This is the worst thing that has ever happened, @philwittebane - Tumblr Blog

1.6.1902

I need a drink. ( Alcohol, that is. Clarification for all the kids who might read this when I’m famous. You should try it, it’s really good. )

#philip wittebane #the owl house #june 1st #diary entry number 24

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buddy... you are living in the past... its june 1st

Dear Anonymous,

No, it is clearly

I was curious of your claim, so I went out to make sure I was certain. I have talked with a local, and you are correct. I don’t know how to feel about this turn of advents, but here we are. At least my birthday is coming sooner.

Friendly regards, Philip

#letters #June 1st 1902 #not diary

23.4.1902

I ate a strange berry yesterday and I’ve been knocked unconscious for a couple hours. Definitely not touching that again. I feel extremely weak and frail, I feel as though I haven’t eaten in nearly 2 months almost! But that is quite a silly thought.

#philip wittebane #the owl house #diary entry number 23 #April 23rd

22.4.1902 I am currently fighting for my life at the top of a tree right now, the huge boar is asleep. Hopefully I can break off a branch or something and sharpen and throw it at the boars head, then I am free to sneak away.

#diary entry number 22 #april 22nd #the owl house #philip wittebane

21.4.1902 I feel like freaking shite this morning. I was BLOODY HELL THE BOARS BACK!!!!!!!!

#diary entry number 21 #april 21st #the owl house #philip wittebane #I need an Axe.

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20.4.1902 Lately I've been trying to carve a huge wooden spoon. The blade I brought has gotten extremely dull within the past couple days, and I am having trouble. There are lots of splinters and I need band-aids.(band-aids are a word I invented.) Ooch owie! Ha-ha. I would say "ooch owie" but I am not a child. I saw some bees earlier, they looked normal but someone had set them on fire so I was unable to get wax. I will get some later to smoothen out the spoon.

#diary entry number 20 #april 20th #the owl house #philip wittebane

hello

Dear Anonymous, Sorry for the long wait, I probably got this during my crunk trip. (drunk/high, word I invented, long story.) It feels great for a nice person to send me a magic letter. Regards, Philip

#not diary #april 20th 1902 #letters

ask.

Dear Anonymous, Ask what? What do you want? Regards, Philip

#not diary #april 20th 1902 #letters

shut up

Dear Anonymous, If I get another letter like this I will find a way to stop all these spells from coming. I know this is a witch spell. YOU. CANNOT. TRICK. ME. Cheers, Philip

#not diary #april 20th 1902 #letters #spell warning

20.4.1902

Apologizes for not having much entries yesterday. I got crunk (drunk/high, I invented the word to describe it) and I could barely even walk straight, whiskey does something to a man.

#dairy entry number 19 #april 20th #the owl house #philip wittebane

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19.4.1902

I need whiskey.

#dairy entry number 18 #april 19th #the owl house #philip wittebane

19.4.1902 Two days. It's been two days. While running away from that blasted boar I hit my head on a low hanging branch. I've been passed out for TWO DAYS!!!! I'm also positive the boar attempted me eat me, but didn't go through with it. My trousers are terribly damaged. I'm so thirsty and hungry, I'm going to go to the nearest vilage vlige vliage yet again. Whatever, try to write with a headache. I am praying.

#diary entry number 17 #april 19th #the owl house #philip wittebane #help

18.4.1902

Lord have mercy, the boar’s back.

#diary entry number 16 #april 17th #the owl house #philip wittebane

17.4.1902

I’ve made it “home” safely. Going off to bed hopefully. I might take another berry to have me fall asleep faster, maybe it’ll even give me more interesting dreams!

#diary entry number 15 #april 17th #the owl house #philip wittebane

17.4.1902

I can’t get the jar open, this is the worst day of my life.

#diary entry number 14 #april 17th #the owl house #philip wittebane

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17.4.1902

The village was bullocks. They all looked at me funny, and they called me phrases such as “smooth-ear” and “beard-freak”. So now I’m sulking off back to my cave. They did not even have potion witches, just witches that did all sorts of magic. They wouldn’t take my wood chips or coins as money. I might give that “Jeff Peanut Butter” or whatever it was called a try.

#diary entry number 13 #april 17th #the owl house #philip wittebane #jeff peanut butter

I hope the witches you met stab you 209 times

Dear Anonymous, I have not yet met any witches, I am hiking towards a village right now and I will probably arrive as soon as this letter sends to you, wherever or whoever you are. Is this a witch-spell you're using to contact me with? I just look down and there's a letter right there. I stepped on it, by the way. (I hope they stab you first.) Regards, Philip

#not diary #april 17th 1902 #letters

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