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Claire Keane

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shark vs the universe
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@powpowhammer
New 📌 for easier browsing.
the TTRPG I made!
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CIL VI, 35887 = CLE 1532 = EDR120786:
Cara mieis vixi, virgo vitam reddidi. / Mortua heic ego sum et sum cinis, is cinis terrast. / Sein est terra dea, ego sum dea, mortua non sum. / Rogo te, hospes, noli ossa mea violare. / Mus vixit annos XIII.
Dear to mine I lived, life I left as a maiden. / Here I am dead and I am dust, and dust is earth. / And if Earth is a goddess, I am a goddess, I am not dead. / I ask you, stranger, do not wish to desecrate my bones. / Mus lived thirteen years.
a touching mixed-metre epitaph for a young girl: nearly identical verses appear in the epitaph of young Utilis (CIL VI, 29609 = CLE 974 = EDR144568), and both share a common theme with an epigram attributed to Pseudo-Epicharmus (D.L. Page, p. 154).
εἰμὶ νεκρός, νεκρὸς δὲ κόπρος, γῆ δ' ἡ κόπρος ἐστίν· / εἰ δ' ἡ γῆ θεός ἔστ', οὐ νεκρὸς ἀλλὰ θεός.
I am a corpse, a corpse is dung, and earth is dung too; / and if Earth is a god, I am not a corpse but a god.
Best part of following this account is that there's a new Ogre Blowjob Hell once every two months
i hate australian people they need a dumb fucking nickname for every single word. can’t even get in a car accident without some australian asshole coming up to you and saying “oh gotcha self in a carblammy there aintcha mate” kill yourself and go to hell
fuck off are you serious?
oh my god
how do you have 2 silly words for a car crash

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the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line
did anything crazy happen in ur town?
yes
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Stephen King when his buddies got drafted
(guy who's not at all mad about failing a coinflip 15 times in a row voice) i just think it's so wonderful how fallen london really allows you to get a feel for the full breadth of the probability scale
#928.5 - Smoliv are cowardly Pokémon that prefer dry, sunny climates. They spend much of their time sunbathing, converting the nutrients they gather through photosynthesis into oil that they store in the fruit on their head; as a result of this process, they can go for a week without eating or drinking. The oil itself has a very strong bitter taste and is not suitable for consumption. Instead, Smoliv will shoot this oil out when startled or attacked, slowing their opponents down so that they can escape. As these Pokémon age and mature into Groliv and later Dolliv, their oil will begin to acquire a fresh and pleasing taste.
#929.5 - Dolliv are calm and friendly Pokémon that have coexisted with humans since ancient times, living among settlements and sharing their tasteful, fresh-scented oil. They enjoy basking in the sunlight until the fruit on their head ripens, turning dark, at which point Dolliv will leave the settlements and go off on their own journeys. A maturing Dolliv, known as Señoliva, will begin to grow more fruit along their lengthening arms; their compassionate disposition leads them to share the delicious, nutrient-rich oil they produce with weakened Pokémon. However, to keep enemies at bay, fully evolved Señoliva, known as Arboliva, are capable of launching this oil with enough force to smash a boulder.
Named: Smoliv - Groliv - Dolliv - Señoliva - Arboliva
(Groliv [graa·lihv] combines "grow / grove" with the "-liv" suffix, from "olive"; Señoliva [sehn·yaw·lihv·uh] combines "señora", Spanish for lady, and "olive.")
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not my circus not my monkeys but thanks to my mutuals i know some of the lore
The key to writing good fanfiction is to harbor a deeply humiliating desire, and the trick there is that even pretty basic and societally-accepted desires like “being held” and “being wanted” CAN and WILL be humiliating if they’re intense enough. Become so estranged from human connection that the idea of someone playing with your hair fills you with yearning so deep you feel like you’re going to throw up and you will write some banger fanfiction. It might have some other consequences too but idrk about that.
"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

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the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.
Sony WM-F51, 1987
Steve Jobs and his consequences have been a disaster for the button, switch, and knobhead kind.