being black, queer, and healing* makes me feel like Iāll never be able to love how, when, or where I want to because of past trauma and a heightened fear of both systematic and interpersonal violence. feeling like this makes my love in-credible and that is terrifying. freedom to love completely, uninhibited and in the ways I imagine, just keeps looking more and more impossible. really hoping that there is a light at the end of this tunnel š
*i no longer use sick or ill
okay kind of crying because i logged back into this hellsite to find an image i liked forever ago and found this post from almost three years ago --- im still healing and black and all the above but my love no longer feels in-credible and the impossibility of love no longer feels true or terrifying. i am so deeply in love and so freed *by* that love that i donāt feel i require some imaginary, absolute liberation from violence to express it. like weāve experienced fetishization, antagonism and downright violence in our pasts, while weāre apart, and while weāre together as a direct result of our (perceived) relationship and (perceived) identities and that hasnāt actually done anything to our ability to love each other and others how, when, and where we want. the fear of systematic and interpersonal violence is real yeah but it happened, itās happening, do we yearn to escape? yeah... and we do... in each other and with each other, and its more than fine. i really feel like iāve stepped into the light, itās in my eyes and the bright sun is beating down on both of our temples and heās reaching for my hand and i can feel the beading on my upper lip and i am forced to cry at having found someone so overwhelmingly beautiful who is willing to love with me, heal with me, grow with me and see themselves through my eyes <3 ~
