fool, just another

fuck therapy i’m becoming a knight

No midroll ads and it’s just a polite man playing hitman with meditative music in the background this is actually just insane enough to be my new favorite thing to fall asleep to

“Now I will drop this man here and quietly snap his neck. The Mackerel claims its first victim” okay I’m here for life.

taking antidepressants and listening to nine inch nails so the effects cancel out and my libido comes out perfectly normal

I bet having a blade bounce harmlessly off your armor feels good as fuuuccck

funniest thing to ever happen was when my boyfriend put on the first episode of columbo (which i'd never seen) but he wouldn't tell me what show it was he would only say "you'll get it when he shows up." but a fun fact about the first episode of columbo is that he doesn't show up for 32 minutes and when he does, he silently walks into the room with a cigar and does a little pose and goes "hi i'm columbo."

A common theme in science fiction is that if you're in space, don't trust a corporation. And Earth is in space

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

no one has ever gone to the club

true club has never been tried

Even if you were a difficult child, you didn't deserve to be hurt.

miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit. im shooting everything. im laying down cover fire. im shooting the walls. im shooting my teammates. im shooting myself. my accuracy is 100% yall just dont know what im aiming at

I didn’t even read the rest because I’m still laughing at “miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit” like I’ve never read a more perfect phrase in my life