Waiting for my Angel

Ugh… Idk why did I decide it would ease the pain if I drew Meg…

@30-to-50-plastic-spiders yeah exactlyyyyy and you're right he was !! sam had these dreams and he was convinced this isn't what he should be doing with his life meanwhile dean's just knee deep in his healthy detox juice

not sure if zachariah intentionally let sam have memories/dreams of his old life to get the ball rolling or if that's just a sammy winchester thing but either way he's doing all the "bro trust me" heavy lifting in that episode. by the time they actually start hunting dean has at least SEEN the ghost with his own eyes sam's just like no yeah i believe it no proof needed.

and after they finish the job he's like "dude you know what i think we should RUN AWAY together and hunt monsters" and dean's just like what is Wrong with this guy

also

I am so excited to finally be able to share with you the artwork I did for the adorable fic "They call you Gabriel", written by the equally adorable @hectatess!!

A huuuuge thanks to her for trusting me with her story, and a round of applause to the @gabrielsbigblog and its mods, which run this amazing event!!!

Seriously need them now as a reference for a fic I'm working on. (AND They're amazing to look at)

Could really use some community help to dig it up.

Or if anyone just knows some of them, comment it would also be amazing. Just the clip screenshot that can remind me of the scenario and episode number (if not, season number is good enough too)

I fear we didn't talk enough about Cas's "I'm not going to let you or anyone hurt the people I love." And the murderous look in his eyes right after Donatello cursed Dean.

And there's something else in the script that's not exactly how the show presented: Donatello did mention that digging into his mind could fry them both, and Cas didn't care. We didn't really see how much he suffered, but in the script, it says: it's painful for him too, so much that Cas screamed.

Donatello: What are you going to do? Castiel: Something I swore I'd never do to another human without their permission... He unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt, rolls up his sleeves... Castiel: I'm going to strip the spell from your mind. (beat) I'm sorry -- but I have to do this, because I know you cannot be saved -- Donatello: I don't want to be saved. Cas nods, absorbing that -- Castiel: Then let's begin. Donatello's mind races, trying to talk his way out of this -- Donatello: Unless -- we could work together!? My knowledge and your power? We could rebuild the world as God intended. That's what all you angels want, isn't it? On Cas -- tempted? Not even close. Castiel: That road... has evil ends. Dontello's really panicking now. Donatello: Wait --! (tapping his head) The power I've absorbed -- it'll fry us both. Castiel: It might. Donatello struggles in his restraints as -- Cas gently takes his head in his hands. Donatello's eyes roll back, Cas scanning his mind -- after a beat... the prophet begins to scream. An animalistic wail -- Undaunted, Cas tightens his grip. Focusing. Gritting his teeth. This is painful for him too. And then -- Cas starts to scream as well.

Cas could have fried himself... just because Donatello hurt the people he loves, because he hurt Dean, and Cas knows Dean is the people he loves, and he's not afraid to admit that to the prophet... But Dean doesn't know that. Dean doesn't even know how much risk Cas took or how much pain he endured (how much does it take to make an angel scream?) to get the spell for him, to open the door to the other Apocalypse world to get Mary and Jack back.

And why doesn't Cas care about his life? Oh the angel who only sees himself as a weapon -- we have that in the script but not exactly in the show as well:

INT./EXT. Impala - Night Driving down a country road... Dean glances at Cas. Dean: How you holding up? Cas stares out the window, detached -- Castiel: I'm fine. Dean: Look, man, think I can tell by now when something's botherin' you. Cas relents, facing Dean. Admitting -- Castiel: Lucifer... Dean: Yeah, I know how badly it burns you up we haven't been able to find him. I'm with you... Castiel: It's not that -- (reconsidering) Well, it is that. But... I've been thinking... about the time Lucifer and I spent incarcerated together... (as he forms the thought) The only way I was able to outmaneuver him and escape was by trusting my instincts, relying on my angel nature, instead of pretending to be something I'm not... He fall silent, but Dean presses -- Dean: Like what? On Cas -- an answer, a realization hitting him. One he doesn't want to voice. Dean picks up on his hesitation -- Dean: What -- like us? Human? Cas nods. On Dean -- as that lands. Cas pivots -- Castiel: Dean, I have to believe I was brought back for a reason -- Dean: You were. Jack brought you back 'cause we needed you back. On Cas -- part of him agrees, but another part believes -- Castiel: I was created to be a soldier -- a weapon in the service of good. Dean: Cas, you're more than a weapon -- Castiel: In times of peace I can be, but if Michael really is coming -- Dean: We'll figure it out. (beat) Don't take this on yourself... you don't have to. Cas absorbs that, stone-faced -- as Dean pulls the Impala into a field.

The two of you really are the same... one thinking of himself as a weapon for Heaven, the other "Daddy's blunt instrument". And no matter how much they tell each other "you're more than a weapon", part of them still can't fully absorb that...

Dean's so soft and caring in this dialogue (probably exactly why they cut out the majority, leaving only the part he asked how Cas's doing, that they needed him back, which is just as sentimental as S08E17's "I need you").

it comes with built-in issues of self-worth

///

(I'll hold it off. Buy you time.)

Bullying your not-dad’s not-boyfriend can be any lesbian’s favorite pastime

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(ID in alt and under cut)

OK

final one

for all the marbles,

this one doesn't have an illustration bc i think it was just a kids novel but i haven't been able to find ANYTHING about it on my occasional internet queries:

kids is staying with his (grandmother?) in the woods and she warns him not to look a fox in the eyes bc they're tricksy and will swap places with you. obviously that's the first thing the little boy does and gets body snatched by a fox who uhhhh proceeds to pig out with his new little boy human hands and the boy has to trick the fox into looking him in the eyes again to switch back...

i cannot express how much these are from memory, that's how internalized these artists and writers have become, they're a part of me now

The second one is likely Stellaluna.

then someone gets brave and makes a character who is a real bastard and makes all the wrong choices and is maybe even malicious at times and they make this character explicitly queer. and then fans are like "this is what you think of us?? worst representation ever" and the creator gets absolutely lambasted, ESPECIALLY if theyre queer themselves

then everyone else sees this and either thinks its too risky to include a queer character, or wants to make sure they're only doing the good and nice representation with no flaws or mistakes