Debut: Super Mario Galaxy 2
Is there any feeling more frustrating than being incessantly mimicked by that one annoying kid from school? You tell him to stop copying you, and you know what he does? He repeats âstop copying meâ right back at you! The absolute nerve of the guy! These are my childhood traumas.Â
Anyway. If the rage of all these tortured children took to a physical form, itâd probably look like a Cosmic Clone. Once they show up, they imitate Marioâs every move, even if its physically impossible for them to do so, like jumping off a platform thatâs disappeared. They even imitate Marioâs death animations! Now thatâs dedication! If Mario jumped off a bridge, would they do it too? The answer is yes, they would.Â
Your only option is to keep moving! Go, go, and donât stop! Donât worry about me! Iâll hold them back! (I wonât)
If you didnât have enough of them, then thereâs more Cosmic Clones in 3D Land! And these ones took the motto of quality over quantity to heart, because they only show up one at a time in this game! But there are giant ones this time, too!
Theyâve also lost their hat. You know, I get itâs modelled after this gameâs Small Mario, but I just canât take them seriously with that hairstyle! That, and the fact they have no moustache. Mario really is just a big-nosed baby without his iconic cap and âstache!Â
Seriously, what the heck are they? Where do they come from? Theyâre probably some kind of shape-shifting space entity, but itâs also fun to think that theyâre just some odd alien that happens to look like Mario. Space is a big and weird place, after all! And speaking of things that happen to look like MarioâŚ.
Itâd feel like a waste to make this post without talking about Cosmic Mario, from Super Mario Galaxy (the first one)! Are they even related? See, in Japanese, his name is Shadow Mario⌠Hold on, then what about the Shadow Mario we all know and love? Well, heâs called Fake Mario in Japan, of course!Â
Anyway, Iâm getting sidetracked. Cosmic Mario plays the role of this gameâs Koopa the Quick or Il Piantissimo, racing you to the Star, but unlike those two, he has no dialogue or motivations at all! Heâs just a Mario-shaped entity with a space.png texture overlayed on top⌠And you know, I make fun of that, but I honestly think itâs very cool-looking!Â
And who could forget Cosmic Luigi? Cosmic Luigi is like Cosmic Mario, but cooler. He knows all the shortcuts in a stage and is just generally a better racer. Cosmic Luigi gets all the cosmic girls and all the love from his cosmic parents. Is this Luigiâs full potential when heâs not dragged down by his lack of self-confidence? Or something!
And speaking of cosmic girls, itâs the Cosmic Spirit, this time from Galaxy 2 again! Sheâs the last one, I promise. And you know, she looks oddly familiar, but I canât quite put my finger on it⌠Basically, sheâs this game Super Guide! But rather than watching her beat the level for you, she turns into an orb and takes control of your body! Great! Get yourself a girl who does that.Â
Man, something about watching Marioâs body get turned into a puppet is unnerving to me. But itâs cool! I love you, Cosmic Spirit, whoever you are, wherever you are. She never appears for Luigi though. Maybe she doesnât like him. Iâm sorry, LuigiâŚ
But! Isnât it so cool that all these entities just exist out there? Maybe thereâs a cosmic version of you out there in outer space. Thatâs right, you! And maybe theyâre reading a post on Cosmic Tumblr made by Mod Cosmic F Boy! Man, Iâm pretty much a regular astrophysicist already.Â
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