Snazzy.

I have so much pent up anger that my body wants to scream. I’m scared of actually physically hurting someone because then I’m just like him. 

All I want is Spooky but I can’t have her because she’s dead too. 

I don’t deserve friends.

I don't want to be here anymore. I've not felt this depressed in so long.

The level of guilt that I feel for knowing that I was the reason she was there and so many people witnessing it is on another level. So many young people on my course who have never dealt with a mental health issue before will now very possibly develop some form of anxiety or ptsd and my heart breaks for them. I'll be the reason behind it and I'm disgusted know that they will have to live with similar mindsets as myself. My heart is so broken.

Why do I measure myself on if someone wants to be romantically involved with me? It's such an unhealthy mindset. Genuinely thought this Joe was different. He made me so happy. I can't believe I let guy after guy treat me like absolute dirt and don't stand up for myself at all. I'm physically sick of it. It's made me mentally fucked. Why was I brought up in a family where we don't say how we really feel to one another? I'm emotionally stunted and so so angry.

I'm a bad omen. Two times in one year. February - Boy ends it with me because I'm raped whilst I'm seeing him. December - A boy ends it with me after I see my friend die after being hit by a car. Fucking done.