peter quill

Hey you,

Tonight we had another fight. Usually you don’t hang up the call and you wait for me to calm down so we could talk and stop fighting. But tonight was different. Your silence killed me. Then you hang up. I felt a splinter on my heart. Then I tried chatting you, you said good night. I was hoping you’d ask me to call you again but you didn’t. I was hurt that’s why I said something that made things worse. On that instance I know I fucked up.

To be honest, i hate myself for hurting someone like you. You’re so precious, so beautiful. You’re like an angel and I’m a beast. I can’t even count how many times i hurt your feelings & made you cry. I feel bad whenever you’re being affected with all of my problems and issues. i hate myself for dragging you in all of those things. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. 

If this is the end, i just want to say thank you so much for everything. For loving me for what I am and for simply being me. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. Thank you for making me a better person. I don’t even know how to finish writing this without crying. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if I can’t help but get jealous every time someone is close to you or someone just glanced at you and you glanced back. I’m sorry if I get so anxious every time someone gets your attention. I’m sorry for getting mad every time someone checks on you. I’m sorry for being an overprotective boyfriend to the point i’m not allowing you to enjoy your friend’s company. I’m sorry if I overthink a lot. I’m sorry if I ask so many questions about you and your past experiences. I’m sorry if I investigate a lot and make sure no one’s hitting up on you. I’m sorry for screwing things all the time. I’m sorry.

To be honest, I don’t know how to start my life again and live without you. Tonight, i will sleep without hearing you say “good night, i love you”. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up afraid you’re not mine anymore. In the next few weeks, i won’t be able to function well because all I think is you. In the next few months, i would die a little more seeing you happy with someone new. In the next few years, I’m still hoping i would get over you. 

If this is the end.. i wish i could turn back time so I could fix all of my mistakes and treat you better. If this is the end, i wish you’d give me a chance to beg you to stay because it won’t be easy for me to walk away, to start over and forget you. I truly cared about you even though I didn’t really say or show it, I did and I still do.

If this is the end, i want you to know that i love you. And I will always do.

-Your baholabs, gagolabs.

Mahal kita kaya takot akong dumating yung araw na magkakalayo tayo.

Na mahihirapan ka at ako.

Na magsasawa’t mapapagod ka.

Na maghahanap ka ng ibang mapapaligaya ka.

Mahal kita kaya takot ako.