I'm Bitter in My Heart

“Yeah well,” Ryan said with a small smile.  "Fun sketching in bars.  People that wanna be here in the middle of the day are always the most interesting.“  Her smile widened as Kassia went on. "If I could get my hands on some pot, I’d probably be doing that instead.”  It wasn’t exactly true, Ryan just generally stayed away from anything that seemed to veer towards the path her mother had gone down, and that meant steering a hard left away from any illegal inhaled substances.  "Must keep people from bugging you too much.  The image.“

“Very good point. Most the people here are regulars at this hour.” Kass spoke. “How old are you again? Like Seventeen? I may or may not have some but If I get caught smoking pot with a high schooler my reputation is gone.” Kassia half smiled. “Keeps most people away, except daring high schoolers who stare at me in a bar.” She teased. 

“Katarzyna.” He tried the name, pretty sure he was butchering it before laughing “Yah, no, I’m calling you Kassia. So, Kassia, tell me something: how do I keep a conversation without making it sound like I’m hitting on you?” He pointed at her with the bottle and then to the rest of the bar “Because I really don’t want to go into the ‘pig’ category.”

“I get it.” Kassia smiled softly taking a sip of her drink. “I don’t know, I’ll just assume from this time forward that you are not hitting on me.” 

“Almost done with high school,” Ryan amended.  "And you really don’t have cred as a high schooler til you have a fake id.“  She shrugged. "Sure everyone knows everyone, but they also don’t mind taking my underage money for drinks.”  She flicked her finger on the rim of her glass.  "I hate gym,“ she continued, in explanation. "Yeah, around town. People talk.  And I’ve seen you.  You’ve got this bitch queen of the darkness thing going on.”

“What are you doing after?” The black haired girl inquired. “Micah over there is not serving any minors.” She pointed out shrugging, watching him walking in for his shift “Every other bartender will though.” Kass knew all the bartenders very well. “Ahhh, that’s a good reason. I used to smoke pot under the bleachers during gym.” Kassia spoke. “You kind of remind me of me.” The girl spoke. “That I do, it’s taken years to sculpt my image.” 

Ryan gave as causal a shrug as she could when she felt the little person in her head giving a fist pump.  "I’m alright,“ she said, lifting a shoulder.  She took the book back and flipped through it again, frowning lightly over it.  "I guess.  I don’t know who’d really like this shit other than me though.”  Her lips quirked up a moment later.  "Nope.  Not really.  Half the shit people say about you is not even in the same universe as true, but it doesn’t matter, because all you are in this town is what other people think you are.“

“I like it... And I don’t like anything.” Kassia spoke softly. Taking a sip of her drink, before looking at the girl. “You’re in high school right? What are you doing in a bar like this?” The black haired girl questioned raising an eyebrow at her, wondering what reason a high school student would have to be in a bar mid day. Kassia sighed softly. “What have you heard about me? From people in the town?” She inquired pressing further on what Ryan was saying about how you are what people think you are. 

He returned the smile “Whatever you say, tough girl.” He kissed her hand, winking at her before laughing, hoping to make her understand that he was just messing around “Uh, where is that name from?”

“Don’t mock.” Kassia shook her head with a slight smile creeping on her lips. “Poland. You can call me Kassia if you’d like, it’s much easier to pronounce.” 

“Don’t you feel unsafe or something? Like, I would change bars, honestly.” He said looking around. Guys at the bar didn’t look friendly and for him, it wasn’t a problem but for a girl like her… Well, he did not want to think about it. 

“I’m Elijah, by the way.”

“Unsafe. Please. I can take care of myself.” She explained. “I’m Katarzyna.” Kassia extended her hand out to the male shaking his hand with a smile. 

“Bad habit, should get rid of.” He said, like he was taking notes instead of giving an advice, which he kind of was. Giving advice that is. A bad habit he should get rid of.

“Wow, free alcohol. I’m in.” He sat down next to the girl, still fiddling around with his beer bottle. “Tell me, if most guys are pigs, why do you keep coming here?”

“Two please.” Kassia ordered from the bar tender. “Because it’s the cheapest bar in town and the closest to my house.” Kassia explained to the boy. 

He shrugged, not really bothering to answer her at first. Then he felt kind of bad for her, after all, he had had to defend his coworkers from that type of guys more than once. 

“Well, that makes sense but you did start it. I hadn’t even noticed you until you snapped at me for no apparent reason” Elijah started playing with the bottle wondering if it was even worth to keep arguing with the girl, because she was obviously not going to admit she was wrong.

“I snap for no reason often.” She stated shrugging. Kassia felt like it wasn’t even worth arguing. “Look, I”m not going to apologize but if you want to sit down, I’ll buy you drink. Only because you weren’t being a pig like most jackasses in here.”

