That I might not have,

When I start to wonder about you

How you’re truly doing

What made your day..

What brought a smile to your face

The hardships you may face now

All of the things about you..

How admirable you are

How much you mean to me

And my god

Since we exchanged vows.

I catch myself wondering..

If you still wish you could live in my words forever.

seemed to be the brightest.

A dark room

And all that it entails

Reminds me of a past time

Of memories I clung to

Rare moments I grasped for

With you.

All too familiar

Like then,

All still, painstakingly…

Too see things

In yourself

In your life

That have never quite fit but never changed.

It’s uncomfortable to change those things.

It’s uncomfortable to face that the things you love most may not have a place.

It’s uncomfortable to see change in others and that you don’t fit.

Growth.

There’s alway be one thing I’ve been exceptionally better at

Self sabotaging.

Learning the love around me

Feeling it, absorbing it

And waiting for it to crumble

For people to see I just may not be worth all that love you offer.

Rooted in this fear of possibly being abandoned

Reliving that sting from loss

Ultimately forcing self reliance.

But in this very moment…