i’ve decided it’s about time i list my basic futureverse headcanons, in honor of the new special potentially fucking with them. there are a lot here, just be aware!
note that these are largely self-indulgent or for comedic potential more than what i think would realistically happen! also there’s some ships in here, and some you may like, some you may not. there’s also some kind of obscure characters listed, as well as OCs, but not every character i’ve managed to think about in depth. i have an expansive universe planned in my mind!
stan marsh: comedy musician, but less weird al and more ninja sex party. got his break writing music for animated music videos starring a caricature of himself as a child. uses humor to cope with tragedy. kind of emotionally detached but can be passionate about specific causes. comes out as bi in high school but later realizes he’s only gay. debating whether to get him together with wendy (and maybe beget a kid) just so they can get divorced lol.
randy and sharon marsh: finally divorced, randy lives on his farm. tegridy farms is a huge corporation but randy still thinks it’s just a small business. he might have a questionable relationship with towelie. he gets high and crashes his car into a mall on halloween and dies. stan grapples with inheriting the business he hates so much, and sharon tries to see the silver lining in the husband she hated for years, even though stan thinks she should just let herself hate him.
shelly marsh: became an MMA fighter to work out her anger issues and is a much healthier adult. married one of her fans, they’re very content. shelly and stan also have a much better relationship, though she rarely visits south park (she lives in albuquerque).
kyle broflovski: wants to write for the atlantic but writes a blog on medium instead. cowrites stan’s songs until they have a falling out. marries nichole, who works for the same corporation as stan and kyle, and they have a daughter (maybe more kids? idk). becomes a media professor when he’s older (i do like the school counselor angle that canon’s suggesting though, and might steal that instead). also kind of jaded, but genuinely loves those kids and his wife. is bisexual and has ocd but didn’t realize either until he was in his thirties. has a crush on stan but knows the time to have a healthy romantic relationship with stan has probably passed.
ike broflovski: cracked from gifted kid pressure and had a rebellious emo phase as a teen, but got whipped into shape before high school by his girlfriend (sally bands, a side character) and made it into harvard. married his high school sweetheart, has a loving family, and is a wealthy immigration lawyer. kyle’s jealous of him but ike is under a lot of pressure. he’s also a huge republican sorry lol that’s canon
eric cartman: never went to college. he became a viral “cringe” meme by chance and rode the fame to become one of those youtubers who rants about pop culture and politics for hours. he tried to take credit for stan’s music videos but that backfired lol. he looks like an idiot, but he’s developed a cult following (mostly consisting of kids) that actually listens to what he says, and it’s really unsettling how he strings them along to buy his merch. he lives in the middle of nowhere, all he needs is internet access to order food and do his streams.
kenny mccormick: transfeminine, still goes by “kenny.” twitch streamer and fantastic gamer, but she really likes psychology too, so she becomes a relationship counselor. married to butters, they have multiple foster kids. despite everything, she keeps in contact with her family and her many nieces and nephews. very empathetic and family-oriented but also very tired. so many of these characters are tired. also ended up adopting damien’s demonic daughter so that’s a whole thing.
stuart and carol mccormick: went through bumps and carol almost moved out with the kids, but as they grew older they actually got less hostile, mostly due to the assistance from the harrisons and kenny being a good mediator (as exhausted as that made her).
karen mccormick: went through a lotttttt of unhappy relationships as a teen before learning to be independent. she’s married to crystal white and they have a daughter. she’s an interior designer and likes to make her own clothes. also a nerd who loves superhero stuff, she moonlights by writing superhero stories based on her “guardian angel” as a child. she still sees the angel in her dreams.
kevin mccormick: dated jenny harrison, the oldest mormon daughter, in high school, and they started a family and got married (in that order) very early. kevin didn’t want “handouts” from the harrisons but they were very generous nevertheless, which helped the mccormicks greatly with financial troubles. kevin feels weirdly guilty about it as he isn’t used to life out of poverty, so their relationship is always a little weird. he does some sort of contractor work.
butters stotch: goes by “leo” more than his childhood nickname. freelance artist and animator. worked with stan and kyle’s animated music videos, but quit to spend more time with kenny. catholic but not in a pushy way, he’s reclaimed religion as a comforting thing. very cheerful but represses many childhood memories and has serious anger issues to work out. these improve as they get older. basically glenn from superstore. except they also ride a motorcycle.
stephen and linda stotch: relationship mellowed out, then got messed up when butters got to high school and started dating. linda had Kind Of A Breakdown, butters and stephen lived in the house alone for a bit, taking out anger on each other until butters moved out to room with the mccormicks (who had a spare bed cuz kevin had started living with the harrisons by then) and then moved in with father maxi. i’m still fleshing out what happens after this but all i know is butters does not talk to his family much when he’s an adult, preferring to see maxi as a father figure.
