hi, i have a bad habit of neglecting this thing for months and then randomly coming back and typing these insane novel-esque text posts when i feel like i really wanna spill my guts all over the internet.. so here i go ive spent the last few months trying to figure out my health, really fighting the urge to hide and be alone while im sick or scared because of it, which hasnt actually gone too well because ive found myself very reclusive and not really wanting to talk to anyone outside of a few people.. ive never had that problem before, ive always desperately wanted attention or for people to talk to me and now i feel much more comfortable just sitting in my room by myself without my phone blowing up watching food reviews or studying extraterrestrial life... or something... (note: thats not to say i want people to stop talking to me, i dont *need* to feed this habit) i dunno lifes been weird the past few months, i had a doctors visit the other day and im starting over with figuring out whats wrong with my health, ill start bloodwork and small procedures this month and im hoping ill find an answer that can save me from feeling like im dying every few days, rather than finding some life changing issue.. im admittedly very nervous because of my past music is taking a while because im really trying to figure out what my sound is, how i can make everything i want this thing to be exactly what you end up hearing, and trying to figure out the things i want to talk about.. i have such a specific vision of what i want this to come out as, and so far im achieving that, but i want it to be as perfect and worth the wait as possible, and i want it to be 100 percent me expect something dreamy talk to you soon xoxo

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