Reader, Writer,

The tears that slip down your gaunt cheek Haunted by the things you feel Hold everything you ever reserved

And all the times your feelings peak And you feel a beat in heart will spike And remember all you didn’t deserve

Those times you’ve blocked your piercing shriek And stopped your despairing collapse and kneel You’ve stopped your fist when you were unnerved

When you’ve been called again a freak And felt shrunk and childlike When all you ever did was observe

Those times you went for help to seek And found instead rejection curt And drew your knife for life preserved

Thus far, and now your knees are shook and weak And you clutch the knife and slowly slit The surface of smooth skin on bone’s curve

And then withdraw, though still feel bleak And fling the blade, no longer hurt By dreams now lost and numbing nerves

All those times you were silent, meek While people stepped on you and spit And silent still, you were unnerved

You turned your face, one tear you sneaked And then with death again you’d flirt You took the things you thought you deserved

You travelled up a thin, dark creek Worn by footsteps the shore did split And faked a feeling resembling verve

All the times you didn’t speak And then unwittingly a word did blurt And fear emerged, you ducked and swerved

Engulfed in flame your person wreaked You surrender, and you admit So that maybe a little pain will restore feelings in freeze preserved

The sobs escaped, the tears that leaked You tried to pretend you didn’t think everyone knew you were The energy that you for a brave mask conserved

The cunning words, the insults sleek That reduced, degraded and slowly peeled A layer of your bravery (undoubtedly fake to one who did observe)

If you unplug your nose, you’ll smell what reeks The stink of faking people so unsure Not that you are any less so, lacking nerve

To be what you desire, and still a peek Of insight seen between the cracks of what’s not real To what should be, that people don’t realise you serve

That tiny thing they did reject Was the small thing the truth reflected The disregard mattered more than you realized

All those times that you were hurt All those times they made you cry All those times they stole your smile

All those times the gentle tug of darkness nearly pulled you in All those times its weak little voice nearly had its win All those times the shadow became a black hole

All those times you let your nails bite your palm All those times your teeth caught your blunted tongue All those times you gave up your goal

All those times you took the dirt All those times you turned a blind eye All those times truth had tasted vile

All those times you were shut out All those times you shut yourself away All those times you let knife trace, not draw

All those times you faked a laugh All those times you blinked back tears All those times that you were beaten

All those moments of angst and fear Outnumbered those you held so dear And no one came, and no one cared

They felt the pain, they felt the sorrow They know you feel there’s no tomorrow They know you’re frightened, know you’re scared

They went through it just like you now They just don’t care about the how You will move on, you will get past this

They have survived, and you will too Eventually they always do They never said you will get through this

They went through life and now leave behind So they could have some peace of mind What they no longer want to remember

And leave the others to fend for themselves They felt the tingle in their cells They went through it on their own

And now they think that you should too Just so they don’t have to do What they did so long ago again

Do they really see inside your head Do they really feel that ghastly dread You walk with daily

When you get your freedom what will you do When you’re lost and have a life brand new You’ll see someone who’s sad and feels

Remember what you used to be The feelings that tormented you Don’t turn your back on those alone

The grass is as green as it was long ago

The sky is as blue as can be

The rivers, as always, still carry our woe

The sun and the moon are as free

The old man is walking down paths worn and grey

Making up songs as he goes

He sings his tunes throughout the night and all day

The same way the summer breeze blows

And as he walks down the road

That our dreams had to make

He leaves coloured rainbow trails in his wake

The man, he had watched the same rivers go by

And the sun and the moon for some years

And the grass and the sky he had watched with his eye

And still watching as stars disappeared

The songs that he sings tell of stories of old

And the twinkle in his eye lights the way

When he opens his mouth all his stories unfold

And he tells all that he knows to say

And as he walks down the road

That our dreams had to make

Another leaf it’s time to turn

Another hat to tip

Another meeting to adjourn

Another sunken ship

Another end of another era

Another closing of a book

Another place to leave behind

Without a second look

Another day the sun has set upon

But there are no more tears to cry

And after all, when all’s said and done

When you do something embarrassing...

