Tf2 if it was cool

Yay

Asks for headcanons are more than welcomed, having said that there are a few things you might wanna know:

no sexual asks/headcanons. NSFW is okay, but I'm not interested in anything of sexual nature

nothing with oc x canon, y/n or anything of that sort. General headcanons are okay though like "How would X react to his partner doing Y?"

any sort of shipping is more than welcomed, poly of any sort included. That includes Scout x Spy. I really hate the headcanon of those two being related, yes, it's a headcanon. Wildly accepted headcanon but still. If you think differently that's okay, but I won't let fanon dictate my life anymore. Well, sniperscout and heavymedic are not allowed, those two have enough fans as it is already, I'm sure you will find someone who will have lots of headcanons for them :)

having said that no dad Spy, please. And while we're at it no any sort of familial relationship between the mercs, I'm really not a fan of this. Just make them weird friends if you need to

okay last one, if you know any of my other blogs (those below) you'll know that Scout is by far my favourite, so there will be bias towards him 100%

No need to remember all of that of course, I won't get mad, it's just for people like me who always wanna make 100% sure they know exactly what they can send.

My other blogs are that you don't need to know but I want to be clear that you're aware that all of those is the same person:

My main - @leffee

My tickle blog (yeah that's a thing, don't ask, if u know u know) - @jellee-sandwich

Saxton Hale x Scout

Scout fell hard at first sight of Saxton Hale. He didn't know the guy for a while, so when he heard this CEO of Mann co. will be coming he expected a typical bussiness man, not this taller than anyone, more muscly than is should be possible, contantly shirtless hunk. Frankly he was just frozen because he could feel himself falling in love in real time and honestly? He was not amused

after that he was mad jealous of Saxton's assitants, especially Bidwell since he seemed closest to Saxton. Needless to say that left him imagining and fantasizing about what it would be like if he was in that spot and having that workplace romance with that damn big Aussie

basically how they actually got closer is after Jungle inferno when Saxton actually got to even recognize who Scout is. Look- basically everything that I said in this post

that for some introduction, now more mindless fluff hcs

connected to Saxton's office is a room where he can rest, just basically a room that is not all office-like, he needs that. After getting with Scout he even made that room more cozy, there's even a bed in there since this is their primary hanging out spot when they're both at work

speaking of which, Saxton will make up the most bullshit reasons to call Scout over to his office. He needs to talk with him about the intricaties of Force-a-Nature, he needs him to help him check the documents, he heard Scout was tired and has a way to help him. Alright, this last one when used isn't usually bullshit. Still. It's not that Saxton's ashamed of just straight up calling Scout over for some snuggling and kissing time, he just likes coming up with those reasons

Scout is so into touching that Saxxy musculature. Those abs... those pecks... damn! He just wants to lie down on top of Saxton, his head against Saxton's chest. Best sleep he's ever had

anyways, they're both absolute huggers and cuddlers so once they're really comfortable with each other, especially Scout who pretends to be chill with everyone but actually needs a while to really trust them,, they're all over each other

Scout was not aware of just how rich that man is until they really started dating. Sure, he thought Sax's gotta be pretty well off considering his own salary but his lack of education didn't exactly help to realize just how much Mann co. and by extension Saxotn owns. And Scout grew up poor (another headcanon), while he's somewhat reckless with his money now, he's not used to just buying whatever he wants. Saxton can though. And he will buy Scout whatever he wants. Scout needed a while to really understand that when Saxton says "Grab whatever ya want." he really means that

one and only disdvantage of Saxton being permanently shirtless? Scout can't borrow said non-existent shirts that would no doubt be so cute and oversized on him

Seeing Sax in my inbox made me so happy, I unironically love him. And Bidwell is great too, he genuinely looks like Scout. If I didn't know any better you could convince me that's Scout, just in different clothes. Maybe they are brothers after all

And my unironic otp is Scout x Saxton rn. I'm not even kidding. I'm in rarest pair hell

Just a word of warning, I read tf2 comics once and didn't like them honestly, and since those two are mostly just there I might say something that is incorrect

Now, headcanons!

