I want to lie in what little grass remains... @phagodyke - Tumblr Blog

ぎゅうぎゅう。

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phagodyke

PERIOD STARTED A WEEK EARLY everyone delete the last 48hrs of my behaviour from yr minds please and THANK YOU!

phagodyke

so bad news I can't get a new painkiller script until mid july for complicated/dumb reasons good news I somehow managed to shove aside my ridiculous pride and asked my friend who lives round the corner if they had any lying around and they do and are bringing them over soon fucking bless them omg

#i am so terrible at asking people for help with things but ik ppl like to be relied on and its part of community and im trying to be better #having a fucking day i cried a bit on the bus. just a lot going on right now #and im being mean and a bad friend to various different people for reasons that are entirely not their fault i need to snap out of this #ill find a way to handle it im a better person than this. i can put aside my own feelings im just being selfish rn #hoooo boy. anyway at least ill have painkillers soon and then i can sleep and lots of things will seem more manageable tmr #.diaries #AND I have a date tmr. I reallllly need to pull my shit together I'm not making her deal with this #god I can't wait to go to bed

PERIOD STARTED A WEEK EARLY everyone delete the last 48hrs of my behaviour from yr minds please and THANK YOU!

#and my script isnt even renewedddddd i gotta rawdog this shit. actually no i dont i have codeine somewhere in my bag #holy fuckkkkk okay so that explains a lot. lets not get into it im busy at work ohhhh my god my body is trying to KILL MEEEE!!!!!!#.diaries

kaalbela

Erika Stearly

#art

my power is out for the next 2 days which means I don't have a functional stove or fridge or hot water and also various emotional anvils are following me around like a dark cloud ready to drop at any time and im pretty sure im starting to hit pms but I just spent an hour sitting on the back porch eating a half decent discounted aldi sandwich while getting lightly rained on so the only feeling I have rn can be described as serene

#not even high rn its crazy how little it takes to make me happy. if nothing else im just so so glad i moved #i really need to start tidying up the garden... the weed situation needs dealing with and a lot of crap to throw #and then i can decide what im gonna grow and how i wanna decorate....10 days til i next get paid and i can get a wardrobe too #i can shower at work its fine. and when the powers back i can get this guy to come fix my washing machine #and i can charge my phone n stuff at work too and i can just knit on the porch tmr evening i dont need electricity to chill....#and i handwashed some of my underwear with cold water in the sink so at least i wont run out #idk. everything hard in my life feels very manageable rn. like yeah i experience momentary sadness or anger or upset but then #i can come home qnd i can relax fully bc its just me. and wow.....#thank god im not in my early 20s anymore. life is nice. and it can get endlessly nicer.. :-)#.diaries #may i retain this inner peace so i can handle my family this weekend coming 🙏

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magnetic-deflection

good god theyre giving the weevils adderall

magnetic-deflection

very dope of the weeveils to do that

#nature

scavengedluxury

Dream Lovers T.V. Shop. Radford, Nottingham. June 2019.

#places

thicctempo

🤩🤩🤩🤩

#eating a sandwich rn i love achievable goals

hold uppppp

#just got attention i feel better now yippeeeee #putting the attention deficit in adhd for fucking reallllll im insane. no im fine im just having a really weird time #wait am i pmsing. shiiiiitttt #.diaries

minxitsy

#MEEEE #okay so maybe that date was just bad bc she asked me to be sober for it 🙄

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wait also I had a rly nice weekend btw I don't wanna just come on here to complain LOL

#pride was funnn clubbing was funnn got a lot of shit sorted w the flat and my friend helped me pick up some more furniture #and my baking went down rly well with everyone as usual.. and the weather was nice :^D #and i was lying my lovelife isnt in tatters im planning a second date with the other girl i saw last week bc i liked her a lot #i think the main takeaway from yesterday was that i need to stop matching with lesbians unless theyre trans women ☝️#and also i watched like half of season 4 of buffy and its good so. lots of positivity to be had. i cant wait to hit the gym later #.diaries

miamaimania

“Domestic Scene, Los Angeles” (ca. 1963) ∿ David Hockney

#art

heavensghost

Words by Mary Oliver engraved in rock

tlirsgender

As a principled feminist I'm often tempted to say shit like "are men capable of higher thought" but then I have to remember not to perpetuate gender essentialism and change it to "why do men choose not to think about anything"

almost a relief to have a mid date so I have one less person to text on hinge lmfao

#like she was sweet but also kind of rly annoying.. plus i dont rly like being exoticised for my androgyny by near strangers lmfao #and also a few other major turnoffs. i think we r looking for different things anyway im not tryna get locked in a relationship yet #she'll make a lovely girlfriend for someone just not meee. ik i was hoping to get laid but im not That desperate #well not just yet. my friend is prolly right i just need to get on grindr 💀#genuinely it was nice its not her fault lol shes just not my type and my mind is still stuck elsewhere. i need to get a grip #but also trying not to be too hard on myself like its not my fault for having feelings and im allowed to be 💔💔💔#just not wallow in it. like ik hes uninterested + seeing someone + it would be unreasonably hard to make it work even if he wasnt #and thats okay im having fun meeting new ppl even if nothing is going anywhere. and ive got a lot of other shit going for me #and im keeping busyyy like ive only cried abt it twice this month which is fucking impressive. hashtag mature #always gotta want what i cant have smh. anyway just killing time writing this tbh im so fucking bored at work i dont wannaaaaa be here #but i have to be.. for now.....okay i probably should actually do smth eugh #.diaries #the worst thing abt it is like. knowing someone well enough to read the signs u dont wanna see #like maybe if i didnt notice little shit n get my heart completely wrenched over it. but also maybe its good to be reminded frequently #cuz at least i cant fucking delude myself. ah well its a familiar pain i can handle it ive been here before a million times #i just miss like. actually ykw i dont wanna think abt it im gonna make myself feel worse bye #edit this is embarrassing to talk abt on main bc ik hes on tumblr but i dont even care like if yr stalking me thats just as embarrassing #as if he doesnt know anyway he's just being nice abt it. if he was less nice this wouldnt be a problem. but i dont wanna lose a friend

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scavengedluxury

Cigarette packing machine, Pécs Tobacco Factory, 1980. From the Budapest Municipal Photography Company archive.

#machine.exe

sexchangedotcom

when your wire letterboxd mutual sees you log a cloth movie

#idccc im on there logging wire n cloth shit left n right giving both equal ratings

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