mon étoile scintillante

C’mon, go get a real job. If you’re more than capable to wait around all day on the sidewalk and annoy people for extra cash, you can go find a job doing something a little more worthwhile. Just sayin’.

It didn’t last for long, though, as the coat’s weight was immediately followed by arms around him that attempted to wrap him up in it. Ryan froze, staring blankly ahead and hoping that if he kept still enough, nobody would see him — but curiosity got the better of him and he looked up at Phillip, watching and awkwardly moving one arm as though it might have helped the teacher’s efforts. One of his arms slipped into the coat’s sleeve while the other hung, rather uselessly, at his side. “Okay,” he mumbled after a moment. “Maybe I’ll trust you, maybe.” Ryan was barely aware of the words spilling from his mouth, but the second he made to take a step forward, it became crystal clear to him that such an action was completely impossible. His free hand shot out to grab for something to keep himself stable, crashing into Phillip’s side before he managed to grasp a handful of his shirt in a grip that transformed from weak to vice-like in a matter of seconds. “I think I’m going to fall.” Green eyes fixated on the ground for a beat as Ryan kept absolutely still, not a muscle so much twitching, for almost two entire minutes. When he finally relaxed and moved, he began to walk, talking small and slow steps in the direction of the ski lodge’s doors with a hand on his shoulder for guidance. “You have to promise,” he said quietly to nobody in particular, eyes fixing on the doors that he supposed would be his destination.

Of course it was easier said then done to imagine that Ryan would be a cooperative person when he was so high that he couldn't even seem to function properly, but that didn't seem to stop the teen from trying to head off on his own towards the lodge. Phillip didn't even have a chance to tell the boy that he was glad he was thinking of trusting him before Ryan practically collapsed against him and tugged on his shirt so hard that Phillip would have otherwise thought it was going to be ripped off. "I've got you, I've got you," he murmured as he tightened his grip on the boy, making sure that they didn't both fall backwards into the snow before he looked down at Ryan and it made Phillip almost laugh, that he was here taking care of the boy on the anniversary of the worst day of his life. A bit of hysterical laughter escaped the man's throat but he cut it off almost instantly, not looking at Ryan as he started walking him back to the lodge. He knew that it would take them a long time to get back to the lodge and even longer to get him into a room where he was safe, and Phillip was almost certain that this was a bad decision, but he stopped just a few steps into their journey, getting Ryan to still beside him. "It'll stay a secret as long as you hold onto me, okay?" he told the boy quietly, still unsure as to what he was mumbling about but he knew that he could get him back inside safely this way. Phillip lifted the boy into his arms, focused on making sure that he just carried Ryan back into the lodge without any problems so that he could sit him down and try and figure out what he was on and if he could help him come down from the trip as quickly as possible. All Phillip could think of as he trudged through the snow was making sure that he got Ryan to a warm room and got some liquid into him so that he wouldn't be dehydrated.

But he couldn’t stay there forever. The coldness soaking through his skin and freezing over his bones was almost beginning to hurt, and Ryan had always known that nature was far more fearsome than anything another person could do to him. So he slowly started to uncurl himself, but rather than get up, the control he had over his limbs slipped away and he found himself lying in the snow again — this time on his stomach, snow directly against the exposed skin of his stomach as his shirt stuck to him. “Okay,” he breathed, forcing himself to look up until he could see that face again, this time closer than before. Ryan coughed and tried to swallow the thick, flavorless syrup that seemed to have gotten stuck in his throat. “I’ll come with you if you promise it’s still a secret,” he offered, and promptly rolled onto his back so that he could sit up properly. “Do you know who I am?”

When Ryan started to move, Phillip had to bite back the loud sigh of relief at the fact that he was functioning enough to do so. He had to make sure that he got the boy out of the snow, especially when it was coming even more obvious that Ryan didn't have control over his limbs all that well, most likely a combination of the coldness and the drugs. He watched as the boy floundered into the snow and a small sigh escaped Phillip's lips before he stepped over to Ryan, carefully dropping the coat over the boy as he tried to more or less scoop Ryan out of the snow and into the coat. "We'll keep it a secret," he said even though he really didn't know what Ryan was talking about. It probably had something to do with his trip and Phillip knew that that happened more often than not, that people started dreaming they were someone else or that there was something special about them that had to stay quiet or else something would happen to them. "I know you're Ryan," Phillip told him as he tried to wrap the boy up in the coat, attempting to at least keep him from freezing before he got him inside. "And I know that you're shivering, so let me get you inside and then we'll make sure that your secret stays a secret, alright?" Phillip really had no idea what he was doing in this position and he was worried about what was going to happen once he got the boy inside but right now he knew that that was the first step and they were so close.

