𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.
Change pronouns/titles as needed!
"When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still — that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!"
"Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Kindly step all the way in, please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now. Our tour begins here in this gallery, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state."
"Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis."
"Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination — hmm?"
"And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors… which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out!"
"Of course, there’s always my way."
"Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later. Now, as they say, 'look alive,' and we’ll continue our little tour. And let’s all stay together, please."
"There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here — but there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers?"
"If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer."
"And now, a carriage approaches to take you into the boundless realm of the supernatural. Take your loved ones by the hand, please, and kindly watch your step. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please. We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights."
"Do not pull down on the safety bar, please. I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain safely seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And watch your children, please."
"We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!"
"Let me out, let me out of here!"
"Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at!"
"Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond…"
"Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine!"
"Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond!"
"Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint by ringing a bell!"
"The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize."
"They’re assembling for a swinging wake, and they’ll be expecting me… I’ll see you all a little later."
"In sickness and in… wealth."
"You may now kiss the bride."
"We’ll live happily ever after."
"As long as we both shall live."
"For better or for… worse."
"When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake, spooks come out for a swinging wake."
"Happy haunts materialize and begin to vocalize."
"Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!"
"Now, don’t close your eyes and don’t try to hide, for a silly spook may sit by your side."
"Shrouded in a daft disguise, they pretend to terrorize. Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!"
"As the moon climbs high o’er the dead oak tree, spooks arrive for the midnight spree."
"Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize. Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!"
"When you hear the knell of a requiem bell, weird glows gleam where spirits dwell."
"Restless bones etherealize, rise as spooks of every size!"
"Ah, there you are! And just in time… there’s a little matter I forgot to mention — beware of hitchhiking ghosts!"
"They have selected you to fill our quota, and they’ll haunt you until you return! Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!"
"If you would like to join our jamboree, there’s a simple rule that’s compulsory. Mortals pay a token fee; rest in peace, the haunting’s free."
"So hurry back, we would like your company."
"Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate… if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now!"
"We’ve been dying to have you…"