Shoot pictures, not pigeons

LOWELL, MA—Reluctantly admitting he still flinches at the sight of it from time to time, a local pigeon confirmed Wednesday that he feels pretty silly about continuing to be a little scared of the plastic owl on a nearby porch.

The 3-year-old pigeon, who months after his initial encounter with the artificial owl acknowledges he still gets “kind of freaked out” by it, reportedly doesn’t like walking or flying near the railing where the 16-inch-tall lawn ornament has been placed, despite knowing full well that it’s just a harmless piece of molded plastic and not a dangerous predator.

“I completely flipped out the first time I saw that thing, but that was more than a year ago, and I’ve gotta say I feel like kind of an idiot for still being afraid of it now,” said the pigeon, who conceded he will sometimes take out-of-the-way routes to avoid the plastic owl and, when in its vicinity, will circle overhead for several minutes before working up the courage to land. “I get that it isn’t real. I even saw it tip over in the wind once, so I know it’s fake. But it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

“I can’t help it,” he added. “Every time I see it out of the corner of my eye, I’m like, ‘Fuck! An owl!’”