it's one thing that Saxton is shirtless 100% of the time and frankly those shorts aren't covering much either. He's not also above being completely naked, especially when at home (I kinda do those headcanons thinking of them as living together and all that since domestic fluff). Bidwell's used to it by now, and worse, he's so used to it he does it himself. Sometimes. Rarely when compared to Saxton and he does it only inerereerer private but still, it's something his younger self would never think about happening

speaking of a house, let's not forget Saxton's filthy rich

Listen that man can and will spoil whoever manages to steal his heart. And Bidwell managed that. It's just an achievement like any other. And killing is for free (literally since my man kill with his fists and pure Australia powers) so a lot of this money is for spending. Fancy resturants? Luxurious vacations? Expensive gifts? Bidwell's got it.

even after getting together Bidwell keeps calling Saxton per "sir". It's just being used to it, you know? He gets more unused with time, but never 100%. Tbh while not the most formal person ever (not even close) Saxton doesn't stop him from doing that, it's... charming really. Bidwell is the one more into stopping himself from it because he thinks it's weird to call his boyfriend "sir". Like, "Give Saxton a big ol' kiss, Biddy." "Of course, sir- I mean, Saxton."

Saxton is very huggy and just touchy in general. It's just that with other people he won't put in effort not to hurt them. With Bidwell he will and damn does Bidwell love it. Sure, he can be kinda tsundere-ish with it, but seriously, that man can and will fantasize about Saxton hugging and cuddling him for hours. Saxton's such a tease about it and will nuzzle his little boyfriend until he admits it

seriously man Bidwell is so in love with that hunk cause like why he so attractive brrrrah and he makes him laugh and-. Like if they didn't want him to fall in love thenw hy did they make his boss so tall and muscular and attractive and strong and rich and good at flustering him and-

they work out together. As in Saxton works out and Bidwell is there to sit on his shoulders or whatnot for added weight

Saxton carries Bidwell like all the time. That guy hasn't walked more than 100m on his own in ages. He's not complaining

they just-they kiss and hug. A lot. All the time. Holy hell do they do that

As far as I'm concerned the canon ending of tf2 comics is those two getting together and living a domestic life

Well now I'm conflicted because that led me to look at all the saxwell art and it's adorable and I love it genuinely and I also like it because as stated before Bidwell looks like Scout so I can imagine it's Saxton x Scout but on the other hand I know it's not and it makes me so sad because Saxton x Scout basically doesn't exist. There are 3 posts for them on tumblr and one of them is my stupid sfm poster.

Happily!

Demo thinks Engineer's a big hypocrite with his "Drunk on the battlefield ain't no way to be" since Engie drinks beer during matches too lol. They fight about it sometimes but even if it didn't start this way those usually turn playful and lead to kissing

their relationship started because Demo had a crush on Engineer and confessed while drunk, of course. Now, Engineer wouldn't have treated it too seriously because Demo constantly tells others he loves them and is very affectionate in general. However, he was nice about, all "Yeah, yeah, I love ya too, eyepatch," which made Demo be all so happy and practically jumping with joy and snuggling up to him aaaand that's how Engie realized he was probably serious this time. It got confirmed when Demo sobered up (a bit) next day

they're one of the most open couples when it comes to "trading places" with the other team's Demo and Engie (if we say the teams are clones or for whatever other reason are the same people). Yeah, RED Demoman sees BLU Engineer as the same person as RED Engineer and the same comes to Engies, so why make a big deal out if it? That's just more people to kiss without cheating. Call that a double boom if you will

the best way for Engineer to get Demo's attention if it's needed is for him to kiss Demoman's neck. You know, height difference so it's not easy for Engie to reach his cheek but neck is more than doable plus it guarantees a reaction from his boyfriend

No one can drink Scrumpy aside from Demo, like they just can't swallow it, it's so bad and stong and just- weird. Aside from Scout. Why? Man drinks stuff full of radiation every day, all day, so alcohol no matter how... enhanced does not really have that much effect on him when it comes to taste.

