Jesus christ, man...
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ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Not today Justin
Xuebing Du

@theartofmadeline

Origami Around
Sweet Seals For You, Always

tannertan36
todays bird

AnasAbdin

ā
d e v o n
Claire Keane

ā
RMH
Misplaced Lens Cap
šŖ¼
DEAR READER
h

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@pobodysnerfect13
Jesus christ, man...

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Why does Justin McElroy, the oldest and largest of the group, not simply just eat the other brothers?
Is porn allowed again? Can I come back now?
Can we all just appreciate that Alex Hirsch, creator of Gravity Falls, was prank calling Republican voter fraud hotlines on November 6, 2020?
Every NSP song can be summarized with one of these two images

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Ways Crowley Could Safely Enter A Church
- pogo stick
- a skateboard and a walking stick, punting himself along like heās in Venice
- platform shoes
- piggyback from Aziraphale
- stilts
- being carried bridal-style by Aziraphale
- literally just a fucking motorcycle
Cat has important message for everyone
one of my all time favorite monster factory moments
ātry Pippen?āĀ āoh yeah thatās itā
Oh my god you almost made me drop my croissant
list of men i trust:
john mulaney
andy samberg
Terry Crews
⢠Dwayne āThe Rockā Johnson
⢠Tom Holland
⢠Lin-Manuel Miranda
john cena
Nick offerman
The McElroy Brothers.

