Came for the squees, stayed for the analysis

When I was a kid I thought the earlier version looked like a bunch of dragons racing to the sky, and I think the new pic looks even more like it, so, here they are~

For reference, same crop of the photo down here:

An older sketch (that I also used for my blog icon) of early cw Obi-Wan gifting Ahsoka a cloak post battle.

“What would you have done if Vasily hadn’t died or abdicated the throne?” Alina asks him once.

Here where it’s just the two of them, Nikolai has allowed himself to look just a hair less the perfect, polished king. He doesn’t tense at her question—he’s too disciplined for that—but she can see the uncertainty and guilt in his eyes when he turns to face her.

“Honestly? I’m not sure.” His voice is wry and tinged with an uncharacteristic bitterness. “I like to think I could have gotten him to abdicate of his own free will, but perhaps I’m still fooling myself. Vasily hated work, but he loved power and the appearance of it.”

^^^

I find Nikolai so much more interesting (not to mention realistic!) when he’s continually perched on that knife’s edge. He’s a largely good guy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t take morally ambiguous actions. When do the ends justify the means, and at what point do you stop being “largely good” when your actions continue to get more and more morally dubious?

When your personal ambition is so deeply entwined with your desire to help your country, is it even possible to detangle the two? And what does it mean for a person if your most selfish desires are so tightly wound through your noblest intentions, and vice versa?

Nikolai is self-aware enough to know that he’s walking that fine line, and he’s a good enough guy to be bothered by it. Neither of these things will inherently stop him from crossing said line, though. It’s up to him to keep himself from sliding too far on that slippery slope of morally dubious actions. (And “too far,” of course, is deeply subjective.) To a lesser degree, it’s also up to the people around him, but that’s dependent on him listening to them—which is just another choice for him to make.

As you said, becoming ruler of a kingdom should only intensify your potential for making morally ambiguous decisions... as well as the magnitude of their consequences. 

(As I think we may have discussed before, Nikolai abdicating the throne in ROW didn’t work for me—not for Nikolai and not for the story—but the worst part is that it could have if Bardugo had delved deeper into his character.)

Like Mal’s not-death, Nikolai being allowed to remain so untainted feels emotionally/intellectually dishonest. I get it, these are YA books, but Bardugo is the one who introduced these quandaries in the first place. And she even called the readers’ attention to them in that great scene between Alina and Nikolai in S&S that you mentioned!

#anyway yesss love the haunting ever present question of what IS he capable of#the choice of fratricide being taken away from him means he’ll never know if he would’ve actually done it!

*highlights and underlines these lines*

Exactly! The fun thing about Bardugo giving Nikolai narrative copout after copout is that we can explore the affect this would have on him. The Darkling kills Vasily for him. He’s conveniently able to privately exile his father. (Which has a lot more moral ambiguity packed into it than fandom typically acknowledges, IMO.) But what if it hadn’t worked out that way? He’ll never know what he’s really capable of, and if he lets himself think about it too much, it could easily eat him alive from the inside out. Just how much a “monster” is he? And how much more of a monster is being King making him?

I wish Bardugo had engaged more deeply with the monstrous aspects present in Nikolai as a person—his internality and interiority, the choices he makes and the costs he considers acceptable—as opposed to him having a literal monster in him thanks to the Darkling. (Or, you know, both. Which is what I think she was trying to go for, but the metaphor didn’t work for me, since the monster seemed so disconnected from Nikolai himself.)

ANYWAY! Thank you so much! I always love reading your thoughts.

OTW Board meetings are one of the few ways fans can witness decisions being made about how the AO3 operates. Unfortunately, many fans don't even know there are board meetings, how they're run, or what they do, and even fans that do follow Board activity find it difficult to learn when they're scheduled. This has to change.

Part of the system that has created the problems OTW/AO3 are currently experiencing is due to this ongoing lack of transparency and confusing processes. In line with the upcoming elections, we feel these next few Board meetings before and after the election will be particularly important and feel the organization can be doing more to publicize them, making them more accessible and available to fans. To that end, you can share the following letter with the board by using this link and setting your message to go to the OTW Board Of Directors.  

We call on the OTW Board to demonstrate their commitment to further transparency by better publicizing their Board meetings.  Here are a few ways we feel you can do this: * add a banner to AO3 pages, like those used for membership drives * post announcements on all news platforms, not just Twitter, and pin them to the top of the page across social media  * email notices to all OTW members * maintain an opt-in mailing list for non-members Your promise of being more transparent about the org's processes must include an effort to reach as many fans as possible when announcing these meetings, giving us the opportunity to see the Board at work and make our voices heard. I stand with End OTW Racism in holding the OTW accountable to its commitments. Please start now with  better publicizing the upcoming meeting on July 2nd. Thank you, [your name]

AFDHFHFD sure! I’ve been gnawing my arm off over nikolina atm so I guess here’s a slightly longer romance scene

***

Nikolai is working at his desk. He looks up at her approach sharply but his expression warms. And through her own swarm of worries, Alina thinks that he might genuinely be pleased to see her.

“Do you mind me interrupting?” she asks hesitantly. She already feels calmer here, or like she could be calm. In this room, with the lamps lit, and mundane work to be done.

“Not at all. Though I think I’m too tired right now for a continuation of our earlier debate.”

“Shall we call it a truce?”

“So you’ve realized my argument is stunningly correct and have come to praise my brilliance?”

She snorts.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks and she shakes her head. “Neither can I, or well I haven’t really tried.”

“It’s late,” she says, drifting closer. There are dark circles under his eyes and for a moment she wishes she had Genya’s ability to simply wipe them away with a touch. Instead she traces her thumb lightly over his cheek, and marvels at the tension draining from his face.

“I don’t think I could stand to be still long enough.”

“Then come to bed with me,” she says, only a little coyness to her answering smile.

This catches his attention. “Have you finally succumbed to my seductive charms?”

“Perhaps.” She leans down to brush her lips against his, resting her hand on his, taking the pen away. She feels a sudden pang of fondness for these hands, scars and all, though he might hate them. She holds his palm to her cheek, the warmth of it chasing away the Darkling’s touch.

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A low, sweet voice filtered through the noise of the storm, for a moment, he wondered if it was his mother, he wondered if this time death would be different, perhaps he’d hear the lullaby she never had the chance to sing.