Scout's first time drinking Scrumpy: cautiously brings the bottle close to his lips, eyes its contents before eventually taking a slow sip Huh, it's fine drinks more of it

Demo: Simultaneously surprised and proud

Spoovy is so dear to me actually. Genuinely one of my favourite ships in tf2 (especially if you exclude most of the Scout ships lol). I agree with everything you said too, those two are honestly not that different at all

You know all those insults Spy throws at Heavy about being fat? Maybe it's my multishipper mind or maybe I'm just coping but I like to think that Spy actually really likes Heavy's size and finds it attractive, and that's precisely why he insults it - because he doesn't want to admit it so he cranks up on outwardly showing the opposite

Spy loves hearing Heavy speak in Russian. No, he doesn't understand it much, but h e c k he can just tell that Heavy is so much more comfortable speaking in his native tongue and that alone make him sounds so much smarter and fancier than in English and it's attractive to Spy

what Spy also finds attractive in Heavy is that he's strong, sure, but he's also smart. Spy's used to strong guys being just that, all muscles and no brains. But Heavy is smart. And deep down Spy knows Heavy could kill him with his bare hands if he wanted to

anyways, that aside, Spy is nevertheless a confident and dominant person and that shows in this relationship a lot of the time. Every now and then Heavy does want to switch roles from being the protector to being the protected, adored one and Spy delivers. Heavy loves when Spy straddles him while he's lying down and touches him all over, kisses him, and does not let him leave so easily

Heavy is the more embarassed one about falling for the other, believe it or not. Normally with pretty much anyone else Heavy's wouldn't be embarassed about his feelings, he's too old for this. But Spy? Really? The French always whining tiny guy who also just so happens to be the main class that kills him during matches? Spy who pretends he's all suave and fancy but in actuality throws around the most immature insults? Jesus... he could do so much better

Now you speak my language :D. I'm actually the biggest fan of Saxton Hale and shipping him with the mercs

Their dynamic is basically rivals to lovers, but one-sided because Heavy's the only one who sees Saxton as his rival. Why? Because of course Heavy's used to being the strongest and he damn worked for it and then this beefy Australian shows up bigger and stronger than him and defying gravity too and he doesn't even need any gun or even to be ubercharged. Heavy's a bit pissed

ironically enough those are exactly the same features that later sway Heavy to fall for Sax. While Heavy takes pride in his strenght and all that, there are moments when he wishes for once he didn't have to be the strong, reliable one. And with Saxton that's quite literal cause next to him Heavy is very much just downright smaller and weaker. I do also think in some way Saxton has admiration for Heavy's strenght and ability to take damage. Yep, they are inferior to his own, but Heavy's still the closest person to his level out of everyone Saxton has ever seen

Sax is definitely this kinda boss that gives his boyfriend aka Heavy in this case more money and benefits. And maybe one day the rest of the team sees somehow that Heavy's salary went up out of nowhere (for them) and they're are like ???. This is kinda headcanony kinda canony but Saxton is filthy rich so he's not above spoiling Heavy rotten if he wants (I mean have you seen everything that Mann Co. owns? I think the man basically owns the world at this point. Then again I never went deep into understanding the logistics of Mann Co, I'm not even too sure if Saxton can be counted as the mercs' boss)

Those two becoming a couple has potential for Saxton's influence to make Heavy feral, but it doesn't work the other way around. Heavy's influence no matter how strong won't domesticate Saxton. Either they're both going feral or Heavy is the stay at home partner while Saxton goes out to kill yetis or something

(This has nothing to do with how much I like specific ship itself, just its most popular name. Subjectively most popular in most cases and selected subjectively)

Brats 'n' Bats: Such a nothing name, I'm sorry. Ok, it's in big part because I don't like ship names with 3 words, it just seems like 1 too many plus I hate when a ship name has "and" in name. Like, that doesn't like like a ship name. Still, it does capture their ship pretty well, 4/10

Batting Helmet: Once again it might be just me and maybe the fact that English is not my native language, but no. What does batting hemlet even mean? I mean, I know what that means, I think, but it just seems to me like someone took two words that while are connected to the characters but in the most random way 1/10

Flash Fire: Finally something good! My only complaint is that Pyro's part "Fire" is too obvious. Still, flash fire sounds really good, 9/10

