good grief

Tomfoolery is dead

Ate through my whole advent calendar but i still feel empty

Almost Christmas and I'm still writhing in agony from last Christmas's candycane/bonbon withdrawals screaming sweating fuck my life

All i got for christmas was one single plump blueberry and a whack on the nose

The colony of neighborhood scamps keeps getting its nutrients siphoned away by the local swarm of roaming rapscallions

The economy these days heavily favors those with greater means of gumdrop acquisition & marshmallow investment

Does anyone still like to play jacks or is it just me? Ok... whatever

Just got the news that my mother died from a monkey bar accident

I just blew all of my life savings on tic tac toe bets

My lucky penny just fell in the storm drain

All my friends are too busy getting high on cracker jacks and peanut brittle to hang out with me

These days it just feels like I'm living life from circus peanut to circus peanut

My marbles fucking suck and I am going to lose this race

I'm starting to wonder if the life of a ne'er-do-well troublemaker was even for me in the first place

I hate Mike, I hate Ike, and I hate their stupid sugared treats!