just a bit of melodrama

I had never seen her naked, I was embarrassed. Today I can say that it was the embarrassment of gazing with pleasure at her body, [...] I washed her with slow, careful gestures, first letting her squat in the tub, then asking her to stand up: I still have in my ears the sound of the dripping water, and the impression that the copper of the tub had a consistency not different from Lila’s flesh, which was smooth, solid, calm. I had a confusion of feelings and thoughts: embrace her, weep with her, kiss her, pull her hair, laugh, pretend to sexual experience and instruct her in a learned voice, distancing her with words just at the moment of greatest closeness.

I’ve been posting under @preraphaelitepear for a year or to now and finding that my fma stuff just doesn’t fit the blog at all so here we are.

I haven’t updated freefall in a long time because I’ve been struggling with where to take it. I have some stuff drafted but I’m gonna continue marinating. I know how I’d like to end it, but I’m still working on the next chapter.

Listen to this playlist for that story, it’s the vibes I’m going for with them although I completely deleted Spotify lol. You should too maybe!

Happy Jewish American Heritage Month! ✡︎ 🪬 I made one of these a few years ago, and it was well loved, and I felt it was a good time to make another. In the past year or so I’ve watched the rapid decline of the success of openly Jewish stories and authors in the publishing world. And I understand that it’s because of the rise of Zionism, which has made people (unfortunately) more cautious and more openly hateful towards Jews, and has made Judaism less “trendy” in the market. and as an anti-Zionist Jew myself, I know it makes it all the more important to loudly love Jewish stories and voices, especially as Zionism relies so heavily on antisemitism. To create safe and loving spaces for Jews IS to combat Zionism. So here are some books by (anti-Zionist or non-Zionist) Jewish authors to loudly and proudly love this month and always. things to note: 1. Despite it being Jewish AMERICAN Heritage Month, not all of these authors are American. As a Jewish American living in the UK and seeing the treatment of Jews on both sides the pond, I’ve decided to include authors regardless of location. 2. This is NOT a complete list. I tried to prioritize books that I’ve read or come highly recommended and are on my TBR. I read primarily SFF and horror, so those genres are more represented here. There are also some authors who have to be cautious with stating their opinions publicly for personal safety reasons who I have left off here. Rest assured, I will never knowingly promote a Zionist author on my page. That being said, please leave more recommendations in the comments!!!! Or make your own post and share the love! 3. Not all of the authors have explicitly called themselves “anti-Zionist” but have at least expressed sentiments that make their stance against Zionist ideology clear and may consider themselves non-Zionist or otherwise. 4. If the author had multiple books, I chose their most Jewish one!! all of the books on the first page are explicitly Jewish fantasy, and much of the books throughout are Jewish as well.

Books listed: Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott (adult Jewish magical realism) The Maiden and Her Monster by Maddie Martinez (adult Jewish fantasy) The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid (adult Jewish fantasy) From Dust, a Flame by Rebecca Podos (YA Jewish contemporary fantasy) A Dark and Drowning Tide by Allison Saft (adult Jewish fantasy) Tale of the Flying Forest by R.M. Romero (MG Jewish fantasy)

The Cove by Claire Rose (YA Jewish horror) Sargassa by Sophie Burnham (trilogy, adult SFF) The White North Has Thy Bones by Dorian Ravenscroft (adult historical horror) When The Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb (YA historical fantasy) The Stars Undying by Emery Robin (duology, adult scifi) These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever (adult Jewish thriller)

The Phoenix Bride by Natasha Siegel (adult Jewish historical romance) Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon (adult SFF) The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo (adult Jewish fantasy) The Four Profound Weaves by R.B. Lemberg (adult fantasy) The Seep by Chana Porter (adult sci-fi/dystopian) A Long Time Dead by Samara Breger (adult historical)

Funeral Song by Carly Racklin (adult horror) The First Bright Thing by J.R. Dawson (adult Jewish hist. fantasy) The Mermaid the Witch and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall (duology, YA fantasy) The City Beautiful by Aden Polydoros (YA Jewish horror) Higher by Roz Alexander (adult Jewish romance) A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine (duology, adult SFF)