Pretty Damn Certain

Well, not really, it’s been just a couple of days. 

Right now I’m on an online meeting for a group project and it is making me feel a lot of ways. First, I feel stupid. Second, I feel useless. Third, I feel scared. The funny thing is those people don’t know each other but they know me, and fuck, I still feel misplaced and like everyone would just rather talk with literally anyone else. 

I listened to this for the first time in two years (there´s literally a comment I made on the video, lol) and now I can’t get it out my fucking head. 

Hey, theicetray, if you ever read this, I want you to know that your existence is magical and it evokes a past me that I’m very fond of. I will never not listen to this, it never fails to put a smile on my face.

It just ocurred to me that I could be a body piercer. 

Now, I don’t know what I need to do before I can pierce other people’s body parts but I guess I’ll figure it out if I’m still interested in this after quarantine is over. My current approach to life consists in getting as many skills as I can just so I have a lot of backup plans for the future, for when I actually need to work and provide for myself/my cat. 

So I’m guessing a lot of us have had a lot of free time lately, since y’know, we´re stuck in our houses. I can’t speak for eveyone, but I personally have done nothing productive for the past month, and online classes are too overwhelming for me to take them seriously without a great deal of stress. Anyways, the point is, I’ve spent most of my time thinking; and this also has it’s fair share of negative consequences, I already shaved my head (but that’s besides the point and I’ll be making a full post about it later).  

I think I might have gotten it all wrong, everything, from my first recollection of thoughts I have till right now. Just yesterday I was so worried about how I was going to make money for the rest of my life as if I wasn’t an 18 year old college student! It’s crazy what isolation can do to us! For someone who hates capitalism so much, I sure as hell am willing to take advantage of it when it suits my interests. As if I knew anything about marketing, how could I possibly cheat my way into creating a succesful agency?

It’s been really hard to keep myself busy, and happy. I can’t remember when was the last day I didn’t feel like a failure ever since being trapped here. I’m starting to feel like it won’t be possible to get back on track once it’s all over.