i'm not well

my brain, whenever i cease creating or producing something labor-intensive that is now inextricably tied to my self-worth, for longer than ten minutes: you.......................................are unworthy trash

i want to die i want to die just get the it the fuck over with i’m done. i am so fucking done. i am twenty-four years old and my life is going nowhere and i’m never, ever going to be free. never. i can never get away. even when i get lulled into a false sense of security i can’t get away. i can never move. i can never get a home with the person i love. i’m never going to be able to do it unless i fucking run away and change my name and fake my own fucking death. i can’t have that. i’m never going to be allowed to have that. i’m just going to be my father’s fucking china doll forever. my life is never going to be my own so i don’t want it anymore. i’m done. i’m done. i’m done.

there are so many people who, i wish i could just tell them: i wish i didn't care. i don't want to be a good person. i don't want to make myself physically ill every time i worry about you. my life would be so much easier if i just. didn't. care. about. you.

brothers mad at me for "acting depressed" hot damn my dude the whole fucking world is falling to pieces in front of us i am so FUCKING sorry i can't put on a happy face for you

hahahaha i love waking up to my mother screaming at me, having at least one discord user mad at me, feeling like shit because i may have jeopardized the entire server because of it, then having my mom talk shit about me in the shower cuz she thinks i can't hear her :)))))))))))

aaaaahahahaha i just gave my fanfic to a writer who’s really prominent in the fandom i’m writing in and i feel like i’m gonna vomit????/?/??

i can barely take responsibility for my own shit, but SURE, let's make me responsible for helping my brother get a new fucking job because he is TOTALLY INCAPABLE of doing it himself i'm not going to turn into you. i refuse

god i was REALLY drunk that day.