1-1 Failure

That nostalgic love

And here we go again, No drama, no fake show, no movie action in slow-motion, No, The story is not over, there is still blood running in my veins so there is a need to suck it all out until the very last drop. Will it hurt? Of course, it hurts already and the end is so far to be close, so the pain will only get worse. I will suck it up as you suck it all out. Drain all my body, my mind and soul, take it all and leaving nothing behind that is what is expect from you. Because I know, I know it now and I also knew it before – you are coming for the kill and I was waiting, begging and wanting it. There were warnings, big red doubts that assaulted my head, but my heart cover it all, and now the only thing left is me enduring the pain while you draught the blood out of me. Drain it, Leave me dry to die once again. You will live, you will survive and have a great life, a new love, another prey, while the memories of what we have fades and your conscience shake my name off. I will be proud of you – as you did a great job caving me in. Pushing me away and spitting me out will be the end of a great accomplishment, Yes, I will be so proud of you and of your perfect crime. But is it really a crime when I knew the plan right from the beginning? Is it a crime if the victim also wanted it? Maybe. Maybe not. I wanted the crime but not the consequences, the final and devastating results was something I wanted to avoid, However there was no scape, in order to feel my heart beat I needed to feel it break in the end. Tragic, My love story is always tragic and pathetic with a strong hint of sarcasm. Life laughing at my face, begging me to live and be myself while love runs wild and requests a ‘play pretend’ game: In the end, even if you die you need to pretend to be alive, Even if it hurts you cannot show the pain, When everything ends you need to be alright, Your head will spin, your body will feel cold and your soul will no longer be with yours. BUT you need to pretend that everything is in perfect order. Why? Because you were not supposed to be alright in the first place, you were not supposed to feel all those good feelings that awaken in you – and that’s why the crime is perfect. I asked for it, And oh God how good it was to feel all of it! Your hands, your lips, your skin, the warmth of you against me. Imagination is what the future can possibly give you, but reality is so much better when I feel you, when we rolled and blended on each other Could I ask for a better way of being murdered? Could I ask for a nicer way to be completely taken? If I can, I still can’t imagine because reality with you made it impossible. And lost in this erotic and intoxication pleasure I lost myself in you and forgot how the play was supposed to roll. Don’t get too deep, my mind tried to shout over the horny and raw cries of pleasure my body made sure I released Don’t give too much of you, my heart advised in a silly attempt to stop the moans and the greedy need to have more. Hot bodies, sweaty skin, sore throats, horny sobs, rolling eyes, racing pulse and that damn need to ask for more, I’m sinking in my own despair and digging my own grave but I can’t help but ask for more: Go faster, go deeper, So strong, God so damn addictive, It’s bearable, so for now just make us feel good until I forget how to spell pain and death. It hurts but is just feeding my desire, I feel high and the ride is over, I feel full and the taste of you is fading away. I can’t have it back, even though I’m desperately chasing after you, You won’t come back. Not for me. The crime has been committed and now you have to go, you are done, you are leaving. I’m left behind to pick up the me that is lying breathless on the cold floor. Once again. Once again. It hurts already and It’s not even over, The bad part started but it’s not gone, you are the one gone and the pain is the thing that is left in your place. Suck it up and suck all the blood out, As long as I live the pain will make me company. It’s not ok, but I knew it already, I sign up for it, I was waiting and expecting it. After the pleasure there is always loneliness and void, No regret, Just eternal emptiness.

The sun goes down and there is so much he takes with it! The beauty of the day The rush hour and the heavy steps The natural light and the childish laughter Takes the housewifes home Takes the the scared husbands towards the night Takes the good people to unknown places And... It also takes you.

The simple things we do in life for each other, in the end that is what will count the most. Moving and caring for each other, Being there to push the other further. No words will ever be enough to let you know how much I'm thankful, how much I apreciate and how much I miss you. For ever in the hearts of everyone you moved, everyone you helped, everyone your words and heart touched, Forever loved. WE GOT YOU BROTHER, JUST THE WAY YOU GOT US!

The world is a mad place where dragons fly when no one is paying attention to the sky!

It’s pure silence, The voice I want to hear the most is not here and the silence is consuming all the sounds around me. It’s nowhere to be found, I was looking for that one particular din that left me behind in this dark sunny day. It’s suffocating how quiet the air is, I’m alone and lonely, I can see and I can smell but I can hear and I can’t touch the feeling that just left. It’s disturbing my peace, If I beg for forgiveness will you bring the light back to me? Will you let me hear that pure sound again? It’s not right, The sadness is bigger than what I expected and so stubborn, insisting on staying buried deep in my heart. It’s not what I want, I would close my eyes or burn them open for a chance to live in that happy past that was ripped from us. Am I not for you? My heart hurts with the unspoken words I secretly protected from you. Do I need to do better? It sound so tiring and fragile to the point of pulling blood out of my drained heart. Can’t I be that dark place that will shine with your light? I have already been waiting for so long, I’m tired and you made my exhausted heart run more than it should. You still do. If you intended to make me live the rest of my life in silence why did you showed me that beautiful sound? It’s too much, much more than I can handle, The pain that is caved in me is consuming all the light and hope that once was there. It’s empty and enormous, The hole that was left when the silence came, it’s so much more than what I expected to be. It’s because of you, And it’s for you, the good and the very bad, the incredible and also the miserable. It’s more than you can take and ever asked for, But I’m also reduced to ashes when the lightening stroke both of us. It’s not the end, Because I cannot see the end for this pain, but you already left and didn’t look back. It’s just numbness and despair, There is no open door and the four walls are so cold and small, while the silence is so big and dark. It’s everything that I feared, Can’t you break the silence and let me in? Let me hear again or at least know that there is something more than this disapproving void. It’s me waiting for you, It’s me alone waiting for you, it’s me all by myself waiting for you and that lovely sound you make when you look back at me. I miss you I want you back I love you I’m yours.

Because, if you think about it, there is always something worse. - Have a nice day and please live a great life <3

Have fun living your own life together!

Peace, no war

Eating life