a୧‿︵

I am too scared to commit. Too scared to fail. Too scared to get embarrassed. Too scared to be pressured. Too scared to be despised. Too scared to be untrustworthy by people.

But I am too naive. Too strong headed. Too optimistic. Too blind eyed. Too energetic. Too reckless. Too proud. Too ignorant. Too apathetic. Too delusional.

To not be dreaming or trying to achieve the future I wish but the process is too overwhelming and stressful so I cope by procrastinating everything because I am too prideful and aloof to give it all up.

it's your procrastination, your ego, the unhealthy food you're consuming, the knowledge you neglect, the negative behavior you're nurturing and your lack of creativity.

bunny’s life gone too early,

henry’s life gone too early,

francis unhappily married,

camilla alone and empty,

charles distant and careless,

richard unable to move on.

sure, it was their fault for what happened to them ultimately. but these were some students who had serious potential and in the end it came to nothing.

Personally, I feel like this line reminded me that there's an After to the story. After Bunny dies, After Henry dies, Richard lives. Life goes on. He has nothing to narrate, his story is over, but he goes on. After that line he became the narrator, the person we lived through, but when I reread the book this line reminded me that he had a life after all of this that didn't fully hinge on the events of the story (I mean his life was still terrible altered by the story so there is SOME effect).