———–  spotify 1 - 100 starters     /     for :  @plaestics​                                           feat.  #1 :   “i don’t want to miss a thing”  cover by katie kadan 

the flight has made her tired,  despite the fact that she should be well-used to travel by now.    there’s something different,  she supposes,  about a long journey ending in motel bed or monstrous chase and one bringing her here:   his couch,  a different couch than in younger years,  but smelling of him nevertheless.   head is canted back at an angle,  drooping eyelids trained on the television at whatever the fuck movie this is that she agreed to watching,  mere background noise.   half a beer rests in her palm ;   the threat of spilling it is one half the force that keeps her from dozing.

the other half is that she’d loathe to close her eyes,  loathe to miss even a single moment of this reunion.   too long she’s dreamt about it,   too many questions buzz through her head.   he’s tried to quiet her,  lull her with this movie and this comfortable silence,   his old tricks.    

she has her own,  though,  too.

❝  so .  .  . we might as well get this one out of the way .  .  .   ❞     her eyes find her way back to him,  bright blue and piercing and perhaps even mischevious ;  right brow defies exhaustion’s gravity to raise.    ❝  are you seeing anyone ?   ❞

ROUTINE  COMES  EASILY ,   AS  IF  NO  TIME  HAS  PASSED .    the  enveloping  of  her  small  frame  in  his  arms ,   checking  for  signs  of  exhaustion  that  he  doubts  she  would  ever  admit ,   the  banter  that  walks  the  line  between  good - natured  and  inappropriate ,   the  cold  drinks ,   the  settling  on  any  cushioned  surface  to  allow  bodies  to  rest  if  only  for  a  moment  —  just  when  he  thought  he  knew  how  much  he  missed  her ,   life  allowed  them  a  reunion  that  proves  it’s  tenfold .

question  posed  causes  a  laugh  that  starts  as  a  low  rumble ,   shaking  his  head  and  dipping  chin  to  chest  in  a  way  that  was  almost  boyish .    mark  sloan  did  not  get  shy ,   especially  around  the  topic  of  women .    she  of  all  people  would  know  that ,   and  it’s  why  he’s  quick  to  clear  to  clear  his  throat ,   meeting  her  gaze  and  allowing  brows  to  pull  together  in  time  with  a  wide  grin .

the events of the plane crash spread into california like the wildfires. lexie grey is dead. mark sloan is severely injured. those thoughts gnawed at her like a nightmare every day – she’s dazed, terrified. she’s at crossroads with jake : he’s kind, he’s patient, he understands her. yet, it was barely moments she delivered amelia’s baby – her baby without a brain. then, the news about mark, derek, and the rest comes crashing down at her like a wrecking ball. 

as if it is a blur, she has henry sitting at the backseat in his baby seat. somehow, she’s hitting the gas pedal and driving towards seattle. somehow, she finds herself standing before the hospital that was once so familiar and yet… everything has changed. she’s been here for days, her eyes looking over mark sloan’s hospital bed as she hopes for a medical miracle to happen. 

her fatigued body is asleep beside his. her arms folded as she rests – henry’s with the daycare at this moment and addison is, quite frankly, tired. 

@plaestics​ / hi i hate this

IT  COMES  IN  WAVES  ——-  the  memories ,   loss ,   pain .    disjointed ,   but  enough  to  piece  it  together .    and  he  knows  that  it’s  better ,   in  theory ,   to  be  there .    he  knows  that  he’s  supposed  to  fight .    sofia  was  here .   and  callie ,   derek ,   jackson ,   arizona ,   addison .........  he’s  supposed  to  be  here ,   with  them .   but  with  every  reminder  of  who  he’s  fighting  for ,   there’s  an  ache  in  his  chest  that  speaks  to  what  he’s  lost .    it’s  in  the  quiet  moments  that  he  thinks  of  her .   in  the  short  intervals  he’s  left  alone ,   when  the  residents’  blue  scrubs  fly  past  his  door ,   when  he  stirs  from  whatever  sleep  he  can  muster  and  he  swears  she’ll  be  there  waiting  for  him .    but  she  never  is .

she never kept track of the nights they spent together because when they first began,   she assumed they wouldn’t last.    theirs is a program tough,  rigorous,  demanding,    cutthroat,  with  little time for a social life beyond study groups  and rotations,   bonds which last for the duration of the course or round before fading away.     she never expected to like anyone — and,  in all honesty,  perhaps him least of all.    early in their acquaintanceship,  she’d thought of and called him all manner of things,   from a child to a womanizing pig,   a dichotomy he himself pointed out was inherently incongruous,  contradictory.

he’s those things,   sure.   yet so much more. 

he smiles at her and she’s aware of how many women would kill to have the position which she currently occupies.   wonders if,   perhaps,   there was even supposed to be another individual here in it today.   one who would want his waffles and his sausage.    she hadn’t bothered to check when she called him,   hadn’t asked if he had other plans.    she’d been stupid,   needy,   selfish .  .  .    yet he’d taken her in just the same.    so she manages a half smile with the right side of her lips,   if for no other reason than to show him that his efforts last night were not in vain.  a playful  chide.    ❝   the ones who put out.     that is objectifying.   ❞    

small feet pad gently across the room.    blue eyes crusted with sleep regard the countertop like an operating table,   space limited,  components complex .  .  .    delicately,  she moves aside plates and utensils to clear a space just large enough for her butt and hoists herself up.   her feet dangle high off the ground,  making her feel like a child.   but more joyful,   less petulant than before.   warmed from the heat of the stovetop and the extraneous fabric of his big cotton shirt.