craig: he and tweek broke up in high school due to issues with being “stuck together” by the town. craig got held back in senior year due to skipping class too much. he and tweek meet up again after college and “start over” and fall in love all over again. sort of like the ruby and sapphire arc in steven universe, but not really. they have a couple of kids. he’s a mechanic but wanted to be an astronomer instead, but he’s not one to complain.
tricia: veterinarian, doesn’t care much for people. in a committed relationship with firkle of all people. basically april ludgate from parks and rec.
tweek tweak: dated gary for a while but it didn’t work out because gary wasn’t good at addressing tweek’s issues. reuniting with craig helped them work things out as mature adults. tweek enjoys food chemistry; he runs a small bakery and prefers to eat food that he’s cooked himself.
clyde donovan: single dad due to a fling with a woman from the peppermint hippo during a bachelor party. loves his daughter but also seeking out women. might end up with rebecca cotswolds? idk.
token williams: works in the stock exchange but really wants to use his money for good instead. he funded stan, kyle, and butters’ animation project. was married to a flight attendant for a few years and traveled the globe, they had a kid but later divorced, he got custody and remarried to the CEO of a small startup app company.
jimmy valmer: big advocate for satirical comedy. moved to NYC to intern and later write for the daily show. dating a fellow standup comedian. both of their twitter feeds are iconic.
wendy testaburger: thought she was trans in high school but realized she wasn’t, still supports trans rights though ofc. went to NYU (which shook up stan since they were dating-ish in senior year) and became a political speaker, but moved back to colorado due to low funds. dated heidi for some time but they didn’t work out long term. she co-wrote stan’s music video series for some time, but personal and creative differences led to her leaving the team. she likes to play volleyball and is still a little in love with all of her exes.
bebe stevens: came out as a lesbian in college. an environmental lawyer with a lot of bite (elle woods energy). realized she was in love with wendy but they stopped being friends in high school so that was awkward.
heidi turner: double majored in botany and sociology, then got work as a florist. also fosters cats. raunchier sense of humor than you’d expect. doesn’t like to talk about her experience with cartman bc she doesn’t want to “play the victim” but this means a lot of her insecurities about relationships go unaddressed and she can get snappy sometimes.
red mcarthur: nonbinary, uses any pronouns. was a big theater kid. kind of conceited, but fiercely protects the ones they love. polyamorous; he, kevin stoley, and sophie gray are all dating one another. runs a cosplay instagram with her partners and friends.
nichole daniels: used to date red and kevin but left the polycule. developed her own board game which she then learned to turn into an indie video game. reconnected with kyle in college, then again when they were both doing creative work. she’s imaginative, and likes sports, fantasy, furries.
damien thorne: due to his father's death, he's had to grow up to be a proper demon and take his place. he finds this stressful and has no faith in humans to not end up in hell. he's not as kind as his father in that regard. he does like kenny, and used one of kenny's dead bodies as a vessel for his own offspring. said offspring wanted to go to earth and try to stop people from sinning, so that's how they ended up living with kenny for a while. he still talks to pip sometimes but there's no shipping there because pip died as a child and thus doesn't grow up in hell like damien does, sorry.
goth kids:
michael is a pretentious art and literature professor who focuses on the romantic era.
henrietta biggle collects abstract art and runs a wicca shop with her girlfriend, a former vamp kid.
pete thelman became a DJ and moved from being goth to being more of a raver (the others make fun of him for this) and is dating vampir, who is trans (and changed xer name to vera), scene, and quirky but polite. they love each other.
firkle smith is terrifying and stabbed at least one of his friends.
gary harrison and his family: moved to manhattan to become a successful broadway performer. mark writes plays and jenny (the woman married to kevin mccormick) writes novels. he sees stan’s stuff as a guilty pleasure and they briefly have a Thing but their outlooks on life are too opposite to really mesh.
scott malkinson: creative director of viacom. married to the new kid (a trans girl in my verse), who directs viacom’s social media. super smug, rubs his success in the faces of all his bullies. his lisp barely shows up anymore.
rebecca cotswolds: went to an all-girls catholic middle school but then to the same high school as everyone else. tries to live her life like an 80s teen movie but doesn’t quite work out. gets attached to people easily. dated kyle in high school, but it didn’t work out as he didn’t feel like he was right for her. her brother is overprotective, almost as much as her parents. she fared better as an adult as she’s a very talented neurosurgeon, though she’s still seeking out love.
david rodriguez: runs his father’s restaurant, is still friends with kyle.
kyle schwartz: is well-off, has a very attractive wife with a beautiful voice and a daughter who is very talented in basketball. kyle b resents this all so much.
