Far Too Obsessed With Britain

Pisse? In le pantalons???

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

fill your bathtub with water before the power goes out. in an emergency where the pipes freeze, you'll have semi-clean water. you can use this water for your pets, to wash dishes, flush your toilet, and other small important stuff. if you have no bathtub, fill as large a bin/pot/etc as you can find.

air is the best insulator. if you can tape plastic over your windows and major drafts, it will genuinely help. (they have kits for it, but i've used trash bags and duct tape). blankets/tarps/etc also work. leave space between the covering and the window - the layer of air protects you. shove towels under your doors.

in a true emergency, you can ball up newspapers and shove them into your coats/pants/etc between your base layer and your coat. it won't be comfortable but it does insulate a little better.

have an emergency plan for your pets, particularly animals like reptiles that need constant heat to survive.

the weight of the snow and ice will be an issue. plan accordingly.

black ice is a bitch. if it looks "wet", assume it is frozen. actually just assume everything is frozen for a little while.

if you do not have a generator or other emergency power source, DO NOT bring outside-use heat sources (like propane stoves) inside. you can gas yourself and die.

instead, if you truly have no heat source: focus on insulating a small amount of space in your house - a few rooms - and bring as many bodies and supplies in there as possible. do not break insulation if you can avoid it. you are a ~100-degree object. make your safe space into a blanket fort. you may go stircrazy but it is better than freezing.

if you have a fireplace you never use, check the flue and the chimney before the storm holy shit. i am not kidding about this. do not just start a fire willy nilly. you will burn your house down.

relatedly, if you start a fire and notice smoke is billowing back into the house: stop the fire immediately. your flue is closed or your chimney is backed up. you will burn your house down.

keep the fridge closed as long as possible; it lets the air out. but honestly like, my family has used snow as a fridge a lot. stuff that needs to stay cool will be less of an issue than things that need to get warm. plan accordingly.

most canned things can be eaten cold, but check the label. if you have a little sterno fire, it can go a long way.

if you develop a headache and feel weirdly sleepy, you may be forced to open a window. you might have carbon monoxide poisoning.

every year people die while shoveling snow. it is actually not very safe as a chore tbh. you need to go slow and take lots of breaks. you should also 100% wait until the snow has actually passed, only because when it starts shifting and undoes all your work, it will piss you the hell off.

have drinking water somewhere easily accessible. a lot more of it than you think completely necessary tbh.

fill your gas tank. it will help prevent your lines from freezing.

if you have a battery-powered light that's not very strong, put it under a water jug, it'll throw more light. idk why it works but it works.

just because you know how to drive in the snow doesn't mean other people know how to drive in the snow. better to just not.

your device probably has a "low power mode". probably best to just keep it on asap rather than be taken by surprise tbh. the battery will last longer.

great news to fanfiction writers: it really is better if y'all take one bed and huddle together for warmth. do not strip out of your clothes, though, i have no idea who the hell decided that was the smart thing to do. you want to keep at least a layer of leggings and a tight shirt on. the goal is to find the fine line between "warm" and "sweating" - you want to stay as dry as possible for as long as possible.

your hair, eyelashes, and nosehairs can freeze. just from personal experience: try not to rub or touch them, it can snap your hair off and then you'll be very sad.

hypothermia is a lot faster and more evil than most people expect. watch for shivering, confusion, and unexplained exhaustion. if someone stops shivering, that is not always a good sign. if you think you/someone you love has hypothermia, warm them up slowly. often this is through rubbing/friction (or a heat source if available). keep them awake and try to feed them something.

same for frostbite: don't just shove your hands into a fire. warm any affected area slowly. fair warning, as the blood recirculates, it will hurt :(

those blue rubber examination gloves under other gloves can help even very-cold hands stay warm.

liquor is not a good idea to drink right now, sorry beloved. but vodka/rubbing alcohol does work as an excellent de-icer if you need something small done quickly (like a lock/door handle). it's just, like, expensive in comparison to other things lol

"i don't eat that much anyway i'll be fine" that's the devil talking. you will not be. you will also probably be burning way more calories than normal. let the soft animal of your body eat a bunch of delicious snacks.

This has gotta be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. 😂😂😂

His left eye and the circle of skin around it is a stark purple-red, swollen enough that Wayne clicks his teeth in sympathy. There's a cut on his chin, just under his lip. It's been cleaned and butterfly bandaged (Eddie's work, he's sure) but it sure doesn't look comfortable. Nor does the way he's propped up almost vertical by the couch cushions. He remembers doing the same for Eddie when he showed up on his doorstep with a broken rib courtesy of one Al Munson almost a decade back.

So, yeah. The kid looks like he's been tossed in front of a bus. Or smacked around by an asshole without a conscience. And he's fast asleep in Wayne's living room with Eddie apparently playing both nurse and guardian.

A gentle beeping tears his eyes away from the couch and towards his nephew, who is currently scrambling to turn off the little alarm on his watch. He sees him do a full-body jerk when he spots Wayne's figure, jumpy as he's always been, before he smacks a hand to his chest in relief and flops his entire body backwards, dramatic as he's always been.

"Jesus Christ, Wayne," he whispers with a large dose of attitude, "are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Are you?" Wayne murmurs back, nodding in the direction of the occupied sofa. "Who's the kid and why's he look like roadkill?"

aka Eddie ends up babysitting a concussed and drugged-up post s3 Steve Harrington and Wayne comes home to a confusing sight