ᴸᴼˢᵀ ᴳᴵᴿᴸ

slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes. feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!

bridget jones’s diary

❝ Nice boys don’t kiss like that. ❞

❝ I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. ❞

❝ The thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. ❞

❝ I like you, very much. Just as you are. ❞

❝ It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces. ❞

❝ If staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I’d rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein’s arse. ❞

❝ I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother. ❞

❝ I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn’t mean what I meant. ❞

❝ You’re haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you’re a nice man and I like you. ❞

❝ If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice… more than nice. ❞

❝ If I can’t make it with you then I can’t make it with anyone. ❞

❝ I’ve been going crazy. I can’t stop thinking about you, and thinking about what an idiot I’ve been. ❞

❝ Is that blue soup? ❞

❝ I’ve got to leave my job because I shagged my boss. ❞

❝ Now these are very silly little boots. And this is a very silly little dress. And these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. ❞

❝ I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper. ❞

❝ Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword? ❞

❝ New Year’s Resolution: drink less… and quit smoking… and quit talking total nonsense to strangers… actually, quit talking, full stop. ❞

❝ Tell me, is it one in four marriages that end in divorce these days, or one in three? ❞

❝ If you have to travel alone, travel in style. ❞

❝ This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. ❞

❝ What you just did is actually illegal in several countries. ❞

❝ I thought you said she was thin. ❞

❝ Every time I see you, you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot. And you really needn’t bother: I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway.    ❞

❝ First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it’s a very good story. ❞

❝ I must say the sex is still quite surprising. Do you know just the other day I was just dozing off and I felt this huge… ❞

❝ Frankly darling, if I had the chance again I wouldn’t have had children. ❞

❝ Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. ❞

❝ Resolution number two: I will find a nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. ❞

❝ Bizarre what some men find attractive. ❞

❝ I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan. ❞

❝ I like a woman with an arse you can park a bike in and balance a pint of beer on. ❞

❝ I have a butt the size of Brazil. ❞

❝ The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples. ❞

❝ I mean there’s been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? ❞ 

❝ I realized that unless something change, soon I am going to live a life where my major relationship is with a bottle of wine and I’ll finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians. ❞

❝ At least, now that I’m in my thirties, I can hold my drink. ❞

bridget jones: the edge of reason

❝ I truly believe that happiness is possible… even when you’re thirty-three and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls. ❞

❝ You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that’s about it. ❞

❝ Friends - they spend years trying to find you a boyfriend, but the moment you get one, they instantly tell you to dump him! ❞

❝ Look are you gonna step outside or do I have to drag you? ❞

❝ Will you stop? Stop staring at me while I’m asleep. ❞

❝ I’ve just had a rather graphic sex flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous butt. ❞

❝ What are you gonna do now? Drown me in sixteen inches of water? ❞

❝ I don’t want you to see any of my wobbly bits. ❞

❝ I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances. ❞

❝ You know, I never really understood why you wanted to date me. It seems so unlikely. ❞

❝ You’re sexy. You make me laugh - at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best sex I ever had. ❞

❝ Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? ❞

❝ I take great comfort in the fact that they might kill me before things actually get worse. ❞

❝ I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn’t. ❞

❝ You’re not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you’re incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate. ❞

❝ It feels like you’re waiting to find someone in the VIP room who’s- who’s so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don’t need to fix her. ❞

❝ You can never muster the strength to fight for me. ❞

❝ She’s got legs up to here! My legs only come up to here! ❞

❝ You think you’ve found the right man, but there’s so much wrong with him, and then he finds there’s so much wrong with you, and then it all just falls apart. ❞

❝ I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed. ❞

❝ I’m very worried. What if someone says, “Get out of here, you are ridiculous”? ❞

❝ I wonder what he would be like as a father. Father to his children I mean, not to me. That would be weird Oedipus-like thought. ❞

❝ He must still love me! ❞

❝ You wouldn’t sleep with him? ❞

❝ He’s a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy! ❞

❝ Let’s just say… that we suffered from fatal incompatibility. ❞

❝ Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish. ❞

❝ Are you really pregnant? ❞

❝ What do you want? Boy or a girl? ❞

❝ l suppose l’ve always had the fantasy of a son. ❞

❝ Well, my son’s not going to be sent away from home. Especially to some fascist institution where they stick a poker up your arse that you’re never allowed to remove again. ❞

❝ Oh, you’re absolutely right. lt’s madness to allow a child to enjoy his education or live with his parents. ❞

❝ What is madness is to have a child if his parents can’t have a discussion without one shouting at the other. ❞

❝ It is a magic mushroom moment, isn’t it? ❞

bridget jones’s baby

❝ Well, I can always find time to save the world. And _____, you’re my world. ❞

❝ We could be so good for each other. ❞

❝ Sometimes you love a person because of all the reasons they’re not like you. And sometimes you love a person just because they feel like home. ❞

❝ You can do this. You can. We can do it together. ❞

❝ Just think what life’s thrown at you already. You’ve turned disasters into triumphs with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable, infectuous lust for life. ❞

❝ You’ve managed this entire pregnancy almost entirely on your own, despite a lunatic mother, repressed men, and boyfriends who don’t deserve you. ❞

❝ I love you. Just the way you were, the way you are, the way you always will be. ❞