Lying on memories

Every second crying because of them

Asking only why

Is it longing that brings the tears

Longing for the past

For days flown by too fast

It might be sadness that brings these tears

Pure, true, deep sadness

Inside only uncontrollable madness

It could be happiness that brings those tears

Happiness at the awakening of these

Long-sleeping, long-forgotten memories

Or could it be pity that brings said tears

Pity for how naive you were

Big dreams and moments of spur

Or it might be despair that brings that tear

That single depairing drop

That has been forming

Waiting

For this moment

To drip

Out of the corner of sight

Circling your nose

Salting your lip

Making you taste your own feeling

Making its way past your trembling chin

The tickle growing

No longer whispering, but shouting

Shouting, screaming, shrieking

Letting loose all that has been building up inside of you

Do not hold it back

Do not suppress it

But let it flow

And stream down your stricken face

Allow your tear to slip

To drip past that tremble in your chin

And fall

And disappear

Forever

I tried so hard to fly away

I tried to flit and flutter high

But currents pulled me down to stay

And I forgot my struggle by and by

I’m reminded of much happier days

Now turned bitterly wistful

Back at a crossroads parting ways

All was serene and blissful

Until I finally had to choose

One path to set my course

And now I walk, nothing to lose

Down that same path, of course

The rain outside seems to weep

For days gone by and lost

But why should it when it comes and goes

And never came the cost

I sit on the floor, weighed down by thoughts

And stroke the cool hard marble

I listen to the chirping birds

Their shrill whistle and warble

Where has time gone, I think and sigh

Looking down and kneeling

I barely got to say goodbye

Now I remember that old feeling

The light, the sound, the view and smell

The sunlight bouncing off your hair

I remember all too well

The taste upon the sweetened air

The sound of wind, the trickle of water

The lakes so wide the oceans vast

The weather gradually getting hotter

The smell of blunted blades of grass

The softest breeze playing lightly

Across my freckled skin

The orchestra of crickets nightly

My hand under my chin

The tickle of my hair on my cheek

Flowers dancing in synchronicity

To a song in the wind’s fluent speak

The most beautiful simplicity

A feeble ripple on the lake

A gust billowing through the thin fabric of my shirt

My soul was never yours to take

What is this creature I see

Before me

Great luminous eyes stare back at me

Through an obscuring veil

Of gilded skin

That’s soft as sky’s clouds

So pure and dark

Like life’s black day

That greets you

When you need it

And you never knew you did

And oh how I long to lift

This beautiful golden veil

That covers

What I think and hope

I want

Those lovely eyes

That stay beneath those streaks of hope

And patiently wait

For something nobody knows

They stumble along

Blindly

In hope that someone will find them

And catch them

Because they know they can fall now

And those enlightening eyes

They are blind

To what I can see

And can see

What is hidden from me

How I long to lift

This beautiful golden veil that covers

Those oh so lovely eyes

That I wish to drink in

And break the swirl

Of the rings

That are like trees’ life years

Oh and how I long to dance

In the tender welcoming flame

That burns in those entrancing eyes

Convincing me

To laugh

Through the smoke

Emitted by the burning of strong

Strong feeling

Oh why

Oh creature

Do you pull me in so

Do you close your eyes

Those luminous eyes

So expectantly

Oh why

Oh creature

Do the words flow out of me

Like a waterfall gushing to be free

Like a flickering flame licking with its tongue

The sweet air around it

Like a hungry demon that needs to be free

Oh how I long to know

To understand

This pulling

This feeling that stirs inside me

Like a witch refusing to stop the stirring of her cauldron

This stubborn wanting

That I do not want

Yet I have

Why do you pull me in so

Oh creature

Why do I want to lift this glittering golden veil

That protects me

That keeps me safe

I want to thrive

In your eyes

I want to be what keeps you alive

What keeps

You and I

Feeling

Let us dance laughing in the burning cinders

Of a ruined place

No one will remember

Let us sing while destruction falls about us

And the waves of sorrow will never hit

For your great golden veil will shield us

And we shall burn

But laugh

For only we will know the

Hope Lost At Sea

Intervals of fleeting flailing

In between an endless sinking

And up above white ships were sailing

And in the bright sun winking

They’d see me drowning, hear me wailing

They’d pause, glance down at me

They’d talk amongst themselves of bailing

But didn’t want to feel guilty

I stopped my flailing, and the hailing

A ship, or a passing boat

For at surviving I was surely failing

So I allowed myself to float

The birds above so freely soared

And all I wished for was a railing

To grasp and heave myself aboard

It seemed as though she was dancing on hot coals

Jumping and twitching with passion and excitement

As though it was the first time she was playing

Something about her music electrified listeners

The sound she produced was their fuel

To hear was to experience all imaginable

In one tone it was thrilling and calming

The fire she kindled burned tears before they left eyes

And it lifted spirits and made them fantasise

She picked and played in expert ways

A sound would not her ever faze

Her skill chilled all down to the bone

I wished to listen all alone

A rush of feeling and all was gone

Crowds would fill and in were drawn

All around me seemed most mundane

I felt weighed down and bound by chain

And yet as light as I could be

There is beauty yet to be found

In low swinging trees cobbed with spider’s web

And in stones stained with a green growth

In overgrown roots fast bound

There’s beauty in a broken wood

In yellow leaves turned gold

A withering bridge still bold

A story untold understood

The ground littered with shards of splinters

Yellow stocks shooting, growing

Rocks upward jutting

Forgetting all the snowy winters

Yes, there’s the faint stench of the fruit’s ripening core

There are trimmed bushes emerging from rocks

And orchard trees and green grass

Jagged lines of ice

With gaping voids of freeze

To separate between

With a stinging whipping breeze

That’s sharp and bone

Cut your blueing skin

These white pads waving overseas

With furs under your chin

Protecting from fierce wind

Where does it end

Far off some sudden stop

Await you there no friend