“Swords can’t solve every problem.”

"The vice principal gets a missile launcher"

"Charybdis was an orthodontist's nightmare."

"Someone had taped a piece of paper to [Clarisse's] back that said, YOU MOO, GIRL!"

"Uh, if anybody is interested," I said, "we're going to die!"

Guinea pigs are much more convenient!

She loaded us into the back of a Vegas taxi as if we actually had money, and told the driver, 'Los Angeles, please.'

'You drool when you sleep'

But I don't like paintball

The new guy had dark hair cut Superman style, a deep tan, and teeth so white they should have come with a warning label: do not stare directly at teeth

He picked up a baseball bat and made like he was hitting a homer.

“House gods,” Percy said. “Like…smaller than real gods, but larger than apartment gods?”

'Flask!' I screamed as we hurled towards the water.

She kicked me in the face, but I held on.

The cigar fell out of the driver´s mouth.

As he struggled to get his hoof back in the fake foot, I thought, Well, that settles it.