❝ I don’t know how to, uh, explain. Um… I’m pregnant. ❞

❝ Did you have a three-way? ❞

❝ You don’t really need them, you know. All they’re good for is fitting car seats and blaming things on. They really just get in the way after that. You’re absolutely capable of doing this on your own. ❞

❝ I can’t go back and keep making the same mistakes. I have to keep moving forward and make new ones. ❞

❝ Do bring along the father if you can work out which one he is. ❞

❝ I would not have let you do that on a second date. ❞

❝ You know what? I’m really not your buddy. ❞

❝ I’ve come to know her/him/them/you rather well, and I’ve spent those years caring for her/him/them/you very deeply. And that may defy automated reasoning, but there’s nothing I can do about it. ❞

❝ Mum’s throwing a Christmas party slash political rally. It’s like the G8 summit with Scotch eggs. ❞

❝ My ex-husband said it was like watching his favorite pub burn down. ❞

❝ “Think the pain away.” You’re pushing and entire human being out of your vagina. I’d like to see them thinking it away. ❞

❝ I don’t suppose you happen to have a cigarette? ❞

❝ I do recommend that you have the anmiocentesis because there are always more risks with a geriatric mother. ❞

❝ Relevant, relatable, extremely fuckable. Good work. ❞

❝ So, you’re not disappointed? You don’t think I belong on Jerry Springer?❞

❝ I would have bought Swedish furniture for us to make. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. ❞

❝ For better or worse, fate has brought us together. ❞

❝ How do you want to do this? Epidural? ❞

❝ No, you can do this. A positive mental attitude is stronger than any drug. Just think away the pain. ❞

❝ I want everything. Gas, air, injections, morphine. ❞

❝ Yoga is supposed to relax one, but I just spend the entire time clenching my sphincter in an effort not to fart. ❞

❝ Oh, good! I was wondering how many fathers we get. Full house! Bingo! ❞

❝ His death seems to have hit the Eastern European modeling community particularly hard. ❞

❝ Nice memorial, as memorials go. Almost makes one look forward to one’s own. ❞

❝ Twice in the space of a week, I turn up at church as rent-a-spinster. ❞

❝ Oh, God! You didn’t use those! The vegan condoms? ❞

these are some plot ideas that i think are pretty nice, and that are not so cliché. they’re all very simple and anyone can lead this to different directions - fluff, angst, even smut. feel free to reblog if you enjoy them !!!

ONE. muse a is absolutely awful at cooking and their neighbor, muse b, cooks like heaven. everyday, muse a can smell something delicious coming out from muse b’s house/apartment, so one day they finally have the guts to ring their bell and ask for food. bonus: muse a actually asks muse b to teach them how to cook!

TWO. muse a works at a cafe that muse b goes to on a daily basis, so muse a already knows muse b’s order and name. so, everyday, muse a writes muse b’s name on their paper cup, until one day they decide to write their phone number instead of muse b’s name. will muse b call muse a?

THREE. muse a walks the same way everyday to go to work and return home from work. one day, they find this person, muse b, all bruised and hurt, sitting on the sidewalk, with no id or money on them. their clothes are dirty and they are shaking, but they refuse to say a word. muse a gets worried and brings muse b home, feeding them and offering them a bath and clean clothes. but what the hell happened to muse b? why won’t they talk?

FOUR. muse a is a good student and has only excellent grades. they’re focusing on a bright, successful future and don’t want anything to distract them. meanwhile, muse b doesn’t give a damn about studying and only wants to have fun. they are intelligent, but they have pretty bad grades. now, muse b finds out they will fail if they don’t start having good grades, so they know muse a would be pretty helpful. one day, they find out muse a has a secret they’re hiding (i.e they’re having sex with the professor, they’re doing drugs, etc. be creative!), so they start threatening to reveal muse a’s dirty secret if they don’t help muse b. classic bad boy/girl x good girl/boy plot with a twist. bonus: they hate each other at first, but then start actually liking each other.

FIVE. muse a’s first time drinking is at this party where muse b is, too. of course muse a doesn’t know what their limits are and end up pretty wasted. muse a and muse b hook up, and that’s all muse a remembers. the next morning, they wake up to see muse b by their side, in an unknown bed, naked. what happened last night?

SIX. muse a and muse b has always been best friends, but they also secretly had a crush on each other. now, muse a is starting to get involved with someone else, and muse b has to hide jealousy… or not? 

SEVEN. the classic fake boyfriend/girlfriend plot! muse a has a strict, traditional family in the countryside that is dying to see muse a with a significant other. so, in order to make their family happy, they ask muse b to pretend to be their boyfriend/girlfriend for the weekend. bonus: they are actually attracted to each other and don’t really have to pretend.

EIGHT. muse a is visiting a small town and misses the last train to their city. they notice that muse b seems to be in the same situation. to top this, they only have enough money to rent one room in the town’s motel, so hey, let’s share the room? it’s either that or sleeping in the station.

NINE. muse a is a rich kid who has everything they want, whenever they want. muse b, on the other hand, is a middle class person who isn’t quite attached to material things. when they meet and fall in love, muse a has to deal with the fact that muse b is nothing like them, and nothing like what their family pictured as their significant other. will muse a be able to free themselves from the money and the status and assume muse b to their family? or is power and money more important thana muse b’s love?