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Benedick: Babe, I'm going out, you want anything?

Beatrice: I want Claudio dead.

Benedick: okay well I have like $12.57 but I'll see what I can do

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Much Ado About Nothing Act II scene i

Benedick: *in disguise* A friend of mine saw Benedick take his shirt off in the shower and he said that Benedick had an eight-pack. That Benedick was shredded.

Beatrice: Benedick is a punk ass bitch.

incorrectshakespeare

Mercutio: Benny, it's really muggy out today

Benvolio: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn I'm leaving you

Mercutio: *sips coffee out of a bowl*

incorrectshakespeare

act I, scene V

Juliet: i’ve never even kissed a boy

Romeo: hey, me neither

Mercutio: *bursts through the door* WHAT DO YOU MEAN

incorrectshakespeare

act I, scene IV

Mercutio: Say, man, you got a joint?

Romeo: No, not on me, man.

Mercutio: It'd be a lot cooler if you diiiiiiid.

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incorrectshakespeare

act I, scene IV

Romeo: What's upsetting you?

Benvolio: He's always using common phrases wrong!

Mercutio: Oh, cry me a table, Benvolio.

incorrectshakespeare

act V, scene I

Hamlet: can you tuck me in

Horatio: ??? You handed me a shovel

Hamlet: yeah just spread the dirt over me as evenly as you can thanks

incorrectshakespeare

act IV, scene I

Benedick: You like me? You like my personality?

Beatrice: I was surprised too.

incorrectshakespeare

Claudius: Fortinbras's armies are approaching, we're all going to die.

Hamlet: Oh, god, I hope so.

incorrectshakespeare

Hamlet: Horatio and I don't have petnames for each other.

Ophelia: Uh huh. Hey, you know what bees make, right?

Hamlet: Honey?

Horatio, from the next room: Yes, dear?

Ophelia: Don't lie to my face again

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incorrectshakespeare

Horatio: the apparition! it speaks! what doth it say?

Hamlet, calling from a distance: it says ur gay

Horatio: shit ur right

incorrectshakespeare

act I, scene IV

Romeo: Hey, Mercutio, can you give me some dating advice?

Mercutio: Just because I'm with Benvolio does not mean I know how I did it.

wife-emailer

“classic literature is hard to relate to”

incorrectshakespeare

Ophelia: I wanna spice things up!

Hamlet: You know I’m allergic to chili.

Ophelia: I MEANT in the bedroom.

Hamlet: I can’t eat it anywhere in the house, Ophelia

quotegrumps

Everybody’s entitled to their stupid Opinion

Dan Avidan (via quotegrumps)

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