A call of his name managed to break though the thick, imaginary fog that surrounded his mind. What are you doing out there in the cold? Ryan heard the words, but he didn’t hear the kind, concerned tone of his teacher. Quickly rolling onto his front and his knees, he attempted to get up, searching for someone to hide and immediately falling over again because his bones were simply made of lead. Moving efficiently wasn’t an option, but somehow, Ryan knew that he needed to hide; perhaps he wasn’t supposed to be here, and playing with the stars would have repercussions that he didn’t understand. Was the government involved in that sort of thing? Breaking the laws of physics surely merited some sort of punishment and in Ryan’s mind, the call of his name was a warning for that. Despite struggling not to trip over and floundering in the snow, the brunet managed to reach the building’s walls again before he collapsed in a heap, crawling forward and stopping only once he had situated himself beneath the window through which he’d tried to jump. Nobody would find him there, he thought, and slumped where he sat, back against the wall and knees drawn to his chest.

The startling and very confused reaction from the boy once he realised that he was being talked to instantly worried Phillip and it reminded him of himself when he had first found out that his aunt had died; it was a sense of need to escape from the setting he had been in, and Phillip could tell that that was exactly what Ryan was trying to do. Escape. Phillip knew that the boy wouldn’t get far after he watched him stumble in the snow and he had to resist the instant desire to grab for a coat and run outside to help him because he had to make sure that Ryan wasn’t going to run off the second he moved, so Phillip waited. He kept quiet as he watched the boy scramble about and only when he settled pressed against the wall beneath his window did Phillip move. He pulled on a jumper and grabbed his coat, draping it over his arm so he could wrap Ryan up in it, before he headed outside, making sure that he left the window open as to not startle him as well as grab his room key. The bitter blast of winter air that Phillip met when he stepped outside made him tempted to turn right back around and go inside but he knew he couldn’t do that so he trekked through the snow until he spotted the boy pressed against the wall in a way that reminded Phillip of a startled deer. It upset the man, seeing Ryan like this, and he knew that he had to fix it, so he carefully knelt down in the snow, eyes focused on Ryan the entire time while he kept his distance as to not scare him. “Ryan,” Phillip said softly, keeping his tone even to keep from making him try and bolt. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, okay? I just want to get you out of the snow.” Phillip paused for a moment before he fumbled when the coat, eyes still locked on the boy. “Will you come inside with me?” he asked softly as he looked at him. “Please?”

A yelp escaped his throat as he stepped on a rock and tripped over his own feet, rolling over in the snow and landing on his side. Cold soaked through his layers, ice cold that bit into his skin, thousands of teeth too small to be seen but sharp enough to hurt. Ryan’s eyes widened as the sensation hit and hastened to sit up, grabbing hold of the hem of his sweater and yanking it over his head; he left it there in the snow, shrugging out of the old gray cardigan he had on beneath it and leaving it there too, a trail of garments spread out in the snow as he stumbled towards the ski lodge once more. His skin hurt, he thought, blunt nails attempting to scratch at his arms to stop the feeling. It didn’t help. The stars on the horizon blinked back at Ryan, shifting in their spots and he couldn’t do anything but look, wanting to touch them and wishing he could. Tearing his eyes away, he blinked, attempting to focus on where he was. The bonfire he’d set up hours ago continued to burn in the distance behind them, nothing but an ongoing stream of smoke visible of it, but Ryan was oblivious to it, his dilated eyes fixated on the ski lodge that he had somehow caught up to. The closest window piqued his attention, its curtains semi-closed but open enough to reveal that the light inside it was on — and warm, too, he thought. Surely the light was warm. Goosebumps had risen on Ryan’s bare arms but he had barely noticed, paying them no heed as he approached the window and leaped up as high as he could; a boy who could fly would have no problem passing though a pane of glass, but the pain that ripped through his shoulder when it crashed into the window and his upper back when he hit the ground said otherwise. Ryan couldn’t bring himself to move again, not when the stars were inviting him to look at them, dancing in the sky and creating such intricate patterns and shapes that he could only lie still and raise his hand to the sky, attempting to follow their movements with his fingers.