Hop Scotch: Best Scout ship name by far, though I might be biased because I looove Demoscout. Still, it's soo good. Hop for Scout is not too obvious, Scotch from Demo is also really good, and of course they additionally form another word that is genuinely so cute and good, 10/10

Heavy Hitters: Technically I think it's pretty good, but it doesn't translate well for me. Idk how to explain it. Like with Flash Fire the word for Heavy being just heavy is too obvious but then again it's to be linked with "hitters", 5/10

Texas Two-Step: Three words ship names if they were good fr fr. I don't know what directly inspired this name (I could check but this post isnt about it). But there is an achievement for Engie named that

and it kinda has something to do with both Scout and Engineer so that's a plus. Again, idk if it's the achievement that directly inspired this ship name, but either way it fits, 8/10

QuickFix: Ok, I do really like, I just don't think it sounds as catchy as some other ship names. "Quick" and "fix" are good words to represent Scout and Medic while not being too obvious, and of course the fact that one of Medic's secondaries is called that (my favourite one too) that is all about healing quickly? Yeah, really good choice, 7/10

Speeding Bullet: Damn, this is the most popular Scout ship? I mean, it's a good name, but not specific enough. "Speeding" part is fine, but "bullet"? Speeding bullet could as well be a ship name for Scoutcest, Heavyscout, and maybe even Engiescout. Still, it is pretty cool that Scout's theme has this in its name "Faster than a speeding bullet", 6/10

Please keep in mind I don't in any way, shape or form know much about mythical creatures and those choices are there almost purely about vibes

Mercs as mythical creatures

Scout: Maybe it's because I'm too much into giving Scout wings but either a harpie or maybe just a pegasus (mlp au geting to me). Or an angel. Does that count as a mythical creature? Eh, well, he is God's gift so I say it's not a bad idea at all. He could also be a vampire. I really like vampires :]

Soldier: Minotaur maybe? Like big, strong, impulsive (or at least shown as such often)? Yeah, I think it's a pretty okay choice

Pyro: Unicorn, of course :]. But dragon is pretty good too

Demoman: Kelpie. Or maybe just straigh-up a Loch Ness monster, you know why. Or... or cyclops

Heavy: Yeti. It's not original but it's true. Or something along the lines of an ogre or a golem

Engineer: Something small like a fairy or a gnome lol. He's hardworking, those creatures are sometimes seen as helpers, I say it fits

Medic: So you know how Scout is maybe an angel cause of his (questionable) connection with God? Well, of curse Medic has similar thing with the devil and hell, so something like a succubus (male version. Or not! However you want him as this) or just a demon in general. Or maybe let's just make him the devil. I think a phoenix is quite fitting for him too

Sniper: Centaur. Cause... cause you know, they're often shown with bows. Yeah

Soldier: Brings Scout closer by basically wrapping his arm around his neck and squeezes Scout against his body. Tightly. And then he gives Scout a noogie

Pyro: Picks Scout up a lil bit off the ground, hugs him close and then spins around with Scout still in their arms while letting out soundes that assumedly are them saying something like "weeeeeeeee!"

Demoman: Jumps to him from the back and in similar fashion hugs him, his arms around Scout's waist, his chin resting on Scout's head, basically trapping him in place for the duration of that hug

Heavy: Big-ass bear hug, of course. He either has to really lean down or pick Scout up high. It's usually the second option because it's easier on his back and Scout's light, especially for him

Engineer: Makes Scout lean down by grabbing him by his shirt and wraps his arms around Scout's waist, letting Scout rest against him, Scout's chin on his shoulder

Medic: A very very tight hug and he squeezes Scout completely against his chest and I don't need to say it but his chest's... big. Admittedly comfy too, so Scout genuinely doesn't mind. Could fall asleep like that if they were lying down

Sniper: Pretends to sigh in exasperation before wrapping both of his arms around Scout, holding him close, his expression getting softer and softer with each moment

I don't know where you got that from. I mean, that reminds me some people thinking that it's blu Spy that is one of Scout's dad bc we have proof that he did in fact sleep with Scout's ma but then again having sex with her doesn't automatically mean she got pregnant from that.