🌵🦂🍒

I think laying on my front porch would touch my heart. Tiny patters of rain hitting against it would be divine. An angel, a gift. Red roses and white sheets. There’s a kind of love in letters and handwriting and lace, I crave it badly. I crave the essence of a breezy Valentine’s Day in the middle of summer. Anyways. You could love someone and the miracle is: they could love you too. I don’t really mean the “could” but it sounds right. They do. You’re allowed to lick the flavor off their skin. You’re allowed to have their sunlight. You’re allowed to have them. Soft and sweet and…peachy? You’ll never know if the garden of love has a taste until you chase and look for it. Turns out, your desperation and self loathing disappears in the right altar of a person. Of a connection. A conversation. I find myself thinking about a heaven that only exists when you’re looking at me. I’d risk a small kiss on your cheek. I’ve been attentive to off waking hours, some nights I found myself only being able to sleep thinking of your essence next to me.

I sleep as if I haven’t been forgiven. My fingers grab onto the hem of my shirt like even in my sleep, I need to prove to something I’m real. My lamp casts this golden glow across my clean clothes on the floor and my dog who just likes to stare at me. Unguarded and undone. I wish I could whisper to the sleep gods to let me forget how tired I am of just being. But I can’t. I believe life is beautiful in the eye of the beholder. Sleep doesn’t have to be sacred, I chose to think of it like that. I wouldn’t want to make myself dread everything. I’m strong enough to stand anything.

Cool

In the west coast, there’s a lady who claims she can decipher your dreams. When we spoke through the line on the poster in front of her house, I found myself to think about her as some scientist of some sort. I think I’d fully believe her if she told me my future. It’s not the hottest day of the year, the coldness from the pier made my head hurt. She has a jaguar parked in her driveway and I’ve seen her nail polish color in magazines. When I sat on her black leather couch, I think she sees all the hope I’ve had in my lifetime…because she offered a deeper card reading for another $30.