long it had been. Minutes? Hours? Time had dissolved into a haze of overstimulation and gasped breaths, of rough hands and soft kisses and bruising thrusts that made her see stars.
Eventually, Jaehyun finally pulled out, chest heaving, watching her collapse against the door with her dress riding up, thighs shaking, lipstick smeared across her cheek.
“Fuck,” he muttered, bending to kiss the base of her spine. “You look ruined.”
“I am ruined,” she mumbled, barely able to lift her head.
He laughed, soft but smug, and kissed her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
A/N: SHESH that was intense… i didn’t really expect it to go this far but i just went with the flow🥸 what do you guys think- yall want me to end it here or have a part 2 with a potential invite to johnny…👁️👄👁️
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Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?
Genre: Angst, One Shot.
Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.
Word Count: 2.8k
A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.
This was a different kind of pang to your heart.
You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…
This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.
It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.
You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.
You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.
Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.
You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat anymore.
You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.
You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.
You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.
The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.
oneshot, nonidol!jaehyun, afab!reader, roommate!jaehyun, dom!jaehyun, sub!reader, unprotected sex, brief breast play, dirty talk, fingering, lots of kissing, creampie, jaehyun’s a bit possessive, use of pet names (baby), porn w/ little plot…
synopsis . your boyfriend did you dirty and upon learning it your roommate can no longer hold back his desires for you.
likes, reblogs, comments are appreciated!!
author note: finally got to writing this! tbh, idk how i feel about it.. hopefully you like it!
i apologize if there is any mistakes, this isn’t proof read and english isn’t my first language. enjoy!! ><
Jaehyun's head shoots up from the kitchen when he hears the door of the apartment slam shut. You left about an hour ago, telling him you were going to a party and probably not coming home for the night. So what were you doing here?
"(Y/N?)" he calls out, as he walks towards the door.
You just give him a hum in answer as you take off your heels.
When Jaehyun comes to face with you, he feels his heart skip a beat at the sight of you in that dress. His dark eyes quickly fleeting over your features, forcing himself to look away from your curves as he reminds himself of your boyfriend. He can't help but feel a flicker of anger at the thought of him. Your boyfriend was clearly a douche, Jaehyun knows he could do so much better. He clears his throat before speaking up. "You're back early?"
"You look.. good by the way," he says, his voice dropping lower, "really good."
You feel your cheek heat up at his comment, but it's quickly replaced with frustration as you remember the reason you're back.
You were supposed to meet with your boyfriend at the party, with plans of getting laid by the end of the night. You really needed that after surviving the stressful week of finals. Seems your boyfriend also did, since you found him some room, balls deep in a random girl you don't even know the name of.
Honestly, you weren't even sad, you only dated the guy for a few months. You were mostly angry at his audacity. He practically begged you to be with him and you had to convince yourself that he was cute, just for him to pull shit like this.
"Yeah, well, the night didn't go as planned, okay?" you say, tone harsher than you intended it to be.
Jaehyun raises a brow, a bit confused. "Why? Sum' happened?"
You let out an exasperated sigh as you drop your other heel to the ground, "Let's just say I didn't expect to be single by the end of the night."
Jaehyun opens his mouth, but you offer him the explanation before he can ask. "Caught him cheating."
Jaehyun's brow furrow in anger, "Fuck, I'm sorry." He says, but he's not really sorry, that guy didn't deserve you anyways.
You wave him off and shake your head as you make your way into your shared apartment. "It doesn't matter, wasn't like I was in love with him anyways, just pissed." You rant to him, always having been comfortable with your roommate.
"Pissed?" he asks, "Not even sad?"
You shrug as you grab yourself a glass of water, "Mmh, pissed. Was expecting to at least get some dick tonight. Guess it's better like this though, fucker can't even please a woman properly."
Jaehyun's eyes darken briefly at your words. He doesn't answer, lost into his thoughts about the many ways how he could please you. And he would—but no matter how many hints he seemed to drop over the years, you never seemed to catch them, and if you did, you didn't acknowledge them.
You set the glass down on the counter, the silence getting loud. Were you too blunt? You lift your head to meet his eyes, only to find him already looking back at you, eyes dark. "Jae?"
He closes his eyes and forces himself to focus on the conversation at hand, "So you wanted to get fucked, that didn't happen, and now you're mad." He states.
When he puts it like that... "Yeah, basically." You reply.
Jaehyun swallows dryly. Fuck it, he thinks. "D'you still wanna get fucked?" he says, his deep voice thick with an emotion you can't name.
He asks it so casually, you almost choke on your own spit. I mean, there's no way your hot roommate of two years was really suggesting that, right? "What- what do you mean by that..?"
"I'm asking you," he starts, "Do you want to get fucked tonight, or not." His hands twitch at his sides, itching to touch you. The way you're looking at him—with those same eyes he'd fallen for years ago—it's making it all to hard to control himself.
"I- uh," you're too flustered by his sudden straightforwardness to say anything. Jaehyun was always a gentleman, always kind and respectful the two whole years you've been living together. Hearing something of the such coming out of his mouth, it does more to you than you'd like to admit.
This whole time, you forced yourself to bury any feelings you might feel for him. He was hot, too hot for you, and way out of your league. Or so you thought. Not to forget the fact that he was your roommate.. Yeah, you didn't want to make things awkward, but the way he was looking at you right now...
He takes a step closer to you, never breaking eye contact. "Two years," he starts.
"Two years of pretending you don't affect me the way you do. Two years of holding myself back from doing something I'd regret. Two whole years of loving you while you keep going back to those shitty guys, Y/N."
When he's finally done, his jaw tenses, fighting the urge to pull you against his chest.
You're left speechless, his words too much to take in all at once.
He takes another step closer, body almost pressing against yours as he leans in near your ear. His breath comes out ragged against your neck as he whispers, "Tell me to stop, or I won't be able to."
Your breath hitches, and you don't answer. You'd be lying if you said you didn't want to see where this would go. "Don't.." you whisper back.
Those whispered words seem to shatter whatever restraint he had left. His hands coming to grab your waist, pulling you flush against him, closing the distance between you.
"Say it again," his grip on your waist tightens as he speaks, his body tense against yours with years of pent-up longing.
"Don't stop.." You whisper more clearly this time.
When he pulls back slightly to look at your face, his dark eyes are filled with emotion—desire, jealousy, and something more?
The feeling of your body pressed against his after countless nights dreaming about this, it's too much.
"Fuck.." he rasps, voice breaking slightly as he lets his head fall against your shoulder.
His hands roam over your back, taking in your curves through the fabric of your dress.
"Not one day goes by I don't think of having you." he confesses, "Not one fucking day."
His eyes are burning with intensity as they flick between your eyes and lips. The way you're looking up at him.. it's driving him wild.
"Gonna make up for all that time now," he murmurs, hovering just above your lips. "Can I?"
You nod frantically, desperate to feel his lips on yours.
His lips crash down on yours in a searing kiss, pouring his years of longing into it. You kiss him back, loving the way his lips move against yours.
Jaehyun pulls back briefly, his breath warm on your lips, "I don't think I'll be able to stop now," he whispers.
You answer by pressing your lips against his once more. He kisses you back—this time deeper, hungrier. His tongue swipes against your bottom lip before tangling with yours in a messy kiss.
His hands slide down to grip your ass, pulling you flush against the hardness of his arousal.
When you finally break apart, he presses his forehead against yours, "You're mine," he whispers. "Starting tonight"
His mouth crashes down on yours and without warning he lifts you up effortlessly, your legs instinctively coming to wrap around his waist as he carries you towards his bedroom.
The soft press of your lips against his make his breath hitch. For a moment he just savours the sweetness of it—the way your mouth molds perfectly to his, like you were made to fit together. One of his hands come up to cradle your face as he carries you, thumb brushing your cheekbone as he depends the kiss slowly.
His fingers tangle gently in your hair, tilting your head just enough to take the kiss deeper. His tongue slides against yours in a slow, sensual dance, savouring every taste, every sigh you give him. When he finally pulls back, his breathing is a bit uneven, dark eyes hooded with desire.
His foot kicks his bedroom door open, and he wastes no time dropping you on the bed. The second your back hits the mattress, he’s on you again—lips pressing against yours in a kiss that leaves you breathless.
His hands works to rid of your clothes, fingers playing with the hem of your dress. “I need this off,” he rasps out, a tinge of desperation in his voice.
You lift up a bit, allowing him to remove the article.
His touch is desperate—hot palms skimming up your bare thighs, fingers digging into your hips as he pulls you against him. The hard length of his arousal pressing against your core through the thin fabric separating you.
“Gonna ruin anyone else for you” he promises lowly, teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your neck. “Make sure you never forget this night.”
“I won’t” you assure him, voice coming out weaker than intended.
His hands slide up your sides, calloused fingers tracing the soft skin of your stomach before moving higher—finally, finally—cupping your breasts with a small groan as his thumbs brush over your already hardened nipples.
His mouth follows his hands, mouth sealing around one perked nipple, licking and sucking hard enough to make you arch off the bed. His free hand slides down your legs, fingers pressing against your clothed heat.
He lets out a shaky breath, “Already wet for me.” he comments, voice thick with satisfaction.
