my little loves.

Where on the box!? 

On the back of the box where the other important information is. On the condom wrappers themselves.

…They do.

… no they don’t. What kind of bullshit are you pulling. 

Yes they do. It's on the box.

Arughhhh! Bullshit! “Condoms are 97% effective” my ass— they should have put that shit in bold print! 

...They do.

That’s all fine and dandy Jia, but what about mentally? What am I gonna do there? I LIVE A PARTY LIFE, NOT THE DAD LIFE LIKE CE DOES. 

Well, now you have to grow up. It's not about you and your life anymore~

She didn’t even tell me until five months later. Fuck— I’m not ready to be a dad, I work at McDonald’s, dammit. No way can I afford child support with my salary. 

See, why do you leave important things like that out! Here I was poking fun at you, and now you tell me the gravity of things! I would imagine you didn't want to miss certain prenatal milestones. Hmmm, Maybe I'll hunt around for you, see if you can get something better for work?

You had to be there.

I think the polite thing to do would've been to return the favor instead of you going all rambo and just shovin it in there, but I digress! You're right, I wasn't there, but you're the one about to enter daddyhood.

Well, what happened to that whole eat out plan? You’re the one who deviated from it.

yeah. that happened. 

How does jacking off ruin the atmosphere when you're face down inbetween a girl's legs....?

Are you seriously playing the smartass card now? 87%, 97% what difference does it make they’re not as effective as people think thank you very much~

You two are real helpful. I’m so pressed, man; I was ready to ACTUALLY PUT MY DICK INSIDE A VAGINA FOR ONCE AND THEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS. WHY. WHY ME!? 

Well, what happened to that whole eat out plan? You're the one who deviated from it.

… they’re 97% effective. 

Are you seriously playing the smartass card now? 87%, 97% what difference does it make they're not as effective as people think thank you very much~

I WRAPPED IT BEFORE I TAPPED IT BUT SHE STILL RECEIVED THE BUN IN HER OVEN

You know condoms are like, only 87% effective, right?