This Is A Space For Growth

Work on being a better version of yourself everyday !!!

I received bad news today. I was waiting for my graduation ceremony for MBA degree, then I received an email from the university stating that I failed one module. I could not believe it because I passed the module and I thought it was a mistake!!! I emailed them to check, they confirmed that I have to repeat the module. I felt so sad, I cried a lot, I labeled myself stupid, looser, gross, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself because everyone knows that I completed my master degree!!! I Locked myself in the room, cancelled all my appointments with my friends and stopped answering my phone. I had a lot of panic attacks. Then I paused!!!! Why am I doing all this to myself? I thought thoroughly! I asked myself, was this the end of the world? Does the mark identify who I am? Does this mean I never achieved anything? The answers were no, No, NO!!! I generalised the failure in this module on my whole life! I catastorphised the situation and thought there is no way out!!! I am successful! I can repeat the module! There is no issue!!! Life goes on!!!

What I did to give myself some peace and shift my thinking to something else?

I painted these stones :) Art actually helps in such situations. Creating something beautiful will make one feel better. It gives joy and fun. You shift your focus on in the task in hand not on the sad news. You will think what colour to use next, how to fix this, how many coats of paint I need to apply etc... Most importantly DO NOT judge the result! Do not expect perfection!!

Try it out when you are in a low mood. You do not need fancy tools. All you need is a brush, acrylic paints, stones that you can get from the street or the beach and black permanent marker. When you finish and look at final result, you will feel some relief, and believe it or not, you will smile automatically every time you look at them. It is also a nice gift idea as it can be used for decoration or as paper weight. 

Stay happy... Stay at peace...    

Source: https://boomsumo.com/inspirational-life-quotes-learn-surf/

Photo Source: https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/past-trauma-may-haunt-your-future-health

What I got to know about the feelings my mom had when she pregnant with me were unpleasant ones. Why she had to tell me that? She is the only one knows!!!

She told me with anger and screaming that she used to see nightmares when she was pregnant with me. She was cursing her womb because it carried me and I came out of it. 

What came after; was never better than what she described during the pregnancy. Her nightmares became my life. She and my dad did not spare an effort to let me know how unwanted I was. They made a good combination of mental and physical abuse. He was in charge of the mental abuse and she took the role the physical one.  

I lived a life full of traumas. Different sorts of traumas, if not all sorts. However, I’ve never gave up. I might sound very strong to some people, unrealistic to others or untruthful to some of you. But I know none of you and none of you knows me, so I don’t think it’s an issue.