(Not) Official Philippe Gaubert

I heard our flute friends were not practicing their 17 daily exercises and I am very disappointed 

GO PRACTICE

Leaky water keys

Transposing

Running away from tubas

Practising all day and then waking up with a split lip

Playing piano

Being the only girl in the section

Rowdy 12 year old boys trying to take over the trumpet section

Being totally undermined by the rest of the orchestra while knowing that you’re secretly the best you just don’t want everyone else to get jealous

Anything above a top C

Forgetting your mute

Being the only one to remember a mute

Being section leader/principal and trying (and failing) to control your section

Chromatic scales

Counting anything over 4 bars of rests and drifting off because you have a terrible attention span

People calling your baritone a tuba

People calling your instrument a different brass instrument

Not being able to use vaseline. Ever.

Having that one responsible prick in the section and not having any fun

Being that one responsible prick in the section and controlling the fun

1. Reeds 2. Reeds 3. Reeds 4. Reeds 5. Reeds 6. Reeds 7. Reeds 8. Reeds 9. Reeds 10. Reeds 11. Someone calling your bassoon an oboe. 12. Having to deal with brass players. 13. Fingerings. 14. Reeds.

1. piccolos 

2. @paultaffanel-official 

3. @cecilechaminade-official 

violin

pro: really agile instrument capable of large leaps and scale runs

con: open e string

viola

pro: gooood tone quality

con: alto clef

cello

pro: has a deep lower register and a very emotionally intense upper register

con: the players always fucling rush

double bass

pro: super important for helping the orchestra sound full

con: have fun carrying that thing everywhere

flute

pro: can play really fast melodic lines

con: piccolo

clarinet

pro: comes in many sizes, including bass and piccolo clarinet

con: comes in many sizes, including bass and piccolo clarinet

oboe

con: oboe

bassoon

pro: has a very distinct sound and is important in orchestral textures

con: it is a giant toot pipe

trumpet

pro: is the highest-pitched of the brass instruments and has a triumphant sound

con: is a transposing instrument (which goes for a lot of the spit instruments)

trombone

pro: slidey slide

con: I literally know nothing about trombone

tuba

pro: doot do doot do doot do dodododoot do doot

con: it weighs like half a person

piano

pro: works wonderfully as a solo instrument

con: works wonderfully as a solo instrument but composers refuse to believe that performers don’t have more than ten fingers

harp

pro: just listen to it

con: pedals

percussion

pro: provides rhythm and sound effects that the orchestra could not have without it

con: sitting within two feet of the bass drum and the cymbals

guitars

pro: work nicely as solo instruments and for providing chords

thiccolo

thiccolo

thiccolo

thiccolo

thiccolo

thiccolo

I heard our flute friends were not practicing their 17 daily exercises and I am very disappointed 

GO PRACTICE

FAMILY DINNER/ B A K I N G    P A R T Y   

IN A COUPLE WEEKS WHEN SHE GETS HER PHONE BACK, IF FOLKS ARE INTERESTED?

LET MOD KNOW VIA MESSAGES/ASKS/REPLIES IF YOU’D BE UP FOR BAKING PARTY, FAMILY DINNER, OR BOTH

I’d love to have a more in-depth discussion of this sometime, but here’s a few facts off the top of my head

Mozart used to stay out all night partying and getting laid and then he’d sleep until noon and his long-suffering jerk of a father had to drag him out of bed to practice

He also wrote the overture for the opera Don Giovanni the morning it premiered, while extremely hungover

The interval between a perfect 4th and a perfect 5th (a tritone) was called “the devil’s interval”, and for centuries composers avoided it at all costs because it was believed to cause madness, violence, and sexual desire

Franz Liszt played so intensely that he physically destroyed pianos and they had to invent a stronger one (which is the model still used today)

Another thing about Liszt: women used to throw their underwear at him while he was performing. He was the first one-man boy band.

At the premiere of The Rite of Spring the audience was so alarmed by the dissonance and non-traditional style that they left their seats to storm out or beat each other up in the aisles

Many symphonies use non-traditional percussion like canons or massive wooden mallets, modern classical composers like John Cage like to stick things in piano strings

Shostakovich was the most hardcore composer (though I’m biased because he’s my fave). He barely escaped being exiled or killed by Stalin while continuing to write music containing forbidden folk melodies or thunderous movements depicting the dictator himself.

Paganini had no teeth and apparently looked like the devil