How do I get this job?

when i was in 3rd grade there was this girl named sydney who was really nice but everyone thought she was weird cause she was obsessed with horses and were kinda mean to her but anyways she let me borrow her aragon books an i could only read like 5 pages of that shit cause it was so boring, and she was like, i know you didnt read my aragon book, i mirror watched you last night and since then ive been absolutely fucking terrified

same year we had a zoo field trip, she and her mom offered to take me so i felt like i had to repay her so  i stole a fuck ton of snacks from everyones lunches while they were feeding the elephants then i asked her mom if we could eat in the canopy zone away from everyone else and i gave them all the snacks & her mom was like “are you a mischievous spirit that my daughter has befriended ??” i was like no im a third grader … right after that they moved. i think its my fault

They probably watch you occasionally to this day

she fucking better she said she would protect me from imps

it took nine seconds for me to fully process what i was watching and then i started LAUHGHING

I would be dead

‪I once watched a woman pop off all 10 of her press-on nails into the trash before walking into a lesbian bar

chaotic neutral

Iconic

i’m funnier in real life but also uglier

IVE SEEN THIS ABOUT TEN TIMES AND IM JUST NOW NOTICING THAT THE ACTUAL TEACHER IS IN THE PICTURE TOO 

nothing is awkward or cheesy if you dont give a fuck. im on this earth to have a good time not to be seen as cool

Important.

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently… I have new ideas