all that a life can be

Tu, tu tienes la capacidad//You, you are able tu, de hacerme reír de hacerme llorar de felicidad// to make me laugh, to make me cry of happiness Y yo, ahora estoy aqui//And I am here Y tu, eres todo y mas//And you are everything, and more Y yo, soy feliz aqui // I am happy here Pues tu// Because you Supiste esperar//Knew how to wait Tu, tu tienes la capacidad//You are able… Tu, puedes transcribir, puedes descifrar, sabes que soy mas//You can transcribe and decipher, you know i am worth so much more Pues yo, aunque estes aqui// Because I know, that even with you here tengo, tengo identidad, personalidad// I still have my identity, my personality. Y yo, sabes que por ti// You know for you todo lo daria// I would give anything pero, primero estoy yo// But I come first mi realización - mi felicidad// My happiness, and life goals Tu, tu eres el hombre y yo soy la mujer // Oh yeah you, you are the man, and I am just the woman…. pero eso no quiere decir, que mi vida sucede por ti, sucede para ti // but that does not mean, that my life is not whole without you. Yo no nací, para cocinarte // I was not born to cook for you Yo no nací, para hijos darte // I was not born to be the mother of your children Yo no nací, para encajar en una novela hetero-normal // I was not born, to fit in a hetero-normative soap opera Yo no nací para retrasar el feminismo mundial// I was not born to set back worldwide feminism.

I love what I do.That isn’t to say that the systemic issues don’t frustrate me immensely sometimes.

‘‘Twas actually extremely satisfying. One of those times I️ felt like I️ was actually using a range of that physiology ~stuff they taught us back in preclerkship.

so there’s that, those are some of the reasons i have to not get snappy again next time.  also i made the right calls for a patient who I thought was having a massive upper GI bleed while on call, and he got through the night, and scoped by GI, and had a spurting duodenal ulcer that got clipped. i can do some good things, repeat x infinity until i make it through the rest of medicine wards. 

thursday: 2 pm: foot is non-viable, make patient NPO for OR, we will take to the OR tomorrow for amputation 3:30 pm: cancel previous suggestions, continue medical management, patient’s foot is viable, can follow up as an outpatient sunday: make patient NPO for amputation tomorrow monday: patient is NPO for OR on insulin drip, then OR is cancelled, patient kept NPO and on insulin drip for OR the following day tuesday: OR cancelled, foot is viable, no ortho follow up required

in between what i find pleasing and and i’m feeling fine  love is so confusing there’s no peace of mind