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[1920ā²s gangster voice] every single oneāa youāsā¦ā¦ every single oneāa youās is validā¦ā¦.
tāanks bossĀ
I like how everybody is paired off haha
#this looks more like an awkward sixth grade slow dance than it does hockey
I FINALLY FOUND OUT WHY THIS HAPPENS. You see this all the time when thereās a fight or a scrum and suddenly everyone pairs up with a member of the opposite team and they just sort of ā¦hold each other.
Someone on reddit asked about it. And it turns out thereās a logical-ish reason:
all of the other players pair off with their man to prevent anyone else entering into the fight ⦠so itās a form of self policing.Ā
[ā¦]Ā The players basically want to prevent 2 on 1, etc. fights and by finding a āhuggingā partner so thereās no ganging up on one guy, even on accident. They do it because itās fair. And itās kind of cute sometimes.
so now we know! itās fairā¦and cute.
Aw best part is no ones left out at this dance
#hockey hugs #more or less #:))))))))Ā #whereās that one of Karlsson and Mike Green #that oneās priceless
=DDD
NHL: You need to prevent other playerās from joining in the fight, make sure to hold them back
Hockey players, hugging: Got it.
Iāve been working on this for months and the truth is I could continue to add to it forever but I want you all to enjoy it with me
transcript:
Griffin: [as Jenkins] A witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word, I have to attend to their every need, and that word is my fucking name, Jenkins. Justin: [snickering]
G: Are you naming your goddamn wizard Taako?
G: Oh- shit. Oh, god, oh, god, whereād it go, oh no, no, no!
G: If possible, I would love to- to avoid a shitting-based solution? Uh, A, because I donāt want to know what exists beyond the explicit tag in iTunes? [Justin laughs] I donāt- like, is there a fucking NC-17 rating? I donāt wanna- I donāt think I wanna be a part of that. But also- Justin: [crosstalk] Hey! G: I would also not like this scene to drag on out as long as- as a human beingās digestive cycle.
G: [background laughter] Fun show, fun show games!
G: And I think I just described a plant orgasm. And this has been Fifty Shades of Green [Clint laughs], starring four idiots.
G: So the end of that sentence that you cut off was- and I- so I wonāt be able to put up with any shit today, but the problem is I already have? Now people will stop tweeting about me that I said one of Barryās favorite things is swimming in a cold lake on a hot day, and then in two episodes later say he didnāt know how to swim.
G: āKay, you and the box both drink POISON! And you survive, but the box has died. Clint: That means itās open, right? G: Yes, with that the box pops open and it has 900 gold pieces inside. Everyone: Yeah! [cheering]
Travis: I get it. Justin: Damn, thatās a good door! G: No, itās- [yelling] let me finish describing what happened to the door! Iāve been trying to tell you what happened to the door for like ten minutes!
Travis: I tap it with the Gluttonās Fork and I swallow it. Justin: [muffled wheezing] Griffin: What the fuck!
Griffin: [laugh-crying] Youāre gonna turn him into a man tube? [wheezing] You- youāre gonna turn him into a bag or a shelf with the rock sitting on it-
Griffin, loudly: What the fuck?! [audience laughter] Travis: Double damage is- 4 and 3 plus 4 and 1. Griffin: I didnāt give Marvey HP!
Griffin: Is the stapler in here? Anyone want the fucking stapler?
Griffin: Oh, Jesus, you love this shit! [Travis, crosstalk: Iām sorry-] Itās your- Youāre a fucking pervert! Fetish- youāre exposing everybody to your fetishes! Travis: Iām so sorry!
Griffin: Uh- it is an uneventful climb to the twentieth floor. And, uh- as- Travis: Floor twenty! Griffin: as- as- What? Justin and Travis: [snickering] Floor twenty! Griffin: [pause] Weāre not gonna say anything better than that- Travis: Griffin, we have to fight some weeds at floor twenty. Griffin: We have thirty minutes to go, and weāre not gonna say anything better than that. Did you even think about that?
Justin: I grow bored with this fight. [laughter] Griffin: Okay. [crosstalk] Justin: Iām- Iām casting polymorph on myself- Griffin: Oh, fucking- wow. Justin: Griffin, Iām texting you- [Griffin: oh]because youāre going to need this information. Griffin: Oh my god, Justin. Justin: Yes. [Wonderland music starts] Griffin: Taakoās arms sink into his chest, so that heās just got, sort of, little arms, and his head gets really big, and really long, [Clint laughs] and his teeth get very sharp, and he grows a tail, and he turns into a tyrannosaurus rex.
Griffin: [yelling] Oh, NO! Are you keeping track of how many times you rolled as well? Clint: [crosstalk] To be honest the educational system in Huntington, West Virginia sucks- Travis: Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Four, four! Twenty-five! Twenty-seven! [overlapped with Justin] Griffin: itās dead- STOP! Stop! Youāre killing him! Travis and Justin: Thirty! Thirty-six! Griffin: Stop! Heās already dead! Travis: One more, one more, one more- [Clint: C'MON!] Travis and Justin: Thirty-seven! [A pause as the audience laughs] Travis: His parents feel it! Griffin: You fucking- you fucking- this turtleās- this turtleās parents- Travis: [crosstalk] Is that where the turtleās brother dies? Griffin: -forget about him. This turtle was a successful turtle author, and the words on his books fucking vanish. [audience laughter] You have erased this turtle from existence.
Travis: But my butt- Griffin: [yelling] Come on, Iām in hell! [crosstalk] Iām dead and in hell now! You opened the door! You built the fucking door! Out of wood! Shitwood! Shame on you and shame on us!
Justin, as Taako: Garfield? Griffin, as Garfield: Yes? Justin: I have something I think is really going to interest you. Griffin: [yelling out of character] OH MY GOD! Justin: This is the Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles [background laughter] and I notice that you have a really cool sword. Itās a Flaming, Poisoning, Raging Sword of Doom, I believe itās called. Griffin: Oh my god⦠Justin: And- Iām looking at your entire stock and it does seem to me thatās your most valuable posession, would you say thatās accurate? Griffin: [laughter, as Garfield] Yes, itās absolutely the most valuable thing in the store!
Griffin: [very tired] I didnāt expect it to go like that. [audience laughter] Um- and- Travis: What did you expect to happen? Griffin: [yelling] For you to catch a fucking fish in my fish mini game! [audiene cheers] Is that so- Am I out of my mind? Is that an unreasonable expectation? To give them a fucking fish mini game- Taako makes the lake float, Travis jumps in with a rapier, like, āletās get it done!ā and Dad makes, the- the fucking shit teleport away! [audience laughter] Clint: Welcome- welcome to The Adventure Zone, Griffin.
@kdannielle
Iāve noticed on some tags of this post that you guys wanted the hear the audio, so here it is!Ā
Transcription:
āand Iām the baby Griffin.ā
āAnd Iām Griffin, and Iām a child.ā
āIām Naruto.ā
Griffin: [sneezes]Ā āSorry guys, I think Iām just coming down with a touch of basketball feverrrrrā Justin:Ā āYou have to say your name.ā Griffin:Ā āGriffin McElroy, I have basketball fever.ā
Griffin: āAnd Iām Griffin McElroy. I am playing Minecraft. Right now.ā Justin:Ā āRight this second.ā Griffin:Ā āWhile we record the show.ā
āIām Hank āThe Spank Tankā Jankersonā
āIām your sweet baby Jesus brother, Griffin McElroy.ā
āIām your sweet baby, Griffin.ā
āIām Travis.ā
āUh, Iām Griffin McElroy, and, yeah, Iām just gonna, I donāt have shit to do.ā
Griffin: [makes obnoxious dolphin noises] Justin:Ā āwhy. whyā Griffin: [continued dolphin noises] Travis:Ā āwhy are you doing thatā Justin:Ā āhow could thisā¦ā Griffin:Ā āItās my- itās how I commune. Itās how I commune with my dolphin brethren.ā
Griffin, in a spooky voice:Ā āAnd Iām the baby New Year-ā Justin:Ā āWelcome, Baby New Year!ā Griffinā -ghost, Iām the ghost of Baby New Year.ā
āIām your babiest brother Griffin FUCKING McElroy.ā
āAnd Iām Griffin McElroy, the Emperor of Piss.ā [laughter]
āIām your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy and look at how sticky my hands are! Gonna put āem right in your pockets and get all that sweet change out.ā
āIām your oldest brother, Justin McElroy- no waitā
āIām Justin McElroy Junior.ā
āIām your sweet-ASS brother Griffin McElroy.ā
āAnd Iām Griffin. Guys, what the fuck even is goinā on anymore?ā
Justin:Ā āAnd whatās your name, little one?ā Griffin:Ā āItās- I think its Ghoul Rat Fin Mummy Rat.ā
Griffin, in a shaky voice:Ā āAnd Iām Pimbles, the- [laughing] and Iām Pimbles, the bread man.ā
Griffin:Ā āGriffin Tyler McElroy, boys, whatās that-ā Travis:Ā āwait, hold onā
Griffin:Ā āIām your sweet baby brother, Tyler Tyler Tyler.ā
āAnd I am the valeDICKtorian. You donāt get my name.ā

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me whenever i see a news headline regarding the government