What Responsibilities?

Phillip let those words play in his mind as Pasha pulling into the flat gave him a moment to think this out. For once. Was he moving now that Peter showed up at his door clean cut after a month of being away? Would he welcome Peter back in so easily?

After he worked so hard to build them up again. He didn’t know and he probably wouldn’t know for awhile. But he did need to make his decision on that right now. Or well before the morning dawned.

“I don’t know,” Phillip said truthfully. Sitting down on the white couch sighing. He rested his hands on his knees and rubbed his face with his hands. “You left me and you suddenly show up again. My world has been twisted right side up again and I don’t know what to do.”

Peter thought back to the morning when he had decided it was time to shape up and realized that no, he had not left a note. He wrote it and stuck it into his pocked like a fool. He sighed. That explained it. Phillip had thought he had left him. Just up and left like some lame country song. And here Phillip was, packing and getting ready to leave because he couldn’t stay anymore. 

Had it worked?

No.

But did Phillip love his motorcycle?

Yes.

He walked over to the door opening it ready to tell the person to fuck off. And he had started to. Fuck left his mouth but off died on his tongue seeing Peter.

His heart leaped in his throat, his hand tightened around the door knob. He slowly took in Peter, or well, it didn’t seem like Peter anymore. Not the Peter he knew and loved. This Peter was clean cut and actually had flowers in his hands. 

He had been looking at Peter with his mouth open for about three minutes too much with nothing leaving his mouth. Phillip gulped and opened his mouth again.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked back to Phillip and gestured with the flowers. “I...uh... Well I brought you some flowers. And I... well. Are you moving?” 

Peter pushed past Phillip, partly because he didn’t much feel like talking in the hallway and partly because Pasha had pulled him into the flat, no doubt looking for Pluto. He heard the door close behind him as he looked around at the emptiness. It was quite surreal and he was rather uncomfortable with the whole situation. Maybe he should have stayed in London. Maybe Phillip didn’t want him to come back. Maybe he still wasn’t the man Phillip deserves.

The days where long, the nights longer and colder for Phillip. It felt just like before when they had broken up, cold and starless those nights. Sometimes they felt like the sun would never come up. And even when it did. Phillip rarely felt the heat on his cheeks.

During those nights he thought, he thought a lot. About those few moments they had together before Peter just, left. After it had seemed everything was finally, finally, okay he woke up to an empty bed. At first he thought Peter just went out and did whatever Peter’s do. But he never came back. A week turned into two and now it had turned into a month. And Phillip had just lost hope. He started to pack up his little bit of paradise because he couldn’t stay in this flat one more moment if Peter wasn’t coming back.

But the funny thing was Phillip had actually thought Peter cared for him as much as he did for Peter. Honestly he had been fooled by the flying man and he had fooled himself, this wasn’t a fairy tale and happily ever after never happened. And the faster he accepted that the better. For his sanity, for his heart.

But the most important reason, himself.

He had that once in a lifetime love and he took it for granted. Now he needed to go and find something else far, far, far, away from this place. To start healing and looking for his next dream.

The first thing Peter did, almost right off the train was find a shady ass corner to get rid of the drugs. He wasn’t going to do them, that would just be bad and a rabbit hole he really didn’t feel like falling back down. Plus he needed money, so selling them seemed like the best bet, and he made way more on that corner in London than he had the entire time he had been dealing in Swynlake. 

Peter spent a month in London getting clean. He got a real job, he bought himself some clothes and he finally figured it was time to go back home. Back to Phillip. Back to where he belonged. He caught the first train back to Swynlake. 

“She did?” He asked, walking a little closer to Peter and sat down in front of him Indian style. He almost didn’t want to open his mouth and ask the next thing but he needed to ask. 

“And?” It barely made it out of Phillip’s throat. He was so afraid of Peter just shrugging and walking away never to speak with him again. Jesus (why was he cursing so much lately? It was probably Jesus’ way of telling him to go back to church) if Peter wasn’t the one for him why did Phillip hate the idea of being free?

So he just sat there trying to contain himself, trying to brace himself for what was about to happen.

He closed his mouth and swallowed. He fidgeted on the rock and looked Phillip in the eye. Why was he so scared to just say what he felt right now? Why was he so worried. Phillip was clearly ready to fix this and make amends from what Tink had told him. From what Tink had told him. There it was. That was the problem. That was the reason for the fear. 

Or maybe it was for the funnel cake but as soon as he saw a stand he turned his nose away.

So no Phillip didn’t know why the hell he was there.

He just wandered letting his feet take him wherever. Soon the crowd thinned until he was wandering closer and closer to the lake. He kicked in a stone sighing deeply to himself. He knew Tink was going to talk to Peter and he knew Peter needed time. But Phillip just needed him back.

He tugged at his hair and looked up. His heart pounding at the site of Peter. Jesus had he somehow known Peter was going to be there? But then again Phillip knew of Peter’s love for nature and all things considered. 

Peter folded his arms across his chest, suddenly feeling a bit exposed even though he was normally comfortable in as little clothing as acceptable. Something about Phillip still made him a little bit self conscious.  He had wanted to enjoy this day by himself, and even though TInk had explained everything to him he was still a little bit lost on what he felt for Phillip.

He knew he loved Phillip, completely and totally, but he was confused as to why it hurt so bad. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt, love was supposed to be a good emotion that felt good and made others feel good when you shared it with them.