His fingers hook in the waistband of your panties, yanking them down your legs with a single rough pull. His eyes darken as he takes in the sight of you before him—spread out beneath him, completely at his mercy.
“Perfect,” he whispers, stripping off his own shirt in one swift motion, his toned torso on full display. “Fucking perfect.”
He climbs back over you, his lips finding yours again in a deep, filthy kiss as his hand slides between your thighs, fingers teasing your slick folds.
“Gonna make you feel good,” he promises against your mouth, two fingers sliding inside your tight walls without warning, curling just right.
His thumb circles your clit as his fingers pump in and out, his dark eyes locked onto yours—watching every flicker of pleasure cross your face.
“Say your mine” he whispers, voice tinged with something you can’t exactly pinpoint, “Even if it’s just for tonight, say you’re mine”
A choked moan escapes you as your voice comes out whiny, “Y-yours,”
“Fuck—” his voice is wrecked, his cock throbbing painfully against his pants as he continues pumping you full of his fingers.
His fingers press deeper inside you, thumb pressing against your clit in tight circles. His lips crash down on yours, swallowing your whimpers as he drinks in every shudder, every twitch of your body beneath him.
His hips grind down against your thigh, letting you feel just how hard he is for you.
He spreads your legs wider apart, settling himself between them with a groan. His fingers withdraw, glistening with your arousal, and he gives your pussy a light tap before bringing them up to his lips with a satisfied smirk.
“Taste fucking perfect,” he growls, licking them clean before freeing himself, gripping his cock and giving it a slow, tortuous stroke.
Without warning, he flips you onto your stomach, pulling your hips up until you’re on your knees. Any self restraint he had left is gone, one hand coming up to grip the back of your neck, pressing your face in the mattress as his other guides his cock to your entrance.
“Gonna fuck you so deep,” he starts. “You’ll feel me for days.”
And then he’s pushing in—one brutal, unforgiving thrust—burying himself to the hilt in one go and you have to hold back a scream at the sheer size of his length. A ragged groan tears from his throat as your tight heat envelope him, tight walls fluttering around him like you were made just for him.
“Fuck—” his hips snap forwards, setting a punishing pace from the start. “So—” Another hard thrust. One of his hands coming to tangle in your hair, “Fucking—” His grip on your hair tightens, “Perfect.”
His free hand snakes around to your front, fingers finding your clit again, rubbing rough circles as he fucks into you with single-minded intensity.
“Come on my cock,” he groans, “Let me feel you squeeze me as you come undone—”
His thrusts grow erratic, his own breathing ragged as he chases his own release—but he won’t let himself go until you do. Not after waiting for so long to have you.
“That’s it—” He chokes out, feeling your walls start to flutter around him. “Come for me, baby”
And you do, coming with a muffled scream in the pillows, knuckles turning white from how tight you’re gripping the sheets.
The sight of you unravelling beneath him—your body trembling, your fingers clawing at the sheets—sends a surge of raw, possessive pride through him. His grip tightens on your hips, holding you still as he fucks you through it, his thrusts unrelenting even as you shudder around him.
His fingers dig in the soft flesh of your ass, spreading you wider as he drives into you, harder, deeper. The wet, filthy sounds of your bodies joining fill the room, mixing with your breathless whimpers and his ragged groans.
He leans over you, his chest pressing against your back as his lips find the shell of your ear.
“Gonna fill you up,” he rasps, “Can I, baby—?” his voice cracks as his hips start to stutter, his control slipping.
You whine and nod against the pillows, and that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to reach his peak.
With a final, punishing thrust, he buries himself to the hilt, his release hitting him like a tidal wave. A guttural groan tears from his throat as he spills into you, his body shuttering with the force of it.
He collapses over you, his forehead pressed between your shoulder blades as he struggles to catch his breath. His fingers trace lazy patterns over your hip, his voice rough but satisfied.
“Mine…” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the sweat-slick skin of your back.
warnings: smut (MDNI), fwb!jaehyun, mark has a crush on reader, fingering, light exhibition, light voyeurism, implied masturbation (male), threesome, oral (both receiving), doggy style, unprotected sex, reader is on the pill, jaehyun pushes mark around, possessiveness, barely there spanking, multiple orgasms, dom!jaehyun, switch!reader, switch!mark
a/n: this has been stuck in my head for so long and thinking abt jaehyun scares me bc i want him so bad. anyways i hope u find this a little hot… i did…
to say that you had an… interesting relationship with mark lee would be an understatement.
the shy glances, flushed cheeks, his stutters that come out while you both talk. it would be obvious to anyone that he has somewhat of a crush on you. you can see it too, but it’s not something you really want to acknowledge yet. you wouldn’t say there’s an obstacle in the way because that would be a little mean, but there is definitely a problem.
your friend (with benefits) happens to be one of mark’s own friends, jung jaehyun. to say the least, he’s certainly just a man. blissfully unaware of the tension between you and mark, oblivious to how he seems to ward away mark from coming near you. you can’t say it’s just jaehyun’s fault though, you don’t tell him to mind his business when mark tries to talk to you, you don’t shoo him away when he wraps an arm around your waist in front of mark.
it’s one night where you both are at a party, whispering in each other's ears. you’ve been teasing each other all night, no one making any moves to see who breaks first. it’s not until jaehyun tells you how mark is looking at the both of you, wishing that he could be the one next to you right now. you drag jaehyun to a bedroom upstairs, not missing how mark’s eyes follow the two of you.
so maybe jaehyun isn’t as oblivious as you thought.
“have you noticed how mark’s been staring at you more?” jaehyun questions, fiddling with the vinyl player in his room.
you pointedly glare at the back of his head, “mmm, not really? what do you mean?”
“the times i’ve invited you to come and hangout, he always just seems to be looking at you,” he finishes cleaning up his vinyl player, moving to choose an album from his vast collection.
you hum, seemingly uninterested, “at the party you did tell me that he was staring at us.”
his eyebrows furrow, “not at us. at you. he was staring at you.”
as much as you want to look disinterested, you can’t help the large grin that forms, “are you jealous, jaehyun?”
he huffs, messing with the needle of the player before the familiar tune of a frank ocean album begins, “not jealous. not when only i get to have you in my room like this.”
he moves to where you’re laying on his bed, a teasing smile adorned on your face. you move from your spot to kiss him, but he pins you back down, giving you a kiss of his own. his body moves to hover over yours, deepening the kiss, pulling away when you need a breath, “i’ll make sure mark never gets to have you fully like this. i’ll put him in his place if i need to.”
after jaehyun successfully makes you cum on his fingers, he lets you know of his plan. you give him a questioning look, but all he responds with is a proud smile on his face. “like i said,” he runs his fingers along your sides, “i want him to see what i do for you.”
as if he could be any more vague, he refuses to answer your question, deciding to cradle you in his arms instead. it’s not that you mind, but his words could mean literally anything. you think it’s quite obvious what kind of relationship you and jaehyun have, so what more needs to be shown?
you have your question answered when your over at johnny’s apartment with a few other friends. on your way there, jaehyun tells you that mark is going to be there, and you just playfully roll your eyes at him.
“you seem too excited about this,” you hum.
“i have about fifty things i could do with you tonight, of course i’m excited,” he says, subtle excitement in his voice.
his words leave your mind when you approach mark while everyone argues about what movie to watch. mark didn’t join the arguing, choosing to sit back and watch everyone while laughing at their words. he promptly shuts his mouth when he sees you coming his way. you greet him, and he smiles at you, nervously laughing.
“can’t believe how you guys can get along so well when you argue like this over a movie,” you laugh.
mark clears his throat before speaking, “yeah, um, they’re always like this. i just got so used to it because i realized how funny it gets.”
at his words, you turn and see jaehyun criticizing every movie that is recommended, but when they ask him what to watch, he just stands there, mouth hanging open. you turn to look at mark, which causes both of you to burst out laughing. at the sound of your laugh, jaehyun whips his head around and sees the two of you hunched together. he doesn’t look angry, but there’s definitely an off-putting smile on his face.
in the corner of your eye, you can see mark straighten up at the sight of jaehyun. before jaehyun can turn around, you lean slightly into mark’s side, seeing how far you can push jaehyun. he just turns the other way.
they decide on a random avengers movie that you don’t really know. you don’t care, as you sit with jaehyun and mess with his fingers. you see that mark has moved closer to the tv, probably more interested in the movie than anyone else. he’s on a different couch than you and jaehyun.
the only reason you’re not asleep like almost everyone else is is due to the fact that around halfway through, jaehyun drapes a blanket over the both of you. it’s subtle, looking like you were just cold. you know what jaehyun really wants when he puts a hand on your thigh and squeezes. you try to send a pointed glare at him, but he’s making sure everyone is asleep or on their phones. you notice mark is the only one really paying attention.
he trails his hand higher on your thigh before whispering in your ear, “pay attention to the movie. try not to make too much noise, pretty girl.”
once his words register in your head, you realize that he wants you to make just a little noise. connecting the dots, you realize he wants mark to hear you in order to get him to look at you. he wants mark to see how good he’s making you feel.
