🕷️🎀🔪

Things are going a lot better now. I feel more stable it’s been hard for me to post anywhere lately. I usually post on my TikTok a lot .

Were you able to get your question answered ?

I know that there’s a life for me out there that I really want to live. Everything‘s been so troubling the past 2 to 3 years. I’m trying to keep myself alive most of the time I have a war in my mindYes, I know, but most of the time I am pretty happy even though I am by myself I wish I had friends. I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend or something like that or a mother that will talk to me without getting mad at me. I wish she was emotionally available for me. Maybe I would not have turned out this way. Sometimes I feel that I never was supposed to be here and my mom was talking about that. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she heard my name on TV and she said if she has a daughter then she will name me after that so I do feel that I have some purpose. I want to be happy and I want to be safe. I want someone to love me for who I am no matter the jokes that I make or how much I cry no matter how much I try to push them away or say mean things they just understand me. I know that that takes time but recently I put myself out there and I thought somebody loved me as much as I loved them but of course I was just getting used. I was completely blinded by love and trust that everything went over my head other actions building up to that moment when they left me in the dust I should’ve known, but they made it seem like I could trust them so much so I didn’t even think twice when they told me something that’s what I actually thought which is what you should think which is something that I normally don’t do but obviously they got in my trust they got everything I put all this love out there try to control myself just for them to say that this is not what they really wanted that they were just using me. I’m still struggling with it but I’ve gotten over it. I haven’t contacted them in a while the night that they broke up with me. It wasn’t until days after that. That I realized what was going on and I should’ve seen the warning signs. I wish that when I had friends, they didn’t treat me like how they did and they actually valued me I wish that when somebody sees me they get all excited. I haven’t had that happen to me in a long time. I just want to be important to somebody like my whole existence is meaningful not just like oh it’s her. I wish I could stop staying up so late. I think it’s because I have a lot on my mind.