Ryan lived life like she didn’t have anything to fear, but honestly, she worried about people judging her for her art.  It was deeply personal really, the only personal thing about her, since she worked so hard to maintain and cold exterior.  She shifted a little in her seat, watching Kassia’s face with her teeth sunk in her lower lip.  The praise was mild, but it was enough to make Ryan relax and almost smile.  "You can flip through that if you want to.  I’m kind of a one trick pony, it’s all charcoal, but I guess dark and edgy is my thing.“  She almost smirked. "Looks like it’s your thing too.”  Ryan nodded at the introduction.  "And you already know me.  But I’ve seen you around, obviously.  No one gets to be here and not have everyone have an idea who they are.“

“Thanks.” She spoke going through the girl’s sketch book. “You’re good.” She commented going through the pictures seeing the pages and pages of black charcoal. “You should try selling some of you work.” The girl handed her book back to Ryan. “No, in this town being invisible is not a privilege.” Katarzyna said with a small smirk hiding the sadness that she had lurking behind her eyes.  

“It bodes well for me that not dying is a highlight to you.” flaunting about a more genuine simper, amusement colors his features. "What about you? No near-death experiences these last couple days?”

“Nothing more than the usual near death experiences.” Kassia teased with a smile smirk, not explaining more than that. 

“Wow, clever” He rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his almost empty beer and shrugging “Now that you mention it… Nah, I don’t, I have a few hours to kill before i go to work” He looked over at the bartender and with a nod, the man brought him another bottle. 

“Seriously? You are the one that started it. You don’t want peace, you want…” He tried to find the word for it, but gave up after a few seconds. 

“Thanks.” She sighed. Watching as he approached the bar getting anther drink. “Started it? Righttttt.” The black haired girl spoke. “I felt you staring at me and I’m sick of guys being pigs to me at the this bar. How the hell was I supposed to know you were just standing behind me looking at the window?” She finished her drink, ordering anther. 

“And it’s not even one of my best ones, go figure” The sarcasm dripped from his words as he lifted the bottle of beer in some kind of salute to the stranger. He had to go to work in a few hours and, even if he didn’t know his new boss’ alcohol policy, he always felt better after a couple of beers. “As great as any when you are zoning out, yeah.”

“Oh wow, I’d probably have third degree burns with your worst.” Kassia rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have someone else to go be sassy to? I’m just trying to enjoy my drink in peace.” She knew she’d have a mess to go home to, so she just wanted to get drunk hopefully to numb the pain that was coming for her. 

a brief LAUGH rumbles, cracking the loose threads of a smile. “Swimming half way into a boat crowded inlet while drunk… Not my proudest moment. But I did not drown… Too much. That should count for something, right?”

“At least you didn’t kill yourself.” Kassia gave him a half hearted smile looking at Bennett. 

Ryan knew it shouldn’t be a surprising thing given the small town they lived in, but it still managed to catch her off guard when people knew her.  At least by name and not just ‘that girl’.  "Yeah,“ she said, drawing the word out a little, trying not to look surprised.  "Oh, um…” Ryan said feeling strangely at a loss for words.  Which didn’t happen too often.  She didn’t like showing unfinished work around, but she really couldn’t say no given that she was drawing someone without explicit permission.  "Yeah I guess.  It’s not…done yet, obviously…“ she said, mostly stalling handing over her sketch book.  When she knew she couldn’t avoid it anymore she turned the page she was working on to show her.  Ryan worked almost exclusively in charcoal, drawn to the heavy blackness of it, and sketching Kassia allowed her to fill the page with harsh black lines, the white of the paper showing through even more starkly in the planes of the face and the exposed bit of skin on Kassia’s neck. "You’ve just totally got this black widow thing going on.  I couldn’t resist.”

Kassia raised her eyebrow at the girl who clearly was at a loss of words. “I don’t care. Let me see.” The black haired girl said in a less harsh tone, just wanting to see her work. Katarzyna looked at Ryan who was clearly scared to show off her work, she knew that feeling. Not that Kassia drew, she was more musically inclined. The black haired girl looked down at the heavy black out line of her. She could see through the few lines how dark and fierce she already looked. She loved but hated the way that this is how others saw her. She loved that people feared her but she wanted to be softer and more approachable she just didn’t know how to. Sighing she looked at Ryan with a smile. “That I do.” Kassia said with a smirk playing on her lips. She handed that paper back to her. “Good job kid. You got anymore you can show me?” Kassia looked at her. “I’m Katarzyna, most people call me Kassia.” 

“I’m eleven… Why are you so mean?” 

“Close enough. Did I hurt your feelings?”