heat rushes all over your body at the realization, and it only intensifies when jaehyun’s hand slides under the waistband of your pants. you give him one last pleading look before you try to focus on the screen in front of you. his hand cups your warmth, feeling the small patch of wetness already formed. out of the corner of your eye, you see him smile.
you become hyperaware of yourself when he starts rubbing your clothed clit, one of your hands moving under the blanket to grip onto his arm. you let out a shaky breath when he pulls your panties aside for better access. you didn’t realize how wet you were, not until he puts a finger inside with ease.
a small, broken whimper escapes you as he plunges his finger in and out of you, his palm rubbing your clit with the movement. you spread your legs more open, silently telling him you needed more. he complies, satisfied with your cooperation. he whispers to you one more time, “my baby is doing so good for me. so dirty, getting herself off in front of all these people. in front of mark.”
a whine escapes you before you can stop it, and you shove your face into jaehyun’s shoulder out of embarrassment. with you no longer looking around, he decides to move his fingers faster, making sure to curl them to hit that spot inside of you. you’re clenching tightly around his fingers, his hand slick with how wet you are. you keep making small noises, small slips of his name falling from your mouth.
moving his eyes towards the screen so that mark is in his peripheral, he continues. jaehyun wouldn’t normally do this, putting you on display for just anybody. he’s doing it because he knows mark wants you, thinking he could just take you away from him. his competitiveness comes roaring its head, having to show mark who you need more.
when a slightly loud whimper escapes you, jaehyun can see marks vision pulling away from the tv, looking back at you first. jaehyun moves to grab his phone, seemingly unconcerned. he can still see mark, him looking worried for you. it’s not until mark sees movement under the blanket, your face shoved into jaehyun’s side, and a small smile on jaehyun’s face that he’s able to piece it together.
jaehyun can tell you’re about to cum, your hips moving against his fingers. all while mark doesn’t turn to look away from the sight of you. you’re letting out small, jumbled words along the lines of please, need to cum, jaehyun please, hurry. jaehyun could never deny you, so he places a kiss on the top of your head and sighs out, “go ahead and cum for me, pretty.”
you let out a muffled moan, jaehyun lightly shushes you as you let go, cumming over his fingers. he helps you ride out your orgasm while mark rushes off down the hall to the bathroom. jaehyun chuckles down at the sight of you, all mussed up. once you come down from your high, you send him a pointed stare, “you’re such a jerk.”
he pulls his hand out from under the blanket up to his mouth, cleaning his fingers off from your cum. “i think mark saw us, he ran off to the restroom,” you gape at him, “think if you walked past the restroom you could probably hear him getting off to the thought of you right now.”
as much as you try to not let your curiosity get the best of you, you can’t help it. you reach over to johnny and ask if you could borrow a charger for your phone. he says there’s one in his room, that you could use it there. you thank him as you make your way down the same hallway, tiptoeing by the restroom. you carefully press your ear to the door. you can hear a low groan of your name followed by a whispered feels so good- fuck, please.
your face feels warm as you go and grab the charger, moving away from the pretty sounds that mark’s making.
the first time you see mark after the incident at johnny’s apartment, he couldn’t even look you in the eyes.
well, he could, but it was followed by a light blush coating his cheeks. it’s a rare scene to see you at a party without jaehyun attached to your side, but mark doesn’t really mind. he doesn’t feel too nervous, but the image of you cumming has been replaying in his head. he can’t mess this up, can’t let go of this opportunity with just you alone.
“so, where are your friends?” you ask mark, sipping on the drink you’re holding.
“i’m just waiting for them, they should be coming soon.”
you hum, “wished you could’ve kept me more company, mark. i like being with you.”
“y-yeah? i like being with you- like, i mean, just us two.”
“better without jaehyun, huh?” you provoke him. he laughs and looks away, too embarrassed to admit the truth. it’s not like he’s scared of jaehyun, it’s more of… a respect thing? he’s not really sure if you two are dating or just have something going on, but he doesn’t want to intrude. but he can’t really help it, not when you’re you.
he’s known you for a while now, and even then, it was jaehyun who introduced you both. the way you look at him, the way you always seem to know what you want, your presence alone makes him think of you. but every time he tries to get close to you, there’s jaehyun, attaching himself to your side. even now, mark’s eyes occasionally drift to the door to see if jaehyun’s walked in.
you lean into his side, whispering into his ear, “i think i like us alone like this, too.”
you see a pretty shade of pink wash over his face, leaning more into his side. he looks down, and you look like how you were during the movie night. this time though, you’re by his side, not jaehyun’s. he tentatively wraps an arm around your side, trying to will his hands not to shake. there you both are, at the corner of the room, just like how he always sees you.
he hears you softly call his name, and while looking at you, he sees an almost hazy look on your face. he realizes how warm you feel, looks at how you glance down to his lips, back up to his eyes. you look so tempting, there’s so many things he wants to do with you. before he can turn you against the wall to kiss you, he sees the door open out of the corner of his eye. there’s jaehyun, staring at the both of you.
against his own will, he pulls away from you. you smile back up at him before turning to jaehyun, who motions for you to join him upstairs. “maybe next time you’ll be able to join us, mark.”
before he can say anything else, you say, “promise.”
he nods and you walk away from him, weaving through other people. you wave at him before you disappear, and he’s once again alone, waiting for his friends. he lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, wishing once again that he was the one leading you upstairs. he can feel his self control slip away.
he downs all of the drink in his cup, the concoction too strong and burns going down his throat. he waits a bit before stalking up the stairs, finding the room you two were in. his hand reaches for the doorknob, but ultimately decides to stop when he hears the tailend of your conversation.
“...imagine if mark was outside the door, so desperate to hear your sounds,” mark hears a small whimper come out of you, “he’d be so hard, wishing he was the one who had you like this.”
the conversation ends, both of you too busy with one another to continue thinking about mark. mark can feel himself getting hard in his suddenly too tight pants. he brings a hand down to the front of his pants and squeezes, begging his mind and heart to stop racing. he can’t let this keep happening to him.
the next time you see mark, it’s a surprise for you and jaehyun. you’re both lounging around in your apartment, too lazy to actually do anything. as you’re scrolling through videos on your phone, you get a text.
mark: yoooo
mark: i was just wondering if you were busy or anything
you smile. and jaehyun, being too nosy for his own good, asks who just texted you. you quickly show him the messages you got from mark and jaehyun looks just as giddy as you. you type out that jaehyun is with you at your apartment.
mark: oh haha
mark: i wanted to see if you were alone
you: jaehyun says its fine with him if you want to come over
he doesn’t text back after that, so you assume that he’s given up on meeting with you. you assume he wanted to see if you really meant what you said at the party. you didn’t tell jaehyun what happened, but he did see you two together. it only makes it more exciting that there’s a small secret between the two of you. a few more minutes pass, and you don’t expect anything anymore.
it’s not until you hear a knock at the door that you sit up. jaehyun looks at you, and you tell him to go somewhere else. he sulks at you, but he obliges, opting to move to the bathroom. you calm yourself down before opening the door, seeing an almost apologetic-looking mark. it’s almost apologetic, save for the small twinge of emotion in his eyes that you can’t quite place.
“sorry for coming unannounced, i just wanted, um, to talk to you, i guess.”
“yeah, of course, come right in.” you let him inside, beckoning for him to sit on the couch with you. he looks a little hesitant before sitting down, opting to sit as furthest as he can from you.
“so… where’s jaehyun?
“in the restroom, he’ll probably be back in a bit,” you say, and he nods to your words. it feels awkward, and you’re not someone who gets awkward easily. mark turns to look at you, opens his mouth, and closes it. you laugh a little, “take a deep breath, mark. it’s just you and me in here.”
and jaehyun, mark thinks stubbornly to himself. he does take a breath, and faces you once more. it’s just you two, and the sight of you encourages him to continue. “i wanted to talk about what you said at the party,” he says, with no nervousness present in his voice, “just some clarification.”
“i meant everything i said, mark. i like being with you, even if it’s not always us alone.”
before he can respond to you, the bathroom door opens, and jaehyun walks over as if mark wasn’t sitting entirely too close to you (read: on the other side of the couch). mark looks back down to his lap, now too nervous with jaehyun’s presence. “how have you been, mark? haven’t seen you since the party the other night.”
jaehyun sits close to you, one hand making its way to your thigh, squeezing lightly. mark looks at the hand before looking to jaehyun, “i’ve been fine. just, kinda, wanted to talk to… to the both of you?”
“oh yeah? about what?” jaehyun says, a certain smugness in his voice that only you can detect. his hand moves across your skin, thumb rubbing the inner part of your thigh. you shudder, and mark doesn’t miss it.
“yeah, just about, like, the two of you?”
“well, can i be honest?” jaehyun starts, and you know he’s about to say something crazy, “to me, it looks like you like my pretty baby here.”
mark gapes at his words, mouth opening to stutter out denials and apologies. before he can do that though, jaehyun drags you fully onto his lap, pushing apart your legs with his own. mark’s breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of you, so pliant against jaehyun’s rough actions. “i saw you the other night, saw how you looked at her while she was cumming on my fingers.”
mark doesn’t say anything as he watches jaehyun drag his hands close to your core, stopping close to the place where you need him most. you squirm in his hold, a whimper threatening to slip out of your lips. you open your eyes to look at mark, finding he was already staring at you. the pink on his cheeks tells you all you need to know. he likes this.