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of a pounding noise on his window and Phillip bolted from the bed, body shaking a little as he tried to suppress a potential mental breakdown that was just minutes from occurring. He had to put it off, had to keep from completely falling apart when he needed to be professional and keep himself together in this situation. Phillip stepped over to the window and he pushed the curtains aside, blinking a little bit when it revealed that the sound didn’t come from a snowball being thrown at the window or anything like that, but a boy that he had more than enough difficulties handling lying in the snow beneath his window. He had dealt with enough strange things when it came to Ryan Black, including a stoned conversation with him on more than one occasion, but he never expected that he would find him spread out in the snow beneath his window, looking like he was more than a little out of his mind. Were he not focused on the mysterious appearance of the boy outside, Phillip would have been impressed with the fact that it only took seconds for him to snap out of what had been an impending mental breakdown to worry about a mostly-cocky student who liked to casually hit on him, but that wasn’t even a thought that came to mind at the moment. Phillip unlatched the window and he pushed it open, poking his head out just slightly as a shiver ripped through his body and he tried to understand how, if he was freezing when he just opened the window for a second, Ryan was out there in nothing but a t-shirt and not dying of hypothermia. “Ryan?” he asked softly, any sense of stern, teacher attitude lost in the moment of confusion. “Ryan, what are you doing out there in the cold?” He had a feeling that the boy was definitely on something, although he wasn’t quite sure what, and depending on the circumstance, Phillip knew that taking the boy back to his room wasn’t going to be a solution, but for right now he just had to see how he reacted to being talked to so that he could figure out the next step on how to deal with his frustrating student.

“And, uh, make yourself comfortable, too! Really. I’m going to force Space Impact into your hands, so a good seated position is recommended.”

"I'm sure once your future future husband's existential crisis is over he will definitely treat you as well as my friends do," Phillip said with a soft chuckle before he nodded. "Yeah, it was part of a birthday gift last month from my two best friends. I attended university in Paris and met them while I was there, and while I really have no idea why they still bother with me because their lives are so busy, but it's nice to know that I can end up looking forward to a present or two over the course of the year, even if they're ridiculously outlandish most of the time." He paused, a hint of a smile on his face as he thought of the trip that Charisse had put together for a last minute plan to spend Christmas with them in France and he shook his head a little bit. "Am I going to regret coing to your room now?" he asked as he looked at Anakin before he settled down on the edge of the bed, pressing his hand into the mattress so he could lean back against it and find a comfortable position. "I'm not going to be stuck here until two in the morning draining your phone battery, am I?"

“And, uh, you’re welcome to bring the rest of your body into the room, too, if you want to. But if you just want your head poking in, I promise I won’t judge.”

There were few things that could get Phillip to stop overthinking around this time of year and luckily for him, spending time with a colleague that he quite enjoyed the company of was one of them. "Ah, here," he said after a moment as he remembered the tin of hot chocolate in his hoodie pocket. He pulled the metal container out of his pocket and offered it over to Anakin with a small smile. "I haven't tried it yet, but it's apparently supposed to be some divine hot chocolate made from the finest Belgian chocolate or something like that. I'm not really sure, to be honest. Skimmed that part of the letter." He offered the man a smile, wondering if he would have to explain about his eccentric pair of friends who liked to buy him lavish gifts now, but Phillip realised that he really wouldn't mind doing that. He hadn't really had a chance to tell anyone about Charisse and Étienne, excluding Lux, but that had been because he wanted to encourage the girl to succeed with her life goals, and Phillip realised that he really wanted to make friends at this school, not just be associates with the fellow teachers, and he wanted to be able to talk to them about his time in France and the friends that he had made there. "It's probably a crime to make this with water or something like that, but it's possible, or at least that's what the directions say. Either way, it's something sweet which will clearly do absolutely nothing to help keep a cold from coming on." Phillip paused. "I really do hope that you don't get sick again, but if you do, I'd love to hear what crazy wedding schemes come of it."