Pretty liddol world of mine

The Blac Chyna- Funds the money for the make-up line you have been wanting to get started so, you can focus on something positive and productive. The two of you settle on the name ‘FuqBoí’ for the brand. For being a form of inspiration she sends your ex a check. The check is made out for ‘$00.01″

The Vivica A. Fox- Verbally annihilates him using nothing but SAT words at his new girls pool party. Takes a bottle of Patrón and CÎroc from the bar and makes her exit. Comes to your house and gets you turnt with the bottles and gives you a play by play of everything that happened

The Ciara- Tells you to block his number and block him from all social media. Has her hair stylist make you a wig like hers and has you working out with her in the gym five days a week. A few weeks go by and she photographs you in a boudoir shoot and posts them to social media. Ends up getting you noticed and you get booked for a music video

The Patti LaBelle- Comes over to your place and bakes you a cake and two pies. Prepares enough food for you that could feed the whole family at the reunion. Has your ex come to your place so you can have closure, plus she has a few words for him. He gives you an apology and explains his actions. When he’s done, she catches him eyeing the food and says to him “I know your behind not thinking about fixing a plate. Ya bettah think about fixing that attitude of yours before you get bust upside the head”

The Solange- Some random person sees her beating up your ex and starts to record it. It is posted to vine and goes viral

The Keke Palmer- She never liked your ex in the first place. Lowkey wants to flatten his tires and break his arms but, focuses on you instead. Enrolls the two of you in hip-hop dance lessons

The Diana Ross- Tells you that you are far too fabulous to concern yourself with an uncultured buffoon like him. Books the two of you a trip to New York City. Has you shopping for eye catching ensembles from thrift/costume shops. Takes you to hit up the underground club scene and everyone there loves your outfits and wants to take pictures with you.Ya’ll end up trending online

The Gabrielle Union- Infiltrates your ex’s family and ends up dating his brother. Sabotages any potential relationships your ex could have. His brother goes along with it because she got him sprung

The Missy Elliott- Is a popular youtuber. Makes a dope music video about how weak your ex’s dick game was based off of what you’ve told her. Innuendos are all over the place. Choreography is fire. The song gains mainstream popularity and his mama now has it as her ringtone whenever your ex calls her

The Trina- Spams all his instagram pics with the comment “fuckboy”

The Amber Rose- Instafamous. Tells all her instagram followers not to fuck him cause he’s a bitchass. Your ex goes through a sexual drought

The Lynn Whitfield- Runs his car off the road at 9 and casually drives to her brunch meeting at 10

The Octavia Spencer- Knocks on his front door. He let’s her in, they walk into the kitchen. She tells him there are no hard feelings and gives him her “special” pie

The Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes- Will burn his house down

The Aaliyah- She runs into your ex at the Foot Locker. Tells him how she is so incredibly disappointed in his actions and that he needs to take a look at what kind of path he is taking in life because, he can’t go around hurting people that love him unconditionally. He feels so bad he starts going to church every Sunday to build a relationship with Jesus

The Lupita Nyong’o- Takes you on a trip to Spain so you can clear your mind. She’s not even worried about your ex

The Joseline Hernandez- Uses permanent spray paint to write “PENE PEQUEÑO” on the windshield of his car

The Brandy- Sends you a text telling you to stop “sittin up in your room”. Picks you up and ya’ll have a beach day. She catches the owner of the bar two of you are at on the water eyeing you and encourages him to talk to you. Takes a picture of the two of you talking and sends it to your ex from your phone

The Zendaya- Your ex contacts her first because he knows she will send him a 3000 word essay in MLA Format with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, with direct quotes and a bibliography page to go with it. She doesn’t care what he has to say and goes with her usual formula anyway

The Tamar Braxton- Bumps into him in the produce section at the grocery store. Makes the loudest cackle because she has been ready to run into your ex. Goes the hell off and he tries to tell her to calm down cause people are staring. Responds with “Whatchu mean calm down? What you worried about them for? You don’t know them! What you needed to be worried about was your relationship!” Wraps up the whole encounter with “You lucky I am a child of God”

The Pam Grier- Shoots your ex then, takes you dancing later

The Jackée Harry- Roasts your ex. I’m talking FATALITY  level roasting. He ends up deleting all his social media accounts and moves out of state. Even at his funeral she’s still dogging him and even the pastor slips out a chuckle

*2AM*