better a pig than a facist

Reader have no idea that they're dating the batboys for a quite some time already, although reader does hope for it, they just thought that the batboys being so nice to them, while the batboys waiting for reader to be ready to do couple stuff, they just thought reader is shy 😭

I been thinking this for a while now

Reader: what you mean we're dating?!?!

Batboys: we've been dating for a while now???

“I like you so much, and you don’t even know it.”

Sorry lowkey disappeared again.Im having my daughter next month,scared asf💔💔.My fanny is gonna be DESTROYED.also random does anyone else hate podfics.Like it will have the perfect plot and then say” podfic” like turn that shit off omg.

Batboys x Reader: clueless Reader

Bruce Wayne

The “exclusive relationship” was IMPLIED, apparently

•Bruce thought things were very clear.

• In his defense:

•you spend most nights at the manor

• he takes you to galas

•Alfred refers to you as “Mr. Wayne’s partner”

•Bruce literally kisses you goodbye before meetings

•So naturally he assumes:

yes, this is my significant other.

•Meanwhile you’re spiraling internally every day.

•Because Bruce Wayne is:

•holding your hand

•buying you things

•resting his forehead against yours when tired

•But he’s never technically said:

“Will you be my partner?”

•So your brain goes:

Maybe he’s just emotionally confusing.

•The realization happens because someone at a gala says:

“You and your boyfriend make a lovely couple.”

•You laugh awkwardly.

“Oh..we’re not-“

•Bruce looks over immediately.

“…Not what?”

•You stare at him.

“Dating?”

•Silence.

•Bruce blinks once.

“..We’ve been exclusive for eight months.”

“EIGHT??!”

•You almost choke on your drink.

•Bruce is now deeply confused.

*“You sleep in my bed.”

“AS A FRIEND.”

“I kissed you.”

“PEOPLE KISS CASUALLY SOMETIMES-“

•Bruce just stares at you like your operating system is corrupted.

• Then realization slowly dawns on him.

“…You genuinely didn’t know.”

• You hide your face immediately.

“I thought you were being nice because you liked me as a person.”

•Bruce physically has to sit down.

•Because somehow this is more stressful than fighting Bane.

⸻

Dick Grayson

Actually devastated you didn’t know

•Dick is the MOST affectionate naturally.

•So this misunderstanding gets BAD.

•This man:

• calls you baby

•kisses your forehead

•cuddles you constantly

• takes you on dates

•says “missed you”

•introduced you to the Titans

•And you STILL think:

He’s probably just emotionally open.

•Dick genuinely thinks you’re just shy about labels.

•One day he casually says:

“My girlfriend’s coming over later.”

•You:

“Oh? Who?”

• Dick laughs.

•Then stops laughing.

“…You.”

•You stare at him.

“Wait.”

•He stares back.

“WAIT.”

“You didn’t know we were dating?!”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST REALLY FRIENDLY.”

•Dick falls backwards onto the couch dramatically.

“I HELD YOUR FACE AND TOLD YOU I ADORED YOU.”

“YEAH BUT YOU’RE DICK GRAYSON. YOU SAY THINGS.”

•He’s losing his mind now.

“I TOOK YOU ON ROMANTIC ROOFTOP DINNERS.”

• “I THOUGHT YOU WERE TESTING LOCATIONS.”

•He actually laughs so hard he can’t breathe.

•Then immediately crawls across the couch to grab your face.

“Okay,” he says, still laughing,

“just so we’re SUPER clear now-”

•Kisses you directly on the mouth.

“Boyfriend. Dating. Romantic. In love with you.”

•You’re bright red.

•Dick thinks this is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to him.

⸻

Jason Todd

• Jason absolutely assumed you knew.

•Because from his perspective:

•you wear his hoodies

•you sleep at his place

•he threatens people for disrespecting you

•you’ve made out multiple times

•Clearly:

Relationship.

• But you’re an overthinker.

•So every time something romantic happens you internally go:

Don’t assume. Don’t ruin the vibe. Stay calm.

•The realization happens when Roy casually says:

“So how long have you two been together now?”

