'ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT'

You can buy a twelve pack for under two dollars. Second rule of adulting, know which foods are affordable, but always monitor your sodium intake.

How old are you, twelve?

I’m guessing that’s a steal but I’ll have to try one in the first place in order to see if that’s a good deal or not. 

You’re really not.

I’m Quinn, pleasure.

That’s why I mentioned it before. I should have guessed that this would kind of come back to bite me since I’ve gotten similar responses. 

Tomorrow is National Martini Day, and honestly, I couldn’t think of a better holiday myself. I think I’m gonna go straight up Blueberry Lemondrop with sugar rim instead of salt. Who wants some? 

Alcohol, that is. I know everybody wants some of this.

Gonna have to pass on that considering it sucks to drink during the week. Sounds good though. Are you a bartender or just an enthusiast for alcoholic drinks?  

Peter. Petey. Pete. Can I call you Pete? Take it from Auddie B, that’s not how you make a first impression. 

You can call me Peter but I get the feeling you’re more of the nicknames type of person. Yeah, I pretty much gave the notion that I’m not great with introductions in my introduction.

Well now you’ve just gone and spoiled next years card. How am I suppose to know you haven’t forgotten that I’m your sister? I mean, technically, anyone could be your sister. 

I’ve just been making really casual trips from home and hauling stuff in. The couch was the hardest part. All these boxes are taking me forever. 

You can always just get me a plain card. I’m okay without this one. I don’t forget much. Technically yeah, anyone can be. But you’re the only person I’d want to be my older sister. 

Tiresome though it may be, the adventure is worth it, wouldn’t you say? I’d rather bleach my hair and travel than than make another Top Ramen.

Not everyone; although, I’m not sure anyone actually believes that. Welcome to adulting: don’t double flush unless you absolutely have to, the plumbing won’t take it; if you see a track suit, run; and always pay rent on time. All of those should ward off Sue, and I’m sure you’ll figure the rest out with time.

I just order out if I want something to eat. I don’t think I’ve ever had top ramen.

Hey, Peter, it’s me — your big sister. Or so I think; I mean, I know we don’t have the same dad. Or mom. But it would be illegal if we were to get married, so that makes us family already.

Britt, replying to me in two different posts is just nonsense. Yes, thank you for the kind reminder. I’m surprised you haven’t given that to me as a card for my birthday. 

That’s it? I don’t get any more? Playing hard to get, I see. I see your game, Peter, I dig it.

The smarter thing would be to say that’s what my game was but I can’t lie, I’m honestly just terrible with introducing myself. It’s probably why most of you guys didn’t see me at the party since I came to eat really.

Common mistake. I really let myself go during the off season, let the hair grow out, forget the bleach.

In all seriousness, I’m Laney. Although I wish I could be the star of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, I’m but a lowly Rhode Island photographer doomed to eating the same fast-food chain repeatedly. What brings you to Whatever?

I’d say that’s smart move. The dark hair suits you better.

Way to confirm you’re as boring as you look. 

Is the part where I’m supposed to feel hurt by the words of someone who refers to themselves as snix?

Listen, everybody — I don’t know what you may have heard already, but that couch in the stairwell is mine. I spent all evening trying to get it up the stairs and it got kind of stuck, but there were all these signs that said ‘don’t block the stairs,’ so I left. I’m hoping that the stairwells will get really cold at night and the couch will freeze and shrivel up a little, so don’t touch it, okay? Human contact will just warm it up again.  

Britt if you needed help moving in why didn’t you the smart thing and call for movers to help you take everything up?

I tried that once but then it gets really awkward when you’re like weeks into the friendship and you still don’t know the person’s name and you just call them dude or bro the whole time. The worst is at the beginning of every school year when I have to have my high schoolers introduce themselves with name games. But yeah, same man.

Obviously you could always do the drastic route and see what their name is on their social media page, no? If you have the power to decide of they introduce themselves or not, why not just skip it? Wouldn’t they just find out each other’s name via attendance roll call? 

Introductions never get easier. Hey man, I’m Finn.

I sort of wish we could pass on them and just get straight to conversations. But I know that’s just my bias since I don’t like doing them. Nice to meet you, Finn.

Hi, I’m Guy Fieri. Welcome to Flavortown.

TV really does alter your look I guess. I didn’t know you were a brunette.