pitt yuri week day 1: busy night
(title from 'no one dies from love' by tove lo)
“Please,” Samira begs as Raya just keeps wailing, feeling on the edge of tears herself. “Please, sweetheart, don’t cry. Mama’s right here.”
But Raya just sobs harder, snot and tears dripping down her face even as Samira tries bouncing her in the way that usually helps soothe her. She feels helpless and tired and like she might just smash something to bits if she has to hear incessant crying for even a minute longer, a feeling that scares her more than anything ever has.
It’s not like she’s never seen an ear infection before, but not being able to help her daughter hurts too much to bear. She’d been home alone with Raya ever since she’d been awoken at 7AM by the sound of Raya whining for her from her crib, and it had barely stopped all day. For nearly twelve hours, she’d done nothing but pace their apartment and dose out children's Tylenol and attempt to get work done while Raya slept, but the peace only ever lasted fifteen minutes at a time before Raya woke up in pain again and wanted to be held.
Emery will be home soon, she reminds herself, trying to suck in deep breaths and squash the panic rising to the surface. So soon.
As she’s still pacing and bouncing Raya in her arms ten minutes later, a lock clicks and the front door opens to reveal Emery, still in her scrubs and tight bun. She’s barely stepped inside and shut the door behind her when Raya’s shoved into her arms, still wailing and trying to grab at her.
“I can’t,” Samira chokes out as she beelines for the bathroom, leaving Emery standing there utterly confused as to what she’s just walked into.
But her problem-solving instinct kicks in and then she’s moving, shifting Raya in her arms and heading for the kitchen to check the whiteboard on the fridge to see when her last dose had been – they’d adopted the habit just a few months ago, realizing it would be easier in the event they couldn't reach each other — and gets the next dose into Raya with minimal success, the feat made no easier with how Raya’s clutching at her scrubs and whimpering into her shoulder, rendering her practically single-armed against a stubborn toddler.
“I know, darling,” she murmurs, trying to get a look at Raya’s face as they head down the hall to start bedtime. “Ear infections suck, don’t they?”
Raya just sniffles and curls closer into her, and Emery's heart melts. Oh, how she wishes she could just wave a magic wand and make everything better, but she can't and she hates it. She’s got a sick toddler and an upset wife and she can’t even split herself in half to avoid having to choose. So as much as she wants to run to her wife, she knows Samira would want her to put Raya first, and so she does.
Ten minutes later, Raya’s half-asleep in her crib and Emery’s tip-toeing out of the room, gently shutting the door behind her. She can only assume Samira’s still in the bathroom, so she heads towards it, knocking once on the door before slowly pushing it open.
She finds Samira sitting in the tub, legs pulled up to her chest and face buried against them as she shakes with sobs. They don’t slow even when Emery walks in, instead leaving her body in choked noises as her shoulders shake harder.
“Oh, honey,” Emery murmurs as she kneels next to the tub, slowly lifting a hand to place it on Samira’s back. “I’m here. Breathe.”
Samira finally lifts her head, teary eyed and looking so worn-out that it physically hurts Emery to see her wife like that. “I can’t,” she chokes out. “I can’t, I’m sorry, this was a bad idea -”
“Hey,” Emery says firmly, cupping Samira's face with both hands. “Listen to me. Just breathe, okay. That’s it. In and out, Mira.”
She watches Samira’s shoulders slowly stop shaking, waits until her breathing is more controlled and less wheezing to speak again. “Better?”
Samira nods, still looking so tiny and vulnerable curled up in the tub that it makes Emery's heart squeeze with protectiveness. She has no idea what’s happened but regardless, she just wants to fix everything and take Samira’s pain away. She wants to see her wife smile again, hates seeing her upset and drawn-in like this.
“Okay,” Emery says, standing up and holding a hand out to Samira. “How about we get you out of the tub and into bed?”
Samira silently takes the offered hand and stands up, reaching out for Emery's other hand when she wobbles slightly. Emery keeps a hand tightly wrapped around Samira’s the whole way to the bedroom, even as they climb into bed and under the covers.
By force of habit, Samira’s head tips over onto Emery's shoulder, curling into the arm that reflexively wraps around her.
“You wanna talk about it?”
Samira nods, but she’s silent for a moment as she turns onto her side to toss a leg over Emery's and cuddle closer. “She wouldn’t stop crying, Em.” Her voice cracks on the last word. “I barely slept last night and I’m so behind on work and I feel like a shitty parent because I just wanted more than fifteen minutes of silence but she wouldn’t stop and I -” a fresh sob tears out of her, and Emery can feel her heart breaking all over again. “I’m tired and I hate that I can’t do anything to make her feel better.”
“Honey,” Emery can only murmur as she presses her lips to the top of Samira's head as she thinks, trying to put everything she’s feeling at the pain in Samira's voice into words. “Oh, sweet girl, I’m sorry I wasn’t here. It sounds like you’ve had an awful day.”
“Yeah,” Samira sniffles. “It’s not your fault, Em, I’m just - I don’t know, mad that I couldn't handle this.”
“I know,” Emery says, because that’s all she can manage through the tears threatening to spill out. “And I know you already know this, but I’m always a phone call away, yeah? Nothing’s more important than you two.”
“Yeah,” Samira whispers. “I know I should’ve called today but I was scared and tired and I wasn’t thinking and -”
“It’s okay,” Emery soothes, turning onto her side and wrapping her other arm around Samira. “It’s all going to be okay. I got you, always.”
Samira lifts her head to kiss Emery’s cheek. “I love you. So much.”
“I love you too, sweet girl. More than you know.”