“if you don’t want to see me get her off, you can leave. what do you think, baby?”
you whine, “i want mark to stay, want him to see me like this. want him, jaehyun.”
mark’s breath hitches, too affected by your words already. jaehyun chuckles lowly, and you feel the low vibrations against your back, “can’t believe you’re begging for another man when i’m right here,” he presses a kiss to the side of your face, “guess you’re gonna have to stay here, mark.”
you whisper out a please to him, and mark can’t say no, not when you’re looking at him with such need in your eyes. he’ll do anything in order to touch you, to feel you. “y-yeah, no, i-i’ll stay.”
“you can’t touch until either of us say you can,” jaehyun says while moving to rest on the arm of the couch, pulling you along with him, “gonna have to learn how to make my baby feel good, right?”
mark nods along, mind moving too fast to properly respond.
jaehyun pulls down your shorts, leaving you in just your panties and the loose shirt you have on. mark takes it all in, takes in how you’re already soaked through your panties, waiting so patiently to be touched, “my baby always gets so wet, she can’t hide how bad she wants you.”
before you can start whining louder, he circles his thumb over your clit, a moan cutting you off. jaehyun scoffs, “guess she needs two people to make her satisfied.”
mark’s breath gets heavy as he sees you writhing around in pleasure only from light touches. how badly he wants to reach and take over, giving you everything that you need. jaehyun doesn’t follow that line of thought, taking his time and dragging it out. “please, jaehyun. need you to touch me already, need you so bad-”
“what do you think, mark? do you think my baby should get what she wants?”
and for the first time, mark speaks up, “t-touch her already, she’s asking so nicely.” you thank him loudly when jaehyun moves to take off your panties. you look at him differently than how you usually do, your teasing eyes that are usually filled with confidence as you talk to mark. but here, your eyes are filled with compliance and neediness.
mark can now see your glistening folds, how you clench around nothing when you spot him staring. if it were up to him, he’d already have his hands and mouth on you. but with jaehyun here, he has to sit and watch, gripping onto his thighs, hoping he’ll get a chance to touch you.
jaehyun leans down to whisper something in your ear, causing you to nod fervently at his words. “my baby wants you to eat her out. think you can do that, mark?”
mark nods slowly. jaehyun moves to have you both seated properly on the couch, mark moving to sit on his knees on the floor. you’ve thought of the sight of him on his knees for you too many times since you heard him in the bathroom that night. to finally get to see him like this, just for you, has you letting out a small whimper.
mark takes the sight of you in, having you like this in real life better than anything he could’ve imagined. he scoots towards you, so close you can feel the heat of his face on you. he reaches forward, his tongue licking up your wet slit. “jesus, so fucking sweet, so wet.”
before you can register his words, his thumbs move to open up your cunt before he dives in, mouth everywhere he can reach. he slurps up the slick at your entrance, tongue prodding at the tight hole. he wonders if he’ll be able to fuck you, wonders if you’ll clench tightly around his cock like you’re doing with his tongue.
he moves up to suck on your clit, two fingers moving to your entrance. through your bleary eyes, you can see mark silently asking if he can finger you. he looks desperate through his hooded eyes, and if you focus a little harder, you can see how he’s straining against his shorts. you nod desperately, and mark responds by sliding his fingers slowly in, the feeling of your tight walls too much for his mind.
mark can’t really tell what he’s doing. it’s like he’s having an out of body experience, the sweet taste of your cunt being the closest thing to heaven. he can hear how messy he sounds eating you out, the squelch of his fingers moving inside you, the wet sound of his tongue sliding against you. it’s all too much, your mouth babbling out incoherent sentences to mark as he indulges in you.
you can feel yourself getting closer, every part of your body feels sensitive to the touch. you can feel the hard grip mark has on your thighs, hearing the small groans and whimpers he lets out from your sweet pussy. you can feel how jaehyun is hard behind your back, he softly presses into you, body betraying him. the warmth of their two bodies against you only spurring you on more.
“i’m gonna cum, needa cum so bad. please, jaehyun! can mark make me cum?”
you can hear mark groan out a jesus before jaehyun responds, “i don’t know if you deserve it, pretty girl. do you?”
“please! been so good, i’ll be so good. just need to cum-” your begging breaks off into a loud moan as mark digs his face as close as possible into your pulsing pussy, affected by the sweet sound of your voice. jaehyun tries not to smile at the sight of the two of you, so desperate to get each other off. “i guess you can cum. mark is just gonna have to put in more work.”
if mark’s mouth wasn’t so preoccupied, he’d definitely groan in annoyance at jaehyun’s words. he tries not to care though, because it’s his mouth that’s getting you off, not jaehyun’s. he wonders if jaehyun even does this for you, and if he does, mark knows he’s better than him. his thoughts are cut off by the harsh grip of your hands in his hair, pulling him close as you try to cum.
“i’m cumming! please- please d-don’t stop!”
as if he would ever deny you. he sucks at your clit, fingers prodding at the sweet spot inside of you as your thighs close around his head. mark feels how your body needs him, and it only pushes him further. he hears how you moan out his name as your hips grind against his face. he has to tell himself not to cum untouched like this, not to embarrass himself in front of you.
he helps you ride out your orgasm, lapping at your slit as he removes his fingers from you. you almost want him to keep going, not minding the slightly painful stimulation turning into pleasure. it’s not until jaehyun reaches over and threads his hands in mark’s hair, forcibly pulling him away from you. as much as you want to scold jaehyun for interrupting you, it’s more hot than anything seeing him so jealous.
mark sends jaehyun a challenging look, a small smirk playing on his face as jaehyun sweetly smiles back. how jaehyun can pretend to be so innocent baffles him, but mark lets it happen, more curious as to what will happen next.
“i don’t know about you, mark, but i’m gonna take her to the bedroom so i can fuck her,” you hit his chest at his vulgar words and he just laughs, “don’t know if my pretty girl would want you to join us.”
you look over to see how mark has reacted to his words, only to find mark staring back at you already. his eyes are pleading, hands gripping his thighs as you can see the noticeable bulge in his shorts. “mark helped me cum, wanna help him cum too, jaehyun.”
mark lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding while jaehyun contemplates on what to do. when he comes to a conclusion, he nods to himself while getting up, offering a hand to help you up. you both begin to move to your bedroom while mark just sits there, waiting for what to do. “are you coming, mark, or are you gonna keep her waiting?”
he rushes to catch up the both of you, seeing how you’re already laying in bed with jaehyun once again behind you. mark tries not to let it get to him, but jaehyun always manages to be right fucking next to you all the time. mark stands awkwardly at the door, not really knowing what to do. he feels your eyes staring at his bulge, his hands moving to cover himself as if he didn’t just eat you out.
“so here’s what going to happen,” jaehyun starts, looking at your body laid against him, “she wants you to fuck her, but i’ll leave it up to her if she wants you raw or not.”
mark has to stop the gasp trying to come out of his mouth. he never thought that he’d even get to fuck you, but now there’s a possiblity that he’ll get to fuck you raw? all he can do is nod at jaehyun’s words and look at you dazedly, tongue wetting his lips.
“come here, baby. come over to me.”
as far as mark knows, you don’t call jaehyun baby. the petname has his mind reeling, body unknowingly moving towards you. he sits at the edge of your bed, admiring the look of your body only covered in a t-shirt. he trails a hand up your thigh and sees out the corner of his eye that jaehyun’s watching him carefully. “will you take off your clothes for me? let me see all of you?”
mark mutters a small fuck as he turns away from you to undress. jaehyun has never seen you like this, more in control over mark. he lets it happen, doesn’t scold you for trying to take over. he can see how focused you are on watching mark, sees how your eyes glaze over at the lines in his back and when he slowly turns around.
mark’s cock slaps against his abdomen when he pulls his boxers down. his tip is red and leaking, and if it weren’t for the promise of fucking him, you would’ve already had your mouth on him. he makes his way over to you, kneeling down in front of your body. you sit up, hand reaching over to lightly stroke his cock. his hips jut forward as a small whine leaves his mouth, his hand wrapping around your wrist.
“please, don’t tease me. i’ve been hard for so long i- i just need you already.”
his words knock the breath out of your lungs as you sit up to deeply kiss him. he moans into it, cups your face into his hands as he pulls you closer. jaehyun watches silently behind you both, watching how mark grinds his cock into your lower belly. jaehyun’s own hand moves to palm himself over his boxers, liking how you’re enjoying yourself.
it isn’t until he starts getting annoyed with how mark looks like he’s enjoying himself too much to where he drags you back down by the hip. you lay over his lap once more, looking up at him through your eyelashes. he gives you an innocent-looking smile as you roll your eyes in return. you shift up a little, looking back at mark.
he’s looking at you again, your swollen lips, your glistening folds. he then focuses on your covered chest, eyes glazed over, wondering how your boobs look. you smirk a little, before shifting to pull off your shirt. he groans when he sees how you weren’t wearing a bra the whole time. his hands automatically move to touch you, but jaehyun immediately stops him with, “can’t touch her, not until we say.”
