You call yourselves teachers? More like dumb wastes of space! Who doesn't know how to discipline a child? Instead, you use kind words and check on their bloody feelings, even calling their mommies to make a plan. How dare you! In this country, we expect teachers to teach, not be all lovey-dovey.
So, today is a lesson in what happens when you misbehave, even as adults. Michael, you're going into year one. You'll sit in a playpen all lesson. If you get stinky, Miss Ashley will change you and smack your bum bum in class. This afternoon, you'll push the tea trolley and then report to my office for a smacked bottom and corner time.
John, you're going into nursery for the day. You can crawl around in front of Miss Kelly and Miss Jenny. I know you have a crush on Miss Kelly, well I think that stops today after she changes your nappy and smacks your bottom. Nursery class goes for a nap at 12, and you'll join them.
This afternoon, you'll stay in nursery, where Miss Kelly can teach you how to use the potty. Then, you'll join Michael for a smacked bottom in front of both your mothers.
"Any questions?" I ask, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "No? Good. Now, John, let's talk about your little crush on Miss Kelly. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to change your nappy and wipe your bum bum. And Michael, get ready for some quality time in the playpen. Maybe you'll learn a thing or two from the little ones."
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