#isttvg

maddy, post leaving, has a host switch with the introject of the pink opaque character she related most to. because of the body’s conditions, she can’t tell that her memories are from fiction and are not real. so she has delusions about needing to return, eventually leading to being buried. in this interpretation i don’t think she was actually sent to the world of the pink opaque and instead was rescued, and the events afterward were a psychotic break, including when she came back for isabel.

in isabel’s case, i think she introjected the character too but instead of a host change she went dormant. she also struggles with a lot of mental issues but less than maddy did, she’s more connected to reality and that’s why she didn’t go with. she does not have a strong sense of her own convictions, however, which is why she started doubting her decision afterwards. i think the event at the birthday party was isabel (introject) coming out of dormancy and freaking out, and the scene in the bathroom was her like. realizing the body is Bad for her it’s not *hers.* but she closes it up and moves on because she doesn’t know what to do about it. she apologizes cause she’s scared and new and can’t do anything else. the world is still killing her, but in the sense that none of them can live their truth in the trans sense

the horror of being Different in suburbia, in a social landscape in which those around you are oh so willing to deny differences and stay content to live cookie cutter lives. the escape into TV, into movies, into media that portrays life as more, that gives its protagonists meaning beyond monotony, and the innate longing in your chest to be them when you're you. the dissociation as time flies by, minutes to hours to days to months to years, when you barely feel like seconds are passing. the isolation of being yourself in a place where no one feels like themselves.

the people around you are complacent. they do not care about you if you are Different, because Different breaks their brains. you can apologize seventy times to everyone who's crossed your path, but it does not change that Difference, and it doesn't change the growing wound in your chest, sending pain through you with each step and each misspoken apology. your family might care about you but your father will bathe away your attempt to escape and it will crush the soul from you as you scream the truth. your coworkers will do nothing but watch you drown in it. and the only person who understands you in your small town has left because they understand they must die, one way or another, and they want violent, garish rebirth over the slow decay you condemn yourself to.