“but i-”
“be patient, baby. i’ll let you touch as long as you’re good for me.”
you can see how hard mark gulps at your words, his cock twitching in response. he shifts closer to you, hips flush with yours. he’s staring hard, eyes moving to take in the sight of you. you’re getting impatient, the feeling of his cock so close to you proving to be too much.
before anything though, you beckon him down to you, whispering in his ear, “i’m on the pill, baby. i’ll let you cum in me.”
you can hear how his breathing picks up at the small exchange of words. his hands grab onto your thighs, moving one up to hook around his waist. he teases his head along your slit, holding back a whimper that threatens to come out of him. you squirm under him, pulsing around nothing as you wait for him to enter you.
“better hurry up, mark. if you don’t fuck her right now, i’ll just do it for you.” mark ignores his words, giving you one last look before he slowly pushes into you. you both moan in unison, your warm walls wrapping around his thick cock. you move your other thigh to his waist in order to push him into you more, causing his hips to stutter against you.
he’s trying hard to keep himself up over you. his face is scrunched up, biting down hard onto his lip to try not to cum too fast. you’re no different, neediness taking over as you clench around him, encouraging him to move. he moves slowly, trying to get accustomed to how tight you are. he can hear the whines and whimpers you let out, but he can’t do anything, mind too preoccupied with you.
“please, mark, need you to move already. need you to fuck me so bad.” he nods, but just swirls his hips against you, only making you needier. you can feel the low rumble of jaehyun’s laugh through your body, and it adds on to your pleasure.
“baby,” his moan cuts you off, “please?”
he opens his eyes to look at you, and despite the bleariness, he can see your pretty face, the tears in your eyes as you fight back against how good he feels. he moves himself back up, ignoring how shaky his arms are, and starts to pull slowly out of you. you whine at the emptiness, before he slams right back into you.
he tries to focus on your reactions, tries to see what exactly makes you feel the best, but your tight walls make it hard for him. when he does eventually find a pace that works for you, he continues to push himself into you, your previous orgasm helping him slide into you with ease. when he angles his hips a certain way, he can tell he’s hit your sweet spot, your hands moving to his back to claw at him.
he seethes at the pain, but refocuses his attention to you when you moan out his name. he moans when you mke eye contact, dick twitching inside of you as you let out an airy laugh, “you f-feel so good, baby. bet you wanted this for so long.”
he quickly nods, “thought about your pretty pussy so much, thought about you around me. like you so much, couldn’t help but think about you.”
against mark’s better judgment, he looks down to see how well you’re taking him in, how your pussy just sucks him in further. he moans out, and you laugh again, threading one of your hands in his hair to get him to look at you. “should’ve told me how much you needed me, could’ve helped you out a lot sooner.”
he lets out a small whimper, to your satisfaction. mark can’t look at you anymore, he feels himself getting too close already. his eyes look at your chest, how your boobs bounce every time he thrusts into you. before he can move a hand to you, he sees jaehyun’s larger hands move to your chest, groping at the flesh. you moan out loud, the added stimulation making you clench harshly around mark’s twitching cock.
if mark didn’t feel so weak right now, he’d move jaehyun’s hands out the way to replace them with his own. but with the way he feels himself getting closer to the edge, all he can do is let out small whines. “can’t believe i get to be here, can’t believe i’m the one fucking my girl right now.”
mark can’t see the way jaehyun’s eyes bore into him, but mark can feel you clench around him when jaehyun tweaks your nipples. mark’s getting fed up with jaehyun, the ache in his cock not helping his actions when he sees your eyes focused on jaehyun. mark can tell jaehyun feels the same way too, or else he wouldn’t have been touching you like he is now. in an almost out of character way, mark pushes himself up to kiss you, distracting you from jaehyun.
it’s messy, drool slipping down both of your chins, moaning in each other's mouth. mark mumbles into you, “wanna cum for my girl, wanna show you what i can give to you.”
you quickly nod along to his words, “please, baby. please cum in me, wanna feel you fill me up.”
he curses under his breath, your words filling up his head. he moves one hand down to your aching clit, wanting you to cum with him. you moan a mix of his name and pleas, your orgasm threatening to rip through you. mark can feel how hard you’re clenching around him, he can feel how he’s shaking, how jaehyun’s eyes focus on you. he’s rubbing against your clit messily, too overcome by pleasure, but that’s all it takes for you to cum around his cock.
it feels so tight, nothing has ever compared to this before. all the days and nights he’s spent fantasizing about this moment could never compare to how he’s feeling now. he cums quickly after you, hips rutting against your cunt as he spills his cum deep into you, cock throbbing. he tries to help you ride out your orgasm until he feels too sensitive, slowly slipping out of you.
he tries to ignore how his cum is slipping out of you, mixed with your cum. he can’t look away, and if he had the chance, he would eat you out again, his tongue slipping against you as he cleans up the mess you both made. before he can reach down though, jaehyun pulls you up next to his side and pushes mark out the way by his shoulder.
it’s embarrassing to be pushed around by jaehyun, but mark sees how your eyes follow him, filled with a lustful gaze. he blushes and looks away, trying not to think about the current dynamic you both have him in. mark now looks at jaehyun, who looks down at the sight of the both of you. no matter how much mark felt like he was in charge, jaehyun will always be behind it all.
jaehyun coos at you, “did my baby enjoy herself? did you like having another man inside you?”
you try not to nod, but you can’t help yourself, smiling to jaehyun with a challenge on your face. you can see the small smile mark has on his face as he moves to your side. jaehyun just stares at the both of you before he suddenly grabs you and pulls you closer to him, flipping you over. he has you bent over, ass in the air as you’re faced with mark, face dangerously close to his cock.
it’s embarrassing to be in this position, but you can help how you clench at the sight of how mark is looking down at you with pink cheeks. “i think i need to show my baby what she’s missing out on,” jaehyun starts, grabbing at your ass, “show her what she needs.”
jaehyun’s pants have been pulled down, his cock free from restraints as he teases your sensitive slit. you whimper out as he does, your head resting on mark’s thigh. he bring a hand to your cheek, thumb rubbing across the skin. jaehyun taps his dick at your entrance, teasing his head in before pulling it out. you’re sure he can see how messy it is, a mix of cum slipping out of you.
“didn’t realize you can be such a slut, didn’t know you needed two cocks to satisfy you.” you whine out in response, shaking your head at his claim. he just laughs as he enters you, “i know you better than you know yourself.”
you moan out at the stretch, the angle making him hit spots you’ve never felt before. you arch your back, and jaehyun takes in the sight of you as he lets out a low groan. mark feels it too, despite the fact that he came only a bit ago, he can feel his cock grow hard again. you lazily grin at him, and he can’t look you in the eye for more than three seconds.
jaehyun thrusts into you quickly, a harsh grip on your waist as he soothes a hand over your ass before slapping it. you let out a weak whine, and jaehyun roughly thrusts into you.
“you know, mark, we see- no, i see how much you look at her.” jaehyuns hips buck into yours, “and every time, i can see just how much she looks at you back.”
mark’s whole body feels hot, and he realizes that he’s fully hard again. you look up through your eyelashes to see mark’s cock standing tall, and you discreetly move forward to lick up his length. mark lets out a sharp whine, still sensitive from before, but pushes his hips towards you. jaehyun eyes both of you, not stopping your actions. “didn’t realize how needy she can be, she’d probably let you fuck her again if it weren’t for me,” he mumurs out.
you lick up mark’s cock, pressing a kiss to the tip before hovering over it, letting your mouth swallow around his head. he tries not to buck up into your mouth, but he can’t help the heat that envelopes his cock, hips pushing into your warm mouth. you try to fit as much of him you can in your mouth, proving to be hard with the man trying to fuck you into the sheets.
“sweet girl, go ahead and tell mark how bad you wanted him,” when he gets no response, he pulls out of you, causing you to whine out, moving away from mark. “look mark in the eyes and say it.”
“n-needed you, baby. even if i fucked jaehyun, still wanted you.” jaehyun hums behind you before slamming into you again. all mark can hear are your words repeating in his head and loud squelch of your wet pussy. he tentively pulls you towards his cock again, letting you swallow around his dick. he whines when you moan around him, the vibrations causing his whole body to shudder.
“even though she wanted you, she still came to me, begged me to fuck her pretty pussy every time.” you bob your head around mark’s cock, looking up at him to see hooded eyes peering down at you, struggling to keep them open. it’s like you came out of his dream, such a pretty girl who was made just for him.
you can feel jaehyun slip an arm towards your clit, fingers applying pressure to your clit in the exact way you like it. you have to pull off of mark completely in order to moan out, your hand replacing your mouth as you jerk him off. you clench around jaehyun, hips pushing back against him to get him deeper inside. he reaches down to press a soft kiss to your shoulder, encouraging you.