❝  really,   really well.    i just hope i didn’t keep you up or anything.  ❞   she must’ve drooled on him,   inevitably,   and with her nose stuffed from snot,   she imagines she must’ve snored.  a mortifying image she has no choice but to trust he won’t pass on to anyone in the future who dares to think her sexy.        ❝  how much longer on that coffee ?  ❞ 

JUST  BECAUSE  HE  DOESN’T  PRY ,   does  not  mean  he’s  not  observing .    it’s  a  habit ,   picked  up  when  he  was  a  child ,   a  talent  of  sorts  that  developed  with  age .    and  despite  the  scoff  and  quick  retorts  to  most  colleagues  or  teachers ,   it’s  one  of  the  things  that  has  made  him  such  a  talented  surgeon .    on  another  level ,   it  reared  its  head  with  people  he  cared  about  -----  the  shepherds  were  a  prime  example ,   and  dana  scully  was  another .

so  he  follows  her  with  his  gaze ;   each  step ,   the  way  she  navigates  in  his  work  space ,   the  expressions  that  come  and  go  with  ease .    it  is  out  of  concern ,   of  course ,   but  at  the  back  of  his  mind  he’s  also  well  aware  that  he  would  absolutely  risk  the  investment  that  were  his  hands  to  knock  out  anyone  and  everyone  that  was  even  remotely  responsible  for  how  she  had  shown  up  at  his  door  the  night  prior .    a  new  day  allowed  him  to  venture  down  that  path ,   instead  of  focusing  all  his  attention  on  ensuring  she  was  actually  able  to  rest .    but  it’s  enough  (  at  least  for  now  )  and  it  allows  the  smile  to  grow  that  much  wider  as  he  turns  to  check  the  coffee .    “     another  minute  -----  milk  and  sugar  are  behind  you .    hey ,   did  you  want  bacon  too ?    'cause  i  can  do  it  all ,   baby .     ”     (  as  if  she  needed  a  reminder  of  the  ego  he  lovingly  tended  to .  )

——–  i guess this is a starter,  which i didn’t intend for it to be,  i just needed to get this visual out of my systerm lololol    /     for :   @plaestics

she’s wearing his shirt,   yesterday’s makeup,  and a single popcorn kernel in her hair.   she could’ve slept forever,   she figures,   face pressed against his pillows — which smell like him and cheap beer and a little bit of derek’s cologne —  and she likely would’ve were it not for the distinct aroma of pancakes wafting from the kitchen.   unexpected,   this gesture,  and wholly unnecessary,  for he’s already done so much for her already.

across the room from him,  she lingers,   small and tired and suddenly guilty.   she hadn’t intended to stay,  to take up his time and his space,  hadn’t intended to unload all her heaviness on him.    it overwhelms her, the vulnerability she showed him,   like the four extraneous sizes of cotton drowning her small frame.       

she looks to him with his dumb soul patch and his spatula,  then to the floor  ;    navy blue pedicure is chipping on right big toe,  falling apart like everything else.    clears her throat,  though it does little to help sleep-addled voice.    ❝   you do this for every woman who spends the night with you?  or just the pathetic crying ones?   ❞

HE’S  LOST  TRACK  OF  THE  LATE  NIGHTS  THEY’VE  SPENT  TOGETHER .    at  the  library ,   student  lounge ,   various  houses ,   a  series  of  bars ,   someone’s  dorm ,   someone’s  apartment .    (   always  clothed ,   but  not  for  his  lack  of  trying  —  before  they  fell  into  a  rhythm .   )    but  something  about  this  night  was  different .    never  before  had  she  appeared  so  vulnerable ,   small  frame  aiding  in  the  picture  as  he  tugged  her  from  her  place  on  his  doorstep  into  his  chest .    and  so  they  spent  the  rest  of  it  with  him  intent  on  achieving  the  sole  victory  of  making  her  smile ,   eyeroll  included  or  not ,   just  once .    at  some  point  she  had  fallen  asleep ,   weight  easily  tucked  beneath  covers ,   him  taking  his  place  at  her  side  ——  determined  to  protect  even  from  dreams  had  they  come  to  bite .   and  the  next  morning  when  he  rose  like  clockwork ,   he  had  decided  to  leave  her  be .   a  self - declared  expert  in  all  aspects  of  dana  scully  at  this  point ,   never  had  she  looked  so  at  peace  —  why  disrupt  that ?