Schott Through The Heart!!!

if you read dc comics and you’re not a batman fan i think you deserve financial compensation

ok heres my confession. i didnt realise that philip in glass onion was supposed to be the husband. i am gay. i am gay. i thought he was the butler. you know why? you wanna know why? because he was british. because he had an upper class british accent and his name was philip. my immediate, gut reaction was: what the fuck else would a guy named philip with that goddamn downton abbey accent that no normal person could possibly have in real life be? there is no natural state in which a person who sounds like that occurs. aside from butlerhood. people with that accent just materialize one day with a tux in any location with a high enough ceiling. i thought he just showed up one day in that apartment and started doing daniel craigs laundry. my girlfriend, who i live with, is british. but she sounds like a regular fucking person. its not the same. i am simply prejudiced against the west end

[Image ID: a screenshot of a comment by @/calebwittebane that reads “he’s like the guy who lives with batman who’s always like your gamer meal mr wayne or whatever”.]

I'm terrified of speaking to people in real life because one of them could say "I'm a chuckster!" and just hurtle me three hundred feet up in the air

the human eye has evolved to be able to detect more shades of green than any other color! that's because there are so many fucking leafs