I Miss Him

Are the panic attacks and break downs ever gonna stop? Because I can’t go this any longer.

As long as your hope still exists, everything will be fine. Your heart might break in a million pieces, or your trust is broken a hundred times, but as long as you still hope for something better than that, it will be okay.

I was holding on to you, because I wanted this to be right. I wanted this to be what I always wanted. So I faded out the hurtful parts, and focused on what we could have been.

When you finally realize, it’s coming to an end. That trying to hold on to things that weren’t there for so long doesn’t make any sense. It still sucks and just because time passes, it doesn’t get any easier. I just always wanted you to be the one.

On some days I just need you more than on others. But for you it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

What’s the point of anything if it’s not gonna last anyways?

I was never gonna hurt you. That’s why I ended up breaking my own heart.

I can’t stop fighting for you, because you are the only thing I ever really wanted but couldn’t get.

Do i just Imagine that he makes me happy? Pretend like he is all I want? Wouldn’t it just be easier to move on?

I beg you. Please just do not forget me. Because I’m scared you will.

I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better. If I’m ever gonna be able to completely trust you again. I don’t know if it’s gonna improve, or if I’m just gonna keep ignoring the fact that half of what you told me is only half true.

Maybe you weren’t meant to stay, and I just tried to hold onto you for too long.

What’s the point of falling in love with someone when you know he won’t love you back? The unnecessary sadness and disappointment you get. And then there will come a point, where they will belong to the past, but until that point, your life will have been changed by him. You might have gone through a lot to get over him, and it will have affected other things in your life. Just to realize that he wasn’t worth it to begin with. Why do we fall in love, when we know from the beginning that there won’t be a happy ending?

They aren’t in a position to judge you, because they didn’t go through the same as you did.

I was so close to moving on so many times. Why didn’t I? What’s holding me back from making the last step? Continuing this will just break me over and over, without me realizing how bad it actually got.