“will my pretty girl cum for me? gonna show mark how good i make you feel?” jaehyun says as he pushes your head down into the bed, his own movements losing control.
as much as mark wants to scoff at his words, he’s too close to cumming again, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he feels himself throb. your grip around him tightens around his tip as you lose yourself, and mark ruts up into your hand to help you out. with one last look, he sees your dazed look, sees how you mouth cum for me, baby.
he does, hot cum shooting over your hand and some onto your face. your hand moves slowly up and down, helping him ride out his orgasm as he lets out a groan of your name. jaehyun takes this as a sign to focus on you, angling his hips in a way he knows will get you to cum. you’re babbling now, a mix of both names tumbling out your mouth as you beg jaehyun to let you cum.
you can feel him throb inside of you, his lack of composure showing when there’s no rhythm to his thrusts. “i’m so close, jaehyun. so close! please, wanna cum for you!”
he sees you turn your head to look back at him, your eyes filled with only pleasure as he gives you what you want. he slows down, fingers moving quickly on your clit as he says, “show us just how good i make you feel.”
at his possessive words, you let go around him, loud moans as you mvoe against him. jaehyun can feel you clench around him, unable to fight off his orgasm as he fills you up once more. mark moves to hold your hand through your orgasm, the pretty sight of you cumming almost making him hard again.
jaehyun thrusts deeply into you a few more times, letting his cum sink deep inside of you. he pulls away from you, eyes following how his cum seeps out of you. he moves to push his cum back into you, and you whine out at the sensitivity. he laughs at you, moving to lay down next to your collapsed figure.
“i thought you could take the two of us?” he says, trying to hide another laugh.
“shut up, jaehyun.” you say into your now ruined bedsheets.
you push yourself up to his side, jaehyun wrapping an arm around you as you cuddle into his chest. through tired eyes, you can see how awkward mark looks, not really knowing what to do in his post-orgasm state. you smile at him, a hand reaching out to him as you pull him closer to you.
“i’d let you cuddle her-”
you cut jaehyun off, “don’t be rude jaehyun. my sweet boy did so well for us today. right, baby?”
mark blushes as he nods, cuddling up to the side of your body. his face nuzzles closely to your chest, enjoying the warmth of your body and the glow you seem to emit. with enough space, jaehyun cuddles the other side of you, letting you press your head into his shoulder, slow breaths being exchanged between you all.
in the silence of room, you hear jaehyun speak up, “so is mark just going to join us now, or…”
“jaehyun, please, just this once, stop being jealous.”
jaehyun huffs as mark laughs into your side.
taglist: @froggyforyoongi @mwahaechz (OMG ur new user is so cute)
sidenote: who would you guys end up dating, mark or jaehyun? i was debating the whole time but like... i seriously couldnt figure it out... but like... u know..
synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you. but he can’t help it, it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret.
warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts
heavily inspired by somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra
part three to the how it all goes series!
you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. “stop already,” you huff out a laugh, “i might die if you make me cum one more time.”
he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you don’t offer to help him out, and he doesn’t ask for any favors.
he’s not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he wasn’t ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you.
he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasn’t ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldn’t bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.
which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after he’s made you cum. he knows it probably wasn’t the best idea to propose, but he didn’t know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.
despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, he’s certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. he’s chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long he’s known you, but he knows that there’s something else he doesn’t want to admit. because one, it’s fucked. two, he’s rejected you. three, he can’t like you.
he can’t like like you. he doesn’t even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when you’re both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when you’re at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.
he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesn’t feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows it’s just a temporary solution.
he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. it’s not fair to either of you, he’s not your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be this close to you.
it’s quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isn’t tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he would’ve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.
he can’t blame you though. it’s his fault for rejecting you, it’s his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. there’s a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldn’t come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.
which is why he can’t stop you coming to him when you’re needy. it’s not even just those times, but he doesn’t think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, you’re his friend.
he just can’t help but wish it could be a little more than that.
you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.
as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, it’s hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.
today it’s going over to eat with him.
before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he could’ve asked, he chose you. it didn’t take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. it’s weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend.
as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasn’t right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.
he’s just your friend, and you’re close to accepting that it’ll probably never be more than that.
when you make it to his apartment, you don’t see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, you’re expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, you’re greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.
“so, you invite me over to come and eat.”
he nods, smile growing wider, “yes.”
“but i’m not seeing any food.”
“that’s because you’re gonna help me.”
you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, “you don’t need my help. you’re a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.”
he laughs, “but i need you to be my other chef… what are they called?”
you roll your eyes, “a sous chef?”
“exactly,” he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, “what if i forget something and i need your help?”
you pat his shoulder, “then you call me while i sit over on the couch.”
he’s about to give up, but he swears there’s a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. that’s how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both can’t let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, “how about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.”
you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how there’s a frown on his face. but you can’t. he looks a little too sincere, and you don’t want to think too hard about the feelings he doesn’t have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. it’s always like this, jaehyun acting like he can’t go on without you. that’s what got you here in the first place.
he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesn’t matter how long or how many times he’s had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar.
it’s like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he can’t help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.
he wouldn’t have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldn’t have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.
instead, he’s standing in front of the food he’s making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, “if you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.”
“you know me so well. i tagged you and everything.”
he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when he’s plating his own, you speak up, “wow, what a gentleman!” he can hear the teasing tone you use, “you’re really setting the bar for all men, aren’t you, jaehyun?”
he decides to tease you back, “just trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.”
“nope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. i’m ruining your chances of getting with someone.”
he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that it’s connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyun’s head bob along to the song.
this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each other’s presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. it’s quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.
jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, “do you like it? the song?”
you pretend to think about it, “hm... well, it’s good.”
“you’re not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?”
“that was literally a one time thing,” you huff, “i’ll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.”
he smiles to himself, “you know there’s no one else like me.”
you think about his words for a bit. he probably didn’t mean for them to have a double meaning, but you can’t help but find one. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find someone who could’ve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do ever find someone, if you’d be able to forget jaehyun.
you feel like you’ve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.
you eventually nod along to his words, “yeah, there’s no one else like you.”
“you’re kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.”
jaehyun huffs at johnny’s words. it’s not that he didn’t want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didn’t want to argue.
but now that you’re a little late, he can’t stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasn’t told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you.
johnny takes one more jab at him, “she would’ve liked you more if you’d been the one who brought her.”
jaehyun’s shoulder bumps into johnny’s, “she already does like me a lot, so there’s no need for all of that.”
johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he could’ve at least given you a ride. he would’ve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, would’ve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that that’s just what friends do, but there’s something he doesn’t want to admit.
his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows he’s made a mistake as soon as he feels johnny’s eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnny’s face mirrors his own.
johnny’s about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyun’s ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. it’s a text from you, letting jaehyun know that you’re outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.
and there you are.
your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that he’s seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.
you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.
johnny starts, “always so fashionably late.”
you laugh, “if i don’t come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?”
johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, “i was holding that position just fine before you came.”
you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. he’d endure all of johnny’s teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.
it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.
it’s at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. it’s a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you don’t care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.
for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.
jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldn’t remember either way, but he knows it’s not right. it’s not like he’d want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but there’s a growing part inside his brain that’s begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why can’t just say that he likes you?
the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyun’s, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesn’t bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.
as if jaehyun wasn’t having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. it’s like every night this happens, it’s a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend.
except this time, while johnny’s explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where you’re looking at. you both squeal, johnny’s hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, “that’s him, right?”
johnny matches your tone, “totally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!”
raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, “and who exactly are we talking about?”
you turn back at him, “that’s jungwoo, someone we knew from college!”
the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. there’s probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. he’s not sure which one it could be, but there’s a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyun’s stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.
jaehyun’s arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, “does everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?”
“he was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,” johnny hums.
you join in, “he is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.”
jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnny’s face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, “i think you should go talk to him.”
jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, “what if he doesn’t even recognize me?”
“why wouldn’t he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.”
jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this “jungwoo” and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.
he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, “i’ll do it. i’ll go talk to him.”
jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.
although jaehyun wishes he could say don’t go over there or i’ll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think it’s from the alcohol, it’s from seeing you walk away from him. you’re walking to someone that isn’t him, sharing your warmth that’s supposed to be jaehyun’s.
he realizes then and there that he shouldn’t be thinking that.
you’re pressed against jaehyun’s bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you could’ve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. he’s practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.
there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesn’t realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. you’ve grown to learn all his habits.
it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that there’s anything wrong with him not saying, but there’s a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.
you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. you’re quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, “gonna let me see this pretty pussy?”
you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how you’re dripping for him. it’s embarrassing, trying to close your legs. you’re met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.
“didn’t know you could be this wet for me. if i didn’t know any better, i’d think that you need me.”
you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, “jaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!”
“tell me what you need, pretty. if you don’t tell me, how am i supposed to help?”
“need you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!”
“of course, that’s all i needed to hear.”
you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesn’t tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.
“such a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?”
moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. you’re sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.
“gonna cum all over my fingers?”
“fuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!”
his movements speed up at your words, “go ahead and show me how much you need it.”
you’re quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand that’s helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. you’re too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.
before you can comment on it, he’s quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, “are you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?”
“please,” you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.
you can tell it’s getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where he’s pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, “tell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.”
you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, there’s a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. you’re too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. there’s almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.