•You immediately answer:

“Oh we’re not together-“

•Jason:

“…What.”

•Roy:

“…WHAT.”

•You panic immediately.

“I MEAN-unless-“

•Jason is staring at you like his soul just left his body.

“Baby.”

“DON’T BABY ME RIGHT NOW.”

“I literally told a guy at a bar you were my girl.”

“I thought that was… metaphorical.”

•Jason actually puts his hands over his face.

“How are you alive.”

•Then he starts laughing.

HARD.

“Oh my god,” he says between laughs,

“you really thought I was just casually obsessed with you.”

•You hide in your hoodie immediately.

His hoodie.

•Jason notices. Smirks.

“You know normal friends don’t share apartments keys either, right?”

Silence.

“…oh my god.”

⸻

Tim Drake

•Tim honestly can’t blame you because he ALSO never formally asked.

• But he thought the relationship progression was obvious.

•You:

•have toothbrushes at each other’s places

• share passwords

• nap together

•hold hands constantly

•went to a wedding together

• Tim categorized this as:

Relationship Acquired.

•You categorized it as:

Extremely emotionally intimate friendship.

•The moment happens because Kon asks:

“Wait, did you never ask them out officially?”

•Tim pauses.

“..I thought I did.”

• You immediately look over.

“You WHAT.”

•Tim starts mentally replaying every interaction you’ve ever had.

“I said ‘you’re my favorite person.’”

“THAT ISN’T A CONFESSION.”

“I BOUGHT YOU FLOWERS.”

“AS A FRIEND???”

•Tim puts his head in his hands.

“This explains SO MUCH.”

“LIKE WHAT?”

“WHY YOU LOOKED PANICKED EVERY TIME I HELD YOUR HAND.”

•You whisper:

“I thought I was imagining things…”

• Tim looks up immediately.

“…Wait, you LIKE liked me?”

“YES???”

⸻

Damian Wayne

Actually offended you thought he behaved this way platonically

•Damian is NOT naturally affectionate.

•Which means from his perspective, this should have been EXTREMELY obvious.

• He:

•seeks you out voluntarily

•touches you first

•allows prolonged physical affection

•lets you hold Titus

• says “beloved”

•In Damian Language this is basically a marriage certificate.

•Meanwhile you:

He’s just… intense.

• The realization happens when you say:

“You’ll make someone really happy one day.”

•Damian stops walking.

• Slowly turns around.

“…Excuse me?”

“What?”“What do you mean ‘someone’?”

•You blink.

“Your future partner?”

•Damian stares at you in complete disbelief.

“Beloved. We are together.”

You laugh nervously.

“Wait, seriously?”

He looks genuinely disturbed now.

“You believed I was behaving this way PLATONICALLY?”

“YOU NEVER ASKED.”

“I ALLOWED YOU IN MY PERSONAL SPACE.”

“…that’s fair actually.”

•Damian pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I have called you ‘my love’ repeatedly.”

“I thought you were being poetic.”

Long silence.

Then:

“…Father was correct. You are catastrophically oblivious.”

But later that night?

•He’s noticeably clingier.

• Hand on your waist.

•Pulling you closer.

5 years later:

tim’s only the first to see it because he’s scrolling through all the family files—no, he’s not stalking, thank you very much, it’s called being up to date on very important things like current mission, location, and emergency contacts, stuff like that. it’s very important—someone’s got to check on the mandatory report updates once in a while.

although, honestly, bat files don’t get updated often, but look! jason’s report is bolded to signify that he’s got a new update, and—

huh. what’s that supposed to even mean?

“bruce!” tim hollers, because the man can’t be far, “jason’s fucked with his file again!”

there’s a moment of delay, before the unmistakable pits and pats of bruce’s bare feet on the cave floor draws closer, and soon the man is leaning over the back of tim’s seat in front of bat-computer, squinting at the screen. tim should probably get him booked in with an optometrist sometime soon—the guy’s getting old.

“what? what is it?”

tim frowns, and points at the screen, finger jamming against the surface. “b, do you not see this? what is this emergency contact? does she even exist?”