“i know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?”
you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. you’re no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.
once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, “missed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.” you’re quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.
he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much you’re affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, “didn’t even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.”
his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he can’t help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you don’t know what has him so worked up, but if he’s going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.
you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyun’s length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. he’s quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub.
he move up to whisper into your ear, “only i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.”
you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. he’s slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, “no? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that you’re close to cumming.”
tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you can’t help it, not when he’s fucking you like this. he’s not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, he’s letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. you’ll save it for another time.
you’re surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where you’re both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.
it’s easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didn’t have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didn’t think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, “gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?”
“y-yes, please! you make me feel so good!”
“yeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how i’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”
at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. he’s moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.
when you start whining, he’s quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does.
it’s quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. he’s just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you don’t mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.
he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. he’s being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. there’s a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. he’s quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed.
in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.
you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldn’t even be having sex, not like this.
but you figure just this once, you’ll let yourself have this moment. it’s a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished he’d hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. there’s no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.
as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you won’t ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.
jaehyun realizes how little time he’s been spending with you recently.
he’s been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. you’ve told him can’t hang out, i’m with jungwoo right now or i’ll be hanging out with jungwoo later. you’ve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasn’t had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwoo’s around.
jaehyun doesn’t want to say he’s necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but can’t say it doesn’t sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesn’t like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.
what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesn’t? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he can’t help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwoo’s in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?
it’s one day that you’re both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, can’t help but try to reach over to see what you’re laughing at.
you’re quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide it’s probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.
it’s quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. it’s a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesn’t want to say anything about it though, doesn’t want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldn’t be thinking.
“he’s funny,” jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.
“way funnier than you,” you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch.
“there’s been times where you’ve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.”
“i was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those don’t count.”
jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think he’s the funniest man ever. he’s been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only he’s a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.
jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact he’s always been competitive, but he knows it’s more than that. in his head, it doesn’t matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him.
“what have you both been doing? i haven’t seen you at all this week.” he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you don’t hear it.
“nothing, really. we’ve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.”
jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, “i miss you, please don’t leave me forever.”
you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. “you’re acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.”
“what’s killing me is the fact i don’t get to see you that much anymore,” he grumbles.
he notices that you don’t respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, “don’t do that.”
“do what?”
“pretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.”
jaehyun lets out a breath, “sorry, but you’re still my friend. i do miss you, i’m jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.” although he says it jokingly, there’s definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.
“i’m gonna tell jungwoo you’re being mean to him,” you huff.
“tell him then,” jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, “let him know that he needs to learn how to share.”
“first of all,” you slide his arm off of you, “don’t say it like that because you make it sound like i’m an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.”
he hums, “you were mine first.”
“i was never yours,” you grouch, “you made that clear when you rejected me.”
he can tell you’re joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. it’s a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.
he can’t blame you for his own mistake. he can’t.
in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, “please, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?”
you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. you’re quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that you’re about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesn’t want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how you’re hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment.
you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, “you can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.”
jaehyun doesn’t move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. he’s thought about what he’d say if he were to confess to you almost too much. he’s practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way he’d confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-
your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwoo’s account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, “told you he’s funny.”
“not funny when it’s jungwoo.”
“jaehyun!”
you find yourself drinking at jaehyun’s place again.
it’s a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyun’s kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didn’t mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.
before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably won’t be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how he’s invading your privacy.
his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, “how am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.”
“you’re supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!”
he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, “thank you for being so vulnerable around me. and who’s to say i don’t support you in your times of need?”
you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, “hey! you’re actually so gross.”
he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. it’s been happening more often, and jaehyun can’t help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he can’t really do anything to stop it.
you aren’t completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. he’s been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. you’re not sure how obvious you’re being with jungwoo, but you’re sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.
it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought you’d like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.
it’s bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyun’s only being so nice to you now is because jungwoo’s being nice to you.
that’s not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that it’s a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you don’t want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldn’t be talked about.
even now, as you’re here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, there’s unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. it’s weird to think that you would’ve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didn’t stay with him.
it’s quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song that’s playing. it’s dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. it’s nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you don’t have to think about anything you don’t want to. you don’t think before you speak, “i do miss you, too, you know.”
“yeah?”
“you’re still someone i appreciate, even after everything.”
he doesn’t respond, and you think he’s taking in your words. you’re not sure why you didn’t specify ‘friend’ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that he’s a bit tipsy too. he’s not looking at you, you’re not really sure what he’s thinking-
“i think… i think i love you.”
“what?”
his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, “no, i- look-”
“what did you say?”
“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it-”
“what does that even mean? you can’t just randomly say you love me and then take it back?”
he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, it’s just… he doesn’t really want to. it’s almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. “since you’re asking,” he starts, “i… i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now.”
when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. you’re biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. “jaehyun… do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?”
“no, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know it’s wrong and i know i shouldn’t but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.”
“a little late? jaehyun, you’re telling me this after you know i’m talking to someone. you knew that there’d be a high chance that i wouldn’t feel the same. i know you’re not that dumb.”
“but that’s how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? that’s exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?”
a shocked laugh leaves you, “that isn’t fair! you’re not being fair! you’re not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!”
you think he knows that it’s not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyun’s only confessing because you’re talking to jungwoo.
“i should’ve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.”
he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. “i never forced you to come over and talk. you weren’t forced to come over and have sex with me. you could’ve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.”
you let out an exasperated sound, “we were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, that’s literally all we were doing.”
he snaps, “friends don’t fuck. friends don’t hold each other after sex. you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything between us. that’s the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."
you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. there’s nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you could’ve been more clear, you wished you would’ve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now you’re stuck like this.
you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, “if i had known that you were gonna be like this, i would’ve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.”
“if you never met jungwoo, then this probably never would’ve happened. i could’ve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.”
you send a glare straight at him, “do not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didn’t even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.”
“how was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?”
“exactly! don’t you see how fucked up that is?”
he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. it’s childish, and you know he knows it. you don’t know what else to do. if he can’t sort himself out, there’s no reason for you to be here anymore.
you’re quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesn’t look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. there’s a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didn’t think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.
you let out a breath, “i’m leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, don’t even bother texting me.”
he doesn’t try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he can’t feel anything, doesn’t really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. it’s quiet again.
he just ruined everything.
for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.
there’s not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo might’ve been everything you’ve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.
you tell jungwoo that you’re happy to have him right now. you tell him that you’re sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you don’t tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesn’t try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you don’t want to think of.
and you’re not thinking about it. you haven’t gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?
as much as you don’t want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didn’t realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didn’t seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.
there’s a lot of time you have to yourself now. you don’t have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you don’t have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you don’t have to think about any hurt he’s caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.
until you get a call from johnny.
“hey, johnny. what’s up?”
he skips right past your greeting, “why doesn’t jaehyun want to hang out with you?”
you’re shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesn’t want to hang out with you. you scoff, “what exactly did he say?”
“he said he was busy, but, like i know he’s not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.”
you want to scream into your phone’s microphone. jaehyun doesn’t deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? “johnny,” you start, “do you promise not to tell anyone about what i’m about to tell you? you can’t even tell jaehyun.”
he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, “what is it?”
“the other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.”
he gasps loudly into the phone, “what? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?”
“exactly! it doesn’t even seem like something he’d do! he said it was because we were both drinking.”
“that doesn’t even matter,” johnny sighs, “you don’t go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.”
“you get it! that’s literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.”
it’s quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell he’s planning something. it’s never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but you’re too late.
“i think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.”
you sarcastically laugh, “he hasn’t even texted me, there’s no way i’m talking to him first.”
“i didn’t say you should text him first, i’m just saying that you both should talk. you can’t just leave this off on bad terms.”
“and if i want to?”
“i know you don’t. plus, it feels like i’m a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.”
you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. he’s right, you don’t want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you don’t want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, “fine, but don’t have your hopes up because even i don’t know what’s gonna happen.”
“okay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.”
“johnny!”
he defends himself, “like i said, i’m basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.”
“whatever, do what you want to do.” johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you won’t be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.
even if you don’t know what you want just yet, you’ll get yourself ready.
you realize you’re no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.
you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, “why did you tell johnny you didn’t want to hang out with me?”
as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. you’ll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun who’s pretending he didn’t just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.
no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. you’re staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare you’re giving him. while you’re glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, it’s soft, no anger behind his eyes.
you step back, breathing in before speaking, “let’s go talk in my room.”
he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like he’s leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. it’s awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.
you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. it’s not as awkward as it is tense. you don’t know what to say, you didn’t plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.
“how are you doing?”
you roll your eyes at the simple question, “i’ve been doing fine. i feel like my life’s been a lot calmer since that day.”
he leans forward in his seat, “really? i feel like i’ve lost ten years of my life.”
deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, “i think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasn’t good for me.”
he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how it’s going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, “i think for me it’s the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i can’t lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they haven’t.”
you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you can’t do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what you’re most curious about, “why did you start liking me?”
“i don’t even know. i know it’s shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.”
“i’m sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never would’ve expected you to say that.”
you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. it’s been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you.
“can i ask something?”
he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you haven’t had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, “this wasn’t all because of jungwoo, right?”
he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. he’s deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, “honestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldn’t handle it. i’m not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.”
you don’t know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldn’t want to go back and change what you’ve done. you don’t regret ever being jaehyun’s friend, you don’t regret all the memories you’ve made with him.
“so, this… this is really over then?”
you shrug, “i would think so.”
it’s quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. “this” has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume it’s almost everything you do together. what you’re feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. what’s different now is that you can’t help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably should’ve never happened.
in another world, you think you would’ve reciprocated jaehyun’s feelings. it would’ve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. it’s almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.
“we can still be friends if you can handle that.”
he laughs incredulously, “if i can handle that? i’m a grown man, thank you very much.”
“yeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings,” you tease.
he grumbles, “too soon, you’re too mean.”
jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it weren’t for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, “how about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?”
you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. “one more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.”
he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. you’re by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things you’ve done together. all the times you’ve had sex, all the times where he’s felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.
you don’t know if you can continue being friends with him.
it would be unfair to jungwoo. you haven’t told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it.
you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. he’s been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, it’s weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.
he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, “so how are you and jungwoo?’
“that’s how you want to start our small talk?” you splutter out.
“i mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?”
well it’s hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, “i’m… really happy that i’m talking to him. he takes care of me, he’s always asking how i’m doing. it’s nice being with him.”
you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, “are you both… officially dating yet?”
his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, “no! not yet, at least. i think i’d say yes if he asked me out.”
he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what he’s thinking, you don’t need to ask him. you can’t be his, you won’t ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he could’ve loved you. he wasn’t meant for you.
“okay, one more thing.”
he nods, turning his attention back on you.
“did you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you weren’t ready for a relationship?”
“yes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didn’t realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was… it just wasn’t the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.”
you cock your head to the side, “like?”
he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but he’s right, there were still things you didn’t know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun would’ve stopped you from figuring them out.
“i guess… mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that i’ve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.”
the confession doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasn’t until after he confessed to you that you saw that there’s more to your life than him. you’re thankful for all the time you’ve had with him, but there’s still so much more for you to do.
it’s like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.
jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you don’t want him to go, you don’t want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. there’s a small part of you that’s scared that you’ll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.
you walk him to your door, “you’ll text me once you're at your apartment, right?”
he shuffles over, “yeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.”
you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. it’s wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.
it’s not meant to be.
“goodnight, jaehyun. i’ll see you soon, okay?”
“alright, goodnight. i… i’ll be here if you ever need me. i’ll wait.”
you smile, “i know. thank you, get back safe.”
he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. it’s quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor.
you don’t really feel like crying. you don’t feel like there’s something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.
there’s more important things to worry about than someone who couldn’t make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether that’s jungwoo or someone else.
you’ve never felt better.
as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. it’s been a while since he’s seen you in person, so he’ll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.
he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyun’s glad that it’s going well for the both of you. it’s what you deserve after what he put you through.
he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. it’s not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.
it’s what should’ve happened, at the start of it all you both should’ve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he would’ve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that you’re doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesn’t want to come in and ruin what you’ve built up. it doesn’t matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, you’re better off without him.
he just wishes he had more time.
a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY
He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening. For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun has to come to terms with his emotions.
inspired by solo by frank ocean
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: angst
length: 1k
warnings: adults smoking weed, mentions of cheating
If Jaehyun could do anything in the world right now, he would go back to 3 days ago, slap himself in the face, and call you. He wants that more than he’s ever wanted anything in your relationship, but he didn’t do that.
3 days ago Jaehyun cheated on you. 3 hours ago the guilt hit him so hard he wanted to cry, an emotion he wasn’t particularly comfortable with expressing in front of you, when you told him you were so happy he was yours. Because, yes, that’s technically true, but 2 days and 21 hours ago Jaehyun was kissing the neck of another woman, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, and entering into her with far too much ease.
So 3 minutes ago he decided to tell you about his infidelity. Jaehyun never believed the “eyes are the window to the soul” bullshit until that exact moment when he saw in your eyes your heart breaking.
“I-I need a minute.” You say, walking away. You did that a lot. Insecurity built up from relationships past left you uneasy with the idea of expressing anger towards a partner. Even when you and Jaehyun fought you always conceded first, letting him win even if you were still hurt. Jaehyun knew this, and he always tried his hardest not to take advantage of it and you, always letting you know you had the space to be upset.
He didn’t say that this time, though. He knew he didn’t need to, that damn look in your eyes communicated it enough.
3 seconds of sitting alone on the couch, eyes glued to his shut bedroom door that you just locked yourself into to think, Jaehyun decides he can’t sit with these feelings.
So he doesn’t, in a manner that is just so him, he decides on taking the fresh pre-roll he bought from the dispensary earlier to share with you out to the balcony alone.
The old and derelict lawn chair squeaked concerningly as he sat down, but he doesn’t care. He takes the white lighter he bought himself as a bad luck charm out of his pocket and the joint up to his lips, flicking the lighter and burning his eyes at the flame. He takes a few puffs in, not inhaling, just to start the sweet burn. He blows softly on the cherry end to prevent it from canoeing before taking his first real drag, eyebrows scowling at the peppery taste. He hates this strain, but it was the only one that seemed to calm your anxiety, like truly mellow you out. So he sacrificed.
Jaehyun was famous at ignoring his emotions, bottling them up until they burst. No matter what he was truly feeling, he always expressed anger when he exploded. He lost a lot of relationships because of that, but you stayed, you always did. It takes a lot out of him to admit to himself that earlier today when he felt so upset he wanted to cry, he scared himself. Jaehyun doesn’t care about many things enough to want to cry over them, but suddenly at the prospect of hurting you his tear ducts sprung to life again. He thought they had shriveled up and died.
That’s one of the many things he guesses he gained from you, emotional freedom, assurance that he isn’t a waste of space and time, unconditional support in his dreams, and the gift of what he suspects is the love of his life.
He guesses that’s all gone now.
He’s torn away from his thoughts when the screen door to the balcony opens and you step out to join him. There’s a second chair out here but you don’t sit, standing and staring at your bare feet. He wants to tell you to go back inside and put on shoes before the ants bite you, but it feels like the wrong time so he doesn’t.
He chooses to just stare at you, your hair partially blocking your face as you look down still. He’s pretty stoned at this point, halfway through the joint.
He doesn’t know what to do, and time feels so very slow so he offers you the joint by moving his hand below your line of sight. He doesn’t imagine there’s a way you’ll say no to it, you know the scent. You must know it’s your favorite. You must know he bought it for you.
Unbeknownst to him, though, nothing can calm the anxiety you have right now.
“Jaehyun, I can’t do this.” You finally look at him, and the look in your eyes, those damn eyes and that damn look break his heart again. He doesn’t show it though, just pursing his lips and letting a frown settle.
“I-I can’t be with you anymore.”
He watches the tear roll down your cheek. He wants to scoff, but his heart is too broken. An unmistakable feeling of emptiness and regret fills him, a stinging pain that he tries to swallow down stays burning behind his sternum.
He’s broken. Fully, entirely, all encompassingly broken.
“Are you going to say anything?” You say.
And no, he wasn’t particularly planning on it. What is there to say? He fucked up, he knew it right after it happened and even a small part of him during it too, but there’s no going back.
He knows that not one word he could say that would convince you that he loves you more than he loves the freedom to do whatever he wants.
Now, though, he’s questioning which is a bigger priority to him.
You shake your head and scoff at him before turning, opening the screen door and leaving for the last time.
He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening.
For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun had to come to terms with his emotions.
He fucking hated it, and he still loves you. That was the worst part.
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genre: greek mythology au, hades!jaehyun x persephone!OC (this is really only loosely based on greek mythology as i absolutely do not claim to have exceptional knowledge in this area!!)
warnings: some pining, angst, mentions of violence and death, jaehyun being a literal greek god, oc being a Queen™ with good intentions but questionable morals (!)
summary: the river styx can’t hold back the dead anymore; they are angry and ready to fight for the lives that ended too soon. the spirits declare war, committing to destroy the one thing that the god of the underworld values more than anything – his queen.
words count: 5.8k
requested by anonymous.
The Underworld had never known light, it never experienced the yearly bloom of trees, never saw the sunny hues of a summer afternoon. The world below wasn’t all darkness and stormy clouds, but it was always filled with gloom and misery.
And then the god of the dead brought a queen to his palace.
It took time to adjust for both parties; more time than the full life-spans of a dozen mortals. But, before long, Jaehyun learned to allow the vivid green vines to decorate the walls of his palace. And you’d grown used to the dark, intimate shades inside every chamber of your new home.
But, no matter what, you did not want to sit there and gather cherry blossoms on the Meadows of Asphodel, spending your days among the souls of the dead who have been deemed just mediocre enough to spend the rest of their lives here. You weren’t used to being idle; and Jaehyun knew you were itching to do something.
Ready to rearrange the whole world for you, he allowed you to convince him to start small. Bringing spring around occupied you only once every year, but harboring the souls of the dying gave you something to do every day.
After all, it seemed only fair that someone who woke the world up from its’ winter’s slumber, was also the one who put it back to sleep, one person at a time.
